The 11th thing I would do if I owned Lord of the Rings:
Make football jerseys compulsory wear – I mean you can wear trousers and other stuff just as long as you also wear a jersey. Of course, you don't have to wear trousers – don't feel like I'm forcing you or anything. If you pant to walk the pantless walk go ahead.
In the ground there are holes – hobbit holes. There are also lots of other things in the ground though – things like worms and critters (yes critters) that are dirty and mean. There once was this hobbit called Bilbo Baggins – he lived in a Hobbit hole and unbeknownst to him the place was absolutely crawling with critters. Another thing it was crawling with was Frodo Baggins (his nephew) and all of his young excitable friends. They had been running rampant through his lovely home since half past two in the morning! It was Frodo's 18th you see and he had felt like celebrating – unfortunately he had opted for the indoors bring a friend and a bottle of something suspect instead of the time honoured go outside and watch sparkling things while you eat cake. Bilbo sighed heavily as he rested back further into his comfy feather pillow, bringing the patchwork quilt up to his chin. The patchwork quilt depicted a myriad of scenes including dragons and blond god like elves doing death-defying stunts with perfect hair and skin – it was a very exciting quilt cover. In fact it was probably the most exciting quilt cover in middle earth (bar Mordor quilt covers because everyone knows Mordor make a mean quilt cover). Bilbo shut his eyes – ready for sleep. But not ready for the drunken hobbit that burst through his door and fell comatose on his celebrated quilt cover.
"OH MY GOD!" Screeched Bilbo as he jumped out of the bed, hands up for defence against the dribbling drunk. Bilbo's scream seemed to momentarily breakthrough the thick screen of chatter. Eventually a dazed but decidedly happy Frodo stumbled into Bilbo's bedroom.
"Wha'?" He asked sleepily.
"There is a drunk dribbling on my quilt cover!" Frodo looked at the bed then at Frodo.
"So there is – well spotted. I'd make you a badge but Merry and Pippin have stolen the scissors."
"Frodo you promised me that this party would be a small bring something suspect in a bottle affair! Not a drunken disco!" Frodo shrugged his shoulders.
"No ,no, no I said it would be a bring a friend and a bottle of something suspect party – which is completely different." Frodo said in a matter of fact tone. Bilbo opened his mouth to retort but just stood there trying to work out the difference. "Hey you know what? I'm gonna' go out and party and maybe even drink some more-" Frodo stoped when he saw the distraught look on Bilbo's face. "What am i saying? I'll defiantly drink some more!" And with this Frodo staggered out of Bilbo's room leaving the elder hobbit completely bemused.
Eventually Bilbo got back into bed. He politely said good night to the drunk hobbit, then turned out the lights...
~*~
And so we finally meet up with our two favourite shot-arses with hairy feet! It may be some time before we get back to Legolas and co – but then again it may be next chapter – depends what I feel like. So tune in next time folks and review – did I mention review? Not before I go I've got to tell you to review, don't let me forget to tell you to review... Now is there something I've forgotten - i certainly hope it wasn't to tell you all to review!
Make football jerseys compulsory wear – I mean you can wear trousers and other stuff just as long as you also wear a jersey. Of course, you don't have to wear trousers – don't feel like I'm forcing you or anything. If you pant to walk the pantless walk go ahead.
In the ground there are holes – hobbit holes. There are also lots of other things in the ground though – things like worms and critters (yes critters) that are dirty and mean. There once was this hobbit called Bilbo Baggins – he lived in a Hobbit hole and unbeknownst to him the place was absolutely crawling with critters. Another thing it was crawling with was Frodo Baggins (his nephew) and all of his young excitable friends. They had been running rampant through his lovely home since half past two in the morning! It was Frodo's 18th you see and he had felt like celebrating – unfortunately he had opted for the indoors bring a friend and a bottle of something suspect instead of the time honoured go outside and watch sparkling things while you eat cake. Bilbo sighed heavily as he rested back further into his comfy feather pillow, bringing the patchwork quilt up to his chin. The patchwork quilt depicted a myriad of scenes including dragons and blond god like elves doing death-defying stunts with perfect hair and skin – it was a very exciting quilt cover. In fact it was probably the most exciting quilt cover in middle earth (bar Mordor quilt covers because everyone knows Mordor make a mean quilt cover). Bilbo shut his eyes – ready for sleep. But not ready for the drunken hobbit that burst through his door and fell comatose on his celebrated quilt cover.
"OH MY GOD!" Screeched Bilbo as he jumped out of the bed, hands up for defence against the dribbling drunk. Bilbo's scream seemed to momentarily breakthrough the thick screen of chatter. Eventually a dazed but decidedly happy Frodo stumbled into Bilbo's bedroom.
"Wha'?" He asked sleepily.
"There is a drunk dribbling on my quilt cover!" Frodo looked at the bed then at Frodo.
"So there is – well spotted. I'd make you a badge but Merry and Pippin have stolen the scissors."
"Frodo you promised me that this party would be a small bring something suspect in a bottle affair! Not a drunken disco!" Frodo shrugged his shoulders.
"No ,no, no I said it would be a bring a friend and a bottle of something suspect party – which is completely different." Frodo said in a matter of fact tone. Bilbo opened his mouth to retort but just stood there trying to work out the difference. "Hey you know what? I'm gonna' go out and party and maybe even drink some more-" Frodo stoped when he saw the distraught look on Bilbo's face. "What am i saying? I'll defiantly drink some more!" And with this Frodo staggered out of Bilbo's room leaving the elder hobbit completely bemused.
Eventually Bilbo got back into bed. He politely said good night to the drunk hobbit, then turned out the lights...
~*~
And so we finally meet up with our two favourite shot-arses with hairy feet! It may be some time before we get back to Legolas and co – but then again it may be next chapter – depends what I feel like. So tune in next time folks and review – did I mention review? Not before I go I've got to tell you to review, don't let me forget to tell you to review... Now is there something I've forgotten - i certainly hope it wasn't to tell you all to review!