Shock Therapy
Rae had woken up just before seven and lain watching the sunrise through the window. It had been the type of watery sun that told you that you were in the middle of winter, no matter how warm it got later in the day. She knew that she was supposed to be seeing her new therapist at nine, and she suddenly realised that she probably looked like a bag lady. She pressed the buzzer underneath her hand and waited.
A pretty young lady put her head round the door. "Yes, Detective Yeager?"
"Do you think you could make a call for me?" Rae tried to read the name badge on the nurse's uniform but she needed her to come a little closer.
"Of course, Ma'am, who would you like me to call?"
"Texas… sorry, Jo Walters, her name is in the book in my purse, which is in my nightstand. I'm sorry, I can't get it myself."
"Of course, hold on and I'll get it for you."
Rae watched as the young nurse put the bag on her bed and looked inside. She removed the red address book, and smiled. "Is this it?"
"Yes, it is, thank you. I'm sorry, I don't know your name."
"My name is Nadine, I'm a friend of Shannon's, I, I was a friend of Louise Willis too. I'm sorry for what she did to you."
"I guess that most people in this hospital don't think very highly of me right now. She worked here didn't she?"
"I don't know about everybody else, but I feel a little guilty. We never realised what she was doing, and we were with her, being friendly with her, while she was killing those people, and you were suffering so. She never gave us a clue to her behaviour. I am really sorry."
"Don't be, if all killers were obvious I would be out of a job, she covered her tracks very neatly, and made every clue point to me instead of herself."
"Thank you, Shannon is right, you are a nice lady. I'll get Miss Walters for you, ah, what do you want me to ask her?"
"Could you just hold the phone for me? Then I can speak to her."
"Ok." Nadine dialled the number and waited for it to connect, then she did as she had been asked and held the receiver up to Rae's ear.
"Good morning, Walter's residence."
"Good morning, Michael, could I please speak with Texas?"
"Of course, Mrs Travis, and if I may say so, Madam, how lovely to hear you talking over the phone once again."
"Thank you, Michael." Rae smiled, and realised that it felt good to be 'talking over the phone once again'.
"Rae, Honey, are you all right?" Jo's voice came suddenly into Rae's ear.
"A little deaf now, but yeah, I'm ok."
"I'm sorry, I just didn't expect you to be ringin' me."
"If I apologise for being so wrapped up in myself, could I ask you something?"
"Honey, you have been going through a terrible time, but we all have to be strong for each other, things will start to get back to normal now, an' we are gonna need your help just as much as you have needed ours, but there is no need to apologise, what do you want to ask?"
"Well, no one can do this like you can, I needed a favour." Rae was enjoying herself, and it was evident in her tone of voice.
"Sure, anythin' you know that, what can I do for you?"
"I need you to come and make me look like I don't normally live underneath a railway arch."
"Ok, that would be my pleasure. Rae, can Mark come see you again later today? He was awful upset when he got home yesterday, an' well, I don't want his recovery to be threatened because he is worryin' about you."
"Yeah, I need to see him too. He told me a few home truths yesterday, and made me realise that other people are suffering too, Texas I'm sorry, you must be so worried about Steve, he went after that mad woman, maybe you won't want to come after all." Rae suddenly realised with a huge pang of guilt just how selfish she had been through all of this.
"Rae, don't you dare, you know that you are my best friend, I will be there in the shake of a puppy dog's tail if that is how quick you need me." Jo was serious, but there was laughter in her voice.
"No, five minutes time would do me. Texas, thank you, I'll see you soon."
Rae watched as Nadine put the phone back down, and then she smiled at the young nurse. "Thank you. I appreciate it."
Nadine left the room wondering about what she had just heard, yesterday Detective Yeager had been so down, but now a few well chosen words had seemed to help so much. She was lucky to have such good friends to care about her.
Jesse had relieved Steve at two in the morning, and he had headed for the room reserved for parents and carers to sleep. As he walked sleepily back towards the ICU an unbelievable seven hours later, he heard a sound that, unlike the last time he had heard it, filled him with hope. Eliana was crying.
