Chapter 2
I opened my eyes just in time to see the saru fall to the ground gracefully. I hate to do this to him, but he had the right to know. He doesn't deserve any of those. Especially not from Sanzo who had constantly hurt the saru and what's worse.... he let the saru on without even thinking how this might hurt him.
I shook my head ruefully as I walked towards the saru. I gathered him in my arms and carried him back to his futon. He looked really pathetic, with his hands clutching his chest in pain and his forehead all creased up. This is all their fault. All their fuckin fault.
All that duo did was to break people's hearts. Not to mention mine, not so long ago. I went to my own futon, sat down and reminisce about the day I thought would be the happiest day of my life.
/*
Flashback
It was like any regular day of the Sanzo ikkou's. We have been traveling for one month straight, and it has taken its toll on the saru, the monk and on Hakkai. The corrupt monk is grumpier than ever, whacking and cracking his deadly paper fan at every little noise. He also had dark circle under his eyes and his face says: "I'm a jerk with no sleep."
The saru's whining on the other hand, had gotten out of control. He whines every five seconds that he's hungry and when its time to camp, he whines that he can't sleep well because it was very dark and scary outside. It doesn't really surprise me that he had a lot of head bruises this past week.
Hakkai on the other hand had practically slept while driving. Imagine having to drive through a steep cliff with a groggy driver. Scary. Anyway, he was so sick that we had to stop for two days at a wet, sticky forest. It was raining hard so that explains the condition of the forest.
Me? I haven't really noticed, since I've been very much preoccupied with my own turmoil of feelings. I can't think straight and I'm always day dreaming. It's annoying really, since I've never been that way before. I never day dream. I make it a reality. Always.
At first I didn't invite the idea that I might have feelings for Hakkai. But after careful considerations and a lot of time reflecting, I finally admitted to myself that I do have feelings for him. Deep feelings.
Ever since I've met him, I've had this feeling of respect for him. I admire him. He's everything I'm not. Hakkai is calm, collected and the way he moves..... It's like he's dancing. He's so graceful in every way. And god. I love his smile. Especially when it's directed to me.
I smiled cheesily to myself, imagining how the night will go through. For too long I've waited. I think this is the right time to confess my feelings to him. But I have to make everything picture perfect. I want only the best for him.
I looked at him discreetly across from me. He was laughing, his emerald eyes dancing with joy. I feel like swooning like an infatuated school girl but held myself. Instead I smiled to no one in particular. I can't wait till later.
After dinner everyone almost immediately excused themselves. Sanzo was in a big hurry to go to the room he rented. He probably wants to get some sleep. The saru on the other hand asked permission to his owner first before going into town. He said he wanted to do some sight seeing. Hakkai also went to his room for some eye shutter.
I, on the other hand, stayed behind. I smoked like I've never smoked before. This is like therapy to me. It releases some of my nervousness. I looked at the clock hastily and noted that it was already 10:00 in the evening. The saru had already gone back and was now sleeping serenely in his own room.
I was still smoking, on our table. I've never risen from my seat since dinner. I'm a nervous wreck. I'm just thankful that I've already said to Hakkai the day before that I want to talk to him about something. We are supposed to meet at the bar at midnight.
He looked at me suspiciously but obliged. He was probably wondering what I was going to talk about. I normally just pull him aside and talk to him immediately. It must've been a surprise to him.
I looked at the clock again only to find out that it was 30 minutes before midnight. I butted the cigarette I was smoking and slowly rose from my seat. I went to the bar my heart thumping madly in my chest.
The sight that beholds my eyes when I entered the bar tugged at my heart. Hakkai had his eyes wide open, like he was trying to stay awake. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and yawned. Such a sight to see.
"Hakkai." I said as I strode to him, full of determination. He smiled tiredly at me.
"Have I disturbed you?" I ask as I sat beside him and ordered beer.
"Oh yes." He smiled teasingly.
"Sorry."
"Gojyo. It's okay. I'm sure this is something important." He looks at me expectedly. I opened my mouth to speak. No words came out. I was tongue tied. Damn!
"So. What is it that you want to talk about?" I still kept my mouth shut. Hakkai peered into my face, his features contorted because of worry and concern.
"Are you okay? You know you can tell me anything." I feel his hand on my back comforting me. I gathered all my courage. I moved ever so slowly and faced him.
"Hakkai."
