Road To Recovery

Steve had, much to his own astonishment, slept for most of the night. Once he had put Jo into bed the previous evening and alerted his dad and Michael to the problems with her they had sat out on the landing and talked for a little while. Steve had been able to tell Michael wasn't surprised that this had happened, disappointed, but not surprised, but now it was just after nine in the morning, the breakfast table was one person missing, and somehow the empty chair seemed to scream at him, and Steve found himself averting his gaze from that part of the table.

"Sir, if you don't mind my saying, you are not to blame for what happened last night." Michael put down a pot of fresh coffee and looked at the Lieutenant.

"Michael, please sit down, we need to talk, and I can't do that with you standing up." Steve waited, he wasn't sure if the butler would do as he had asked, he was Jo's employee, after all, not his.

To Steve's relief Michael pulled out a chair, not where Jo usually sat, and once he was seated looked expectantly at Steve.

"You weren't surprised that this happened were you?"

"No, Sir, she has been all things to all people over the past year or so, and I knew that sooner or later this would happen again. But I am ashamed to say that last night I missed the signs."

"Michael, you aren't her nurse maid…"

"Begging your pardon, Sir, but if needs be, that is exactly what I am, last night I let her down, and now she is much further into herself than before, and it will take longer to get her back."

"Do you think she will want to go away again, back to Texas?" The thought struck Steve suddenly, and he found that he couldn't bear the idea of his life without her again.

"No, Sir, not this time. She is committed to you, and she knows that you are to her. She won't leave again."

"But for a while, she won't know she is here either." It was Mark who spoke; he had come down the stairs so quietly that neither man had heard him.

"Dad, you know one of us should help you." Steve was up and by his father's side in a heartbeat.

"I am getting better every day, and it actually wasn't all that painful." Mark's eyes were still sparkling, and Steve knew that he was telling the truth.

"Well, come and sit down, and I'll pour you a …" Steve let the words trail away as he saw a fresh cup of coffee being put next to Mark's place at the table. Michael moved round and pulled out the chair, and Steve, with a smile, looked at his dad. "I guess you are sitting here then."

"Michael, thank you. I don't know how I am going to manage at home without you." Mark smiled as well. He had enjoyed the English man's company while he had been convalescing, and he knew he would miss him when he finally returned to the beach house after Christmas.

"I put my head round the bedroom door, and she is still fast asleep. It will do her good, Steve, just let her rest."

"I didn't try to wake her this morning, Dad, even though I wanted to. But why now, why didn't she go to pieces when Eliana was taken, or when you were stabbed?"

"Because, Sir, she isn't needed. Everybody has somebody else they can turn to, or lean on now and she can move away into the background and let life pass her by for a while."

"Steve, she was there for you the whole time when you had your hands in plaster, and I have to say, Son, you were a lousy patient at times, and when Rae was taken, and you couldn't do anything about it, she was there helping you to cope. Then thankfully we had a bit of down time, and you worked, and she just loved being there when you got home, and spending time with Rae while she was pregnant, she had a normal life for a while, and any danger of her withdrawing receded into the background. But now, well everything was threatened this time. If Eliana had been found dead, or worse, not found at all, she knew that the whole new life she had made for herself would crumble away. She had to save it and so, as Michael said, she became all things to all people until they didn't need her anymore, and then yesterday, she gave in and let her own demons out." Mark stopped speaking, and he could see Steve listening to his every word and Michael nodding his agreement.

"Sir, she may stay in her room for days, even weeks; until we can reach her, she won't move."

"Oh, God. Why didn't I stay with her last night? That damn argument with Rae was going round and round in my brain, I should have just locked it away and tended to my own."

"What argument with Rae?" Mark looked concerned.

"I went to see her last night, and she thanked me for finding Eliana, and then, I apologised, 'for all sorts of things', I think I said, and she just blew up. I know it hurt her, not just mentally but physically too, she yelled at me, and I yelled at her, and we didn't solve anything. I will have to go see her again, but not yet, today I'll call in sick and stay with Jo."

Rae's homecoming had been very quiet. She had sat in the car while she watched Jesse take Eliana in the house, and then he had come back and helped her into her wheelchair and pushed her inside as well. Rae had had Jesse push her into each room in turn, just so that she could see her house again. Once she was finally in the living room Jesse had parked her by the doors to the deck and she had looked out on the garden for a while. Jesse had crouched down next to her and taken her hand.

"Glad to be home?"

"Oh, Jess, you have no idea. I can't remember much about my time in jail, but I do know that I didn't think I would ever be back here again."

"In this house, or with us?"

"Both. Jesse, I was arrested by Cheryl. She's a good cop, and when I was in my cell on my own, which I had to be almost all the time because of what people were doing to me, I knew that I would never get home. Jess, I would have got the death penalty, and I'm a cop, there would have been no leniency."

