Multi-Cultural Pie (Parody of 'American Pie' by Don McLean)
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. You've read my stuff from Chapters 1- 11. You people should know already! Kidding. Anyway, aside from displaying my total lack of sense of humor, I would also like to say that I don't own the song 'American Pie' by Don McLean. Nor do I own Card Captor Sakura or Rurouni Kenshin or any of their characters.
A/N: What collection of parodies wouldn't be complete without this famous song? I know the title sucks (WHO in their RIGHT MIND would re-name a song 'Multi-cultural Pie?' I raise my hand, walk onstage, and receive the award...) and the parody does a bit, too, ah, c'est la vie. Also, the story, as far as I can tell, is about the Gundam Band playing in the Sanc Kingdom, and shit happens.
~@^@~ Anyway:
Heero (in a whiny, childish voice): We all get equal singing parts, right? Since the whole damn song's so long, right?
Quatre (matter-of-factly): You're just jealous because Mandy doesn't make you the lead singer no more.
Heero: Why, in crap's name, would I be jealous?
Duo (in a non-believing tone): I dunno...
(A/N: Okay, okay, I'm sorry about that. Here's the parody for real.)
Duo: A long, long time ago, Back in AC something something, The Space Colonies were all screwed up. And I knew that if I had my chance, I could make those Romefeller and Ozzie assholes dance And maybe we could live with that peace thing for a while But December 25, AC 195, Made me shiver With every suit and doll that the bad guys would deliver Bad news on the big screen TV in Times Square Screwed up my entire life I couldn't bear to see Trowa blow up my poor Deathscythe I remember that I did sigh When the people I love almost died Something touched me deep inside I guess I'm the only Gundam pilot who'll ever cry
Hilde (from offstage): Yeah, right! You are SO SELF-CENTERED, DUO MAXWELL! Crying over your Gundam? Oh, please!
Duo (protesting): It was a very, very, very, very nice Gundam!!!
Trowa (patting Duo's shoulder): And it still is. It's better than my boring old Heavyarms. Wanna trade?
Duo: Not on your untalkative little life, dude.
Trowa: Aw, nuts.
All pilots: So, why, why, did this Japanese guy Tank-top wearing, Spandex not changing, Carrying more artillery in his pandimensional shorts than pigs living in sties, Singing, "Now you're really gonna have to die..." "Now you're really gonna have to die..."
Heero (fuming): Is it JUST ME, or do all of the songs we spoof poke fun at my everyday attire and at my suicidal nature?
Wufei (reassuring Heero, at the same time patting his back): It's JUST YOU.
Heero: Oh. Okay.
Wufei (grabbing the mic out of Duo's hands): Did you know the history of this teenage boy His outfit's rumored to be made of Gundanium alloy
Heero (outraged): WHAT? (to himself) Rats. There goes the secret to long- lasting clothes.
Wufei: Did the Encyclopedia Self-Destructica instruct you to? Now do you believe in love at first sight Coz when Relena first saw you, you took flight And can you teach me how to handle women well?
Sally (background): You can start by stop calling all women 'onna' and start acting like a 190's man!
Relena (in her much saner state, poking Sally): Hmm, Miss Po, may I quote you as telling Mr. Macho to act like a 190's man?
Sally (blushing): It...slipped out.
Quatre (bursting with laughter): HANDLE WOMEN WELL?
Wufei: SHUT UP! Well I know that you're really in love with Miss Dorothy Coz I saw you kissing her in the gym
Trowa, Duo, and Quatre: WHAT?!?
(They look at Heero, then Dorothy, then back at Heero)
Sally and Relena: WHAT?!?
(They look at Heero, who is right now blushing intensely. He looks like a bright red crayon.)
Heero: I was high! I was high! After I danced with Relena, I took a long shower in the boys' locker room to get the cooties offa me! I WAS HIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGH!!!!!!!!!!!
Relena: Number one, Yuy, they're not called cooties. They're called lice. And my mom said that it's nothing to be ashamed of!
(Dorothy and Sally look at each other with 'eep!' expressions on their faces and back away from Relena, as they unlock the recording room where the boys are singing and stay there. For hygienical and basically practical reasons.)
