Meanwhile, Legolas, who has run away from the orcs, is wandering around. He
comes to the edge of a great forest. He immediately recognises it.
"Hey!" he says in wonder. "It's the Elijah Wood!" he walks into it, and as he walks through, he hears voices. He goes towards the sound of the voices. He hears crying, and when he goes round the next corner, he sees... ARWEN!
"Oh crap!" he says, and quickly hides behind the tree again. He listens to the conversation between Arwen and some...guy.
"What? Gimli?" Arwen says, laughing. "No, you don't really want to follow him, he's... well..." she giggles, and the other dude laughs as well.
"Well who do you recommend then?" he asks, in a low voice.
"Hmmm," says Arwen obviously thinking. "Legolas is real hot..."
"Legolas? Oh, that guy in the blonde wig? Yeah, he's actually a skater, you know."
"He's a what?"
"You KNOW, a skater. In the film of The Two Towers, he skates down the stairs on a shield."
"COOL! When?"
"Later. When it's the battle of Helm's Deep."
"There's a battle at Helm's Deep?"
"Yeah."
"Does Legolas fight in it?" says Arwen, excitedly. "I bet he wins it for us, doesn't he? Oh, he's always been my hero!"
There's a slight pause, and Legolas moves closer to hear more. At last, he hears the dude say,
"Well, I'll see you at our next meeting."
"Where? Here?"
"Yes, or maybe at Mordor. Anyhow, I'll be in touch."
"Mordor!" Legolas says to himself in wonder. "But that means... that means- "
Suddenly he is lifted off the ground and slammed against a tree by the dude who was talking with Arwen. Arwen is standing behind him, doing the Maxy look.
"Er..." says Legolas. There's a very long silence, as Legolas thinks of an explanation.
"Is this Legolas?" asks the dude, curiously.
"Uh huh," says Arwen.
The dude smiles. "OK..." he says. "How much did you hear?"
"Everything," says Legolas, gulping.
The dude and Arwen exchange glances, and then the dude says, still smiling, "We'll spare you, elf, if you join us."
Legolas glances around. "OK, sure, whatever," he says. The dude drops him and Legolas straightens up. "Who are you?" he asks the dude.
Meanwhile, Eloijah has figured out that Gollum's real name is Smeagol, and so now everyone just calls him Smeagol.
Smeagol is leading Eloijah, Sam and Helen T across a marsh full of dead people, and he warns them not to follow the lights, but Eloijah, being Eloijah and everything, DOES follow the lights, and then falls into the water (dumbass...).
He swims around for a bit, enjoying the sites, until Smeagol pulls him out.
"Hey!" says Eloijah. "What did you do that for?"
"Yeah!" says Sam. "It looks fun! Let me have a go!" he jumps into the marshes and they all gasp.
"Oh no!" says Smeagol, and tries to pull him out, like he did with Eloijah, only he can't find him.
So they continue along the marshes, without Sam. Smeagol keeps on snivelling, and Helen and Eloijah keep exchanging glances.
"Why is not Master upset?" Smeagol sobs. "Why does Master not cry?"
Eloijah looks at him. "He was gay. Did you not know that?"
Smeagol looks from Eloijah to Helen. Helen nods, and Smeagol starts crying.
Then to Helen and Eloijah's surprise, Smeagol runs off crying, in the opposite direction.
"Come back!" shouts Eloijah. "Oh, we'll never find our way to Mordor now!"
"Sam gone... Smeagol gone... What are we going to do now?"
Eloijah looks around desperately. "I don't know!"
"OK," says Helen, taking off her backpack and sitting down. "Here we are." She marks a cross in the dirt off the ground. "Now all we need to do is get to Mordor, which is here." She marks another cross a little way off from the previous one.
"And we do that... how?"
"I dunno- I just like drawing!"
Eloijah laughs. "You're one of a kind!" he says. "C'mon, we better be going then."
"OK." Helen picks up her backpack from the ground and follows Eloijah.
Meanwhile, Maria, Juliet and Melissa are still looking for Clare. But, of course, they don't find her because Clare has gone to join Saruman.
Maria sits down on the ground. "We're NEVER going to find her!!"
"Dude, I say we just... give up," says Juliet.
"Yeah," agrees Melissa. "We're not gonna find her."
"Oh OK then," says Maria, finally admitting defeat. "So, what to do now..."
Juliet shrugs. "Whatever happened to Patty and Maxy?"
"Dunno."
"Well, maybe we could find them now!" Juliet suggest, cheerfully.
"Dude, they went home," says Maria, eating an apple.
"They did?" says Juliet, disappointedly.
"Yeah."
"Crap!"