"What?" He said as he smiles encouragingly. I stared at him for a moment, basking in his beauty and glory. How I love to see those emerald eyes under his closed lids. I took that time to whisper the only words that can describe my feelings to him.
"Aishteru." I said my voice a mere of a whisper. Hakkai's lids fluttered open in response. He looked at me like I was mad. I felt my heart sinking.
"What did you say?"
"I said I love you." I took his hand in mine and looked at him with sincere eyes.
"You might be mistaken about it." He said not wanting to even glance at me.
"No. I've never been so sure in my life. This is the only thing I'm sure and certain for in my whole life! I love you Hakkai." I lifted his chin to make him look at me forcefully. His eyes startled me.
"Gojyo I....." I dropped his hands and stared back in disbelief. I rose from my seat not wanting to hear anymore excuses. He doesn't like me, fine. He doesn't have to act all pitiful on me. I don't like being treated that way.
"Please listen to me." He grabbed my wrists and forced me to look at him. I mustered all the courage I have to smile. But inside I feel like crying like a baby.
"Its okay. No harm done. At least I've told you what I have to say." I pulled my wrists from his grasp and almost ran outside. It took all my control to walk with pride. As I was reaching the door. I bumped into someone.
I looked up to see Sanzo. He was sleepy as well but he looks like he was looking for someone. He glances at me irritably.
"Look where you're going ero kappa." I snickered.
"Bastard."
"What's with you?" He asks grumpily.
"Nothing." I walked out. Just as he walks in the bar. I heard him call Hakkai's name, so out of curiosity I turned back to eaves drop.
"Where were you? I've looked every where." Sanzo said huskily as he closed in on Hakkai.
"Nowhere. Gojyo just wanted to talk."
"About?" Sanzo prodded.
"Its nothing. Let's just get to sleep."
"He confessed didn't he?" Hakkai whirled on Sanzo.
"How.....?"
"I'm not blind you know? Every one with eyes and a common sense would know about it." I gritted my teeth. And I thought I was a good actor. Sanzo smiled lazily.
"Of course I wasn't threatened. Or is there any reason for me to...?" Hakkai laughs as he gently tugs Sanzo's hands.
"No reason at all. You were saying you were tired?"
"Not until I get the back rub you promised!" Sanzo teased as he obliged and the two went upstairs without much thought on me.
End of Flashback
*/
I swear after hearing all of those, I practically flew out of the bar and punched and kicked as many trees I could get my hands on.
I didn't care that my knuckled were almost fractured, all I was aware that time is that I needed to release my anger and my humiliation. I wished right then and there that I disappear. Poof! As in Gojyo no longer exists.
Now I wanted to do it all over again. For the saru's sake in this case. I love Goku like the younger brother I never had. And it hurts me to see him this way. Sadness and hurt equals Goku doesn't fit right. I lay back and pretended to sleep when I heard the two's footsteps coming closer.
Rythmitically I took a breath and every now and then produced a snoring sound. No use in letting them know that I'm awake and snooping. I don't want them to know that I'm not over that whole humiliating episode.
I let the sleepiness engulf me. There's always tomorrow to comfort the saru. And there's always tomorrow to think of way to get payment.
I woke up with a good mood and a dreamy smile on my face. I've just dreamed of the most wonderful way to get what I want and to give what Goku wants too. Now if only the saru would give in to my plan.
I hummed all the way down the stairs. Breakfast smells good and every one is already downstairs. I was the only one left upstairs.
"Ohayou!" I said happily as I took the seat beside the brooding Goku.
"Saru! Woke up on the wrong side of the bed?" Goku just nodded, pushing and playing with the food on his plate. Figures. After last night, even the saru lost his usual genkiness. I mean who wouldn't?
Hakkai looked at Goku deeply concerned. I stifle a smirk. I don't know if that is sincere. I thought to myself as Hakkai fusses over Goku.
"Goku are you okay? You look a little pale." He remarked as he tries to feel Goku's forehead. Goku slapped Hakkai's hand away. Hakkai's jaw dropped and I stifle the urge to dance around.
"Don't touch me!" Sanzo frowned at Goku.
"Apologize to Hakkai." He said, his eyes deadly.
"No." Goku said firmly as he crossed his arms over his chest. Sanzo took a double.
"What did you say?" Goku looked at Sanzo's eyes directly his spirit unwavering.