Heero: What's number two?
Relena: I didn't say there was going to be a number two.
Heero: And then Trowa, Quatre, Duo, and Wufei smuggled some of the good stuff into the locker room and one thing led to another, until we all felt good...and happy...
Duo (a la barbershop quartet): And high...
Heero (agreeing): And high...
Wufei: And high..
Relena (smirking and folding her arms): Then what?
Duo: THEN we saw the sadistic gym teacher make out with the cafeteria lady, you know, the one always in charge of the creamed corn and sprouts casserole?
Quatre: Ugh, THAT was gross...
Trowa: The food, or the fat cafeteria lady who waddles like Donald Duck?
Heero: Eh.Donald Duck doesn't waddle!
Duo: He does TOO!!!
Wufei: So we ran out onto the dance floor, where we all danced with the guy students, mistaking the especially long-haired guys for girls.
Sally (rolling on the floor laughing-ROTFL): You danced with Kenshin?
Trowa (wrinkling his nose): Kissed him, in fact. And that Yue guy? I think Duo danced with him.
Duo: He was a VERY PRETTY boy!
Hilde: WhatEVER, Maxwell. I think we should see other people.
Duo: WHAT?!?? HILDE, BABE! LEMME EXPLAINNN!!!!!!!
Zechs: I'M GETTING ANOTHER HEART ATTACK!!! CONTINUE THE DAMN SONG WHILE I GET DEFIBULATED!!!
Wufei (continuing): You both kicked off your garments with your shoes
Relena : WHAT? You're not a virgin anymore?
Heero: That doesn't make any sense!!!
Duo (whispering to Heero): What? Well, are you? Or aren't you?
Heero: I am! Still! I think.
Wufei (rolling his eyes and totally ignoring everyone): Man I really dig all that crap about rhythm and blues I was a lonely teenage warrior from the Dragon Clan
Sally (offset, snorting): With an attitude like that? Why am I NOT surprised?
Wufei (unsheathing his katana): With a field of flowers and a wife named Meiran But I knew that I was out of luck The day I learned that American pop music sucked I started singin,
All Pilots (except Heero, who still refuses to sing the goddamned chorus): So, why, why, did this Japanese guy Tank-top wearing, Spandex not changing, Carrying more artillery in his pandimensional shorts than pigs living in sties, Singing, "Now you're really gonna have to die..." "Now you're really gonna have to die..."
Quatre: Now since we were 15 we've been on our own And Relena gets fatter as she is stoned But she didn't used to be When the Gundam Band sang for the Queen In as little clothing as possible could be seen And a voice that came from a secret karaoke machine
Trowa: Oh, and while her brother the Baron was looking down Maxwell-no-baka stole his family's jewels (A/N: Yep, I'm grinning) without a frown The concert was stopped, Relena's last sane sensory organ had popped And while Wufei read a book on ancient Chinese history The quartet practiced in the observat'ry And we sang cover versions of The Archies, The day, we just sighed We were singin'
All Pilots (except Heero, who still refuses to sing the goddamned chorus): So, why, why, did this Japanese guy Tank-top wearing, Spandex not changing, Carrying more artillery in his pandimensional shorts than pigs living in sties, Singing, "Now you're really gonna have to die..." "Now you're really gonna have to die..."
Duo: Helter skelter wearing an intergalactic sweater Bombs came a-rainin' as we all ran to the Sanc Kingdom shelter Couple-a miles high, all falling fast All turned out to be duds, never did blast We all ran out, gonna celebrate With Yuy standing on the sides, straightening his broken vertebraeeee..
Heero: Now the half-time air stank of goddamn tea While we pilots continued the concert played on TV Relena she tried to get me to dance But she never got the chance 'Cause she marched up onstage and tried to get the crowd to storm the field But oh, we just would not yield Do you recall Wufei's warty heiny revealed The day Heero tried to play Unwilling Groom of the Insane Bride We started singin' All Pilots: So, why, why, did this Japanese guy Tank-top wearing, Spandex not changing, Carrying more artillery in his pandimensional shorts than pigs living in sties, Singing, "Now you're really gonna have to die..." "Now you're really gonna have to die..."
