[AUTHOR NOTE: I JUST SWITCHED FROM MAC TO PC, SO MY FORMAT STYLES HAVE CHANGED A LITTLE.]
{{Own the characters? No. Own the story? Yes. Love reviews? Most definitely. Approve of plagarism? Most definitely not. Proceed accordingly. And please enjoy.}}
CHAPTER NINE: LITTLE MISS PERFECT
Rogue burst into the kitchen, out of breath and agitated. She pushed a stray strand of white hair out of her eyes and looked around wildly. "Is Kitty in here, by any chance?"
Ororo put her finger to her lips.
Rogue took in the scene in front of her. "Oh. Oh!" Quickly, she shut the door behind her and moved over next to Ororo, where she would be least obstrusive - and least likely to be asked for help. That was the last thing Rogue needed at the moment. After all that had happened, she was beginning to wonder whether or not she'd manage to make it to adulthood without serious therapy.
Jean was sitting silently in a kitchen chair, face twisted into an outraged pout. She looked even more freakish and maudlin than the last time Rogue had seen her. Her red hair had come out of its bun, half-spilling over her shoulders and half-falling into her eyes. Parts of it were clumped together with gel and large flecks of glitter. Jean's shirt was practically falling off her body, revealing a pink leopard print bra. She had obviously had time for a lingerie change. Her eye makeup had run in thick, greasy, black-and-brown pools down her cheeks, and her mouth was clownishly smeared in brilliant red lipstick. One high heel was missing. Rogue gazed at her in horror. Jean looked like something out of a bad horror movie. Or maybe a bad porno. Hard to tell which.
Opposite from Jean, looking absolutely horrified, was Kurt, sitting on the edge of his seat as if he expected to have to get out and run any moment. His eyes were round and wild. Rogue thought dryly that he looked like a rabbit caught in the glare of headlights. A furry, blue rabbit. His hair was decidedly rumpled, and his clothing seemed a little askew. Apparently, there had been a tussle when Kurt first came into the room. That would explain the scratch marks on Kurt and the pout on Jean, not to mention the stressed expressions of Logan, Scott, and Ororo. Rogue felt sorry she had missed it. She would have given ANYTHING to see Little Miss Good Grades turn into a cradle-robbing rapist.
"What's going on, exactly?" she whispered to Ororo.
Ororo spoke in a tense voice, but Rogue was sure she could detect a hint of laughter in the woman's voice. "When I brought Kurt in, Jean just lost all control. It took Logan and Scott together to rescue him. Poor thing."
Rogue's lips twitched. "Poor thing," she echoed, and snuck a look over at Scott.
He seemed mildly traumatized.
Ororo caught her gaze. "Be easy on him. This has affected him terribly."
"Hell, at least he wasn't even aware of his surroundings half the time," Rogue retored. "Think about ME."
"Well, yes, but you didn't have to watch the person you loved madly in love with someone else," Ororo pointed out logically. "I mean - oh." She seemed to suddenly realize something. Her eyes darted from Rogue to Logan and back again.
Rogue went strangely quiet, examining her combat boots.
Ororo cleared her throat.
"I hate to interrupt your chat," Kurt cut in, voice strained, "but whatever you need to do to get Jean back to normal, I really wish you would hurry up and do it. Bitte?"
Logan was standing behind Jean's chair, ready to grab and restrain her if she made any sudden movies. "I think the kid's right," he said grimly. "This is feelin' less and less like a harmless joke and more and more like a goddamn nightmare. Anyone volunteer to give Jean the potion?"
Jean, catching Rogue's eye, snarled and snapped her mouth like a dog. Rogue instinctively moved back, disgusted.
Nobody answered Logan. There was an awkward silence.
Scott sighed deeply. "Fine." He got up off the chair and came towards Jean. "If this is the only way to do it, I'll volunteer." He paused. "What do I have to do?"
Ororo smiled in relief. "Thank you, Scott. You're the perfect one for the job." She gestured to the wine glasses. "Just fix two cups of the same stuff you drank."
