Chapter 13

"So Hiragiizawa, what was it you wanted to tell me?" asked Syaoran. He had barely left the Kinomoto residence for more than a few minutes when he heard Eriol's eerie Clow-like voice calling him in his mind to return to the Daidouji mansion.

Eriol smiled his like his usual sunshiny self. "Well since you put it so bluntly…"

This guy really pisses me off sometimes. Can't he just stop smiling like some idiot?

Unexpectedly, Eriol's smile vanished at that moment, and he looked at Syaoran squarely in the eye. "I asked you back because I have something to tell you that I feel Sakura should not know yet."

"Eh?"

"Listen, and listen closely, my descendant," began Eriol. Syaoran nodded, looking intently at Eriol. "I was planning to go with Seika to that place, but when I tried using my powers to find the place this morning, I noticed something." His expression darkened as he stepped closer to Syaoran and lowered his voice. "Our powers are useless in there."

"Nani!?" Syaoran stepped back, utterly stunned. "Just what do you mean 'our powers are useless in there'?"

"There is a shield protecting anyone from entering the place," said Eriol. "I projected my powers and used a mirror of the Sword Card to slice through the barrier. Instead of cutting through the barrier however, my wand went right through the barrier, not because the Sword made a hole, but rather because the dark magic I rely on was absorbed. My wand was not able to function past the barrier."

"So what you're saying is, if we were to go across, you wouldn't be able to help Sakura in any way?" Syaoran realised.

Eriol evaded the question with ease. "Don't tell her. Or at least, don't tell her yet. I don't want to Sakura to worry yet, with all that's going on."

"Wakata," said Syaoran, although he didn't really like the sound of it.

Eriol then smiled again, as if nothing had happened. "Good. Well you'll have to excuse me now, I have something to attend to," he said.

In less than a minute, Syaoran was out and walking slowly towards the living room. This latest bit of information was bad news. Even if Eriol was not as powerful as he once was, he was still very much needed. Sakura may be considered a high-ranking sorceress, but the fact was that they were treading on unknown grounds, something that was not of this world at all. How would she be measured up as there? And by the show that Akuma presented himself with, things looked bad. Sakura was captured so easily, and he could not do a thing to help her either. The sheer force manifesting itself in the room that day was so overwhelming. What if all of the magicians there were as powerful as him? He would not be much help to Sakura if they were. If Seika hadn't stepped in that time…

He didn't want to think what might have happened. He hated feeling so useless alongside Sakura. Normal guys would be protecting their loved ones, not the other way round. Does this make me a weakling? Him. Li Syaoran the leader of the Li clan, a weakling. Perhaps not to his loving family back in Hong Kong, but to his girlfriend, it was more than just an insult to him. Still the small voice spoke in his head.

"That's not true! Shaoran-kun has always been there to help me!"

"I didn't do anyth-" he had tried to protest.

"Shaoran-kun has honestly has helped me a lot, and besides… I feel comforted when I know that Syaoran-kun is with me!"
[Scene from book 11 of the manga]

Syaoran smiled in remembrance of what Sakura had said back then. He was awash with mixed feelings of discontent and relief and the same time. Unsatisfied that he was unable to do more for someone who deserved so much more than what he could provide, and relieved that she did not mind, nor did she ever complain even once. Calling out his sword, he looked at it in the hallway, lost in thought. If being there for her is all I can do, then I'd better make the best of it. He griped the handle tightly; the blade of his sword reflected his strong determination. And with this sword, I swear I will protect her with my life.

*~*~*~*~*

Once Syaoran was out of the room, Eriol let out a sigh, not of relief though. He needed to be alone desperately, but being the responsible person he was, he could never put his own desires before his duties. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out an envelope. One might think it extremely fast for a letter from England to reach Japan that quickly, but here was magic involved in this and Eriol knew it all too well. On the front of the envelope was his name written neatly in Japanese, a penmanship he could not be mistaken about. He turned the envelope over to its flipside and tore through the sealed end, sliding the letter out. It read,

Dearest Eriol,
How are you? Things have been going fine here, so there's no need to worry about me. My mother has been getting better after the accident, though I would have to stay in England for a while longer. How is everyone there? I hope Sakura and the others are doing well, as do I hope you are too.

