~*AFTER LOTHLORIEN*~
The Fellowship walk until they come to a big river.
Ceara, who has LOTR the book open in front of her, says, "OK. Now, according to the book, we're supposed to get in some boats and sail down the river."
Aragorn looks at the book. "Hang on a minute..." he says, consulting it. "It says here that we're supposed to sail out of Lothlorien, and Galadriel kisses Frodo. Ewww!"
"Urgh!" says Eloijah. "I'm glad we've mucked up the story; I don't want her kissing me!"
"Yes," says Aragorn. "Galadriel can't kiss Frodo because we're no longer in Lothlorien."
"Er, excuse me," says Maxy. "But we should really try to pick up on the story here."
"Maxy's right," says Gimli. "Let's get on the river, and try to do what the book says from now on."
"Ok," says Aragorn, sighing. "Erm... has anyone got any boats?"
They all look at Legolas.
"Ok, Ok," he says. "But don't tell Peter Jackson! He's been trying to squash some magic out of me!"
"Well," says Pippin. "You have got a lot of it!"
"Yeah!" says Sam. "There's...your ability to turn invisible."
"The fact that you can make things materialise out of thin air," says Merry.
"How you can fly," says Pippin.
"How you can make objects fly," says Sam.
"How you can get absolutely perfect aim when you shoot an arrow," says Merry.
"How you can make lasers comes from your eyes and so anything that comes into contact with the laser is destroyed," says Eloijah. Everyone looks at him, and there is a silence.
"I can't do that," says Legolas, quietly.
"Oh... right," says Eloijah. "Damn!"
So Legolas makes eight boats materialise.
"Two to a boat!" Aragorn shouts.
"Ok," says Pippin, slowly. "Let's do this logically. Eloijah and Sam. Merry and me. Aragorn and Legolas. Gimli and... Let's say, Maxy. The two Helens. Melissa and Juliet. Mariam and Maria. Clare can go in a boat on her own."
"Hey!" says Clare. "I don't wanna be on my own!"
"OK," says Aragorn. "I'll go on my own, you can go with Legolas!"
"No!" says Mariam. "I wanna go with Legolas!"
"OK, Clare can go with Maria!"
They all get in their boats, and, with Aragorn in the lead, they set off down the Great River.
After hours and hours, everyone is in a mood because Pippin and Merry keep saying "Are we nearly there yet?" every five minutes, but they come across these two really big statues of these old dudes.
"Ooohh!" say the Hobbits. They all look at the statues and continue looking at them long after the boats have past.
"Er, guys," says Clare. "GUYS!"
"Shhh!" says Annalise. "We're trying to appreciate the art!"
"BUT WE'RE ABOUT TO FALL OVER A WATERFALL!!" Clare yells.
They all look around, and see a waterfall right in front of them, and quickly steer to the shore.
"Right," says Melissa, when they're all on the shore. "What happens next?"
"Er," says Ceara. "There should be some orcs here soon."
"But in the meantime?" Aragorn prompts.
"Boromir tries to steal the ring off Frodo."
"Oh. Well, Boromir isn't here."
They all look at Legolas.
"OH, ALRIGHT!!!" he says. "But only this once!" He closes his eyes for a while and concentrates really hard.
Meanwhile, everyone else is talking. Juliet and Maria are talking to Maxy. Maxy's sad because she misses Patty.
"Never mind," says Juliet, cheerfully. "We all miss her!"
"She'll be back some day," adds Maria.
"Now you can be OUR friend!!" says Juliet, in the 'join us friend, room for one more' voice
Maxy looks at her, terrified. "You know," she says, "I think that I don't miss her as much anymore!"
Suddenly Legolas looks up. Everyone looks at him. "Boromir is over there," he says, pointing.
Aragorn and Gimli walk over and come back with, surprise surprise, Boromir!
"Where's Patty, Seany!" Maxy asks him, anxiously.
"Er..." says Boromir. "She... kinda... got lost."
Maxy does the Maxy look on him, third degree, to show that she is very angry.
"But," says Boromir, hastily. "I'm sure she's going to be back real soon!"
"Good!" says Maxy, contently, and walks off to read her Shakespeare book.
"What REALLY happened to her," says Pippin, quietly.
"She tried to kill me when I said I wouldn't marry her, and so I legged it," says Boromir, discreetly.
Pippin shakes his head and walks over to sit next to Maxy and read his Harry Potter book (yeah, I don't get it either).
"So, where are these orcs?" says Aragorn.
"I TOLD you," says Melissa. "Boromir has to try and steal the ring first!"
"Well, he doesn't have a clue that he has to do that!" says Gimli.