Jesse leant over into the crib and gently took his daughter out. She was still attached to an IV, which was feeding in the nutrients, and antibiotics she needed, but apart from that she was doing everything on her own, and he knew that he was fine to do what he was doing. "Shhh, Honey, Daddy's here. It's all right." The little girl responded to the sound of her father's voice, and her eyes opened, and Jesse looked into the brown eyes that were so much like her mother's.
"Jesse?" Steve's voice was full of emotion as he spoke. "Is she all right?"
"Yeah, Steve, she's fine. She really is fine." As Jesse spoke Doctor Hernandez came into the ICU. All the cribs had weight sensitive pads in them, and Jesse had set the alarm off on Eliana's as he picked her up. The doctor disconnected the alarm and smiled at the two men in front of him.
"I guess you don't have the pads at Community General?"
"Pads, what pads?" Steve looked a little confused.
"The pads that have an alarm on them. They reduce the chance of SIDS and child abductions." As the doctor spoke he realised what he was saying. "Oh, God, I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"
Steve put his hand on the man's arm. "That's ok. They wouldn't have prevented Eliana being taken, but they're a good idea, expensive though I guess?"
"Oh, yeah, isn't everything that is helpful in medicine?"
"We do have them, I just forgot, sorry. Doctor, can I feed my daughter?"
"Yes, Doctor Travis, I will get a nurse to bring you some formula, and maybe a diaper!" Steve and Jesse realised a little belatedly that there was an unmistakable odour emanating from the tiny child.
Once Jesse had changed his daughter Doctor Hernandez came over to them once again. "I would like to check her while you are waiting for her breakfast, if everything is as it was last night then you can move her to a low risk ward."
"And then, can I take her home today?" Jesse's face and voice were full of hope.
"No, Doctor Travis, not today, tomorrow, if things stay the same you may take her home tomorrow." Doctor Hernandez was smiling now. He could see that the young doctor in front of him was returning to what he imagined to be his more normal self. He seemed more relaxed and happy, which he should be, his daughter was doing very well.
Although Jesse didn't know it, his wife was doing very well too. As he was talking with Doctor Hernandez Rae was taking the first step towards a little freedom. "Ok, Rae, now, Nadine is going to help and we will get you sitting in a chair. You may feel very light headed, but it will pass."
"I remember it when Jesse was hurt. Texas, don't go, please, talk to me."
"Honey, I won't go, but I'm not sure that me talkin' on an' on will help Wil or Nadine very much."
Rae was sitting up at a very comfortable angle in the bed, but she knew that once she was sitting in the chair she would be almost upright.
"Rae, normally we would guide you to the chair, but because of your arms and shoulders and your knees I think that we will actually use hydraulics to lift you. Nurse, are you sure you can do this? I can get an orderly if you would prefer."
"No, Doctor, I'll be fine, I have done this before."
"Right then, first of all, Rae we need to get you into the sling. Miss Walters if you could slide it onto the bed." Wil gently but firmly took hold of Rae underneath her arms and Nadine took her legs, and then as Jo moved round beside her friend, she laid the sling on the bed and watched as Rae was placed on top of it. Then Wil put the straps up onto the contraption he had wheeled in when he had arrived, and started the lifting procedure. It wasn't just the room what was moving now, and Rae shut her eyes. She hadn't had that much pain in her legs, because they had been kept straight, and she'd had a box over them to keep the sheets up, but now she was aware of just how much pain she could expect from them as she worked back to full fitness, and as they were lowered into the sitting position by Nadine, it made her gasp.
"Do you want me to let you rest a moment before I carry on to let you catch your breath?"
Rae opened her eyes and smiled. "Thank you, Wil, but I think I'm ready to carry on. I can catch my breath and everything else once I am in the chair."
"Nurse?"