There is something I have been keeping from you for the past few weeks before I returned to England, but I had been waiting for an appropriate time to tell you. I'm sure you have noticed already, that my powers have been growing quite a bit. You have felt them haven't you? I realised that I was able to see into the future. I'm aware that you lost this ability when you divided your power, and since then you haven't been wiling to grow in strength in order to let Sakura take the lead, it has never returned.

I know you would never have entertained the idea of what I'm going to say while I was with you in Japan, so I will tell it to you now. Eriol, it will not be possible for us to be together in the future. Please don't be angry, at me or at what I've just said. And please accept it that I will not be able to reveal to you any explanations. You will not be alone though. There will come someone who surpasses me and will take on a higher position in your heart…

Eriol's hand trembled as he struggled to read on.

Do not be afraid, for you will need her more than ever in this battle you will face. Do not be intimidated; Akuma is not who he seems. Remember your past, and you will find the future. Finally, as a gift to your inquisition, I have enclosed her name in this letter. You know who I'm speaking of, don't you? Just concentrate on this letter and you will find it.

Mizuki Kaho

As he stood in the room, Eriol could feel his stomach tying itself into multiple knots. His heart was in torture at the coldness of Kaho's words, and his lungs simply refused to take in the required amount of air he needed.

Why? Why is she doing this? Why does she want me to know so urgently? Could she forget me that easily?

Try as he may, he knew he would never uncover any reasons. He meant it when he told Sakura to divide his powers, and he meant it when he confessed his love to Kaho, all because he was sure he would share his future with Kaho. Now he couldn't explain why she was breaking up with him. Looking at the letter again, he noticed painfully, that she did not even mention any lingering feelings she had for him. No 'this is painful for me too', or 'I miss you just as much'. He remembered the painful words she said to him before she left, 'your heart will no longer be mine'. How could she even have doubted him? Could it really be that the kiss they shared on the day she left was the last they would ever have? Was it the last moment they would have as a couple? How could it be? Eriol debated in his mind.

But he knew better. While he still was able to, he knew seeing into the future did not necessarily mean that what he saw would definitely turn out that way, especially matters concerning the heart. 'The heart wavers', he recalled the quote, and found it only too true. If what he saw of him and Kaho together were true and 100% reliable, then Sakura and Yukito would have been together a long time ago as well. So now the question stood before him: should he look into his future once more?

Eriol laid the letter on the desk and ran his hand over its surface. His eyes looked at the elegantly designed paper in dismay, his heart in confusion; certainly one of those rare moments in his life.

"Kaho," he whispered her name, before shutting his eyes, feeling the lump in his throat rising. Is this how you really want it to be?

A gentle breeze came in through the window, blowing past his face as if it were a soft answer to his unspoken question. Taking it to be a conformation of his doubts, he sorrowfully opened his eyes and sent his energy flowing into the letter.

The letter glowed in a red aura, and Eriol continued to focus on it. Words were appearing randomly in his head in a much more scattered manner compared to when he was fortune telling in his previous life. They were forming up now, the chosen characters rising out of the mess of words in his mind.

T – O – M – O – -

"Eriol-saaamaaaaa!!!!!" cried Nakuru exuberantly as she tore into the room.

Eriol almost jumped, but he crushed the letter in his hand instead, the red aura vanishing from the letter, as did the words in his mind. "Yes, Nakuru?" he said, turning around as calmly as possible.

Nakuru bounded up to him with a huge smile on her face, wearing an apron with a pocket on the front in which Eriol noticed, was a very drunk Suppi-chan. "Tomoyo-chan and I have been in the kitchen making cakes this morning!" she announced, accompanied by a hiccup from the sugar-high dark Sun Guardian.

"That's nice," said Eriol, happy to see his Guardians in such a joyful mood.

"Would you like some?" asked Nakuru. "Tomoyo-san is going to bring the cake over!" she then added before he could answer.

"Tomoyo?" Now that name was ringing bells in his head.

"Haaai! Tomoyo-san will bring it over!" Nakuru said gleefully, anxious to let Eriol have a taste of her creation. "Suppi-chan certainly enjoyed it, neh Suppi-chan?"

"Waaaaaaiii!" Suppi said, pausing for a break from chomping on a bar of chocolate he brought along in the apron pocket.

Nakuru grinned and patted Suppi on the head. "Saa, we're gonna have to go back to help clean up the mess Suppi-chan made in the kitchen." She pouted at the Sun Guardian. "It's all his fault!" The patting turned into poking.

