Alex had stayed with Rae until about thirty minutes after he put her collar back on when she had fallen into a natural sleep. He had crept quietly out of the room, and spoken with Officer Simpkins for a few minutes and was saddened to hear that she would be finishing her shift before the MRI Suite became available. He went back down to the ER, but kept an eye on the clock the whole time he was there.
The time seemed to drag. After the accident that had left the MRI suite swamped with patients nothing else was happening, and Alex found himself with time on his hands. He walked down to the doctor's lounge and made himself a coffee, which for once was actually drinkable, and then, leaving a note of where he was at the reception desk he went back up to see Rae.
He was disappointed to see that the officer who had replaced the likeable Ms Simpkins was the woman who had accompanied Rae when she had been brought in.
"Good morning, how are you?"
"Working."
"I have to take Mrs Travis up to have some more tests in about a half hour or so, I guess you will be coming as well?"
"Of course, I told you I would be with her the whole time I'm on duty, and that's what I intend to do. She is getting a far easier time than she deserves because everybody here seems to be so paly paly with her."
Alex, felt his anger rise and knew that he had to defend Rae against the slurs that this woman kept throwing at her. "Officer Bryant, Mrs Travis is married to one of the best doctors in the hospital, and is a partner to the son of the head of internal medicine here. She is hardly likely to be unknown to us is she? Now if you will excuse me I have work to do." Alex turned and entered the room, putting on a smile he now didn't feel like using. As he approached Rae's bed, he could see that she was awake, and so once again he began to talk as he moved across the floor. "Rae, it's Alex, how are you now?"
"Scared. Alex, can you move my arm for me, my left one?"
"Sure, Honey, what's the problem?" Alex took hold of Rae's left hand and very slowly and gently began to raise it. He watched her face the whole time, and he could see that she was in pain, but she didn't cry out, and he carried on with the movement. "Rae, if the pain gets too much, you tell me and I'll stop." Once he had raised it so that it was at right angles to her body he moved it down and placed it back on the bed.
"I can't do that. Not by myself. I can move my fingers. But I guess you know that, otherwise how would I be able to buzz you?" Rae drummed on the bedcovers as she spoke, the pain evident in her voice, "but I can't move my arm, not at all."
Alex felt his heart sink as she spoke. Rae was left handed, and although he wasn't surprised by what she was saying, he knew that if it were permanent it would mean the end of her career.
"What about your right arm?"
Rae moved her right arm, and Alex could see that although she had restricted movement in it, she could move the whole arm. Alex sat down on the chair next to the bed and took her left hand is his. "Can you feel my hand in yours?"
"Yes." Rae looked at him, and Alex could see the worry in her eyes.
"Ok, tell me when I take my fingers away from your arm. Shut your eyes for me, and no peeking, ok?" Alex tried a smile, but he really didn't feel like it any more.
"No, Doctor." Rae did smile back, but he could tell that it was forced. He ran his finger gently up the inside of her arm, and as he got just past the wrist he knew that Rae couldn't feel him anymore. "You have stopped."
Alex took his hand away, "Ok, you can open your eyes now." Alex looked at her again, and he could see that there was confusion and a lot of questions that Rae needed to have answered. "We have a few minutes and I have another couple of tests to do, ok?"
"I have nothing else booked." Rae's words were light, but her voice was loaded with emotion.
Alex took a hold of the index finger of Rae's left hand and began to squeeze hard at the nail base. As he did so he moved the finger outwards.
"Ow! Alex, what are you doing?"
"Hold on, Rae, and I'll explain." Alex did the same thing to each finger and thumb, noting down Rae's reactions as he did so. Then when he had finished he looked down at Rae's face. "I know what I just did was painful, and I know you want to talk to me, and I want to listen, but we have an appointment with an MRI machine, and they don't wait for lowly newly qualified doctors like me, even though they have kept me waiting all morning, so we'd better go. I'll just detach you from the wall again, and then we'll depart. I'm afraid that the guard from outside the door will be coming with us."
"Ok, I still don't know why she's there, but I guess I don't have any say in the matter, and I'm just too tired to argue."
