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The fourth thing I would do if I owned Lord of the Rings:
Air strike my old school then send in the marines... he he he he...
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Soon a team was picked, a fellowship if you will, to search and retrieve the cursed Legolas. On this team were Dwayne, Shayne, Wayne and Stayne, Blog, Brog and Bog (much too his two cousins annoyance), Adall, Sallas, Branine, Magine, Derek (very elvan name) and Gandalf. Elrond supplied their happy little troop with all their supplies, gave them a map, a pony named Stanley and an apple each. And so there they stood, an intrepid bunch of travellers with a reason, a means and a will. Elrond pointed them in roughly the direction he thought Legolas might be travelling which just happened to be towards Mordor (shock horror!) and waved them good-bye, thankful as hell that he wasn't going, though he never actually went anywhere anyway. And off they went!
... It was some time later; the fellowship had traversed miles of rugged terrain and was quite frankly bushed. Gandalf, in his infinite wisdom, called for a short recess. They had been travelling for hours and their only indication that they were travelling in the right direction was a wide path of destruction and desecration. The team had, early on, realised that this trail of obliteration might just be the handy work of their target. Gandalf rummaged around in his bag, lovingly provided by Elrond, and produced a gorgeous, shinny, most defiantly crispy red apple. He wiped it on his trademark grey robe, raising it to his inviting mouth. Suddenly Bog, who had been hiding in the shrubbery watching Gandalf intently, pounced on the senior citizen ripping the juicy fruit from his frail old hands. Bog sunk his eager teeth into the enticing apple.
"OI!" Shouted Gandalf, jumping up in a flurry of grey material. " You little shit!" Gandalf reached for his gnarled wooden staff swinging it up in an offensive manner. He swung wildly; swiping at the air for Bog was dancing out of reach. Suddenly Adall stood up, gold hair billowing in his wake (cool... but not as cool Legoals). He snapped up his bow and shot the apple right out of Bog's mouth... well at least that is what he really wanted to do, he was a good bowman but not nearly as good as Legolas so as a result he shot Bog in the arse – which is slightly different to an apple. Bog bellowed with pain and Galdalf was reduced to his hands and knees in a fit of laughter. Brog and Blog vaulted to their feet, battle-axes at the ready. A potentially dangerous, probably fatal situation was about to unwind. But something interrupted them. It seems Gandalf hadn't actually bothered to check where they were taking their rest so had completely failed to notice the gigantic radioactive green basilisk that was slowly uncoiling itself.
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Hey I know that chapter was realllllly short! It doesn't even deserve to be called a chapter!... Anyhow tomorrow I will post a longer one – I swear on the name of the sacred apple that I will post another, longer chapter tomorrow. Aside that it was short what do we all think? Wow! I have a great idea... why don't all of you... any of you... somebody please review (by the way thanks to everyone who has reviewed already when, some day, I get the permission to build a monkey shaped palace on top of Buckingham you can all come round for nibbleis.)