"I don't exactly remember what I drank," Scott said flatly. "As I recall, I spent the whole time either getting my nose broken or trying to hump Ororo."
"Or threatening to kill everything in sight," Logan put in helpfully. "Don't whine, kid. We've all had it up to here with this stuff. You make the cure with white wine and a pinch of horseradish. Easy enough for you?" Logan sounded as tense as he looked. Jean kept on reaching back and trying to jab him with her shoe.
Scott gave him a dark look and didn't answer. Just went to the table and began carefully pouring out two glasses of wine.
Jean growled like an animal and struck her foot backwards again. This time, it hit Logan; Rogue watched, wincing, as the long, sharp heel dug into Logan's calf. His face went blank with pain for a second. Then he made a furious grab for Jean's shoulders. "Why, you little-" She dodged out of his grasp, squealing.
"Logan!" Ororo said sharply. "This is hardly the time to regress to third grade behaviour!"
Scott stopped pouring wine and gave Logan a dangerous look. "DON'T."
Logan managed to get control of himself. "I'm sorry," he said, tightly. Then, unable to keep it inside, he added, "But she KICKED me."
Jean blew a rasberry in his direction.
Logan narrowed his eyes at her.
"She doesn't know what she's doing," Ororo snapped. "Try to realize that, Logan. The potion changes behaviour completely."
"I DO realize that," Logan said, voice rising. "Didn't I just spend the last hour trying to keep you from tearing off my pants?"
"Well, you spent the hour before that trying to tear off Rogue's," Ororo retorted, losing her patience.
Rogue went pale. "How'd you know?"
Logan sighed and gave Ororo a dark look. "I THOUGHT it wouldn't hurt to tell her. She felt kinda bad about her little episode with me, and I was trying to comfort her. Obviously thoughtfulness is wasted on SOME PEOPLE."
"Thoughtfulness?" Ororo snorted. "You were probably PROUD of it."
Rogue went brilliant red.
Even Kurt stopped warily watching Jean to listen, eyes wide and curious.
Logan took a moment to collect himself. "All right," he said, voice carefully calm and even. "We're all adults here." He shot a glance towards Jean, who promptly stuck her tongue out at him and crossed her eyes. "Well. Most of us. The point is, I think this mess is goin' to our heads. If we don't watch it, we're gonna start FIGHTIN' each other, which is even worse than throwin' ourselves at each others' heads. Now I suggest we all focus on curin' Jean and Kurt. That will be the last set of cures we need to do. And after that, if we still have issues to deal with-" He glanced at Scott. Scott raised his eyebrows. "Well. We'll just hafta deal with them later, won't we?"
Ororo took a deep breath and smoothed down her hair. "Logan is right," she said, smiling at him a little apologetically. "We're all uptight. We just need to focus."
"Thanks for that little recap," Rogue murmured, too low for anyone to hear.
"Scott? Do you have the cure ready?"
Scott held the glasses out, a frown of distaste wrinkling his forehead. "I can't believe I DRANK that stuff."
Rogue cleared her throat. "You know what?"
Everyone looked over at her.
"From now on, Ah think we can all just skip saying that part. It's getting kinda over-used."
She was met with five pairs of blank eyes.
"Never mind." Rogue dismissed the topic with a wave of her hand. "Just get it over with."
Kurt glanced anxiously from face to face. "Um, guys?"
"What is it, Kurt?" Ororo asked kindly.
"How does this work, again?"
Ororo exchanged glances with Scott, who was a little pale around the lips. "I don't think either you or Scott will enjoy it, Kurt-" she began.
"You have to drink the wine and kiss her," Rogue interrupted impatiently. "That's it. It won't take more than five minutes."
Overhearing this, Jean rolled her tongue around her lips seductively, winking one mascara-smeared eye in Kurt's direction.
Rogue coughed. "Than again. Maybe it will."
Kurt buried his face in his hands. "Mein Gott . . . "
"Be brave," Logan said dryly. "It happens to the best of us."