"Well you'll get a chance to sleep without the collar on in a while. The MRI takes about sixty minutes and there's nothing else to do in that tunnel except sleep or plan your Christmas list." Alex smiled again; he had been put inside the MRI machine while he was a medical student, and had found it a little claustrophobic. He'd only been in there for a minute, but Rae had to withstand over an hour in it, and knowing that as far as she was concerned it was only a couple of days ago that she had been left, alone, in a dark place, he wasn't sure how she would react.
Jo walked into the lobby of Community General and then took the elevator up to Mark's floor. She had the photos and some more of the files from Martin in her hand, as well as a daily paper and a crossword magazine because she knew that he was getting very bored now. It had been four days since he had been injured, and he was more than ready to go home, but because Wil had to operate on him for a second time he had another two days of hospital food before he could head over to Jo's to be taken care of by Michael.
Jo tapped on the door and was pleased to see Mark already sitting up and looking through the information he had received from Steve the day before. "Hey, Sweetie, how are you this morning?"
"I'm fine, more to the point how are you? Are you feelin' any better?"
"I feel ok, a little sore still, but I know that I'm lucky to still be here, so any soreness is easy to put up with."
"Well, I have brought you the photos that Jesse an' I thought were the closest to the one from the video. I have somethin' to tell you about what we found last night, but I want to know what you are thinkin' first." Jo waited for Mark to speak, but when she realised that he wasn't going to say a word, she carried on talking. "Mark, I know you have found somethin' an' you have to tell me, I hate not knowin'."
"Jo, when I'm sure I'll tell you." Mark smiled at her, and she knew that there was no way he would say anything yet.
"Can you tell me why you don't think it was Rae? When you woke up you said 'Rae… no, don't … No, no …' Steve thought that you sounded like you thought it was Rae who attacked you an' for a while I did too."
Mark collected his thoughts for a moment, and then began to speak. "I was waiting for Rae to come so that we could go into Bob's for lunch. I knew that she'd had a panic attack in there the last time she visited with Steve so I thought I would wait outside and we could go in together. I bought a paper from the machine and I was reading it when I heard somebody behind me…" Mark paused as he thought about what had happened. He could see it all in his mind as he spoke, and it made it seem as if it was happening all over again.
"Mark, you don't have to tell me all this now, we can wait an' go over the rest of it later." Jo was looking very concerned and she placed her hand over Mark's and held it gently.
"No, you need to hear it, and, when he has time, so does Steve… I heard footsteps, and I called Rae's name, but as I turned I thought maybe it wasn't her, then I saw the knife coming towards me, and I tried to move away…" This time Mark did stop speaking altogether.
"Why did you think that it wasn't her? Was it something that the person said, or did you see her face?"
"No, I didn't see her face, but I saw her hand, and she wasn't wearing her wedding ring, or her engagement ring. I know that Rae and Jesse have been having problems, did she take them off?"
"No, she didn't, she doesn't have them on now, nor her other jewellery, but she kept them on the whole time, even when she sent Jesse away."
"Well, the person who stabbed me didn't have any jewellery on, none at all." Mark clicked his fingers as he thought of something else. "She had no bracelets on either, and Rae wears one on each wrist, one is a watch isn't it?" He saw Jo nod and smile broadly. "That's what you spotted, no bracelets isn't it?" Jo nodded. "There is something else, but it was just a fleeting thought. I got the impression that she was a little shorter than Rae."
Jo was delighted by what she was hearing, but there were still problems. "Mark, you know you'll be called on to give evidence, can you stand up an' say without a doubt that it wasn't Rae who attacked you?" Jo looked at her friend and the worry and reservation she suddenly felt was evident in her face.
"Without a doubt… no, but I can't say with absolute certainty that it was her either. Now did you bring in the photos...?" Mark saw Jo nod. "Good, right let's have a look and see what you have got."
Jo got all the different things out of her bag that she had brought. She separated the photos from the rest of the papers and handed them over. Jo sat quietly and watched as Mark swapped from one picture to another, and then held them next to each other, then alone. He didn't put the still from the video down, but he kept changing the photos that he had of Rae until in the end he put them all on the bed and smiled a satisfied smile. "It's not the same person."
Jo felt the relief wash over her and she found that for a moment she couldn't speak. After a little while she took a deep breath and smiled at Mark. "An' now you are absolutely certain?"
"Oh yes, I don't know if it will be accepted in a court of law, but I sure hope so. Look Jo, look at the two photos I have left together, and see what you can make out."