Jesse wanted her to stop talking, the pain in her voice, combined with the matter of a fact way she was talking was breaking his heart, but he needed to know more of what had happened. "What did they do to you Rae?"

"It was just cat calls, I got spat at a lot. Little things, nothing terrible, but I think that had I been there any longer then the comments and the pushing and shoving would have worn me down in the end. Jesse, do you know what happened to me, how I got injured?"

Jesse shook his head. He had tried to find out, but then Eliana had been taken and he had forgotten all about it. "I know that Steve and Ron both know. Rae did you know that Jo put up a reward for Eliana's recovery?" Jesse looked over to where their little girl was sitting in her stroller playing with the row of people strung across the front.

"Yes, I think so."

"It was ten thousand dollars."

"Oh, Jesse, we won't ever be able to pay that back."

"I don't think she expects us to, she's a good friend, Rae, you and I, we have some good friends."

For a moment Rae remembered the anger in Steve's eyes the night before, but she closed her mind to the memory. She felt a yawn escape and Jesse smiled at her.

"How about I make you a sandwich for lunch, and then you and Eliana can have a nap, and we can re-group mid afternoon?"

"That sounds lovely, thank you. I guess I have to nap on the bed don't I? I can't sleep on the sofa or the recliner?"

"Nope, bad for your back and shoulders."

"Yes, Doctor Travis." Rae had smiled. Right now she would do whatever he wanted her to, she was just glad to be home.

Steve had taken a plate of sandwiches up to Jo just after one, and carefully opened the door to their room. Jo was sitting up in bed, looking ahead of herself, turning a solid bangle round and round her fingers as she sat there.

"Jo, Honey, can I come in?"

If she heard him Jo gave no indication, and so with a sigh Steve moved a little closer to her. "I made you some lunch, no that's a lie, Michael made you some lunch and I carried it up the stairs. If you want me to stay I will, or I can go again, it's up to you." There was still no response, and so Steve placed the plate on the nightstand, and then he moved round so he was in her eye line, Jo looked at where he was standing, but he knew that she didn't see him, not as someone to interact with, talk to, be with. He knew that he might be in front of her, but she was nowhere near him. "Ok, I'm going to go take a shower, and then I will come and see you again before I go down stairs."

Steve had left the room to take a shower down the hall, he didn't want to use the one in their bathroom, he wasn't sure why, but he walked down to the next room along. He stood in the cubicle with his head resting on the tiles in front of him and let the water beat down on his back. If he shut his eyes he could see Jo looking right through him, her face expressionless, and the only movement was her hands turning the bangle over and over and over. Steve clenched his fist and thumped it against the wet tiles. For a moment he needed someone to blame, and the only person who came to mind was Rae. She had kept him at the hospital, so he hadn't noticed Jo was suffering. His life had become far more complicated since she had arrived from London. If she had never come none of this would have happened. He leant over and switched the water off, and then began to dry himself.

Rae had woken up just before four and for a moment she had been unaware of where she was. Then with a smile she realised that the ceiling had changed, it was no longer a dingy white, but a bright clean white with swirly patterns in the paint. Home, she was home. But that brought problems with it. She no longer had a buzzer underneath her hand, she couldn't bang on the wall, and if she shouted she would wake her daughter. As she lay there thinking Rae became aware of something resting by her right hand. She turned her head slightly and saw a post it note with the words 'speak and I will hear you' on it.

Rae decided to give it a go. "I am awake." There was silence, and Rae waited, then slowly the door opened, and a smiling Jesse poked his head round.

"Hey, would you like to join us, sleeping beauty?"

"Is Eliana awake?"

"Oh, yeah, she has been awake for about an hour. I thought you would have woken up when she cried, guess you were out for the count."

"I was sedated last night after my row with Steve, that might have something to do with it."

"What row with Steve… Steve. Oh, I was supposed to drive him home, I completely forgot. It wasn't about that was it?"

"No, he didn't say anything about that. I thanked him for finding Ana, but it just seemed to go away from us after that. We ended up screaming at each other, and then I shut my eyes and he left."

"Why did you argue with him?"

Rae looked at Jesse. "Where's Eliana?"

"In her stroller playing with the little people again, I'll go get her and wheel her in here if you like."

"Yes, please, I like to see her, I don't want to be separated from her, not ever again." Rae waited, and then the door opened and Jesse wheeled their smiling, happy, beautiful daughter into the room and Rae felt as if her heart would burst. She didn't speak for a few minutes, she just lay there and watched as the little podgy fingers made the people bounce and spin on the elastic cord strung across in front of her. Rae knew it was impossible, but she just wanted to remember everything she did and said, for always.