"Does he HAVE to do that?" asks Clare, exasperated.
"Well... yeah."
"Uh, excuse me?" says Maxy. "Didn't I say that we should follow the book from now on?"
Everyone grumbles.
"Someone should really go and tell him he has to do that," says Pippin.
They all look at Legolas.
"NO!" he shouts. "I have to stay here for... for... err, medical reasons."
Aragorn looks at him weirdly but then says, "He can be kind of dangerous at times. He has to be handled by a trained professional."
"Well, nobody is bothered to get him, so why don't we just leave him?" Mariam points out.
"Hey, where's Eloijah?" says Helen T.
Everyone looks around, but he's nowhere to be seen.
"Oh fine, I'll go and look for him," says Helen T and she runs off.
"But what about Boromir?" says Juliet.
"We'll go and find him!" say two small voices. Everyone looks around to find Pippin and Merry.
"OK, good," says Gimli, who had had enough of the two Hobbits, and before Aragorn could stop them, they were off.
"Now look what you've done!" Aragorn shouts at Gimli. "We're never gonna see them again now!"
They turn their backs on each other.
"Hey, look!!" says Maxy after a while. She points at the hill.
"Who is it?" asks Sam, squinting up at the two figures.
"It's... it's... Oh my god, it's Patty!" shouts Maria.
"And... who else?"
Aragorn sighs at the exact moment Legolas groans. "It's Arwen!" they say, simultaneously.
"Where's my Seany!" Patty says as soon as she reaches them.
"We dunno," says Annalise. "He got lost, so we've sent Pippin and Merry out to look for him."
"What?" says Legolas, who just realised where Merry and Pippin had gone. "Oh no! We've got to find them! The orcs will be here soon, remember? I'll go and look for them."
"I'm coming with you, Orli!" says Mariam, as Legolas runs off. She runs after him.
"And where's Eloijah? And Helen T?" says Patty
"Helen T went out looking for Eloijah who got lost," says Ceara.
"So, who's left?"
"Aragorn, Gimli, Sam, Annalise, Ceara, Helen M, Melissa, Juliet, Patty, Maxy and me," says Maria.
"Oh, that sucks," says Patty.
There's a little silence, and then, a rumble.
Aragorn looks up. "It's the orcs!"
Everyone gasps and screams.
TO BE CONTINUED...
The Fellowship walk until they come to a big river.
Ceara, who has LOTR the book open in front of her, says, "OK. Now, according to the book, we're supposed to get in some boats and sail down the river."
Aragorn looks at the book. "Hang on a minute..." he says, consulting it. "It says here that we're supposed to sail out of Lothlorien, and Galadriel kisses Frodo. Ewww!"
"Urgh!" says Eloijah. "I'm glad we've mucked up the story; I don't want her kissing me!"
"Yes," says Aragorn. "Galadriel can't kiss Frodo because we're no longer in Lothlorien."
"Er, excuse me," says Maxy. "But we should really try to pick up on the story here."
"Maxy's right," says Gimli. "Let's get on the river, and try to do what the book says from now on."
"Ok," says Aragorn, sighing. "Erm... has anyone got any boats?"
They all look at Legolas.
"Ok, Ok," he says. "But don't tell Peter Jackson! He's been trying to squash some magic out of me!"
"Well," says Pippin. "You have got a lot of it!"
"Yeah!" says Sam. "There's...your ability to turn invisible."
"The fact that you can make things materialise out of thin air," says Merry.
"How you can fly," says Pippin.
"How you can make objects fly," says Sam.
"How you can get absolutely perfect aim when you shoot an arrow," says Merry.
"How you can make lasers comes from your eyes and so anything that comes into contact with the laser is destroyed," says Eloijah. Everyone looks at him, and there is a silence.
"I can't do that," says Legolas, quietly.
"Oh... right," says Eloijah. "Damn!"
So Legolas makes eight boats materialise.
"Two to a boat!" Aragorn shouts.
"Ok," says Pippin, slowly. "Let's do this logically. Eloijah and Sam. Merry and me. Aragorn and Legolas. Gimli and... Let's say, Maxy. The two Helens. Melissa and Juliet. Mariam and Maria. Clare can go in a boat on her own."
"Hey!" says Clare. "I don't wanna be on my own!"
"OK," says Aragorn. "I'll go on my own, you can go with Legolas!"
"No!" says Mariam. "I wanna go with Legolas!"
"OK, Clare can go with Maria!"
They all get in their boats, and, with Aragorn in the lead, they set off down the Great River.