"I know!" says Melissa, suddenly. "We can go join the people of Rohan!"
"Hey, cool idea!" says Juliet. "Where are they?"
"Some place," says Maria. "But I know how to get there!"
"OK, then what are we waiting for??"
They start following Maria to the people of Rohan...
Meanwhile, Merry, Pippin, Mariam, Helen M, Ceara and Annalise have escaped into a forest (but this forest isn't the Elijah Wood) and are hiding from the ugly orc. When he comes into the forest with a long knife, ready to cut them open and dice their insides, everyone has to hide up this tree.
It's not until about five minutes later that Pippin realises that the tree is ALIVE!
"Arghhh!" he screams, as the tree squashes the ugly orc.
The tree begins to move, and everyone has to cling on frantically.
"So," says Mariam, cheerfully. "Who are you then?"
"I am Treebeard, an Ent," says the tree.
"Wow, a tree shepherd," says Annalise, impressed.
"And who are you?" asks Treebeard.
"Well, we're hobbits, but they're humans," says Merry, beginning to relax a little.
"Hobbits? Never heard of them before," says Treebeard, thoughtfully. "Sounds like ORC TROUBLE TO ME!!!"
"No!!" says Pippin desperately. "No, we're Hobbits!"
"Yeah, and we're humans," says Helen M, indicating herself, Mariam, Ceara and Annalise.
"Hmmm," says Treebeard. "I will take you north, and then decide if you are orcs or not."
"Gee, thanks mister," says Ceara.
Meanwhile, Gimli is still possessed by the thought that he has a stalker.
"I tell you, he was here! He was here, I tell you!"
Aragorn is worried about his sanity and recommends they go into the forest to find Merry and Pippin (after he found evidence that's where they went).
"Hmmm," says Gimli after some thought. "Then I suppose we'll have to."
Meanwhile, Treebeard has taken Pippin, Merry and that lot into the depths of the forest.
"Dude, where are you taking us?" says Helen M.
"Yeah, I'm scared!" says Annalise.
"Aw, shut up, both of you," says Mariam. She's in a very bad mood, due to the fact that Legolas has gone, and she finally knows the truth.
"We're here!" says Treebeard, putting them all on the ground. "This is the White Wizard, Master of the Forest!"
"OH MY ERU, IT'S SARUMAN!!" screams Ceara.
"Well, that's not very nice," says a familiar voice.
TO BE CONTINUED...
"Hey!" he says in wonder. "It's the Elijah Wood!" he walks into it, and as he walks through, he hears voices. He goes towards the sound of the voices. He hears crying, and when he goes round the next corner, he sees... ARWEN!
"Oh crap!" he says, and quickly hides behind the tree again. He listens to the conversation between Arwen and some...guy.
"What? Gimli?" Arwen says, laughing. "No, you don't really want to follow him, he's... well..." she giggles, and the other dude laughs as well.
"Well who do you recommend then?" he asks, in a low voice.
"Hmmm," says Arwen obviously thinking. "Legolas is real hot..."
"Legolas? Oh, that guy in the blonde wig? Yeah, he's actually a skater, you know."
"He's a what?"
"You KNOW, a skater. In the film of The Two Towers, he skates down the stairs on a shield."
"COOL! When?"
"Later. When it's the battle of Helm's Deep."
"There's a battle at Helm's Deep?"
"Yeah."
"Does Legolas fight in it?" says Arwen, excitedly. "I bet he wins it for us, doesn't he? Oh, he's always been my hero!"
There's a slight pause, and Legolas moves closer to hear more. At last, he hears the dude say,
"Well, I'll see you at our next meeting."
"Where? Here?"
"Yes, or maybe at Mordor. Anyhow, I'll be in touch."
"Mordor!" Legolas says to himself in wonder. "But that means... that means- "
Suddenly he is lifted off the ground and slammed against a tree by the dude who was talking with Arwen. Arwen is standing behind him, doing the Maxy look.
"Er..." says Legolas. There's a very long silence, as Legolas thinks of an explanation.
"Is this Legolas?" asks the dude, curiously.
"Uh huh," says Arwen.
The dude smiles. "OK..." he says. "How much did you hear?"
"Everything," says Legolas, gulping.
The dude and Arwen exchange glances, and then the dude says, still smiling, "We'll spare you, elf, if you join us."
Legolas glances around. "OK, sure, whatever," he says. The dude drops him and Legolas straightens up. "Who are you?" he asks the dude.
Meanwhile, Eloijah has figured out that Gollum's real name is Smeagol, and so now everyone just calls him Smeagol.