"I won't apologize." Sanzo stood up in anger and grabbed Goku by the front of his shirt. Goku didn't crumble, he glared back defiantly. Hakkai grabbed Sanzo hand and pleaded with his eyes.
"Please stop it. Goku is just in a bad mood."
"Bad moods or whatever, I want to hear him apologize to you." Sanzo said stubbornly.
"Make me." Goku said as he stared still at Sanzo. It was a showdown. No one made a move to back down. I rose to my seat and shook Sanzo's hands of Goku. He looked at me with surprise and mild irritation. I grinned cheekily at him.
"Me and the saru will go shopping." I grabbed Goku's wrists and motioned him to follow me. I didn't wait for Sanzo to say anything. I just grabbed the chibi saru and went out, my hand waving in goodbye.
Goku wolfed down the food we ordered in one swift motion. I sighed. I think it was a bad idea to feed the saru. I will be officially bankrupt once I get the bill. I looked at him and decided it was the best time to break the news.
"I knew about them."
"Huh?"
"About Sanzo and Hakkai." He dropped the food he was eating and looked at me angrily.
"Why didn't you say so?"
"Because I didn't notice it sooner. But I did tell you."
"You didn't."
"Yes, I did. Last night." The saru knitted his brows and nodded.
"You woke me up on purpose." I nodded.
"When did you find out about them?" He asks me, completely forgetting the food.
"I don't really know when. My head likes a blur that time."
"Why?" I blushed a deep shade of crimson but shook my shame aside.
"I was in love with Hakkai. They were already a couple then." Goku patted my hand in sympathy.
"I know how you feel."
"I know." We both stared into space our minds in a world of their own. I broke the silence first.
"It really hurts." Goku nodded.
"A lot. If only they could feel it too." I smiled wickedly.
"I know how to make them."
"How?" My eyes glinted under the dim light of the restaurant.
"You'll find out soon enough."
t.b.c
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N:
Aki Rei: Mina! Sorry took us too long to update. I had the writer's block on this story and ice krystahl's too lazy to write this one. *grumbles* really! She's making me do all the work!
Ice Krystahl: What?! What were you saying?
Aki Rei: Nothing! So anyway.... we'd like to thank all those who reviewed. We really appreciated it!
I opened my eyes just in time to see the saru fall to the ground gracefully. I hate to do this to him, but he had the right to know. He doesn't deserve any of those. Especially not from Sanzo who had constantly hurt the saru and what's worse.... he let the saru on without even thinking how this might hurt him.
I shook my head ruefully as I walked towards the saru. I gathered him in my arms and carried him back to his futon. He looked really pathetic, with his hands clutching his chest in pain and his forehead all creased up. This is all their fault. All their fuckin fault.
All that duo did was to break people's hearts. Not to mention mine, not so long ago. I went to my own futon, sat down and reminisce about the day I thought would be the happiest day of my life.
/*
Flashback
It was like any regular day of the Sanzo ikkou's. We have been traveling for one month straight, and it has taken its toll on the saru, the monk and on Hakkai. The corrupt monk is grumpier than ever, whacking and cracking his deadly paper fan at every little noise. He also had dark circle under his eyes and his face says: "I'm a jerk with no sleep."
The saru's whining on the other hand, had gotten out of control. He whines every five seconds that he's hungry and when its time to camp, he whines that he can't sleep well because it was very dark and scary outside. It doesn't really surprise me that he had a lot of head bruises this past week.
Hakkai on the other hand had practically slept while driving. Imagine having to drive through a steep cliff with a groggy driver. Scary. Anyway, he was so sick that we had to stop for two days at a wet, sticky forest. It was raining hard so that explains the condition of the forest.
Me? I haven't really noticed, since I've been very much preoccupied with my own turmoil of feelings. I can't think straight and I'm always day dreaming. It's annoying really, since I've never been that way before. I never day dream. I make it a reality. Always.
At first I didn't invite the idea that I might have feelings for Hakkai. But after careful considerations and a lot of time reflecting, I finally admitted to myself that I do have feelings for him. Deep feelings.
Ever since I've met him, I've had this feeling of respect for him. I admire him. He's everything I'm not. Hakkai is calm, collected and the way he moves..... It's like he's dancing. He's so graceful in every way. And god. I love his smile. Especially when it's directed to me.
I smiled cheesily to myself, imagining how the night will go through. For too long I've waited. I think this is the right time to confess my feelings to him. But I have to make everything picture perfect. I want only the best for him.