"Honey, are you all right?" Jesse had been watching his wife's face as she had looked at their little girl, he could see the love and happiness there, but also a slightly wistful look.

"Yeah, I was just enjoying watching her, she doesn't seem to have been affected by what happened does she? I guess it was beyond her comprehension, thank goodness."

"I guess you're right, and now she is home where she belongs, and I intend to make sure that that never changes… What did you want to talk to me about, you said you rowed with Steve?"

Rae paused for a moment as she thought back to the previous evening. "He thought I was guilty. That I had attacked Mark, and Texas, and killed three people." Rae didn't say anything else, and she could tell from Jesse's face that he was already aware of Steve's feelings. "You knew he thought that."

"I heard him talking to Tony when I was in the hospital. But I didn't know you knew, Honey, I am so sorry. He was in a difficult position and I was hurt when I found out so I am sure you are too… and that sounded real lame."

"No, I was hurt which was why I yelled at him, and then I hurt in a different way. Every bit of me hurts so much that I forgot I have broken ribs."

"You should hug a pillow, that helps."

"I thought I would be strapped up for ages, but that didn't happen."

"It isn't common practice any more to tape ribs, compromises the breathing even more than the ribs do."

"Oh, ok, I'll take your word for it. Now can we go in the lounge please?"

"Yeah, sure." Jesse helped her gently into the chair. He knew that he needed to speak with Steve. He had been hard on his friend when he was waiting for his little girl to come back to him, but Steve had been hard on him too, and well, Rae needed him right now, apologies could wait.

Jo's eyes had been closed and she was lying down in the bed when Steve had checked on her as he promised he would. The sandwich had been left untouched and with a sigh he had taken it downstairs and then moved into the morning room. He sat by the window and tried to get his mind round all the things that had happened to him lately. Part of him wished that he could shut down for a while and retreat to his bed, but he knew that wasn't the way he dealt with things, and after about five minutes he would be fidgeting and ready to get up again. In the end he had headed back up the stairs, quietly stolen into the bedroom and got his running kit, and then he had changed and left the house, intending to try and sort some of his problems out as he pounded the miles away between him and a clear head.

Rae had been happy lying on Tony's chair watching her family going about their business for most of the late afternoon. Eliana had played contentedly on the floor. She had a shape sorter that Jesse had bought for her because it had said seven months plus on it. Eliana had no idea what to do with it, but she liked the shapes and sat for ages sucking them and putting them down and picking them back up again. The soggy giraffe was there with her, and Rae knew that her soft doll was in her bed. Rae had put a call through to Sally after she had woken up, and invited her round whenever she wanted to come so that she could see for herself that Eliana really was ok now.

Jesse had called Barbeque Bob's and one of the waiters had dropped some take out off for them at the end of his shift. Rae had been looking forward to it and hadn't even minded that Jesse had helped her eat her ribs. She had got covered in sauce, and in the end had agreed to wear a bib with 'Mommy's Little Angel' on the front of it. Jesse had wondered whether she would lose her temper when he had suggested the bib, but she had laughed, and it hadn't spoilt anything.

Eliana had stayed up for quite a while longer than she normally did, but neither Rae nor Jesse had wanted to put her to bed. They needed to spend as much time as possible with her, but in the end she had fallen asleep on the floor and Jesse had gently picked her up and carried her off to sleep in her own bed. For a few minutes they had sat, Rae in Tony's chair and Jesse on the sofa, but then Rae had shuffled forwards and begun to stand up.

"Rae, Honey, what are you doing?" Jesse was immediately on his feet and by her side.

"I… I want to sit with you."

"Well, let me help you. You can sit, carefully, but with my help, ok?"

They had sat on the sofa, with Rae leaning into her husband's body, and drawing strength from the warmth emanating from it. "Oh, Rae, I have missed you so much." Jesse turned slightly towards her and hesitantly placed a kiss on her lips. Rae had many demons in her mind, but she kept her eyes open and her gaze firmly on her husband's face, and gradually she relaxed into the kiss, and for the first time in many weeks she began to respond.

Rae had let Jesse carefully move her back into the wheelchair and then he had pushed her into the main bedroom. He had helped her get undressed, and when he had pulled back the covers she could see that there was now a wedge shaped piece of foam there, which would mean that she could lie half propped up if she wanted to. "Jesse, thank you, that will make life more comfortable."

Rae lay against her new backrest and then watched as Jesse moved over towards the door. "Jess, where are you going?"

"I didn't know if you wanted me in here, I thought I would go back to the spare room."

"Jesse Travis, don't you dare. You are just testing me out, and I know it, now get undressed and get into bed, before I do let you go down the hall."