"And, if it helps any, just think how humiliated Jean will be when she hears," Rogue said, unable to keep the satisfaction out of her voice.
Scott gave her a dark look. "Please, Marie. Leave Jean out of this."
"How can Ah?" Rogue asked, arms akimbo. "She's sitting there with her bra hanging out. Kinda hard to leave her out of it."
"Let's not fight," Ororo interjected quickly.
"He was being unreasonable!"
"Think how hard this is for me," Scott said, voice grim. "Do you think I LIKE watching Jean act like a - a-"
Jean flipped him off.
"Like a drunk whore with an attitude problem," Rogue supplied.
Scott was on the verge of saying something rude, caught himself, and smiled instead. A bitter smile, maybe, and a little forced, but a smile nonetheless. "That sounds about right."
Rogue grinned.
Kurt stood up, keeping one wary eye glued to Jean. "Where is the cure, please? I don't think I can bear this torture any longer."
Scott held one wine glass out to him.
Kurt sniffed it and crinkled up his nose. "I can't believe I-" He caught Rogue's eye and died off.
"Scott? Are you ready to give Jean the cure?" Ororo asked, face serious.
Rogue was losing her temper slightly. "Why do you have to ask him if he's ready? All he has to do is force it down her throat at the count of three."
Logan dodged one of Jean's flailing fists. "Personally, I think that's pretty damn hard."
Rogue shrugged.
"At the count of three," Ororo said. "One - two -"
Kurt lifted the wine glass to his lips, looking ill.
"Three."
It all happened in a blur. Kurt, eyes squeezed shut,a look of pure horror on his face, gulped down the wine and then rushed blindly at Jean, revolted but determined. Jean sputtered and choked on the wine, resisting Scott with all her might; desperate, he managed to get a stranglehold around her neck and force the wine down her open mouth. At this point, Jean noticed Kurt, standing within easy reach. Tossing Scott aside, she leapt on Kurt, who had time for one last agonized wince before he was smothered by Jean's hungry kisses.
Scott, as white as a sheet, turned away and covered his eyes with his hand.
Rogue watched with a smug smile. She couldn't wait to describe the incident in great detail, once Jean was back to normal. In public, preferably. This was too good a chance to pass over.
Ororo, seeming to read Rogue's mind, shook her head warningly.
Logan cleared his throat after several moments. "Um. I think that's enough."
Kurt, neck and cheeks covered in blurry red lipstick marks, made a weak attempt to pull away. Jean quickly overpowered him.
Kurt made a strangling noise. "The perfume - it is smothering me-"
Scott, unable to stand it any longer, stalked grimly over to the pile on the floor and grabbed Jean's collar in one hand. She squeaked in surprise. Scott yanked her roughly up off of Kurt, who gave a deep sigh of relief, looking as if he had just survived a horrible ordeal. Ororo rushed to help Kurt, while Scott kept a firm hold on Jean.
Logan and Rogue exchanged anxious glances.
Kurt managed to sit up. "Is it over, then?" he asked shakily.
They all looked at Jean.
There was a change in her expression. No longer simpering and leering, she looked bewildered, dazed, a little agitated. Slowly, Jean reached a hand up and felt her hair. A look of horror come into her eyes as she explored the greasy knots and tangles. Next, she touched her face - the moist streaks and gummy lips. Her fingertips came away smeared with garish colors. This led Jean to notice her talon-like false nails, which led her to discovering her leaopard-print bra, which led her to spot Kurt, cowering in the corner with lipstick marks - HER lipstick marks - covering his neck and face. Jean turned snow white beneath her clown circles of rouge.
Scott touched her shoulder gently. "Jean? Are you OK?"
She whirled around and grabbed him urgently. "Let me see a mirror."
"Jean, it's OK. We can explain-"
"Let me see a mirror!" She sounded desperate.