I looked at him discreetly across from me. He was laughing, his emerald eyes dancing with joy. I feel like swooning like an infatuated school girl but held myself. Instead I smiled to no one in particular. I can't wait till later.
After dinner everyone almost immediately excused themselves. Sanzo was in a big hurry to go to the room he rented. He probably wants to get some sleep. The saru on the other hand asked permission to his owner first before going into town. He said he wanted to do some sight seeing. Hakkai also went to his room for some eye shutter.
I, on the other hand, stayed behind. I smoked like I've never smoked before. This is like therapy to me. It releases some of my nervousness. I looked at the clock hastily and noted that it was already 10:00 in the evening. The saru had already gone back and was now sleeping serenely in his own room.
I was still smoking, on our table. I've never risen from my seat since dinner. I'm a nervous wreck. I'm just thankful that I've already said to Hakkai the day before that I want to talk to him about something. We are supposed to meet at the bar at midnight.
He looked at me suspiciously but obliged. He was probably wondering what I was going to talk about. I normally just pull him aside and talk to him immediately. It must've been a surprise to him.
I looked at the clock again only to find out that it was 30 minutes before midnight. I butted the cigarette I was smoking and slowly rose from my seat. I went to the bar my heart thumping madly in my chest.
The sight that beholds my eyes when I entered the bar tugged at my heart. Hakkai had his eyes wide open, like he was trying to stay awake. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and yawned. Such a sight to see.
"Hakkai." I said as I strode to him, full of determination. He smiled tiredly at me.
"Have I disturbed you?" I ask as I sat beside him and ordered beer.
"Oh yes." He smiled teasingly.
"Sorry."
"Gojyo. It's okay. I'm sure this is something important." He looks at me expectedly. I opened my mouth to speak. No words came out. I was tongue tied. Damn!
"So. What is it that you want to talk about?" I still kept my mouth shut. Hakkai peered into my face, his features contorted because of worry and concern.
"Are you okay? You know you can tell me anything." I feel his hand on my back comforting me. I gathered all my courage. I moved ever so slowly and faced him.
"Hakkai."
"What?" He said as he smiles encouragingly. I stared at him for a moment, basking in his beauty and glory. How I love to see those emerald eyes under his closed lids. I took that time to whisper the only words that can describe my feelings to him.
"Aishteru." I said my voice a mere of a whisper. Hakkai's lids fluttered open in response. He looked at me like I was mad. I felt my heart sinking.
"What did you say?"
"I said I love you." I took his hand in mine and looked at him with sincere eyes.
"You might be mistaken about it." He said not wanting to even glance at me.
"No. I've never been so sure in my life. This is the only thing I'm sure and certain for in my whole life! I love you Hakkai." I lifted his chin to make him look at me forcefully. His eyes startled me.
"Gojyo I....." I dropped his hands and stared back in disbelief. I rose from my seat not wanting to hear anymore excuses. He doesn't like me, fine. He doesn't have to act all pitiful on me. I don't like being treated that way.
"Please listen to me." He grabbed my wrists and forced me to look at him. I mustered all the courage I have to smile. But inside I feel like crying like a baby.
"Its okay. No harm done. At least I've told you what I have to say." I pulled my wrists from his grasp and almost ran outside. It took all my control to walk with pride. As I was reaching the door. I bumped into someone.
I looked up to see Sanzo. He was sleepy as well but he looks like he was looking for someone. He glances at me irritably.
"Look where you're going ero kappa." I snickered.
"Bastard."
"What's with you?" He asks grumpily.
"Nothing." I walked out. Just as he walks in the bar. I heard him call Hakkai's name, so out of curiosity I turned back to eaves drop.
"Where were you? I've looked every where." Sanzo said huskily as he closed in on Hakkai.
"Nowhere. Gojyo just wanted to talk."
"About?" Sanzo prodded.
"Its nothing. Let's just get to sleep."
"He confessed didn't he?" Hakkai whirled on Sanzo.
"How.....?"
"I'm not blind you know? Every one with eyes and a common sense would know about it." I gritted my teeth. And I thought I was a good actor. Sanzo smiled lazily.
"Of course I wasn't threatened. Or is there any reason for me to...?" Hakkai laughs as he gently tugs Sanzo's hands.
"No reason at all. You were saying you were tired?"