Jo placed the two photos on top of the bed tray that was resting by the side of her, and looked from one picture to the other over and over again. It was like looking at a spot the difference competition in the newspaper and for a while she couldn't see anything that really stood out, but gradually as she looked at them she could see that the way they held themselves was different with the person in each picture. The way they stood, how their feet were placed, the bearing of the person in the murder picture was completely different to the picture of Rae on her wedding day.
"Even taking into account the fact that by the time these pictures of Rae were taken she was completely relaxed and enjoying herself immensely, you can see that they are definitely different people. If you wanted concrete proof that she didn't do it, which I know you do, this is it."
Jo leant over and kissed Mark gently on the cheek, "Thank you, Mark, you have just saved her life."
Rae was wheeled down into the room that housed the MRI machine and she could hear people talking all around her, but all she could see was the shadows across her of the orderly pushing her bed. Officer Bryant's voice rose above all others, as she was asked about all the metal objects she had with her, and was told, in no uncertain terms by the technician that she would have to remain outside the room with everybody else while Rae was under her care. In the end the room became silent and Rae decided that for once the guard had been thwarted. She heard somebody walking over to her and then she saw Alex's smiling face as he leant towards her.
"Ok, Rae, this is gonna take about ninety minutes, I guess I was a little under in my estimation. You don't have any pins or anything metal on or in you do you?"
"No, not that I know of."
"What about fillings?"
"No, I am a good girl, I brush my teeth every night and every morning." Rae tried a smile but it was a little tight, and she knew that it was because she was very nervous.
"Right, well, what will happen is this. In a minute I will leave the room after you have been transferred very carefully to the MRI machine. Once it starts up the whole cycle will take the ninety minutes. The table you will be on moves into the tunnel and pictures will be taken of your neck using magnetic fields and radio waves. Which is why it is called a Magnetic Resonance Imaging machine, MRI. If you still feel ok we will do your knees as well, if not they can be done another day. You mustn't move while this is going on, the best thing would be for you to close your eyes and try to sleep, but it does click and thump as it moves, so if you can't sleep just lie there and let your mind drift, ok?"
"Alex, will I be able to feel anything?"
"No, it's completely painless, now, if you are ready we can start."
"I am, it's not like I have anything else to do is it?" Rae smiled again, but the joke was wearing a little thing, and felt Alex take hold of her left hand. She was instantly reminded of the lack of mobility she had there, and hoped that this machine would give her some answers. She felt other hands touch her and she braced herself ready to be moved onto the machine. The pain shot through her, and she couldn't stop a cry of agony escape her. "Sorry."
"Rae, it's ok, which part of you is hurting?" Alex's voice sounded full of concern as he spoke.
"My ribs. My shoulders hurt all the time anyway."
"One more second…"
Rae heard a voice she didn't recognise, and then she was back on a firm surface. She tried to slowly exhale, but it still hurt, and she realised how safe and cosseted she had been while she was in her private room.
Alex let go of Rae's hand and began to speak. "Rae, you have to have ear plugs in, because it could damage your hearing otherwise. I will put them in for you." He gently rolled the foam plugs between his fingers and then placed them in Rae's ears. Once he had done that he took her hand again. "I have to put an imaging coil on your neck. Rae this is going to be the hardest part for you, but this is one of those good things, ok?"
"If I have ear plugs in, why can I still hear you?"
Alex smiled, that was the real Rae coming through. "Nobody ever asked me that before, maybe … because … Rae I have no idea, don't ask difficult questions. Now, I am going to change the subject before I make a complete fool of myself. I have to put this on your neck, are you ready?"
"I guess."
Gently Alex placed the device over Rae, and he saw her shut her eyes for a moment, and then to his delight he saw her take a hold of herself and open them again.
Rae watched as the ceiling of the room disappeared, to be replaced by the inside of the MRI machine. She didn't know why but she had thought that the roof of it would be a long way away from her; if she could move her arms easily she knew she would be able to touch it without any problems. The movement of the bed she was on stopped and Rae tried not to think about the fact that she was in a metal coffin with one end open, something heavy and restricting across her neck and no way to escape if she wanted to know what was wrong with her. She saw two beams of light as they were positioned from somewhere so that they shone down on her neck, then she heard Alex's voice from outside her temporary coffin.