"Yes, Ma'am!" Jesse smiled; he knew that his bluff had been called. He slipped out of his clothes and climbed into bed next to his wife, then very gently he gathered her up in his arms and she rested her head on his chest, and he shivered as he felt her kiss it tenderly. "Rae."

"Shhh, I'm not going to do anything, I can't, I actually want to, but I can't. I just love to feel your skin against mine, and for now that is all I am gonna get, so I plan to enjoy it." She felt Jesse nuzzle down into her hair, and for a moment Rae closed her eyes, as the feelings of love and pleasure coursed through her. "Never again, Jess, I will never shut you out again, I promise you that."

By the time Steve got home it was almost dark, and he knew that his dad would be worried, and Michael ready to serve dinner. He came in through the laundry room, kicking his running shoes off as he did so. As he thought, Mark was standing waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs.

"And where have you been?"

"Climbing Mount Everest, what does it look like?"

"Steve!"

"I'm sorry, Dad, but look at me, where do you think I've been?"

"Climbing Mount Everest, so come get your dinner." Mark walked painfully towards the dining room and Steve moved over to help him. "I can manage, it doesn't pull as much as it used to, and I have to get used to caring for myself again."

"No, you don't. You can live here permanently, you know that."

Mark looked at Steve as if he was completely mad, and then, after pulling the face of an extremely old man, began to speak in a shaky voice.

"Well, I don't know, I have all my little things around me, and the pretty ladies on the sand, and my slippers are there, and I have a nice cozy blanket over the back of the sofa, and sometimes I can sit with a nice warm milk and watch…"

"Ok, ok, I get the message, Methuselah, now put your teeth in, and we can go eat." Steve turned to his dad and saw him looking straight at him, his eyes alert and clear.

Steve felt his arm being squeezed for a moment, and he knew that for as long as he needed him, Mark wouldn't be going back to the beach house, and then he stopped being serious and resumed his previous expression, "is it Tuesday? Because Tuesday is my favourite day, I have clear broth and tapioca, all that milk it's good for you y'know."

"You know I could drive you back to the beach house right now if you would like!"

Rae woke the next morning to see the winter sun streaming through a gap in the curtains. As she lay watching the pattern of the sun on the ceiling she could hear her daughter in the nursery chuntering away to her soft dolly and probably her reflection in the mirror that Jesse had put on the side of the crib. Life had finally decided to give her a break and she was astute enough to realise that you had to grab these times with both hands, or in her case at the moment, metaphorically with both hands, and keep them close to your heart.

It was another half an hour before Jesse stirred next to her. The alarm clock they had, put the time on the ceiling, and for once Rae, had found it restful to watch the figures click by. Normally she felt as if she was watching her life pass, but this morning she had felt the opposite, she had been living every second of every minute that had appeared on the ceiling. The sounds of her little girl, of her husband sleeping beside her, they had all meant so much to her and for those thirty minutes they had been hers and hers alone.

As Jesse came out of the shower there was a knock at the door. "Oh, great! Why can't these people wait another few minutes?"

"What people?" Rae looked confused; she didn't think anybody was coming to visit.

"Whoever is at the door?" Jesse grabbed his robe and shrugged into it, mumbling to himself as he headed for the front door. As Jesse put his hand on the doorknob he suddenly realised that the security guard hadn't called him and he had no idea who was at there. He looked through the peephole and saw a smiling and for the time of day ridiculously cheerful FedEx deliveryman.

"Good morning, Mr. Yeager." A bright cheery voice floated back towards the bedroom, making Rae even more confused, and then she heard Jesse as he replied.

"Travis, that's Doctor Travis. Yeager is my wife's name."

"Oh, well will you sign for this?"

"Yeah, I guess, once you show me some ID." Jesse waited and a plastic card was pushed under his nose. "My name is Kieran Farrell, and I have a special delivery letter."

A clipboard replaced the ID card and Jesse signed where the two X's had been marked. Then the clipboard disappeared and an envelope was thrust into his hand.

"Have a nice day."

After the young man left, Jesse closed and locked the door and leaned back against it with a sigh.  "Have a nice day, catch me on the way out of the shower, call me by the wrong name, see me in my robe, and he expects me to have a nice day… and what are you smiling at?" Jesse was back to the bedroom before he finished his grumbling.

"I married the Grinch."

"Oh ha, ha. This is for you."

Jesse handed over an official looking envelope, which had the stamp of the District Attorney's office on the front of it. Rae raised her right arm slightly to take the envelope and then concentrated for a moment as she tried to work out how to open it.

"Would you like me to do it for you?"

Rae smiled and tried to shake her head, but feeling the pain it generated she stopped. "No, thank you, I will do it. It may take a while, but I will open it myself."