"Not until I get the back rub you promised!" Sanzo teased as he obliged and the two went upstairs without much thought on me.
End of Flashback
*/
I swear after hearing all of those, I practically flew out of the bar and punched and kicked as many trees I could get my hands on.
I didn't care that my knuckled were almost fractured, all I was aware that time is that I needed to release my anger and my humiliation. I wished right then and there that I disappear. Poof! As in Gojyo no longer exists.
Now I wanted to do it all over again. For the saru's sake in this case. I love Goku like the younger brother I never had. And it hurts me to see him this way. Sadness and hurt equals Goku doesn't fit right. I lay back and pretended to sleep when I heard the two's footsteps coming closer.
Rythmitically I took a breath and every now and then produced a snoring sound. No use in letting them know that I'm awake and snooping. I don't want them to know that I'm not over that whole humiliating episode.
I let the sleepiness engulf me. There's always tomorrow to comfort the saru. And there's always tomorrow to think of way to get payment.
I woke up with a good mood and a dreamy smile on my face. I've just dreamed of the most wonderful way to get what I want and to give what Goku wants too. Now if only the saru would give in to my plan.
I hummed all the way down the stairs. Breakfast smells good and every one is already downstairs. I was the only one left upstairs.
"Ohayou!" I said happily as I took the seat beside the brooding Goku.
"Saru! Woke up on the wrong side of the bed?" Goku just nodded, pushing and playing with the food on his plate. Figures. After last night, even the saru lost his usual genkiness. I mean who wouldn't?
Hakkai looked at Goku deeply concerned. I stifle a smirk. I don't know if that is sincere. I thought to myself as Hakkai fusses over Goku.
"Goku are you okay? You look a little pale." He remarked as he tries to feel Goku's forehead. Goku slapped Hakkai's hand away. Hakkai's jaw dropped and I stifle the urge to dance around.
"Don't touch me!" Sanzo frowned at Goku.
"Apologize to Hakkai." He said, his eyes deadly.
"No." Goku said firmly as he crossed his arms over his chest. Sanzo took a double.
"What did you say?" Goku looked at Sanzo's eyes directly his spirit unwavering.
"I won't apologize." Sanzo stood up in anger and grabbed Goku by the front of his shirt. Goku didn't crumble, he glared back defiantly. Hakkai grabbed Sanzo hand and pleaded with his eyes.
"Please stop it. Goku is just in a bad mood."
"Bad moods or whatever, I want to hear him apologize to you." Sanzo said stubbornly.
"Make me." Goku said as he stared still at Sanzo. It was a showdown. No one made a move to back down. I rose to my seat and shook Sanzo's hands of Goku. He looked at me with surprise and mild irritation. I grinned cheekily at him.
"Me and the saru will go shopping." I grabbed Goku's wrists and motioned him to follow me. I didn't wait for Sanzo to say anything. I just grabbed the chibi saru and went out, my hand waving in goodbye.
Goku wolfed down the food we ordered in one swift motion. I sighed. I think it was a bad idea to feed the saru. I will be officially bankrupt once I get the bill. I looked at him and decided it was the best time to break the news.
"I knew about them."
"Huh?"
"About Sanzo and Hakkai." He dropped the food he was eating and looked at me angrily.
"Why didn't you say so?"
"Because I didn't notice it sooner. But I did tell you."
"You didn't."
"Yes, I did. Last night." The saru knitted his brows and nodded.
"You woke me up on purpose." I nodded.
"When did you find out about them?" He asks me, completely forgetting the food.
"I don't really know when. My head likes a blur that time."
"Why?" I blushed a deep shade of crimson but shook my shame aside.
"I was in love with Hakkai. They were already a couple then." Goku patted my hand in sympathy.
"I know how you feel."
"I know." We both stared into space our minds in a world of their own. I broke the silence first.
"It really hurts." Goku nodded.
"A lot. If only they could feel it too." I smiled wickedly.
"I know how to make them."
"How?" My eyes glinted under the dim light of the restaurant.
"You'll find out soon enough."
t.b.c
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N:
Aki Rei: Mina! Sorry took us too long to update. I had the writer's block on this story and ice krystahl's too lazy to write this one. *grumbles* really! She's making me do all the work!
Ice Krystahl: What?! What were you saying?
Aki Rei: Nothing! So anyway.... we'd like to thank all those who reviewed. We really appreciated it!