"There is an intercom inside, so if you need to speak I will be able to hear you, and vice versa. I will probably say hello every now and again, just to make sure you are all right. Rae, if you need to come out of the tunnel just call and we can bring you straight out, ok?"
"Yes, thank you. Alex, you explain things very well."
As Alex quietly left the room, he heard the machine begin to work and as he joined the technician in her booth he found that he couldn't take his eyes off the screen that would show all the pictures as they were taken.
"Rae, are you all right?"
She heard Alex's voice cut through the air, and once she got over the shock she smiled a little. "Well, I would rather be on the beach, but yeah, I'm ok at the moment."
Alex looked over to the guard to see what reaction she had to Rae's words. She was standing as close to the door through to the MRI machine as she could get, and she had no expression whatsoever on her face.
The machine began to bang all around her, and for a moment Rae thought she wasn't going to be able to do it. "Alex?"
"Yes, Rae, it's ok, I know it's loud, but at least you know it's working."
"Please Alex, talk to me, don't stop talking… this is just so hard."
He could hear the fear in her voice, and Alex knew just what an effort it was for her to stay where she was.
"Ok, I could tell you about how my date went the other night." Alex looked round as he felt the blush creep up his face.
"No, Alex, please, tell me what has happened that I don't remember. Not vital stuff, I know you want me to remember that, but things that have happened to you, or Mark… please."
The last words Rae spoke were filled with panic, and taking a deep breath Alex began to talk.
Jo had put a call through to Martin once she had got over the excitement Mark's announcement had caused. She had tried to speak to Steve, but he was out on a case, and so she knew she would have to wait to pass the news along to him. It was just over an hour later that Cheryl and her partner arrived at the hospital and made their way to Mark's room.
"So, you think you have found a way to free Rae?" Cheryl came into the room, a smile on her face. "I hope you have, guys, because the evidence I've got will convict her for sure."
"Cheryl, I know you are doing your job, but surely in your heart you don't think that Rae is capable of killing three people, and attacking two more?" Mark moved as he spoke and the pain was echoed in his face.
"Mark, if you or I had been through what she has in the last few years, well, it's enough to send anybody a little crazy."
"True, but that doesn't answer my question, now does it?"
"No, it doesn't. Mark I don't know. Rae is my friend, she saved my life… no, I don't think she could do these things, but when I have the evidence in my hand I know different."
"Well, maybe you should hold these two pieces of evidence in your hands, an' then see what you think." Jo handed over the still from the video and the photo of Rae with her face obscured by Tony.
"Where did you get the picture of the murderer from?" Cheryl turned to look at her partner as she spoke, and was impressed to see that Martin held her gaze.
"Cheryl, Rae is my friend, I couldn't see her get the death penalty, not without trying to save her."
"No, I guess you couldn't. Ok, then let's look at this wonderful evidence, and see if you can convince me too."
Over the next hour or so Jo, Mark and Martin explained to Cheryl everything that they had discovered, along with the evidence shown in the photos. She made pages of notes, and asked question after question. She was just about to deliver her own verdict when the door opened and Steve walked in.
"Steve, hi," Jo moved over to give him a kiss, but moved quickly away. "Honey, where have you been? You smell like a skunk."
Steve turned and he could see that his odour had reached across the room to his dad and his colleagues.
"I guess you've been hunting around in dumpsters again haven't you?" Cheryl grinned at him.
"Yeah, sorry, guys, I didn't realise it was quite so obvious. I'll just sit over here, you carry on, don't mind me."
"But, Steve, darlin' we do mind you, we mind you an awful lot. You normally have a change of clothes in your car, go get them, use your daddy's shower, get changed an' then we will let you join in our games, ok?"
Steve stood up and went to kiss her, but she scooted back over to stand behind Cheryl. "Officer, if that man comes any nearer to me, I want you to arrest him, I have no idea what charges to bring, but I am sure somethin' will come to me."
Cheryl laughed; she couldn't believe how relieved she was that they were including her in their jokes. She had felt like the bad guy for so long that she felt her emotions begin to get the better of her, and for a moment she had to turn away.