Ororo cleared her throat. "Wait one moment-" She left the kitchen. There was a long moment when nobody spoke; they didn't seem to have anything to say to each other. Rogue coughed awkwardly. Scott shuffled his feet. Then Ororo came back into the kitchen, carrying her purse in one hand and holding out a compact mirror in the other. "Here you go, Jean," she said. Though her voice was serious, Rogue was CERTAIN she could hear laughter hiding at the corners. And when Ororo stepped over to attend to Kurt, Rogue could have sworn she saw a suspicious twinkle in the woman's eyes.
Rogue bit back a burst of laughter herself, feeling suddenly hysterical. At one end, this was all very grim and annoying, but at the other end, it was just so FUNNY.
Jean, hands trembling, held the little mirror up to her face. A clownish mask stared back at her. "Oh my god." With a zombie-like precision, she moved the mirror down her body, taking in the bra, the blouse, the scratch marks. "Oh my god," she repeated flatly.
Unable to help herself any longer, Rogue began laughing, doubling over with tears gathering at the corners of her eyes.
Logan clamped a hand to his mouth, obviously struggling not to do the same thing.
Even Ororo's shoulders began shaking as she knelt over Kurt, who was now one of the only ones not laughing.
Scott was another one. "It's OK, Jean. It's not your fault," he said soothingly. "Just relax, OK?" He seemed anxious, handling Jean as if she was a delicate object that might shatter at any moment. "Just relax. We can explain."
Jean, not paying attention, raised the mirror up high enough to get a good look at her hair. Her eyes grew big as suacers. Instead of her usual smooth, shiny, shampoo-commercial mane, Jean found herself staring at clumpy streaks of glitter, tangled knots, and stray strands falling every which way. Apparently, this was the last straw. Before anyone could do anything to stop her, Jean opened her mouth and let out an earsplitting shriek.
And then, a second later, Jean had fainted dead away.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Jean ran the comb through her thick, damp hair, wincing slightly as it caught on a snag. "It will take YEARS to fix this."
"No, it's not bad at all. Almost back to normal," Ororo comforted.
"You look beautiful," Scott assured Jean, stroking her cheek lovingly. He was so relieved to see his girlfriend back to normal - not in love with a blue-skinned fiteen-year-old, not smothered in makeup, not trying to bite him like a dog - that he had been even more doting than usual. He kissed her with a slight smacking sound. "Just gorgeous."
Rogue patted back a yawn.
"Well, thank you, but-" Jean made a face. "The whole thing is just so embarassing to think about. I don't know how I can ever show my face in public again."
"Then don't," Rogue whispered, too low for anyone to hear - except Logan, standing right behind her chair. He caught her eye and winked, conspiratorial.
Rogue blushed.
They were all in the kitchen, and a general feeling of ease and relief seemed to have replaced the former tense atmosphere. Everyone was happy to see the last couple cured. Rogue, especially. She had been in the middle of everything from the the very start. She looked around the kitchen, feeling a rare sense of companionship with everyone in the room. Jean, after being revived with cold water and a few good slaps, had scrubbed every inch of her body in a warm bath. Rogue suspected she held her own private bra-burning behind the locked bathroom door. She certainly looked better - fresh-faced and dressed in a fuzzy white bathrobe, Jean was in the process of combing her hair back to its naturally straight state. Scott, the color back in his cheeks, was sitting on the arm of her chair, doting adoringly over Jean. His nose had suffered no obvious damage. Ororo, looking peaceful and calm, sat with her legs crossed and her hands in her lap. Kurt was crouching on the table, no worse for the wear. He was carefully avoiding Jean's eyes, but other than that, he seemed fine. Almost back to his spritely self. Logan was leaning in the corner, looking a little tired but extremely relieved at having the whole ordeal over with. Rogue looked over his shoulder and caught his eye again. He smiled. Now that everything was back to normal, Logan seemed to be thinking along the same lines as Rogue - that, all in all, it had been one of the funniest things to happen in months. Rogue was almost glad Kitty had started the whole mess, it was so-
Rogue sat straight up in her chair, feeling as if someone had just kicked her in the gut. "Kitty."
