Disclaimer: Yes, I own X-Men: Evolution... but only in my dreams... *wistful sigh*... (Hey, Posy, wanna know what I want for Christmas?)... That goes for Gundam Wing, Hamtaro, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Card Captors, Dragon Ball Z, Barbie, and Ninja Turtles.


Oooooo-kay!! Welcome to Split Personalities: X-Men Evolution Version. This is a joint project with Posypanco who's writing Split Personalities: Gundam Wing Version (plugging! plugging!). Here's the low-down. What if the X-Men: Evolution voice actors got their lines and personalities confused with the one's of all the other characters they play on TV?


Scott's VA also talks for: Trowa from Gundam Wing, the Nutcracker/Prince Eric from Barbie in the Nutcracker, and Michaelangelo from Ninja Turtles: the Next Mutation

Kurt's VA also talks for: Quatre from Gundam Wing and Maxwell from Hamtaro

Kitty's VA also talks for: Madison from Card Captors and Mariemaia Khushrenada from the Gundam Wing movie Endless Waltz

Wolverine's VA also talks for: Duo from Gundam Wing, Piccolo from DBZ, and Hermey the Elf, Yukon Cornelius, and Coach Comet from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

Professor X's VA also talks for: Treize Khushrenada from Gundam Wing and Hugo the dragon from Barbie as Rapunzel

Angel's VA also talks for: Heero from Gundam Wing

Alex Summers' VA also talks for: Keroberos from Card Captors and Raphael from Ninja Turtles: the Next Mutation

Wanda's VA also talks for: Barbie from Barbie in the Nutcracker and Barbie as Rapunzel


Heeeeeere's Chapter One!


Split Personalities: X-Men Evolution Version, Chapter One


 Just another day at the Institute. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, the laser-cannons were blasting... Yes, our heroes were busy training in the notorious Danger Room.

I want a 32-14 behind those cannons! A 63-46-21 at those mechanical arms! A 92-11-alpha-mega-hawk-eagle-falcon around that blast field! Let's move, move, move, MOVE!!

Yessir! Vait... vas it a 23-41 behind zee cannons? A 46-21-63 at zee arms? A big birdee around zee field?

No, no! We need..., but the rest was drowned out by the furious and chaotic battle that was raging. Jean was trying to plug a blast cannon with a mind-bubble, causing it to explode and hurl her across the room. Rogue was dodging metal arms, but was promptly whacked on the head. Evan was flinging spikes at anything that moved, including Kitty, who yelped and fell/phased through a mechanical, laser-shooting something-or-other which caused it to twist and turn like a giant earthworm in its last squirm before death, shooting electric sparks everywhere as it lost momentum.

The session, needless to say, ended somewhat unsuccessfully.

This is so not working, groaned Kitty.

I'll second that, said Jean, wincing with pain.

Someone should tell him to lay off the military documentaries; we worked just fine before, said Evan.

One team member, who was coming out of a coma to a whompin' headache, replied with generosity, Ah'm not gonna do it. But ah'd be glad to straggle

Zat's zee pain talking, Rogue, said Kurt; then to the others, Vee should all tell him.

They trooped over to where Scott was surveying the damage. His back was turned to them, and he stood very still all of a sudden. What they didn't see was his eyes (hidden behind his visor) glaze over for a second.

Mein fruend, might we have a word? ventured Kurt.

Evan followed with Dude, this new coded-battle-plan thing of yours is totally crampin' us.

Yeah, Scott, said Kitty, can't we just, like, train like we always have? Scott?

Scott hadn't moved or said a word through all of this. But he turned now and faced his team mates.

My name is not Scott. I am a nameless soldier who has been on the battlefield for as long as I can remember.

Kitty's jaw dropped, Rogue blinked, Kurt made an sound, and Evan looked baffled.

Jean said, Scott, are you alright?

I'm fine. But if you must call me something, call me No-name.

No, your name is Scott Summers. You're a student here at the Xavier Institute and one of the X-Men.

Scott Summers?

said Jean, hoping he would remember.

I was feeling insecure without a name. I don't mine taking his.

Everyone did a terrific job of looking dumbfounded, except for Jean who did her best worried-about-you expression.

I think our fearless leader has, how do you say in America?, lost it.

He's gone off the deep end, y'all.