"Ok, ok, I'm going, I'll be back in a few moments." Steve tried very hard to look hurt and upset, but he was enjoying the light moment, and so it wasn't very convincing. He headed back the way he had just come, feeling more relaxed that he had in a good while.
Rae spent just over two and a half hours in the MRI suite before she was taken gently back to her room. She was absolutely exhausted by what had happened to her, but the relief she had felt when Alex had removed the imaging coil had given her the energy to keep going a little longer.
"Rae, I am going to start to raise your bed so that you can see things, probably tomorrow, or early on Tuesday. The initial prognosis isn't as gloomy as I thought it was going to be, but it will be a long road, and I mean a long road, I'm not talking about a month or so, but about a year, maybe longer than that before you get the movement back in your arms. The results will be available tomorrow, but the technician explained things to me as she went along."
"What is it then Alex? I can't not work for a year." Rae could feel the tears just below the surface, and she knew that if she began to cry then Alex would stop telling her.
"As I thought you have a brachial plexus injury … which means that you have damaged the nerve endings which send the signals from your spinal cord to your shoulders, arms and hands. This can result in anything from slight disability in your shoulders, to complete paralysis of the whole arm. But the MRI shows that the damage isn't as bad as I had feared, and I think that with a lot of work on your part, you will get some more mobility back. But, I can't be certain, Rae, nobody can, you will literally have to take one day at a time, and see how things go."
"And the pain? Will I have that for the whole time too?"
"No, probably not. As you begin to recover the movement the pain will diminish. Rae, I am so sorry, that I don't have better news, but believe me, I thought I was going to be telling you that you would never get the movement back, and that the paralysis would be permanent. I don't think that is the case, and I will do everything I can to make sure you get the best treatment you can to help you through this. I don't know if we have a surgeon that specialises in your type of injury here at Community General, but I intend to find out."
"Surgery, it can be cleared up with surgery? Then I'll have that." Rae felt some hope as she spoke.
"No, it can't be definitely cleared up with surgery, and the current thinking is to leave things alone for about six months to see how the injury progresses on its own. We will monitor it closely, I have no intention of not doing everything I can to help you, ok?"
"Thank you, Alex. Now, if you don't mind, I think I would like to be left alone for a while." Rae desperately wanted to move her head so that she could turn away from the world, but she knew that however she felt she would have to come to terms with it looking up at the ceiling.
By the time Steve had showered and changed his clothes the atmosphere in Mark's room was one of concentration once again. "Hey, guys, how's it going?"
"Well, apart from the fact that we are all freezin' cold, because we had to open all the windows to get rid of the reminders of your presence everythin' is fine. You know I might even have that kiss now." Jo moved across towards Steve as she spoke.
"Oh no, you had your chance, if you want to kiss me now, you will have to work real hard."
"Children, children, come on, I know things don't seem quite as black as they did, but we still have work to do."
"What, what have you found, Dad?" Steve came quickly across towards the others in the room, and he could see Cheryl's pad on her lap. "Can I?" He reached out his hand as he spoke.
"Sure, no problem."
They all sat quietly as they watched Steve read through the notes that his ex-partner had made and they could tell that he was getting more and more relieved the further that he got. "Let me see the photos."
"Ooh, a please would be nice." Jo held the photos out to him.
"Sorry, thank you." Steve moved over towards the now closed window and looked from one photo to the other, as everybody else had done. When he turned back to the group he had a broad smile on his face. "It's not her, is it?"
"No, Steve, I don't think it is. They aren't awfully clear unfortunately." It was Cheryl who spoke.
"We could get them enhanced couldn't we? I know that the photo is a little grainy, and when we only had one suspect it wasn't that much of a problem, but now…" Martin stopped talking. He hadn't worked on a case like this before, and he wasn't actually sure if it could even be done.
"We can try, we certainly wouldn't be any worse off." Cheryl added another note to her list. "Steve, Mark, I'm sorry, but on the evidence we had there was no other suspect."
"But now, there has to be one. We just don't have any idea who it is, right?" Steve felt his heart sink again, there had been no attacks or murders since Rae had been arrested, but her internment had been so public that to carry on would have been to highlight Rae's innocence.
"I think I need to go and see the Captain about all this." Cheryl stood up and checked her watch, they had been there for over two hours, and it was now lunchtime. "Steve, I'll see you back at the station, ok?"