Trowa: Oh, and there we were, all in one place, Fireworks erupted in outer space With the distraction, ran away again So come on, Heero be nimble, Heero be quick, Heero, don't try to kill yourself with that candlestick 'Cause you're my only other suicidal friend
Hilde (jumping and grabbing the mic from the seemingly mute boy): Oh and as I watched him running from the stage My heart was clenched in emotions of rage No angel, some guy from hell Was surely under Satan's spell And as the fireworks climbed high into the night To disguise the band's untimely flight I saw Satan in his purple eyes laughing with delight I just cried Some weird guy was singin'
All Pilots: So, why, why, did this Japanese guy Tank-top wearing, Spandex not changing, Carrying more artillery in his pandimensional shorts than pigs living in sties, Singing, "Now you're really gonna have to die..." "Now you're really gonna have to die..."
Wufei (struggling to get the mic away from Hilde): We met a girl who sang rhythm and blues, Heero just asked her for a noose, But she slapped him and turned away Yeah, we hid out at that occult store Where we'd heard some shitty music, years before The owner said that Gregorian chant would play
[A/N: HEY! I LIKE Gregorian chant.]
Duo: And in the streets, all the babes screamed The single women cried and the weak-hearted dreamed But not a comprehensible word was spoken, Sanc Kingdom's alarm bells all were broken And the three men I admire the most, Father Maxwell, Death, and the Holy Ghost They caught the last train somewhere else The day we heard they died And they were singin'
All Pilots: So, why, why, did this Japanese guy Tank-top wearing, Spandex not changing, Carrying more artillery in his pandimensional shorts than pigs living in sties, Singing, "Now you're really gonna have to die..." "Now you're really gonna have to die..." They were singin So, why, why, did this Japanese guy Tank-top wearing, Spandex not changing, Carrying more artillery in his pandimensional shorts than pigs living in sties, Singing, "Now you're really gonna have to die..." "Now you're really gonna have to die..."
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. You've read my stuff from Chapters 1- 11. You people should know already! Kidding. Anyway, aside from displaying my total lack of sense of humor, I would also like to say that I don't own the song 'American Pie' by Don McLean. Nor do I own Card Captor Sakura or Rurouni Kenshin or any of their characters.
A/N: What collection of parodies wouldn't be complete without this famous song? I know the title sucks (WHO in their RIGHT MIND would re-name a song 'Multi-cultural Pie?' I raise my hand, walk onstage, and receive the award...) and the parody does a bit, too, ah, c'est la vie. Also, the story, as far as I can tell, is about the Gundam Band playing in the Sanc Kingdom, and shit happens.
~@^@~ Anyway:
Heero (in a whiny, childish voice): We all get equal singing parts, right? Since the whole damn song's so long, right?
Quatre (matter-of-factly): You're just jealous because Mandy doesn't make you the lead singer no more.
Heero: Why, in crap's name, would I be jealous?
Duo (in a non-believing tone): I dunno...
(A/N: Okay, okay, I'm sorry about that. Here's the parody for real.)
Duo: A long, long time ago, Back in AC something something, The Space Colonies were all screwed up. And I knew that if I had my chance, I could make those Romefeller and Ozzie assholes dance And maybe we could live with that peace thing for a while But December 25, AC 195, Made me shiver With every suit and doll that the bad guys would deliver Bad news on the big screen TV in Times Square Screwed up my entire life I couldn't bear to see Trowa blow up my poor Deathscythe I remember that I did sigh When the people I love almost died Something touched me deep inside I guess I'm the only Gundam pilot who'll ever cry
Hilde (from offstage): Yeah, right! You are SO SELF-CENTERED, DUO MAXWELL! Crying over your Gundam? Oh, please!
Duo (protesting): It was a very, very, very, very nice Gundam!!!
Trowa (patting Duo's shoulder): And it still is. It's better than my boring old Heavyarms. Wanna trade?
Duo: Not on your untalkative little life, dude.