The whole room swam round, and Rae shut her eyes again. She knew that she wasn't being lifted any more, but she was still moving, and so slowly she looked ahead of her. The whole hydraulic lift was now being pulled out from under the side of her bed, and then she saw the nurse move the wheelchair into place so that she could sit in it. Gradually she felt herself being lowered, and then finally she had the chair underneath her. She wanted to rest her head in her hands but she couldn't do so and then she felt something behind her head and she leant back into it.
"Thank you, what is that?"
"It's a neck rest, you looked like you could do with it." There was warmth in Doctor Collins' voice as he spoke, and he was rewarded with a smile.
"Yeah, you could say that."
"Ok, we will leave you to get your bearings now you are back in the real world again. I'm sure that Doctor Yung will be here in a few minutes."
At just after nine o'clock a tall, and graceful young Asian woman made her way down toward the room of her prospective new patient. As she arrived where she wanted to be, she could hear talking coming from inside, and standing just a little way out of sight she listened.
"Rae, Honey, you seem a little happier this mornin' how are you really feelin'?"
"Fed up with being a grouch. Texas, I don't know. I just miss Jesse and Eliana so much, and I know that Sholte said that I wouldn't have to face charges, but I am worried about that, and Brian won't see me. Texas, he thinks I killed Helen. I hoped he knew me better than that, and Steve, he thought I did it too. How could they do that?" Rae had to stop speaking; the hurt she had felt when she found out about Steve and Brian was still fresh, but she knew that Mark had explained it a little, and if Texas wasn't the person to talk to about it, maybe Doctor Yung could be.
Lauren Yung moved a little closer. She was used to undertaking covert operations to learn about her patients.
"Rae, Honey, please listen to me. Mark told me that you had realised Steve thought you hurt his dad, but he said that he had to force you to let him tell you what happened. I was there too, will you let me explain as well?"
"Yes, I was wrong yesterday, but it was just such a shock."
"I know that Steve an' I are gettin' married, I don't know when, but we are, but I also know that the most important person in his life is his daddy. He has lived with the man for over forty years so that must say somethin' about how much they mean to each other. An' Mark looked grey when he was in the ICU, an' I mean grey, Honey he was just so ill. Steve isn't used to seein' him like that an' it scared him half to death."
"But that wouldn't make him think I tried to kill him. Texas, I asked Mark to give me away at my wedding, how could Steve think I would hurt him, stab him? I can't believe he could think that."
"He thought it because that is what Mark told him, or at least that is what he thought Mark told him…"
"But, I …"
"Rae, wait, you have to let me finish or we will be dancin' around this for days. When Mark began to come round he called out 'Rae, no … No, don't…' Steve thought he was talkin' about when he was stabbed, an' so did I, but Mark isn't my daddy, an' I just knew you couldn't have done it, I wavered for a little while, but in my heart I knew, an' in his heart so did Steve, but it was Mark, it was his daddy, an' that took over everythin' else."
"That woman, she nearly succeeded in what she set out to do, I won't let that happen." Rae was talking, very quietly now, and Jo had to move closer to her to hear properly.
"What, Rae, do you know what she wanted to do?"
"She wanted to destroy everything in my life that was important to me. She wanted Jesse to see me die, I don't know if she would have done anything to Steve, but she wanted me to suffer, and everybody that I loved to suffer too. Oh, God, Texas, I am so sorry, I nearly got you killed, and Mark, and three people died, because of me." The enormity of what had happened to the people around her was finally too much for Rae, and despite the pain she felt she began to sob. This time though, Jo was able to put her arms around her friend and give her the hug she so badly needed, and for the next few minutes all Doctor Yung, or anybody else heard was Rae sobbing, and Jo offering her all the love and comfort she could.
Lauren Yung was just about to tap on the door and announce herself when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned and then indicated for her companion to move away with her, and once they were out of earshot she spoke quietly for a moment or two.
Rae had finally managed to get herself under control when she heard a tap on the door. She knew that it would be her new therapist, and so with a tremulous glance at her friend she put a smile she didn't feel on her face and looked towards the noise.