"Yeah, sure, I want to go and see Rae, and then I'll be in… Dad, do you know where Alex is? I don't want to say the wrong thing when I see her."
"Why would you? Is there something else wrong with Rae?" Mark looked extremely worried, and Steve realised that nobody had told him about Rae's loss of memory.
"She thinks that she has been rescued from where Levington was holding her. She doesn't remember anything from after he had gone and she was in the house on her own." Steve could remember every awful detail of when they had found Rae in the basement of the house Levington had rented to keep her prisoner in.
Mark lay back on his pillow and let the latest news sink in. "That poor girl has had more than her fair share of trouble since she arrived in our city. It's a wonder she wants to stay."
"She stays because she has friends like you an' Steve." Jo smiled, Rae was her best friend, and she knew that she would be devastated if she left.
Steve moved over to the phone on the wall, and was put through to Alex in the ER. He spoke for a couple of minutes and then put the receiver back down. "Alex says not to mention the real reason why she is in the hospital, but he did say that if you had finished with the photos maybe I could show her the ones you brought from Jesse."
Jo picked up the wedding pictures and gave them to him. As Steve looked through them he smiled. There were only four of them, but the memories were so special that he was sure they would do the trick. "Ok, Dad I'll see you later, I'll pop in again before I head back to work. Jo, Honey, I guess you don't have your nurse' outfit with you today?"
"No, sorry, I was only wanted when Alex was waitin' for Rae to come round. I'm gonna go an' see Jesse again a little later, just to make sure he is ok. Can you tell Rae that for me?"
"Yes, Ma'am!" Steve kissed her gently on the lips. They didn't seem to get any time to themselves at the moment, but when this was all over he was determined that they would get away for some time alone.
Rae had spent the whole afternoon trying to imagine what it would be like not to be a cop any more, she thought about all the things that she did that would now be impossible or at least really difficult. In the end she had got so upset that she had closed her mind to the possibilities and tried to think about more pleasant things. She thought about when Jesse had proposed to her in the Japanese Gardens. It had been a wonderful day, and the memories made her smile. She must have dozed off to sleep because she was startled by a sound, and realised that someone was quietly calling her name.
"Rae, are you awake?"
She slowly opened her eyes. "Well, I am now!"
"Honey, I'm sorry, I just wanted to see how you were doing before I headed back to work."
Rae remembered what Alex had told her, and she fought to keep the tears from her eyes. "I can't talk about it, Steve, I'm sorry."
"That's all right. I was talking with Dad, and we had a couple of photos that we wanted you to see. They might help you to remember."
"Ok, what are they of?"
"Why don't you tell me?" Steve smiled at her, and held them so that she could see the pictures clearly. He had made sure that the guard hadn't stopped him from entering, but he hadn't spoken more than two words to her.
"I look real happy don't I?" Suddenly a thought came into Rae's mind. "Your hands, Steve, you don't have your plaster casts on any more."
"Honey, I haven't had them on for months."
"Oh. Something else I don't remember. Steve, these photos don't mean anything to me, except to point out just what a lousy mother I am." Rae couldn't turn away from her partner so she did the only thing she could, she shut her eyes.
"Rae! Why would you say that? You're a great mom."
Slowly she opened her eyes again. "When Donovan attacked me I forgot about my children in London. I couldn't look at their picture because I got upset and denied that they were mine. Now, apparently I have another child, a baby, and I have no recollection of any of it. I don't remember the birth, or anything after that. I know the baby is a girl, but not how old she is, I have no idea what name I chose. If I can forget so easily how can I be a good mom?"
Steve didn't know what to say. Alex had told him to let the memories come from Rae not from him. The picture he was holding up now was just of her and Michael as they were moving some of the wedding presents so that they wouldn't be in the way when everybody came in for the buffet. Steve let Rae lie in silence, he didn't want to push her, and after a while he could see that she had fallen asleep. Gently he stroked her hair and watched her as she slept. Steve knew that he should get back to the case he was working on, but he also knew that this was way more important.
Steve didn't know how long Rae had been asleep before he felt her hand stir under his. He had nodded off himself, and was glad that the battleaxe outside the door hadn't come in and kicked him out.
Rae was slowly coming round, and she could feel someone's hand over hers. She looked into the face of her partner, and smiled. "Hey, don't you have somewhere to be?"
