~*~
The 9th thing I would do if I owned Lord of the Rings:
Get me a ticket to the World Cup Final – sometimes you just have to think really big!
The boss was a huge fetid mass of matted hair and battle armour. Various fresh head wounds oozed perpetually. He leaned in his rusty iron wrought chair, fixing his gaze on the travellers.
"Grrr arg grrr!" He spat.... literally.
"... Sorry you little short arse – you said something?" Gandalf drawled, taking calculated glances around the room. Gandalf's head shot up "No, no, don't even bother answering – I don't have an umbrella or a pair of Speedos. So tell us: where are we and what have you done with Legolas and Bog?" Gandalf stood resolutely, hands on hips. The boss was taken aback – no one had ever been so insolent towards his holiness (not the Pope) before.
"Ah... who?" He managed, thoroughly chastened.
"Incompetence, such incompetence." Gandalf said, massaging his temples. "The ice blond god of Middle Earth and the weird, smelly, super hero type, very unsettling, apple stealing little shit! Ring any bells?" Gandalf sneered.
"No – not really..." The Boss shook his head.
"And where are we?" Gandalf reminded the flabbergasted Boss.
"Ah – in my secret underground layer!" He gestured around himself, full of pride.
"And where exactly is that?"
"In a very high very large mountain!"
"Wow – that sure was helpful! In fact you have been down right helpful so far. What would we have done with out you?" Gandalf said, brimming with sarcasm.
"Oh well" The Boss chuckled softly. "You don't have to thank me-" A quick look at Gandalf's expression told the Boss quite clearly to shut up. Suddenly a loud explosion near the doorway interrupted their nice little chat.
"What the-?" Said a startled and confused Boss as he gestured to his guards to go and investigate. An acrid dust cloud was swirling around the doorway. It was clearing slowly, revealing two figures standing apart, hands on hips and capes billowing in the wind.
"Who is that?" Asked an amazed Gandalf. The guards, with absolutely no trepidation, ran towards the mysterious figures, bellowing loudly.
"Wow! Your guards have absolutely no trepidation!" Said Gandalf.
"Oh that... they can't spell it – it's a pretty hard word and the lad's can't spell anything over one syllable so I think it's asking a bit to much." Gandalf nodded with understanding just as the smoke cleared completely. It revealed the figures in all their spandex, sparkly splendour. On the left we have a tall ice blond and devilishly handsome man in an electric blue spandex body suit complete with shiny silver and gold stars. He wore a mask of swirly black and a cape of shiny gold. Next to him stood a much shorter, hairier man in a breath taking snakeskin cape and mask. Both men had struck dramatic poses; the taller of the two stepped forward.
"My name is Legolas Prince of Mirkwood and certified chick magnet and I am here to stop you from killing, maiming, damaging or even looking on with intent at my friends and travelling companions." Legolas flicked his shoulders back making his cape fan out with style.
"And I am here to enforce those wishes!" Snarled Bog, throwing his axe from hand to hand.
"Bloody Hell!" Screamed the Boss putting an arm up to shield his eyes for the sparkles.
"As you wish!" Cried Bog, leaping forward.
~*~
Sorry about the wait people – so much homework! I should in fact be doing homework now but you know what? I would rather write this story! So make it worthwhile for me and review until your all blue about the fingers.
The 9th thing I would do if I owned Lord of the Rings:
Get me a ticket to the World Cup Final – sometimes you just have to think really big!
The boss was a huge fetid mass of matted hair and battle armour. Various fresh head wounds oozed perpetually. He leaned in his rusty iron wrought chair, fixing his gaze on the travellers.
"Grrr arg grrr!" He spat.... literally.
"... Sorry you little short arse – you said something?" Gandalf drawled, taking calculated glances around the room. Gandalf's head shot up "No, no, don't even bother answering – I don't have an umbrella or a pair of Speedos. So tell us: where are we and what have you done with Legolas and Bog?" Gandalf stood resolutely, hands on hips. The boss was taken aback – no one had ever been so insolent towards his holiness (not the Pope) before.
"Ah... who?" He managed, thoroughly chastened.
"Incompetence, such incompetence." Gandalf said, massaging his temples. "The ice blond god of Middle Earth and the weird, smelly, super hero type, very unsettling, apple stealing little shit! Ring any bells?" Gandalf sneered.
"No – not really..." The Boss shook his head.
"And where are we?" Gandalf reminded the flabbergasted Boss.
"Ah – in my secret underground layer!" He gestured around himself, full of pride.
"And where exactly is that?"
"In a very high very large mountain!"
"Wow – that sure was helpful! In fact you have been down right helpful so far. What would we have done with out you?" Gandalf said, brimming with sarcasm.
"Oh well" The Boss chuckled softly. "You don't have to thank me-" A quick look at Gandalf's expression told the Boss quite clearly to shut up. Suddenly a loud explosion near the doorway interrupted their nice little chat.
"What the-?" Said a startled and confused Boss as he gestured to his guards to go and investigate. An acrid dust cloud was swirling around the doorway. It was clearing slowly, revealing two figures standing apart, hands on hips and capes billowing in the wind.
"Who is that?" Asked an amazed Gandalf. The guards, with absolutely no trepidation, ran towards the mysterious figures, bellowing loudly.
"Wow! Your guards have absolutely no trepidation!" Said Gandalf.
"Oh that... they can't spell it – it's a pretty hard word and the lad's can't spell anything over one syllable so I think it's asking a bit to much." Gandalf nodded with understanding just as the smoke cleared completely. It revealed the figures in all their spandex, sparkly splendour. On the left we have a tall ice blond and devilishly handsome man in an electric blue spandex body suit complete with shiny silver and gold stars. He wore a mask of swirly black and a cape of shiny gold. Next to him stood a much shorter, hairier man in a breath taking snakeskin cape and mask. Both men had struck dramatic poses; the taller of the two stepped forward.
"My name is Legolas Prince of Mirkwood and certified chick magnet and I am here to stop you from killing, maiming, damaging or even looking on with intent at my friends and travelling companions." Legolas flicked his shoulders back making his cape fan out with style.
"And I am here to enforce those wishes!" Snarled Bog, throwing his axe from hand to hand.
"Bloody Hell!" Screamed the Boss putting an arm up to shield his eyes for the sparkles.
"As you wish!" Cried Bog, leaping forward.
~*~
Sorry about the wait people – so much homework! I should in fact be doing homework now but you know what? I would rather write this story! So make it worthwhile for me and review until your all blue about the fingers.