"Itaiiii" Suppi reached up to rub his head, visibly displeased.

Eriol couldn't help but chuckle at what a comical pair his two Guardians made. "All right you two, get going now."

"Hai Eriol-sama!" Nakuru said as she turned and zoomed out of the room in about the same way she came in.

Eriol stood for a moment facing the doorway before turning back to face the window.

Tomoyo.

Oh yes, it was an answer he already knew, just like Kaho mentioned in her letter. Amidst all the recent events that had been going on, he had left the matter aside. Did Tomoyo really feel like speaking to him after the incident in the garden anyway? He could only give guess to any assumptions. Walking to the desk, he moved in to sit on the chair and sighed, leaning back. It would have felt a great deal better if he was in his old leather chair back at Clow's house, just that Clow's house had ceased its existence along with the chair. Besides, he didn't want to think of himself as Clow anymore. His duty was done, and Clow's spirit was at rest.

Tilting his head downward, he remembered Tomoyo's slender form lying over him that night as he tried to comfort her as best he could. Her hair was so soft and smooth to touch…

Snap out of it! It was Kaho that he loved, his conscience insisted stubbornly. There was no possible reason why he would abandon his feelings for Kaho, not even for Tomoyo, and not even if Kaho told him he would. They were destined to be as one. Or were they? He had to admit, he did have strong feelings for Tomoyo, but he couldn't be sure of what nature they were. It always pleased him when he received letters from her while he was in England though.

"Anou… Hiiragizawa-kun?" called a gentle voice behind Eriol.

"Hai, Tomoyo-san." He immediately swiveled the chair round to face her, putting on his best smile and tossing away the letter in his hand discretely. Strangely, part of him wasn't ready to let anyone else know that he had received word from Kaho.

As she smiled back at him, his heart started pounding, and he felt a queasy feeling in his gut. She was so beautiful, standing there with her hair done up in an elegant braid that was pinned up in neatly at the back of her head, and wearing a soft yellow dress lined with lace and with a white apron tied on with an enormous bow on her back. She was carrying a tray with a few plates of cake slices on them, together with a drink for him. The thought that she was considerate enough to prepare such a dish for him amazed him. She could have easily sent one of her servants to do the job.

"I'll just leave the tray here," she said, gently placing the tray on the desk in front of him before turning to leave.

He caught one of her hands as she passed him. He loved the sensation of her soft and smooth hand in his, for reasons he could not answer himself.

"No wait, stay with me," he said. To his ears, it almost sounded like a plea.

He was relieved when she nodded and smiled at him, imagining how tense the atmosphere would be if not for her cheerful outward appearance. She withdrew her hand from his to move a chair to the desk.

"Let me help you," Eriol insisted, taking the chair from her hands and setting it down next to his. "Douzo," he said, offering her the seat.

"Arigatou gozaimasu," Tomoyo said politely with as she sat.

"So tell me, who made these wonderful creations?"

"This one was made by Nakuru," said Tomoyo, pointing to a chocolate cake with fudge spread messily over it. Eriol could almost relive all those meals he had to put up while he was in Tomoeda before Kaho came back. Not a pleasant thought.

He cleared his throat. "And I take it you made this?" he said, indicating the beautifully decorated strawberry cake slice with fresh cold strawberry halves and cream on the top. Tomoyo blushed slightly and nodded.

"Hai."

He definitely would have to try that one first before Nakuru's cake killed him off. He cut a portion of the slice of cake with his fork, then allowed his mouth to bask in its heavenly sensation. "Oishii desu!" he said, bringing on a deeper blush to Tomoyo's fair and beautiful face.

"I'm glad you like it."

Eriol continued eating the cake, feeling almost as if part of his character was similar to Suppi's. Nothing brightens up a depressing situation more than a big dose of sugar.

"I'm sorry about the other night," Tomoyo said softly, while the last portion of her cake was midway in the journey to his mouth. "I wasn't quite myself."

"Daijoubu," said Eriol, looking at her tenderly. "There's no need to apologize."

Tomoyo smiled yet again at his words, silently thanking him for understanding her strange behaviour that night in the garden. Somehow, there was a mutual understanding between them not to bring that up again after Tomoyo apologised. Eriol didn't want to think about it as it would bring him back to his conflicting emotions about both Tomoyo and Kaho, and as of now, he was comfortable with the presence of Tomoyo with him. Tomoyo didn't want to bring it up again as it embarrassed her to have acted to rashly and outrageously to anyone, especially Eriol.