"Nope, this place will do me just fine." Steve was pleased to see her smile, and he hoped that the sleep would have put her in a more positive mood.
"Rae, do you remember we were looking at pictures? Can you look at the other photos and see if you can remember anything from them?"
Steve held the photos out to her and then watched with concern as carefully Rae took a photo, with her right hand and Steve realised for the first time that she wasn't moving her left arm at all. He could see that the next picture was the one of Rae and Mara and he watched for a reaction. It wasn't long in coming.
"Mara. Mara was here, in Los Angeles? See, see what I mean, all of them, all four of them would have been better off if Levington had killed me when he had the chance." Rae shut her eyes, and he saw that the pictures fall onto the bedcovers.
"Rae, Honey, please, none of this is your fault, you mustn't say things like that. When you remember everything you will realise that what you are saying isn't true. Rae, look at me. You are a good mom. Your children all love you." Steve searched his mind for the right thing to say. "Do you remember what I said to you when you realised that you did have children last time?"
"No, sorry."
"I said that if you had never remembered, they would still have loved you their whole lives. You are their mom, you have never been unkind to them, or made them think that you have more important things than them in your life. If they couldn't remember you would you stop loving them?"
"No, of course not. I have a baby that I have no memory of, but I know that I love her…" Rae's voice grew soft and Steve moved a little closer. "And I just want to be able to see her face, and hold her close to me. But look at me; I wouldn't be able to do either of those things. Oh, God, Steve, why do these things happen to me?"
Steve got as close to her as he could. He had never heard Rae speak in such a way before, and he was very worried. He wanted to take her in his arms and hold her until the hurt went away, but he couldn't do that until she was sitting up.
As Rae finally let the tears fall, she took in gulps of air, and the pain shot through her cracked ribs, she cried out and as she did so she felt the pressure of the collar around her throat. Rae tried to contain the panic she felt, but once it took a hold of her, as it had started to do now, all she could see was an image of Levington coming towards her, but suddenly this time the image changed and she was in the precinct.
Steve had a hold of both Rae's hands, but he didn't think that she was aware of him at all. He moved slightly so that he could reach the call button, and pressed it. As he turned back towards Rae he felt her jump and she began to shake.
Rae could see him coming towards her; he darted out of a room, his hands in manacles. Like I had to wear. Then suddenly Martin was there and her memory exploded in front of her as she heard a gunshot and she saw Levington's head disintegrate. "No, my God, no!"
Steve tried to keep her hands in his, her left hand didn't move, but her right started to pull away. "No, my God, no…! Steve, he's dead! He was killed at the station, Martin shot him!"
Alex came into the room just in time to hear her speak. He could see from the doorway that she was very agitated and upset. He had brought a sedative with him, but he was hoping that he wouldn't have to use it.
"Rae, it's Alex."
"Alex, I can remember, not much, just a little bit. But it's not nice, I don't think I want to remember anymore if it is all like this."
"It's not, I promise you that. But if you try too hard to bring things back you won't succeed. It sounds to me like you have done enough thinking for one day." Alex checked his watch; it was the middle of the afternoon. "Honey, do you want me to give you something to help you sleep, you've had a long and exhausting day and can probably sleep unaided, but I can sedate you if you would prefer it."
"Yes, please. That way I'm not aware of the cervical collar." She watched as Alex came over and gave her the injection. She saw him put the needle against the skin of her left arm, but she could feel nothing.
"Alex, thank you. I wish I could stay this way for always, I don't think I want to remember any more things."
"Shhh, you need to just sleep, all these feelings will be gone by the morning."
"Yeah, along with all the feelings in my left arm. There is no point in my remembering, or getting better if I can't be a cop any more. I wish I could sleep for ever." Rae's eyes closed as she finished speaking. Her words had been hard and cold, and the two friends watched with horror as she finally succumbed to the sedative.
"Alex, I don't like this, I don't like it at all."
"Neither do I. But tomorrow I will do something about it, that I promise you."
Alex and Steve left the room, their minds full of what they had just witnessed. Neither of them realised that the whole conversation had been heard by a third party, and as they tried to work out a way to help Rae, the other person tried to make herself inconspicuous as she worked on finishing what she had started.