"Ok. I'll go see Eliana."

Jesse left the room and Rae looked at the envelope again. She knew what was going to be inside it, and part of her didn't want to open it, but she needed the information so she didn't have a lot of choice. But decision-making didn't open the flap, and that was what she needed to do.  For a few minutes she concentrated on her arms and hands.  She couldn't move her left arm at all, but she could move the fingers, and so she could use her hand as long as there was no other movement involved. She could move the whole of her right arm, and at a pinch she guessed she could actually move it up and around in it's normal movement arc, but Wil had told her not to, and she had no intention of disregarding what he had said just to prove her point. Once she had thought that through she realised that opening the envelope was possible as long as she was careful. "Jesse, Jesse!"

"Yeah, Honey, are you all right?" Jesse and Eliana appeared in the doorway.

"Mamamamama."

"Hey, Sweetie, how are you today? Jesse could you help me up and put that wedge thing behind me please?"

"Sure, hold on." Jesse put Eliana down on the floor and then he did as he was asked, making sure that he didn't hurt Rae in the process.

By the time she was sitting up Rae was a little short of breath, but at least she could now open her letter. "Whoo, thanks." Rae had the envelope in her right hand and she carefully shuffled her fingers round it until it was the right way round for her to pull at the end with her left hand. Gradually the top came open and after about three minutes she was able to pull the letter out from inside. With a huge grin of satisfaction on her face Rae let go of the envelope and then began to slowly unfold the piece of paper that had the object of the exercise.

Jesse had watched her carefully the whole time she was concentrating on her task. She seemed to be in control of her pain, even though it was obviously a struggle for her. He knew that Rae wouldn't want him to suggest again that he opened it so he waited and hoped she would be able to finish the job herself. "What does it say?"

"It says that I have to be in court on Monday 23rd December, that's next Monday isn't it?"

"Yeah, the day before Christmas Eve Day."

"I didn't think the courts would be open next week."

"Well, they aren't open Christmas Day, but that's it. The rest of the time they will be."

"Oh, I guess I've not really thought about it before. I don't think I have had a case come to court here at Christmas."

"Now, you need to get up, get dressed and get to the hospital, you have physical therapy at ten."

Jesse's cell began to ring as they drove into the parking lot at Community General. He pulled into the closest empty space and picked it up. "Doctor Travis… Oh, hey, Mark, I'm at the hospital, Rae has an appointment this morning… I'm sure she will… no I'll drop her off, I have some shopping to do… ok, bye."

Jesse got out of the car and took the wheelchair out of the trunk. He moved round and opened Rae's door and then began to help her out, talking as he did so. "That was Mark, Jo isn't very well, and he wondered whether you could go see her… Rae you have got to eat something, you weigh almost nothing."

"What is the matter with her?"

"I don't know, Mark didn't say, you heard me tell him I would drop you off, right? That's ok isn't it?"

"Yeah, hey, Sweetie, you can sit on my lap." Rae had a pair of baby reins, which Jesse had attached to the wheelchair. They slid the child into them and then Jesse fastened them. For a moment Eliana struggled against the restraints, but then she felt the warmth of her mommy's body and snuggled back against her and Rae relaxed. They hadn't been certain that it was going to work, but Jesse couldn't push a stroller and a chair, so travelling as a three was going to be a little difficult for a while.

Mark put the phone down after speaking to Jesse, and moved slowly from his seat in the hallway towards the stairs. He had to admit life had been much easier when Jo had been downstairs, but he was very worried about her, and he wanted to be back upstairs in case she needed him.

He could feel his wound pulling as he climbed, and once he arrived on the first floor landing he went into the first bathroom to check that everything was still as it should be. Relieved to see that it was just the extra exercise that was causing the discomfort he carried on over towards Jo and Steve's bedroom door. Steve hadn't wanted to work, but he still had paperwork to deal with from when Rae was attacked in the hospital, and from the conclusion to Eliana's kidnapping and Louise Willis' death, so he knew that until all that was sorted out he would need to be at the station. Mark knew that Steve had spoken to Captain Newman and he had agreed to Steve working the rest of the week on desk duty so that he could be available should Jo need him. Mark smiled, he couldn't believe the difference it made to him knowing that Steve was at the station and not out facing god knew what, he had told Jo about it, but he wasn't sure if she had taken it in or not.

Mark tapped on the bedroom door, and without waiting for an answer he opened it and went into the room. "Honey, it's Mark, I need to speak with you."

Jo was still in bed, she hadn't, to his knowledge, moved since Steve had put her to bed on the Saturday evening, and it was now Monday morning. There was another cold cup of coffee on the nightstand, along with two slices of toast. Mark sighed, she had eaten a plate of egg sandwiches that Michael had made her on the Sunday evening, but that was all.