"By the way, I never did thank you for your continuous support in your letters while I was in England," said Eriol as he finished the slice of strawberry cream cake, and reluctantly started on the chocolate slice.

"I enjoyed writing to Hiiragizawa-kun," answered Tomoyo. "You always replied."

When Eriol had finally swallowed the last of Nakuru's cake, he was thankful that the fudge was able to overwhelm his taste buds long enough for him to reach for his drink. Seeing that he had finished, Tomoyo stood to clear the tray when she saw a crushed piece of paper on the floor. Unwanted rubbish lying out of the dustbin, she thought. As she bent to pick it up, Eriol realised his mistake.

"Tomoyo-san dame!" [dame: stop; no good]

Tomoyo looked up at him quizzically.

"That letter is mine," he said.

Did I just say 'letter'?

Too late he knew, as Tomoyo rose from her position. "Anou… Mizuki-sensei kara?" she asked, looking down. [Is it from Mizuki-sensei?]

"Aa."

"…Souka…"

She reached across him to take the tray without another word. Her eyes would not meet his. She had walked to the doorway of the room when Eriol decided to tell her.

"Kaho has broken up with me."

A crashing sound was heard as the tray slipped from Tomoyo's hands. There go the plates, Eriol thought to himself. Somehow deep inside him, something wanted Tomoyo to know this matter, whether or not it opposed his loyalty to Kaho. He didn't think that the dropping of the tray was a good sign though.

"I… I'm sorry," said Tomoyo. He couldn't tell if the apology was for the tray or for him.

Perhaps it was Tomoyo's reaction, or maybe it was the painful remembrance that he was just dumped, but either one caused him to bring his fist down on the desk with enough force to break through it before he realised it was Daidouji property and restrained himself.

"You don't need to apologise," he repeated, now standing with both hands resting on the desk. Although his back was facing her, Eriol could sense that Tomoyo was walking up to him, and in someway he felt comforted to know that there was someone who cared. As she was coming nearer, he could hear the soft patting sound her gentle footsteps made on the parquet floor until she was right next to him again.

"I feel that I should," she said in all respect and honesty.

"Well don't," Eriol almost raised his voice. He felt his willpower quickly ebbing away with each word that he uttered, and his efforts to try and conceal the pain he was feeling were becoming more futile. He bowed his head as he let out a chocked sob, feeling more pathetic than ever in Tomoyo's presence. "I thought," he tried to begin as he lifted his head to look out the window, "that we were meant to be." His face grimaced as he bowed his head again, reluctant to let Tomoyo see him being torn apart. He fisted his hands in anger. "It turned out I was wrong from the beginning."

Tomoyo stood silently beside him, unable to think of a thing to say to help comfort him. As his legs gave way, Eriol slumped into the chair again, covering his eyes with his hand, still unwilling to let Tomoyo see him as a broken man. Nothing more was said between them as the room grew silent and Eriol thought Tomoyo had left without his knowledge.

Suddenly, he felt a hand gently resting on his thigh. He almost looked up, had he not been crying. Someone was beginning to sing to him in a voice fit for the Gods.

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky you'll get by
If you smile through your fears and sorrow
Smile, and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through

If you light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear maybe ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

Eriol turned to look at Tomoyo, his hand no longer covering his eyes. She was smiling at him, looking as beautiful as he imagined every smile of hers would be. His hand moved closer to hers, and finally he took her small delicate hand in his.

"Thank you," he said, smiling.

*~*~*~*~*

Scribbles
*looks at the date* ^^6 took really long to produce this short chapter. I'm so sorry ^^66
I guess this chapter didn't turn out the way I imagined it to be anyway. But you T+E fans got something out of it ^^6 and I did keep my promise to let Syaoran have the first say. Don't give up reading though! I just need something to kick me back into pace. Maybe a few nagging reviews would help XD and right now, all I wanna do is hurry up and get that stupid Yue and Seika drawing finished. *sigh* sayuri the queen of procrastination.

Oh yeah, the song there is Smile I think, and can be found in quite a number of places sung by quite a number of people ^^6 including Sinatra. It was featured in the movie My Girl 2 when Vada's mother sang it. I love that song ^_^