Smeagol is leading Eloijah, Sam and Helen T across a marsh full of dead people, and he warns them not to follow the lights, but Eloijah, being Eloijah and everything, DOES follow the lights, and then falls into the water (dumbass...).
He swims around for a bit, enjoying the sites, until Smeagol pulls him out.
"Hey!" says Eloijah. "What did you do that for?"
"Yeah!" says Sam. "It looks fun! Let me have a go!" he jumps into the marshes and they all gasp.
"Oh no!" says Smeagol, and tries to pull him out, like he did with Eloijah, only he can't find him.
So they continue along the marshes, without Sam. Smeagol keeps on snivelling, and Helen and Eloijah keep exchanging glances.
"Why is not Master upset?" Smeagol sobs. "Why does Master not cry?"
Eloijah looks at him. "He was gay. Did you not know that?"
Smeagol looks from Eloijah to Helen. Helen nods, and Smeagol starts crying.
Then to Helen and Eloijah's surprise, Smeagol runs off crying, in the opposite direction.
"Come back!" shouts Eloijah. "Oh, we'll never find our way to Mordor now!"
"Sam gone... Smeagol gone... What are we going to do now?"
Eloijah looks around desperately. "I don't know!"
"OK," says Helen, taking off her backpack and sitting down. "Here we are." She marks a cross in the dirt off the ground. "Now all we need to do is get to Mordor, which is here." She marks another cross a little way off from the previous one.
"And we do that... how?"
"I dunno- I just like drawing!"
Eloijah laughs. "You're one of a kind!" he says. "C'mon, we better be going then."
"OK." Helen picks up her backpack from the ground and follows Eloijah.
Meanwhile, Maria, Juliet and Melissa are still looking for Clare. But, of course, they don't find her because Clare has gone to join Saruman.
Maria sits down on the ground. "We're NEVER going to find her!!"
"Dude, I say we just... give up," says Juliet.
"Yeah," agrees Melissa. "We're not gonna find her."
"Oh OK then," says Maria, finally admitting defeat. "So, what to do now..."
Juliet shrugs. "Whatever happened to Patty and Maxy?"
"Dunno."
"Well, maybe we could find them now!" Juliet suggest, cheerfully.
"Dude, they went home," says Maria, eating an apple.
"They did?" says Juliet, disappointedly.
"Yeah."
"Crap!"
"I know!" says Melissa, suddenly. "We can go join the people of Rohan!"
"Hey, cool idea!" says Juliet. "Where are they?"
"Some place," says Maria. "But I know how to get there!"
"OK, then what are we waiting for??"
They start following Maria to the people of Rohan...
Meanwhile, Merry, Pippin, Mariam, Helen M, Ceara and Annalise have escaped into a forest (but this forest isn't the Elijah Wood) and are hiding from the ugly orc. When he comes into the forest with a long knife, ready to cut them open and dice their insides, everyone has to hide up this tree.
It's not until about five minutes later that Pippin realises that the tree is ALIVE!
"Arghhh!" he screams, as the tree squashes the ugly orc.
The tree begins to move, and everyone has to cling on frantically.
"So," says Mariam, cheerfully. "Who are you then?"
"I am Treebeard, an Ent," says the tree.
"Wow, a tree shepherd," says Annalise, impressed.
"And who are you?" asks Treebeard.
"Well, we're hobbits, but they're humans," says Merry, beginning to relax a little.
"Hobbits? Never heard of them before," says Treebeard, thoughtfully. "Sounds like ORC TROUBLE TO ME!!!"
"No!!" says Pippin desperately. "No, we're Hobbits!"
"Yeah, and we're humans," says Helen M, indicating herself, Mariam, Ceara and Annalise.
"Hmmm," says Treebeard. "I will take you north, and then decide if you are orcs or not."
"Gee, thanks mister," says Ceara.
Meanwhile, Gimli is still possessed by the thought that he has a stalker.
"I tell you, he was here! He was here, I tell you!"
Aragorn is worried about his sanity and recommends they go into the forest to find Merry and Pippin (after he found evidence that's where they went).
"Hmmm," says Gimli after some thought. "Then I suppose we'll have to."
Meanwhile, Treebeard has taken Pippin, Merry and that lot into the depths of the forest.
"Dude, where are you taking us?" says Helen M.
"Yeah, I'm scared!" says Annalise.
"Aw, shut up, both of you," says Mariam. She's in a very bad mood, due to the fact that Legolas has gone, and she finally knows the truth.
"We're here!" says Treebeard, putting them all on the ground. "This is the White Wizard, Master of the Forest!"
"OH MY ERU, IT'S SARUMAN!!" screams Ceara.
"Well, that's not very nice," says a familiar voice.
TO BE CONTINUED...