Mark moved closer to her and sat carefully on the edge of the bed. "Jo, Honey, I just spoke to Jesse, and he is dropping Rae off here after her physical therapy session this morning, I just thought you might like to be downstairs when she gets here, because I'm not sure that she can cope with stairs yet." Mark looked into the face of his future daughter-in-law and saw a small spark of something, that he hoped was recognition, but he wasn't sure. "She will be here in about an hour if you want to get up, have a little wash and be downstairs waiting for her." Mark stood again, using his arm to push himself up. As he did so he felt Jo's hand cover his own. It was ice cold, and he took it in between the palms of his hands and rubbed gently. "Oh, Sweetie, it will be all right, in the end it will be all right." Jo didn't say anything, and slowly Mark let her hand rest back on the covers. "I'll be in my room, having a little rest if you need me."

Mark walked down towards the lovely room that Michael had prepared for him before he came home from the hospital. The first journey upstairs had been a nightmare, but it had been decided that during the day Mark could read or watch TV, and if he needed Michael there was a bell push in the room, Steve wanted to know that if anything should happen at night when they were all asleep they were at least all on the same floor. Mark smiled, sometimes he still saw the little boy, with tousled blonde hair and skinned knees, and then he would see him looking at him with the concern and love only possible from adult to adult and realise that he hadn't done a bad job of raising his only son. Mark opened his bedroom door and sank gratefully into the chair just inside the door and let his body begin to recover from its morning exertions.

"I don't care, I'm not coming again, it hurt." Rae was sitting in the car, looking straight out of the windshield.

"Don't pout, you know that you have to come back on Wednesday, but you get tomorrow off."

"I am not pouting, it hurt."

"Rae, Honey, you haven't used your legs for a week, they were both damaged when you got hurt in prison, and the left one is gonna need a lot of effort on your part, but if you want to be able to keep up with Steve when you are back at work then you have got to do your exercises."

"I should have married a grocer."

"Oh, thank you very much, remind me not to care so much next time you come for therapy. Now, I promised I would take you to see Jo, so if you are ready to stop pouting, that is what I will do."

"I am not pouting… well maybe I am, but just a little bit."

Jesse put his hand over Rae's as it rested in her lap and then started the car. Eliana was sitting in the back and he could see her face in the mirror that was attached to the rear window. She was happily chewing on her hand and he had a feeling that he should add teething gel to his shopping list.

Michael walked to the entrance way as he heard the bell ring through the ground floor of the Walter's residence. He opened to door to see the doctor standing by the car his daughter still inside it, and Mrs Travis sitting in her wheelchair right in front of him.

"Hi, Michael, you did know I was coming, right?"

"Yes, Madam, Doctor Sloan did inform me of his phone call. Are the Doctor and Miss Eliana not coming in? I think it might do Miss Josephine good to see her goddaughter."

"Oh, ok. We, ah, we didn't know what's wrong with her, and I didn't want Ana to catch anything."

"Madam has nothing … catching, I think that you could all come in for a short while."

"Could you tell Jesse then? I can't actually turn round in this thing."

Michael moved past Rae and began talking to her husband, and then she felt hands on the back of her chair and she was pushed into the morning room.

"Texas? Are you ok?"

At first there was no reaction at all from Rae's friend who was sitting in the chair closest to the windows staring out into her beloved garden, but as the sound of Eliana's happy babbling reached her ears she turned slightly in her chair.

"Dadadadamamamadadada." Eliana used the same sounds whoever she was looking at, and right now she was looking at her Aunty Jo. Jesse moved as close as he dared, and gently placed the little girl on the floor by Jo's feet.

"Jo, I have errands to run, do you want me to take the baby with me, or would you like her to stay?" Jesse had spoken quickly with Michael, and had deliberately phrased his question so that Jo would have to answer.

"Please, let her stay." Jo looked down at the little child, she could see where her curls had been hacked away, and she felt the tears that had been threatening her for days move a little closer to the surface.

Jesse placed his hand on her shoulder for a moment and then he moved across to Rae and crouched down in front of her. "I'm going to go get the groceries, is there anything that you fancy for dinner, or tomorrow's meals?"

"No, I'll eat whatever you prepare for me, as long as it isn't still moving." Rae closed her eyes as Jesse pressed a kiss to her lips, and found that the only face behind her lids was her husband's. "I love you, Jesse Travis."

"Good, I love you too, I'll pick you up in a couple of hours. Bye all. Michael, I'll just go up and see Mark before I leave, if that's ok with you." With a cheery wave Jesse left the morning room, and Rae could hear his feet as they padded up the staircase on the way to see his friend.

