~*~
The 8th thing I would do if I owned Lord of the Rings:
Commission a pair of shoes in the shape of staplers... but real staplers so you could staple the pavement as you walked!
... "WHAT?" Screamed Adall, snakeskin pants creaking with the pressure. Bog motioned the party to follow him. When they reached Legolas: Adall, Magine, Branine and Derek all shrieked with terror.
"AHHHH NOOOO! Help us all.... He's dead!" Adall yelled, dropping to his knees in despair. Gandalf hesitantly poked the prone body of the elf god with his gnarled wooden staff.
"Errrgh..." Groaned the previously pronounced dead elf Prince.
"He's not dead!" Said Gandalf indignantly "You were jumping to conclusions you little tight panted prick!"
"Oh happy days! He's not dead – and I'm not a prick... but these pants are tight!"
And so it turns out Legolas isn't dead... just resting. But while the fellowship was celebrating something was streaking through the snow towards them. The fierce blizzard had abated. The moon glinted off something metallic... the moon glinted off many things metallic – things that were moving, things that were too slack to move by themselves so were being carried. Voices could be heard ahead, raised voices and.... Singing voices?
"Your such a damn freak!" Hissed Adall, cradling the listless Legolas in his arms.
"Oh yeah – bring it on buddy – " But suddenly the boys' fight was interrupted by an entire platoon of angry, smelly, war paint covered goblins.
"Ha, I told you - goblins!" Gandalf managed before the entire party were converged upon from all sides. There was no time to fight; every one of the fellowship fell captive almost immediately – knocked unconscious by a vicious blow to the head.
"Where are we?" Managed a sore and bruised Adall who had just regained consciousness. He woke in a dank and stinky room, which was underground due to the unnatural amount of dirt. "Well we're either in a very messy room or we're underground!" Said Adall, patting the dust with an idle hand.
"Would you shut up? The last thing we need is your constant warbling – yes we're underground and you know what? I have no frigging idea where we are as I've been out cold for god knows how long!" Gandalf whispered harshly.
"Why are you whispering?" Asked Adall, as loud as he pleased.
"Grrrrr!" Gandalf growled, advancing on Adall.
"Would you shut up?" Pleaded Derek, stamping his snakeskin boots on the ground. "Your petty little problems don't matter! Legolas and Bog are missing!" Adall and Gandalf slowly turned their heads towards Derek.
"I'm sorry did someone say something? It's just the important people are already talking." Said Adall, voice full of scorn.
"Damn straight chum – important people talking!" Agreed Gandalf. Derek scowled at the terrible pair and he would have said a really witty reply had not the door to their little dark, dank, dirty cell not just opened with a thud. A short mean looking goblin walked in, teeth beared and growling deeply.
" Walk!" Snarled the goblin pointing to the doorway. The fellowship got to their feet cautiously, following the stinky goblin to where ever he wanted to go.
It turned out that he was just taking them to meet the boss...
~*~
So there we have it –chapter 9! Please do send reviews, I like them so very much... they please me. So please be pleasing oh please, oh please, oh please.
The 8th thing I would do if I owned Lord of the Rings:
Commission a pair of shoes in the shape of staplers... but real staplers so you could staple the pavement as you walked!
... "WHAT?" Screamed Adall, snakeskin pants creaking with the pressure. Bog motioned the party to follow him. When they reached Legolas: Adall, Magine, Branine and Derek all shrieked with terror.
"AHHHH NOOOO! Help us all.... He's dead!" Adall yelled, dropping to his knees in despair. Gandalf hesitantly poked the prone body of the elf god with his gnarled wooden staff.
"Errrgh..." Groaned the previously pronounced dead elf Prince.
"He's not dead!" Said Gandalf indignantly "You were jumping to conclusions you little tight panted prick!"
"Oh happy days! He's not dead – and I'm not a prick... but these pants are tight!"
And so it turns out Legolas isn't dead... just resting. But while the fellowship was celebrating something was streaking through the snow towards them. The fierce blizzard had abated. The moon glinted off something metallic... the moon glinted off many things metallic – things that were moving, things that were too slack to move by themselves so were being carried. Voices could be heard ahead, raised voices and.... Singing voices?
"Your such a damn freak!" Hissed Adall, cradling the listless Legolas in his arms.
"Oh yeah – bring it on buddy – " But suddenly the boys' fight was interrupted by an entire platoon of angry, smelly, war paint covered goblins.
"Ha, I told you - goblins!" Gandalf managed before the entire party were converged upon from all sides. There was no time to fight; every one of the fellowship fell captive almost immediately – knocked unconscious by a vicious blow to the head.
"Where are we?" Managed a sore and bruised Adall who had just regained consciousness. He woke in a dank and stinky room, which was underground due to the unnatural amount of dirt. "Well we're either in a very messy room or we're underground!" Said Adall, patting the dust with an idle hand.
"Would you shut up? The last thing we need is your constant warbling – yes we're underground and you know what? I have no frigging idea where we are as I've been out cold for god knows how long!" Gandalf whispered harshly.
"Why are you whispering?" Asked Adall, as loud as he pleased.
"Grrrrr!" Gandalf growled, advancing on Adall.
"Would you shut up?" Pleaded Derek, stamping his snakeskin boots on the ground. "Your petty little problems don't matter! Legolas and Bog are missing!" Adall and Gandalf slowly turned their heads towards Derek.
"I'm sorry did someone say something? It's just the important people are already talking." Said Adall, voice full of scorn.
"Damn straight chum – important people talking!" Agreed Gandalf. Derek scowled at the terrible pair and he would have said a really witty reply had not the door to their little dark, dank, dirty cell not just opened with a thud. A short mean looking goblin walked in, teeth beared and growling deeply.
" Walk!" Snarled the goblin pointing to the doorway. The fellowship got to their feet cautiously, following the stinky goblin to where ever he wanted to go.
It turned out that he was just taking them to meet the boss...
~*~
So there we have it –chapter 9! Please do send reviews, I like them so very much... they please me. So please be pleasing oh please, oh please, oh please.