"Brian?" Rae didn't say anything else. She wasn't sure if she could trust herself to speak.
"Rae, I know that you are expecting Lauren Yung, and she is outside waiting to see you, but I needed to see you first. I owe you an apology, and I had to make it as soon as I knew you were well enough to remember it."
"No, Brian, you don't need to apologise, the evidence was overwhelming, and Cheryl wouldn't have arrested me otherwise. If Louise hadn't gotten greedy, and decided to hurt me one time too many I would have faced the death penalty, I know that. You went on what was available, so would I have done, I'm a cop after all."
"But I know you, and my first reaction, when Detective Banks asked about you, was to say that you couldn't have done it, you couldn't have hurt Helen or Cameron Posner, I should have stuck with that belief."
Rae smiled at him. "You loved her very much didn't you?"
Brian's eyes filled with tears. "I did, she was my life. Now I look back and regret the lost moments, the lost life we should have spent together, because I was too selfish to ask her to marry me."
"Brian, if she had been unhappy with the situation she would have left you long ago. She loved you too. One day, when it isn't too painful for you, come and see my wedding video. That will show you just how much she cared for you."
Rae's councillor and friend moved a little closer to her. "Thank you, Rae. I will do that."
"Brian, I am so very, very sorry about Helen, I hope you know that."
"I do. Rae, I have to go now, but I will keep in touch." Brian leant over and kissed her gently on the cheek. What she had said had helped him, and he wanted her to know that. Then taking a breath he moved on to other things. "Rae, this is Lauren Yung," A very elegant young woman came into the room. "I hope that she will be able to help you, until I feel I am able to start up again."
Rae watched for a moment as the doctor moved over closer to her, and she smiled at her friend. "I have promised Wil that I will try, I promise you that too. Brian, you take care, ok?"
Brian Dobson smiled then and left the room, as he did so he looked back one last time and saw Lauren making herself comfortable in the chair opposite Rae, and he almost wished that it were he that was doing that.
Steve had talked to Jo and was delighted with what she had told him about Rae getting out of bed and into a wheelchair, but he decided not to tell Jesse about it unless he needed some cheering up. Although at the moment he was just so relieved to have his daughter back that he wasn't taking much notice of anything else, and Steve was beginning to feel a little redundant. But if he could keep it to himself it would be a wonderful surprise for him when he took Eliana back the next day for Jesse to be able to place her on her mom's lap.
When he had finished making the long list of calls that seemed to have suddenly all become urgent at the same time, he headed back to the ward where Eliana was a patient. She was in a proper crib now, which had a mobile of cheery zoo animals rotating above it, and happy smiley wallpaper, sheets and curtains. It certainly was obvious just how much care; attention and love went into the design and décor of this hospital in order to make it a less frightening experience for the children who had to spend time here. Eliana was too young to be really bothered, and besides she had her daddy with her, so nothing else mattered, but if she had been four or five years older, then all the attention to detail would have made a lot of difference.
Doctor Hernandez was talking with Jesse as Steve moved over, and he could see that both men were a little concerned. "All I am saying is that you need to have it as a preventative. Be aware, as I am sure you will be, that there is a greater risk for her now than there was before, and be prepared to accept the possibility that she may need the medication."
"Yeah, I guess you're right. I just don't want to even think about her having anything wrong with her, and let's face it, living in LA it could be a nightmare."
"Jesse? What's the matter?"
"Nothing, I'm just having to face a few hard facts is all."
"I don't understand, is there something the matter with Eliana?"
"No, no not really, she's tiny, you know that, and Doctor Hernandez wants me to keep a preventative with her all the time. She has asthma, Steve, and this virus hasn't helped. I just have to accept that this probably won't be the only time she is in the hospital over the next few months or years." Jesse turned away as he spoke, and Steve looked down at his goddaughter to see her looking up at him.
"Hey, Sweetie, are you listening to us?"
"dadadadakakmamakabubububub."
