~*~

The 6th thing I would do if I owned Lord of the Rings:

Build an academy for trainee Cabana boys – where oil ran in rivers and scanty little bathers grew on trees...

~*~

The gigantic radioactive green basilisk slowly uncoiled itself... As a collective the fellowship stopped their rampant violence and turned ever so slowly towards the source of the strange swishing sound. Gandalf was still thrashing around on the ground in manic laughter. The snake raised itself to its full hight, eyes still closed. All jaws, except for Gandalf's, dropped in silent screams. One by one the fellowship started to take little scared steps backward then run off into the refuge of some tall pine trees. The snake slithered right up to the blissfully unaware cackling wizard, and brought its face to within a metre of the strange break dancing figure. He waited patiently for a drum role or a nice melodious clap of thunder, no such luck... oh well he would have to open his evil little eyes without the proper overture.

"Ahhhhhhhhh!" Came a strangled voice off the left of the snake, where he was sure there was an old clump of pine trees.

"Shhhhhhh! Shut up you little git! Do you want all of us to get killed?"

"But Gandalf! The giant green basilisk! I just don't want Gandy Wandy to get hurt!"

"SHUT UP OR I WILL SHOOT YOU IN THE ARSE! Again... two cheeks equals twice the fun!" The snake snapped his round to the source of the intrusive sound. He could smell.... things.... bad things... things that smelt really, really bad. The snake took one last shuddering breath before falling flat on his face. It was a while before anyone noticed. Eventually Gandalf stoped laughing and turned over to see the gigantic radioactive green body of a bloody dangerous basilisk. He gave a little squeak before jumping to his feet, shuddering like a leaf in a Legolas induced wind. Bog turned to see Gandalf next to the prone body of the malicious reptile and ran out to congratulate him

"Oh Gandalf! You're just sooo amazing!" Gandalf snapped out of his temporary paralysis and turned to see the apple nicking little shit of a Bog, he smacked him across the head with his staff then struck a victorious pose.

"I know, I know, I'm just that good!" He straightened his hat and vaguely gestured towards his other team mates whom where still in the trees.

"You there deal with this!" The fellowship stared at Gandalf and then at the defeated snake.

"Wow..." Was all Adall could manage. "I mean yes sir!"

Soon the snake had been 'dealt with'. Adall, who may not have been as hansom as Legolas or as good a bowman was, however, a bloody good fashion designer. He had skinned the dead snake and made art! He had made Gandalf a new, very stylish, snakeskin hat. He made Sallas a very nice snakeskin jacket – turning Sallas into a certified cool dude. He made Branine a snakeskin whip, Branine was mightily pleased. He made Magine a set of shinny new hair accessories, Magine was very proud of his hair. He made Derek a pair of thigh high boots, no explanation needed. For Brog he made a beard protector complete with straps that hang onto his ears. For Blog he made a beret that had to be forced onto the Dwarf's head and now was stuck. And finally for Bog, as a special present for shooting him in the arse, he made a full-length cape and a simple little eye mask. Bog yipped for joy and round around the clearing slashing big B's into anything that wouldn't protest with his large battle-axe. For himself, Adall made a pair of the tightest shiniest snakeskin pants ever seen. It took a while for everyone to change into their new gifts but when they where finished they were, literally, a sight for sore eyes.

And then they set of into the unknown in search of evil cutlery...

~*~

And there we have it – the next instalment of The Evil With. It would have been up last night but I couldn't get onto Fanfiction.net, which made me sad. So thank you to everyone who reviewed and thankyou chibi-cola for another fantastic apple! Munchy, munchy moo! And Gabrielle, your secret's safe with me. Now here's an incentive for you – the 10th reviewer will get a cameo appearance in the next chapter – and if their aren't 10 reviewers (which is probably more likely... I'll have to think of something different!)