After hours and hours, everyone is in a mood because Pippin and Merry keep saying "Are we nearly there yet?" every five minutes, but they come across these two really big statues of these old dudes.
"Ooohh!" say the Hobbits. They all look at the statues and continue looking at them long after the boats have past.
"Er, guys," says Clare. "GUYS!"
"Shhh!" says Annalise. "We're trying to appreciate the art!"
"BUT WE'RE ABOUT TO FALL OVER A WATERFALL!!" Clare yells.
They all look around, and see a waterfall right in front of them, and quickly steer to the shore.
"Right," says Melissa, when they're all on the shore. "What happens next?"
"Er," says Ceara. "There should be some orcs here soon."
"But in the meantime?" Aragorn prompts.
"Boromir tries to steal the ring off Frodo."
"Oh. Well, Boromir isn't here."
They all look at Legolas.
"OH, ALRIGHT!!!" he says. "But only this once!" He closes his eyes for a while and concentrates really hard.
Meanwhile, everyone else is talking. Juliet and Maria are talking to Maxy. Maxy's sad because she misses Patty.
"Never mind," says Juliet, cheerfully. "We all miss her!"
"She'll be back some day," adds Maria.
"Now you can be OUR friend!!" says Juliet, in the 'join us friend, room for one more' voice
Maxy looks at her, terrified. "You know," she says, "I think that I don't miss her as much anymore!"
Suddenly Legolas looks up. Everyone looks at him. "Boromir is over there," he says, pointing.
Aragorn and Gimli walk over and come back with, surprise surprise, Boromir!
"Where's Patty, Seany!" Maxy asks him, anxiously.
"Er..." says Boromir. "She... kinda... got lost."
Maxy does the Maxy look on him, third degree, to show that she is very angry.
"But," says Boromir, hastily. "I'm sure she's going to be back real soon!"
"Good!" says Maxy, contently, and walks off to read her Shakespeare book.
"What REALLY happened to her," says Pippin, quietly.
"She tried to kill me when I said I wouldn't marry her, and so I legged it," says Boromir, discreetly.
Pippin shakes his head and walks over to sit next to Maxy and read his Harry Potter book (yeah, I don't get it either).
"So, where are these orcs?" says Aragorn.
"I TOLD you," says Melissa. "Boromir has to try and steal the ring first!"
"Well, he doesn't have a clue that he has to do that!" says Gimli.
"Does he HAVE to do that?" asks Clare, exasperated.
"Well... yeah."
"Uh, excuse me?" says Maxy. "Didn't I say that we should follow the book from now on?"
Everyone grumbles.
"Someone should really go and tell him he has to do that," says Pippin.
They all look at Legolas.
"NO!" he shouts. "I have to stay here for... for... err, medical reasons."
Aragorn looks at him weirdly but then says, "He can be kind of dangerous at times. He has to be handled by a trained professional."
"Well, nobody is bothered to get him, so why don't we just leave him?" Mariam points out.
"Hey, where's Eloijah?" says Helen T.
Everyone looks around, but he's nowhere to be seen.
"Oh fine, I'll go and look for him," says Helen T and she runs off.
"But what about Boromir?" says Juliet.
"We'll go and find him!" say two small voices. Everyone looks around to find Pippin and Merry.
"OK, good," says Gimli, who had had enough of the two Hobbits, and before Aragorn could stop them, they were off.
"Now look what you've done!" Aragorn shouts at Gimli. "We're never gonna see them again now!"
They turn their backs on each other.
"Hey, look!!" says Maxy after a while. She points at the hill.
"Who is it?" asks Sam, squinting up at the two figures.
"It's... it's... Oh my god, it's Patty!" shouts Maria.
"And... who else?"
Aragorn sighs at the exact moment Legolas groans. "It's Arwen!" they say, simultaneously.
"Where's my Seany!" Patty says as soon as she reaches them.
"We dunno," says Annalise. "He got lost, so we've sent Pippin and Merry out to look for him."
"What?" says Legolas, who just realised where Merry and Pippin had gone. "Oh no! We've got to find them! The orcs will be here soon, remember? I'll go and look for them."
"I'm coming with you, Orli!" says Mariam, as Legolas runs off. She runs after him.
"And where's Eloijah? And Helen T?" says Patty
"Helen T went out looking for Eloijah who got lost," says Ceara.
"So, who's left?"
"Aragorn, Gimli, Sam, Annalise, Ceara, Helen M, Melissa, Juliet, Patty, Maxy and me," says Maria.
"Oh, that sucks," says Patty.
There's a little silence, and then, a rumble.
Aragorn looks up. "It's the orcs!"
Everyone gasps and screams.
TO BE CONTINUED...