"That's easy for you to say." Steve looked down at the little girl, who had just remembered where her toes were. She pulled her foot towards her, but the movement made her cough, and it seemed to Steve as if the whole room held its breath until she had finished. As she did so he realised that he could hear a wheeze in her breathing that hadn't been there before. "That, that's what you mean isn't it?"
"Yeah, that's what we mean."
"But Jesse, you're a doctor. You know people with asthma don't have to stay locked up, there was that, that British guy, the rower, he's won five Olympic gold medals, and he has asthma. Steve someone, great name, huh? Redgrave, it was Steve Redgrave."
"Yeah, he did didn't he? I remember watching him, he's amazing. Rae was talking about him once, d'you know how they knew he would be good at rowing?"
"No, Jesse, you really are a mine of information some times. You do know, right?"
"Oh yeah, apparently by the size of his shoes, maybe his hands too, I can't remember, but definitely his shoes. His teacher at school picked him because of the size of his shoes."
Steve gently held up one of Eliana's tiny little feet. "In that case, maybe he is a bad example, I mean look." Steve rested his hand underneath Eliana's leg, and they all smiled. Then Doctor Hernandez took a bottle out of his pocket.
"Doctor Travis, this is a bottle of the preventative. Once she is old enough she can use a nebulizer but until then, if you are in any doubt, give her some of this. I would also suggest that you go to the asthma clinic at your hospital when you get back, and they can monitor her condition."
"I could take her now!" Jesse smiled what he hoped was his most winning smile.
"Tomorrow, Doctor Travis, after rounds tomorrow you may take your daughter home." Doctor Hernandez moved away then, but both men could hear him chuckling to himself as he did so. Steve watched as Jesse read the label on the bottle and then slide it into his own pocket. Once again his friend was oblivious of his presence, and so Steve headed down towards the cafeteria to get something to eat. The food wasn't quite up to Community General standards, but he had noticed that today it was macaroni and cheese, and he felt he ought to give it a try.
Rae had talked to Lauren Yung for just under an hour before the doctor approached some of the things she had heard through the doorway a little earlier.
"Mrs Travis, I have a confession to make."
"Isn't that what I'm supposed to be doing?" Rae had smiled. She felt a little disloyal to Brian, but she thought that she could really like Doctor Yung.
"I listened at the door when you were talking to your friend, Texas, I think you called her. I have found that when I take over a patient from somebody else, that the first few sessions are usually marred by the loyalty to the previous councillor, and having read your notes, I knew that you had more reason than most to be loyal to Brian Dobson."
"He has saved my life, my sanity, everything. But I will talk to you, I don't know if you can help me, but I will try to let you."
"And how do you feel about my listening to private conversations?"
"I could introduce you to an FBI agent I know." Rae smiled. "I don't know. I don't know how I feel about anything right now. I am in a happy mood this morning, but by this afternoon I could be real pissy, or completely silent, tearful, I have no idea. I'm a cop, you listening to private conversations doesn't bother me, I'm also your patient, and if I had found out from somebody else I would have been livid. You told me, that tells me you are honest, at least at the moment. I don't know what else to say."
"I wasn't expecting half of that, so don't worry about it. But I know that you hide your feelings behind a happy exterior, so I did wonder whether you were putting on an act now."
"No, I'm not, but sometimes I will be."
Rae was watching Lauren, and she could see her working out her answer, but before she could find out what it was there was a knock at the door and Rae looked up to see the assistant DA standing there. Her heart pounded in her chest, and all her panic came rushing to the surface, and a moment later she knew that she was going to pass out.
"Rae?" Lauren, who had her back to the door was instantly extremely concerned. "Rae, can you put your head down on your knees?"
Rae couldn't even shake her head, but she just managed to mouth "No." before the room began to swim even more than a moment before, and then her whole body went limp.
Rose Marie rushed into the room and pressed the buzzer, which was still resting on the bed. Nadine came running in, and seeing the situation called for Shannon as loudly as she dare.
