CHAPTER THREE: A COMPLICATED CURE
"So it was Kurt, then?"
"Hurry up!" Kitty shoved Rogue into their room, slammed the door, and frantically fumbled with the lock. "We, like, totally have to hurry! By my calculations, the potion should, like, take affect in ten minutes. Or less!" She ran to the window and pulled down all the blinds, shrouding the room in sudden darkness. "Like, don't just stand there, Rogue! Do something!"
"What? Barricade the door with the dresser?" Rogue asked dryly.
"It couldn't hurt." Kitty stepped back and surveyed her work anxiously. "OK. Like, everything's all locked up. Nobody could get in without a battering ram."
"Well, you know how Scott is-"
"Like, stop being so sarcastic, Rogue! This is a serious situation! I know I, like, don't want to go falling in love with somebody stupid for the rest of my life. It seems like you would agree with me."
"Ah do." Rogue sat down on the edge of her bed. "Ah just don't think locking ourselves up in this room is going to help."
"Hey. If we can't see any guys, we can't fall in love, right? Like, that's the way it seems to work. Anyhow, since when you are the queen of social interaction? You, like, totally love privacy. Most mornings I can't even get you out of the bathroom." Kitty switched on a lamp. "You should, like, love this. Think of it as a vacation."
"Being locked in a room with you is hardly my idea of a vacation."
Kitty flushed. "Well, like, excuse me for breathing!"
"If you stop now, maybe Ah'll forgive you." Rogue sighed suddenly. "Listen, Kitty, this won't work. How are we gonna eat? How are we gonna go to school? We can't stay here for the rest of our lives."
"We won't. Just long enough for me to, like, figure something out."
"And how will you do that?"
"I'll, like, study the spellbook. There must be a way to reverse the potion. Or at least, like, make it wear off more quickly."
"Some spells don't have a cure."
"Like, don't even say that!" Kitty grew slightly wild-eyed. "It has to be fixed, it has to! I'll, like, totally kill myself if it isn't!"
Rogue muttered something under her breath.
"And would you, like, stop being so nasty?!" Kitty yelled, losing all her patience. "You're turning into a total bitch, Rogue! Like, just cool it, OK?"
Rogue jumped angrily to her feet. "Look who's talking! You're the ditz who made the goddamn potion!"
"That, like, has nothing to do with it!"
"Are you crazy? It has everything to do with it! The entire Insitute is going mad with lust just because you couldn't make Kurt like you without casting a spell, and- hey!" Rogue dodged Kitty's fist and fell onto her bed, knocked off balance. "Stop it!"
"It wasn't Kurt!" Kitty hissed.
"Then who was it?"
There was a very tense silence. The two girls glared at each other, eyes burning. Both their faces were flushed and sweaty. After a moment, however, their anger began to ebb away. Kitty hung her head, ashamed. "Like, I'm sorry I'm slapped at you."
"It was pretty childish, even for you," Rogue retorted, but her voice lacked its usual anger. A second later she sighed softly. "It's OK. Whatever."
"Yeah."
They stared at each other uncertainly.
"What are we gonna do?" Rogue asked, sounding helpless for the first time since Kitty had known her. "We have to figure something out. Ah refuse to spend the rest of mah life hiding in mah own room."
"I'll, like, look in the spellbook." Kitty, face determined, headed for her dresser. "It must have a remedy." She opened the top drawer and pulled out a large, dusty-looking volume. "And once we find it, then we just mix up the ingredients, and, like, take it. Easy as, like, one-two-three."
"But everyone drank the potion," Rogue observed. "It was in the soup."
"Then we'll, like, feed the cure to everyone."
"That might be hard."
"I'm, like, trying my best." Kitty scanned through the pages. "Kismet . . . laziness . . . lice . . . " She made a face. "Lips . . . llamas . . . like, here it is! Love potion #9!" Rogue came to peer anxiously over her shoulder as Kitty began to read aloud: "'Love Potion #9 is especially potent, causing such strong and longlasting effects that it often goes beyond the normal potion to actually alter the personality of the individual in question.'"
"That would explain Jean."
"Don't even, like, mention her."
"Sorry." The girls had left the restroom right after Kitty started crying, and it had been Rogue's idea to get back to the Institute to think things over. Kitty, still hysterical, had taken it a step further by deciding to lock themselves in their room until the coast was clear. "Go on reading."
Kitty cleared her throat. "'Love Potion #9 is also a very sensitive potion, and if even one ingredient is left out or one step is not followed, it could change the effects of the potion with disastrous results.'" She looked up, stricken. "Oh, no! I, like, left out one of the appleseeds!"