Trowa: Aw, nuts.
All pilots: So, why, why, did this Japanese guy Tank-top wearing, Spandex not changing, Carrying more artillery in his pandimensional shorts than pigs living in sties, Singing, "Now you're really gonna have to die..." "Now you're really gonna have to die..."
Heero (fuming): Is it JUST ME, or do all of the songs we spoof poke fun at my everyday attire and at my suicidal nature?
Wufei (reassuring Heero, at the same time patting his back): It's JUST YOU.
Heero: Oh. Okay.
Wufei (grabbing the mic out of Duo's hands): Did you know the history of this teenage boy His outfit's rumored to be made of Gundanium alloy
Heero (outraged): WHAT? (to himself) Rats. There goes the secret to long- lasting clothes.
Wufei: Did the Encyclopedia Self-Destructica instruct you to? Now do you believe in love at first sight Coz when Relena first saw you, you took flight And can you teach me how to handle women well?
Sally (background): You can start by stop calling all women 'onna' and start acting like a 190's man!
Relena (in her much saner state, poking Sally): Hmm, Miss Po, may I quote you as telling Mr. Macho to act like a 190's man?
Sally (blushing): It...slipped out.
Quatre (bursting with laughter): HANDLE WOMEN WELL?
Wufei: SHUT UP! Well I know that you're really in love with Miss Dorothy Coz I saw you kissing her in the gym
Trowa, Duo, and Quatre: WHAT?!?
(They look at Heero, then Dorothy, then back at Heero)
Sally and Relena: WHAT?!?
(They look at Heero, who is right now blushing intensely. He looks like a bright red crayon.)
Heero: I was high! I was high! After I danced with Relena, I took a long shower in the boys' locker room to get the cooties offa me! I WAS HIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGH!!!!!!!!!!!
Relena: Number one, Yuy, they're not called cooties. They're called lice. And my mom said that it's nothing to be ashamed of!
(Dorothy and Sally look at each other with 'eep!' expressions on their faces and back away from Relena, as they unlock the recording room where the boys are singing and stay there. For hygienical and basically practical reasons.)
Heero: What's number two?
Relena: I didn't say there was going to be a number two.
Heero: And then Trowa, Quatre, Duo, and Wufei smuggled some of the good stuff into the locker room and one thing led to another, until we all felt good...and happy...
Duo (a la barbershop quartet): And high...
Heero (agreeing): And high...
Wufei: And high..
Relena (smirking and folding her arms): Then what?
Duo: THEN we saw the sadistic gym teacher make out with the cafeteria lady, you know, the one always in charge of the creamed corn and sprouts casserole?
Quatre: Ugh, THAT was gross...
Trowa: The food, or the fat cafeteria lady who waddles like Donald Duck?
Heero: Eh.Donald Duck doesn't waddle!
Duo: He does TOO!!!
Wufei: So we ran out onto the dance floor, where we all danced with the guy students, mistaking the especially long-haired guys for girls.
Sally (rolling on the floor laughing-ROTFL): You danced with Kenshin?
Trowa (wrinkling his nose): Kissed him, in fact. And that Yue guy? I think Duo danced with him.
Duo: He was a VERY PRETTY boy!
Hilde: WhatEVER, Maxwell. I think we should see other people.
Duo: WHAT?!?? HILDE, BABE! LEMME EXPLAINNN!!!!!!!
Zechs: I'M GETTING ANOTHER HEART ATTACK!!! CONTINUE THE DAMN SONG WHILE I GET DEFIBULATED!!!
Wufei (continuing): You both kicked off your garments with your shoes
Relena : WHAT? You're not a virgin anymore?
Heero: That doesn't make any sense!!!
Duo (whispering to Heero): What? Well, are you? Or aren't you?
Heero: I am! Still! I think.
Wufei (rolling his eyes and totally ignoring everyone): Man I really dig all that crap about rhythm and blues I was a lonely teenage warrior from the Dragon Clan
Sally (offset, snorting): With an attitude like that? Why am I NOT surprised?