Shannon had been sitting quietly with Alex trying to do the crossword in the LA Times. She looked at him and he nodded, hearing the urgency in the voice that called his girlfriend, and she had moved quickly towards the noise. Shannon had also summed the situation up in a split second, and between them the two nurses had got Rae back into bed. Nadine had paged Doctor Collins in the short time it had taken Shannon to join her, and now they waited for him to arrive.
"Ma'am, I'm sorry but I will have to ask you to leave, Doctor Yung, I think you really need to wait outside."
Rose Marie looked defiant. "I have to see Detective Yeager this morning, I am due in court this afternoon, and I need to speak with her."
"I'm sorry, I don't know who you are, but as you can see Detective Yeager is hardly up to receiving visitors." Nadine hoped she didn't sound too rude, but her patient had to come first.
Lauren looked at the woman next to her and began to speak. "Rae was fine until you knocked at the door. Maybe you had better introduce yourself."
"Certainly, my name is Rose Marie Moureau, I am the assistant District Attorney. I had no wish to frighten her, she knew I was coming."
"It's all right… I just … panicked." Rae was lying back against the pillows, and even though she was now conscious once again she had no colour, and they could all see that she was shaking.
Wil chose that moment to come into the room. "What happened, Rae are you all right?"
"No … but I will be… I'm sorry."
"Ok, people, I am going to ask you to clear the room. Doctor Yung, have you spoken with Detective Yeager yet?"
"Yes, yes, we have had a very good first session, I was just about to finish when she was taken ill. Rae, I will send a note down with some times on for our next appointment, perhaps you could let me know which one will suit you best."
"Thank … you. I will." Rae watched as the young woman left the room, and then her eyes moved and she looked across at Wil. "Hi."
"Hi, yourself. You kept your promise, huh?" Wil hoped that by keeping the conversation light Rae would feel more at ease.
"I … always … do."
"Shannon, I am grateful for your assistance, but I think there is a lonely doctor next door. He was scowling at the paper as I came past."
"We are stuck on six down, I'll go back and help him. Detective Yeager, I will be just next door if you need me."
This time Rae just smiled. She felt very very tired all of a sudden, and words were just too much bother.
Nadine left the room with her friend, and then there was just the doctor and the assistant DA left.
"Rae, I need to speak with you, Doctor, will you stay?"
"Rae?" Wil looked at her, not wanting to intrude on anything private.
"Please."
"Ok, Rae, I have spoken to your lawyer, also Agent Wagner, he came to see me this morning, I do not have a case against you any more, and I can arrange for the charges to be dismissed without you having to return to the courtroom."
"No!"
Both Rose Marie and Wil were shocked at the strength behind the one word.
"That… that woman crucified me … I want to be seen to be innocent."
"I don't understand. The result will be the same whether you appear in court or not." Rose Marie looked at the woman lying on the bed in front of her, and for a moment wondered if she had passed out again, but then Rae opened her eyes, and she could see that they were full of resolve.
Rae was determined to get her argument out in one go, and so she paused for a moment to gather herself, and catch her breath. "If you get the charges dropped for me without letting me appear in court it will merit one or two lines in the paper, probably at the bottom of page seven. If I go to court for the arraignment, I will make the front page, and everybody, everybody, will know that I am innocent. I can't settle for anything less than that."
Rose Marie looked at her, and saw the strong willed woman that made the successful cop shine through. She was right, Rae deserved to go and be cleared, to hear the judge dismiss the case, not get the news second hand from some journalist or court official.
"Very well, Gilbert and the judge will have to be involved in this. I will arrange a court date for you. Doctor, do you think if I tried to have it set for next week that Detective Yeager would be able to attend?"
"I plan to have her at home for the weekend, so maybe Thursday or Friday next week would be fine."
Rae had gasped as she heard Wil speak. "Home, to my house?"
"Yes, home to your house, you are married to a doctor remember, I think he will be able to cope."
Rae smiled; somehow she knew that the world was smiling with her. Then she shut her eyes and felt herself drift off into a relaxed and natural sleep.