"Ah told you not to."
"This is, like, awful." Kitty continued reading, a little frantically this time. "'The effects of the potion can take up to six months to wear off, longer if an ingredient is missing. There is much debate about whether or not Love Potion #9 has a counterpotion, or a cure. Most experts claim the effects are irreversible. However, a minority of witches in modernday Salem insist that there is a highly effective and convenient remedy.'" There was a long pause.
"Well?" Rogue demanded, breathless. "What is the remedy?"
"I - don't think - you want to know -" Kitty said, face white. "It's - like - not very good -"
"Kitty, tell me and tell me now!"
Kitty shook her head mutely.
"Kitty-" Rogue snatched for the book. "Ah'm losing my patience!"
"OK, OK!" Hands trembling, Kitty took a deep breath. "'The witches claim that the easiest and only cure for Love Potion #9 is for the attracted individuals to be fed a mixture of white wine and bitter herbs by a third party. After the two have consumed this mixture, their first kiss will break the spell and Love Potion #9 will cease to have an affect."
Rogue considered this. "So if we feed white wine and bitter herbs, whatever that is, to the two people who are in love, the first time they kiss the spell will be broken?"
Kitty nodded miserably.
"Well, what's the problem? That's not bad! All we have to do is get them to kiss each other, and they're already in love." Rogue paused. "Oh . . . Ah guess Jean and Kurt will have to kiss, huh?"
Kitty didn't answer.
Rogue seemed almost sympathetic. "But when they kiss, they won't like each other anymore. That's better than them being in love forever, isn't it?"
"I, like, guess so," Kitty agreed, and she seemed to perk up a little. Then a shadow crossed her face and she slumped again. "There's just, like, one problem."
"What?"
"We're locked in our room. How will we, like, get the white wine and bitter herbs?"
"Ah don't even know what bitter herbs are."
"I think I do." Kitty frowned. "But, like, seriously, Rogue. This is totally a problem. If we go out there, we'll, like, fall in love with the first guy we see. Then we'll get sidetracked, and, like, this will never get straightened out."
"Ah guess we'll just to fall in love, then, and try to keep our heads straight anyway."
"But-"
"We didn't drink as much of the soup as everyone else. It will probably be less powerful on us."
"Yeah, but-"
"It's our only choice."
"I don't, like, want to." Kitty pouted. "Forget it."
Rogue shrugged. "Fine," she said airily. "Ah guess things will just have to stay this way forever." She paused. "Ah wonder if Kurt and Jean will name their first kid after you?"
Kitty looked as though someone had dashed cold water in her face. "What?"
"Well, if we don't end this soon, who knows where it will end up? Marriage, babies; maybe both." Rogue sauntered to the dresser. "But, like you said, we can't risk it. We'd better just stay locked here and be nice and safe while everyone else-"
"Stop!" Kitty, flushed, stood up. "Don't, like, dare to finish that sentence." She took a deep breath.
Rogue looked at her questioningly.
"I'm, like, ready." Kitty announced. She smoothed her hair and then headed purposefully for the door. "Are you coming, Rogue? We don't have much, like, time."
Rogue smiled to herself. "Coming."
"The first thing we have to do is figure out who likes who," Rogue whispered, as the two girls snuck down the hallway. So far it was completely deserted, though they had heard some rather suspicious giggling coming from behind locked doors. "That way we can get them together, feed them the mixture, and wait until they kiss. The kiss will be the easy part." She held up a notebook. "Ah brought this along to record the details."
"I've never seen you so, like, organized," Kitty said, amused. "This is, like, bringing out a whole new side of you."
"Yeah, well. Ah'm just trying to straighten out your mess."
Kitty blushed.
They were almost to the kitchen when they heard footsteps and voices, coming towards them from around the corner. "Quick!" Rogue hissed, grabbing Kitty's shirt and yanking her into the nearest broom closet. "Hide!"
They crouched in the shadows, breathing loudly, peering out the crack. After a second two figures came into view. One of them seemed to be chasing the other; both sounded frustrated. Kitty's eyes widened as they came closer. "It's, like, Scott," she whispered. "And Ororo? Like, what's going on with them?"
"Three guesses and the first two don't count."
"Oh, no," Kitty moaned.
"Scott, leave me alone!" Ororo yanked her arm out of his grasp. "I told you, you're not my type. And if you keep on with this I'll have to tell the professor."
"But Ororo!" Scott looked different: wild-eyed and frantic. He reached for her again. "I promise, I love you. I've loved you all my life; I'm crazy about you, Ororo. Please don't be this way. I know you're just playing hard to get."