Michael had placed Rae's chair next to where Jo was sitting, and their knees were almost touching. Eliana was happily sitting between the feet supports on her mom's chair and Jo's furry slippers, which she hadn't spotted yet. She had the soggy giraffe and the shape sorter in front of her, and she was quite content.

"Texas, Honey, what's the matter?" Rae felt so helpless, Jo had always been there for her with a hug or a touch whenever she needed it, and now that the situation was reversed she couldn't reach out to her. "Texas, look at me, please, let me help you."

Slowly Jo lifted her head and looked into the eyes of her best friend. Rae could see that there was pain and fear as well as confusion and plain exhaustion there, and she realised that all the problems of everybody else had finally taken their toll on Jo.

"Want me to tell you what I think the problem is?" Rae didn't wait for an answer, she thought that maybe if she spoke for a while she would begin to break through the air of misery that was surrounding her friend. "I think that you have been too strong for too long. When was the last time that you let yourself be the one needing the hug, or the kind word? You have been there for Steve, Alex, Jesse, Mark and Shannon, as well as me. Honey, everybody needs somebody else, and you are no different. I'm sorry I was so wrapped up in my own problems that I didn't realise how much you were hurting. Steve went away…" Rae stopped talking for a moment as she saw Jo react. "That was what did it, wasn't it? When Steve went away, when he left you." Rae pressed on, hoping for another reaction.

"He had to go, Rae, look at her, she is just beautiful, he had to get her back but I was just so scared." The tears reached the surface this time, and Jo began to cry. She moved out of her seat, and carefully avoiding Eliana she fell to her knees and lay her head in Rae's lap.

Rae was delighted to find that she could lift her right arm and place her hand on Jo's head. She remembered how soothing the actions had been when she had needed Texas in the hospital, and so she gently stroked her hair, ignoring the pain the movements caused, knowing that right now her best friend's pain was far greater than her own. The sound of Jo's cries deepened and soon her body was wracked with the deep heartrending sobs of emotions that she had buried too deep for too long. All the worries she had felt when Steve had been injured at the docks, the heartbreak she had felt when Rae had been taken, the helplessness of Eliana's early birth, and then all the horror of the past fortnight gradually found their way out into the air, and for a while the sounds of Jo's anguish was mixed with the sounds of her goddaughter's gurgles as she played next to the distraught figure of her aunt.

Michael left the three ladies together for a half hour after he had heard the tears begin to subside before he took in a plate of sweet and savoury scones, egg sandwiches, and butter curls on a trolley together with an herbal tea and a coffee. There was also a plate of tiny sandwich squares and a drink of milk for Miss Eliana.

Jo still had her head in Rae's lap, but she was no longer crying. She had gradually been getting herself a little collected, and as she saw the door begin to open she straightened back up and sat in her chair again. As she did so she felt something cold and wet. "Oh, ewwwww, what is that?" Eliana had been very quiet for the last five minutes or so, and when Jo looked down she could see why. Her fluffy slippers were now soggy slippers, and resembled the giraffe. Jo leant over and picked up her goddaughter, and much to her disgust forced open her mouth to make sure that there weren't any bits of fur inside. "It's ok, Rae, she doesn't have any of the furry stuff in her little mouth."

"Texas, I am so sorry, look at your slipper." Rae tried to suppress a giggle, but she wasn't successful. "Ana, you are a naughty girl." Eliana wasn't at all bothered, and now delighted to be up where all the action was just bounced on Jo's lap and squealed.

"Excuse me, Madam, but I have brought you a light luncheon."

"Thank you, Michael." Jo smiled and her butler returned it.

"I am pleased to be able to welcome you back, Madam."

Jo smiled again. "You can thank Rae an' Eliana for that. I guess I have you an' Mark to be grateful to for invitin' them over?"

"Yes, Madam, the Doctor did suggest it, and now if you will excuse me, I will take him up his luncheon too."

Michael went out and shut the door, and Jo leant over and picked up a little square, which she sniffed. "Oh, yuk, I hate this stuff, but Michael says that it is a British institution. Hey, do you know what it is?" Jo smiled suddenly, and Rae could see that she was enjoying herself.

Rae smelt the little square of sandwich and a smile crossed her face. "That is Marmite." Rae put the bread in her mouth. "Wherever did Michael get it from?"

"He has an account with an Internet grocery service, which specialises in British food and goods. Last Burns night we had haggis."

"Oh, how nice!" Rae's voice showed that she thought exactly the opposite. "I have never tasted it, but I know what's in it." Rae heard her daughter begin to squeal. "Ah, I think Ana wants her lunch."