Wufei (unsheathing his katana): With a field of flowers and a wife named Meiran But I knew that I was out of luck The day I learned that American pop music sucked I started singin,
All Pilots (except Heero, who still refuses to sing the goddamned chorus): So, why, why, did this Japanese guy Tank-top wearing, Spandex not changing, Carrying more artillery in his pandimensional shorts than pigs living in sties, Singing, "Now you're really gonna have to die..." "Now you're really gonna have to die..."
Quatre: Now since we were 15 we've been on our own And Relena gets fatter as she is stoned But she didn't used to be When the Gundam Band sang for the Queen In as little clothing as possible could be seen And a voice that came from a secret karaoke machine
Trowa: Oh, and while her brother the Baron was looking down Maxwell-no-baka stole his family's jewels (A/N: Yep, I'm grinning) without a frown The concert was stopped, Relena's last sane sensory organ had popped And while Wufei read a book on ancient Chinese history The quartet practiced in the observat'ry And we sang cover versions of The Archies, The day, we just sighed We were singin'
All Pilots (except Heero, who still refuses to sing the goddamned chorus): So, why, why, did this Japanese guy Tank-top wearing, Spandex not changing, Carrying more artillery in his pandimensional shorts than pigs living in sties, Singing, "Now you're really gonna have to die..." "Now you're really gonna have to die..."
Duo: Helter skelter wearing an intergalactic sweater Bombs came a-rainin' as we all ran to the Sanc Kingdom shelter Couple-a miles high, all falling fast All turned out to be duds, never did blast We all ran out, gonna celebrate With Yuy standing on the sides, straightening his broken vertebraeeee..
Heero: Now the half-time air stank of goddamn tea While we pilots continued the concert played on TV Relena she tried to get me to dance But she never got the chance 'Cause she marched up onstage and tried to get the crowd to storm the field But oh, we just would not yield Do you recall Wufei's warty heiny revealed The day Heero tried to play Unwilling Groom of the Insane Bride We started singin' All Pilots: So, why, why, did this Japanese guy Tank-top wearing, Spandex not changing, Carrying more artillery in his pandimensional shorts than pigs living in sties, Singing, "Now you're really gonna have to die..." "Now you're really gonna have to die..."
Trowa: Oh, and there we were, all in one place, Fireworks erupted in outer space With the distraction, ran away again So come on, Heero be nimble, Heero be quick, Heero, don't try to kill yourself with that candlestick 'Cause you're my only other suicidal friend
Hilde (jumping and grabbing the mic from the seemingly mute boy): Oh and as I watched him running from the stage My heart was clenched in emotions of rage No angel, some guy from hell Was surely under Satan's spell And as the fireworks climbed high into the night To disguise the band's untimely flight I saw Satan in his purple eyes laughing with delight I just cried Some weird guy was singin'
All Pilots: So, why, why, did this Japanese guy Tank-top wearing, Spandex not changing, Carrying more artillery in his pandimensional shorts than pigs living in sties, Singing, "Now you're really gonna have to die..." "Now you're really gonna have to die..."
Wufei (struggling to get the mic away from Hilde): We met a girl who sang rhythm and blues, Heero just asked her for a noose, But she slapped him and turned away Yeah, we hid out at that occult store Where we'd heard some shitty music, years before The owner said that Gregorian chant would play
[A/N: HEY! I LIKE Gregorian chant.]
Duo: And in the streets, all the babes screamed The single women cried and the weak-hearted dreamed But not a comprehensible word was spoken, Sanc Kingdom's alarm bells all were broken And the three men I admire the most, Father Maxwell, Death, and the Holy Ghost They caught the last train somewhere else The day we heard they died And they were singin'
All Pilots: So, why, why, did this Japanese guy Tank-top wearing, Spandex not changing, Carrying more artillery in his pandimensional shorts than pigs living in sties, Singing, "Now you're really gonna have to die..." "Now you're really gonna have to die..." They were singin So, why, why, did this Japanese guy Tank-top wearing, Spandex not changing, Carrying more artillery in his pandimensional shorts than pigs living in sties, Singing, "Now you're really gonna have to die..." "Now you're really gonna have to die..."