"You're too young!" Ororo shook him off impatiently. "Back off, Scott!"
"I'm not too young," Scott protested. "Our souls are matched in heaven. You may deny it now, but you'll come crying to me later." He tried to kiss her. "Please! Be sensible, sweetheart!"
Ororo slapped him fiercely. "I said, back off! Do you want me to call up a storm and wash you into the next county?" She sped up her pace. "Anyway, you know who I love. Logan is the only man for me. You're nothing compared to him."
Rogue snorted in surprise.
The sound of their angry voices faded gradually away.
Rogue leaned back with a deep sigh. "Well. At least we know that much." She pulled out her pencil and marked something down on the notebook. Scott loves Ororo. Ororo loves Logan. She suddenly frowned. "You know, this may be harder than Ah was thinking. Ah thought they'd all in fall in love with someone who would love them back. But Ah'm beginning to think they're all falling in love with people who love someone else." She turned an anxious face towards Kitty. "Getting them to take the cure and kiss each other will be harder than Ah thought."
Kitty didn't answer.
"Kitty? Are you OK?" Rogue waved a hand in front of her eyes. Kitty didn't respond; she had a dreamy smile on her lips. "Kitty, this isn't funny. What's going on?"
"Just him."
"Who?"
"You know. Him." Kitty giggled. "Scott. Isn't he, like, adorable?"
"Oh, good lord." Rogue slapped her forehead, completely disgusted. "Ah should have known this would happen. Ah guess Ah'm the only useful now, huh? You're going to be nothing but an airhead."
"Isn't he just the most, like, kissable thing you ever saw?"
Rogue winced. "Kitty loves Scott," she said tiredly, and began to write it down in her notepad. Then she paused, looking as though she'd just had a surprising revelation. "Wait a moment!"
"Such, like, beautiful eyes . . . and manly hair . . ."
"We both saw Scott, right? But only you fell in love with him. Ah don't feel anything at all."
"I, like, just have better taste, I guess," Kitty said, staring down the hallway with a glazed look of adoration. "Only I can appreciate his, like, divine perfection."
Rogue ignored her. "So how does it work? Maybe . . . . " She furrowed her brow, thinking hard. "Maybe . . . whoever sees him first falls in love with him . . . and that's why everybody only falls in love with one person." Her eyes lit up. "That's it! Ah figured it out!"
"I wonder if he's, like, free on Friday night?"
"Ah bet he's wondering the same thing about Ororo."
Kitty didn't answer. "Doesn't he, like, have the most lucious smile?"
Rogue stuck her notebook into her pocket and grabbed Kitty by the arm. "Come on, Kitty. We better go get that cure." She dashed out of the closet and down the hall towards the kitchen, ready to duck into a corner at any moment. Kitty tagged behind.
"Cure for, like, what?"
"For this mess you've made."
"Oh."
The kitchen was deserted. A package of bread lay open on the counter beside a can of soup, as though someone had been planning on making lunch and then been distracted. Rogue pushed it aside and headed right for the counter. "OK, Kitty, you gotta help me out a little bit. We need - what? White wine and . . . "
"Scott," Kitty giggled.
Rogue groaned. "You're not going to be any help at all. OK, Ah can do this. Just concentrate." She searched frantically through the shelves. "We have to have a little wine in here somewhere. The professor always keeps it around for holidays and parties . . . " She pushed aside a box of crackers. "Here it is! White wine!" She pulled a bottle down from the cabinet and studied it. "It's sort of cheap, but it will have to do. Now for the bitter herbs."
Kitty was pirouetting around the counter. "Scott, Scott . . . "
"Kitty, what are bitter herbs?"
Kitty did a twirling leap and landed hard on her rear. "Like, ouch!" she whimpered, looking dazed. "That hurt!"
"Never mind, Ah'll look myself." Rogue tucked the wine under her arm. "Ah know what tastes bitter and what doesn't. That should be enough information."
Kitty didn't respond. She was already dancing again.
"Here. Horseradish. That's an herb and that's bitter. Good enough for me." Rogue crammed the canister into her pocket. "Awright, Kitty. That's what the witches said would cure the curse. Bitter herbs and white wine. Ah think Ah just got both of them."
"Scott, Scott, Scott!"
"Oh, shut up. You're going to be the first one to take this shit, Ah promise it." Rogue stormed for the door. "Are you coming?"
"I'm, like, totally in love."
"Ah think Ah'm aware of that. But are you coming with me?"
Before anyone could say anything, the kitchen door swung open.
Rogue gasped.
Logan stood in the doorway.