Jo looked down and realised that the little girl could see the sandwiches on the trolley and wanted her share. Jo picked up another little square and she handed it to Eliana. The two women watched as the little girl beat it into submission before popping it into her mouth. She sucked and slurped on it until it was reduced to a soggy mass and then with a little grin swallowed it and looked round for the next one.

Jo took an egg sandwich and began to eat it, and then she looked over towards Rae. "An' do I have to feed you too?"

"I'm afraid so, but I can wait. Jo, talk to me, tell me what the matter is."

"You know, you had it so right. Everybody seemed too fragile, they all needed somebody, an', an' it just seemed to always be me. Alex, he was so scared you know, he blamed himself for Eliana's disappearance. He wasn't scared for himself, or what that woman did to him, he was worried for you an' your child."

"I know, I've spoken to him, and I hope I have made him understand that there is no blame, and even if there was it would not be aimed at him. It was nobody's fault."

"I just felt that everybody else seemed to need me, an' I couldn't let them down, they needed somebody who could be strong, an' say the right things, an' cover for them when things got hard, I don't know why it had to be me, but it just seemed to work that way."

"I know why it has to be you, but you may not like it, because I don't think it is ever going to change." Rae smiled, hoping that her assumptions were right. "You are engaged to Steve." Rae was rewarded with a big smile from her friend when she said that. "He is a very strong character, always takes charge, and we all count and rely on him, I guess we all just started to do the same with you too. I'm sorry, we never meant to make you ill, and I for one will try to take a step back next time we face a crisis, and not dump on you too much."

"Rae, you maybe right. He is strong an' I certainly feel much safer an' more secure when he is around, but he is human just like the rest of us. Look what happened at the docks, an' all I could think of when he went to Fresno was that that woman had killed three people, an' tried to kill two more, an' he was walkin' like Daniel into the lion's den an' there was nothin' I could do about it."

"Texas, I am so sorry, he saved my daughter, but I was too messed up to even think about the danger he was putting himself in. There isn't anything else I can say… except, please may I have a sandwich?"

Jo laughed then, and gently placing Eliana back down on the carpet with her bottle she picked up an egg sandwich and smiled. "How high can you lift your right hand?"

"Not very high, why?"

"I just wondered whether you could do this yourself yet?"

"I wish I could, because I am already relying on you again, and you aren't ready for that yet."

"A couple of sandwiches I can cope with, a full blown crisis might take a little longer to deal with."

This time it was Rae who laughed, and then waited for her sandwich to be fed to her.

Steve had spent the morning writing, reports, crime figures, all the things that needed to be tied up so that he could put the Louise Willis file on the Captain's desk and forget all about it. By half past twelve he was just about done, and for the first time in weeks, his hands ached, reminding him of the assault at the docks. He couldn't believe how easy it had been to forget the overwhelming helplessness he had felt, and how he'd been so reliant on everybody else. He guessed that Jesse was right, it would always be with him, but he could cope with it being with him in the back of his mind if it meant he could still do the job he loved. Grabbing his jacket from the back of his seat he decided he would have his lunch at home.

As Steve came in through the front door he heard laughter coming from the morning room, and with a smile on his face moved over towards the door.

"If you hold it that far away, I can't reach, that's not fair."

"Honey, nobody ever said life had to be fair. Now, open up, here comes the choo choo!"

Steve heard a sound that he remembered from school as a raspberry, and knew without a doubt that Rae was here. He didn't know why her presence made him feel instantly angry, but it did, and he pushed the door open with a bang, frightening the life out of his goddaughter, as well as the two other women in the room.

"Steve!" Jo looked at him, and the relaxed look in her eyes was replaced instantly by concern and anxiety, as Eliana's loud cries left none of them in any doubt about just how scared she had been.

"Rae, what are you doing here?"

"Well, and good afternoon to you too. I came to see my friend; your dad called and said she needed me, so I came. That's what friends do."

"Maybe she wouldn't be in this situation if it wasn't for you."

"Steve, that is enough!" Jo was on her feet now, all the good results that Rae had achieved blown away in an instant.

"No, it's nowhere near enough. Every way you turn, Rae, you end up in trouble, and we have to come along and pick up the pieces. I am just so sick of it!" He moved over beside Jo, instinctively wanting to protect her from Rae's next disaster, but Jo brushed him off and stepped away.

 "Yeah, well, Steve, life's a bitch and then you die, so GET OVER IT!"  Jo yelled, but she wasn't looking at either of them, and she couldn't see the look of horror in his eyes at what he had done, or the look of hurt and abandonment in Rae's, but she suddenly realised that something had changed.

Steve looked into the eyes of his partner, and he realised just how wrong he had been. "Rae, I'm sorry." Steve turned away, but not before Rae saw the tears that were there and knew she had to do something to save what they had.