Whoa, Scott's, like, gone completely psycho.

Man, he's a few fries short of a happy meal.

This is serious, guys, said Jean, I sense Scott's mind, but it's... different. Like another personality or something. She paused. We need the Professor.

Go for it, encouraged Kurt.

Jean closed her eyes out of habit and concentrated on reaching the professor. She searched everywhere for his mind but just couldn't find it. What is going on here? she thought.

I can't find him, she told the others.

came the resounding cry.

Whadya mean, ya can't find demanded Rogue.

I can't locate his mind, Jean answered more calmly than she felt. We'll have to go look for him and find out what's going on. Scott--

The nameless soldier', Evan interjected, jerking a thumb at Scott, who was leaning against a danger room wall with his arms crossed.

SCOTT will have to stay here until we can find the Professor. Kurt, can we trust you to stay with him?

Sure thing. I'll keep him out of trahble. Heh, heh, never thought I'd be saying zat about Cyclops.

Jean turned to the remaining X-crew. Let's go find the Professor. I don't know what's going on here, but I'm sure it's nothing we can't handle.

And so, leaving Scott in the capable hands of their fuzzy blue comrade, the rest of the X-Men exited the danger room in search of their bald-headed mentor. When they discovered that he was nowhere in the underground level, they took the elevator upstairs to the mansion.

Hey guys, over here! called Evan from a little ways down a hall. He stooped to pick something up and turned to show it to the rest of them.

A rose? said Kitty, Is that supposed to be a clue?

Maybe not, but look down there! exclaimed Rogue, pointing.

They followed her gaze to the end of the hall where someone had decorated the entire place with roses, roses, roses! Great bunches of them were everywhere and rose petals covered the carpet.

Somebody had a field day, said Jean, and outside the Professor's bedroom!

This is so weird, said Kiity.

Come on! said Rogue.

The rest quickly followed her down the hall to the Professor's room, none knowing what they would find. The door was partly open.

Professor? Hello, are you in there? called Jean.

A voice from inside was heard saying, Friends of yours, Lady Une? Do let them in. Then Ororo came to the door and greeted the youngsters with The Professor's not feeling well, children, he seems to have completely forgotten who he is.

That's the same thing that happened to Scott! Kitty told the weather witch.



Yeah, Aunty O, said Evan, we were in the danger room, and right after the session ended, Scott got all freaky on us; he didn't even know his name.

Oh, dear, said Ororo, surveying their expressions, And where is Kurt?

We had him stay with Scott, answered Jean, Please, may we see the Professor?

No... no, I think that would be unwise-- began Ororo, but she was cut off by Rogue, who pushed past her into the room.

C'mon Storm, it ain't like we're catchin' im with his shorts dow--

The rest filed into the room and peered around the Goth to see what had stopped her short. And it wasn't a pretty sight. It was a sight to make young children cry, little old ladies shiver in their nighties, and grown men run away screaming. It was a sight to haunt even the bravest heart every night for eternity. It was not something you would wish upon even the foulest of enemies.

Okay, okay, it was the Professor in a bubble bath. But still more disturbing was the rose scent wafting from the foamy water. The room was filled with more bunches and garlands of roses than any greenhouse, and the Professor, well, he looked perfectly content.

He addressed them with his eyes closed.

New cadets? Very good. I hope that you will all work hard for Oz. Put your heart into every battle and you will always have reason to be proud. Ah, but war is beautiful and noble...

Kitty half-whispered, half-squeaked to the others, Did we just hear the Prof say war is beautiful'?
Evan replied, Yeah. Seriously weird. And who's Oz?

The man is sitting in a bubble bath, said Rogue incredulously.

It's the same thing as with Scott. His mind is... changed somehow, remarked Jean.

An' what's that smell? Rose scented water?!

I fear that the Professor is in no condition to see you now, children, said Ororo.

Ah mean, look at all those sissy bubbles!

Everyone:



Lady Une, said the Professor with his eyes still closed, I want Minister Dorlain taken care of... oh, and bring me more rose scent for my bath.

Everyone: . . . . .


A/N: Many apologies for subjecting you to that... that... CORN. Just a crazy idea I had to get out of my system, irregardless of whether I can write or not. Who else will go nuts? *rubs hands together and chuckles* Well, stay tuned; we're gonna find out!