Everyone stared at her, confused.
"Where's Kitty?" Rogue ran a hand through her hair, agitated all over again. "Ah mean, this is serious, you guys. Ah haven't seen her for over an hour. At LEAST. Ah was looking for her when Ah came into the kitchen - and then Ah got distracted - but. She hasn't shown up at all, has she? Where could she be?"
"Rogue, calm down!" Ororo said, confused at the girl's distress. "It's not a tragedy. She must be in her room, or-"
"No, no. Trust me. This IS a tragedy." Rogue got out of her chair and began pacing nervously. "There's no telling what Kitty is up to, but whatever it is, it isn't good. We're in for more trouble."
"I hate to be the voice of doom, but I kinda have to agree with the kid on this one," Logan put in. He looked worried himself. "Remember, she's the one who started this whole thing."
"And me," Jean added, beautifully humble as usual. She gave a sweet, apologetic smile. "I mean, I put the stuff in the soup, after all."
"That's true," Rogue said quickly. "You did."
Scott frowned at Rogue over Jean's shoulder. "Don't be ridiculous, Jean. It's not your fault. You couldn't have known that stuff was a potion instead of milk."
Rogue gave a cough that sounded suspiciously like "sour milk."
"Well, it smelled OK!" Jean said defensively. "Why did you two put in the fridge to begin with?"
"Us TWO? It was Kitty's idea! Ah-" Rogue broke off, reminded of the dilemna once again. "Speaking of Kitty - oh, god. Where is she?" Rogue went pale, thinking of all the lurid possibilities.
"Well, be logical. Where do you THINK she might have gone?" Ororo asked.
Rogue gave her a look. "No offense, but this is KITTY we're talking about here. Hard to be logical with her."
Logan nodded his agreement.
Kurt spoke up slowly from the tabletop. "I saw her - right before Ororo took me down here -"
"That's the last time I saw her, too."
"She seemed upset," Kurt said, and Rogue could tell that he felt a little embarrassed. He shifted around uncomfortably. "What I mean to say is, she seemed-"
"Ah know what you're trying to say," Rogue cut in, smiling in spite of herself. "Actually - Ah think that might be part of why she left-" Rogue looked significantly from Kurt to Jeand back again. Everyone else looked confused; Kurt looked as if he wanted to sink into a hole.
Just then, there came the sound of a door slamming.
Everyone turned, startled.
"Who would that be?" Ororo asked, half-rising from her chair.
Rogue and Logan exchanged tense, hopeful glances. Could it be-? Was it-?
The sound of footsteps, light and quick, came towards the kitchen. Kurt crouched down, as if ready to dash away any moment. A second later, the door swung open. There was a breathless pause - and thenKitty came in, looking worried and distracted. She seemed to have a great deal on her mind. When she caught sight of the six pairs of eyes, some relieved, some confused, some a little hostile, Kitty stopped dead in her tracks. The color rose in her cheeks. "Oh. My god," she said, stammering a little. "I, like, totally forgot you guys were in here."
Rogue stepped forwards. "Kitty," she said, voice stern. "What's going on now?"
"N-nothing," Kitty said, a little too quickly. "I, uh, like, I-" She swallowed. "Rogue, can I talk to you outside for a moment?"
Everyone groaned simultaneously.
Kitty bit her lip guiltily.
"What's wrong now?" Rogue asked, feeling all her weariness rushing back in a flood. "What did you do this time, Kitty?"
"There's a problem." Kitty hesitated, then added in a tragic stage whisper, "It's with Lance."
{{Own the characters? No. Own the story? Yes. Love reviews? Most definitely. Approve of plagarism? Most definitely not. Proceed accordingly. And please enjoy.}}
CHAPTER NINE: LITTLE MISS PERFECT
Rogue burst into the kitchen, out of breath and agitated. She pushed a stray strand of white hair out of her eyes and looked around wildly. "Is Kitty in here, by any chance?"
Ororo put her finger to her lips.
Rogue took in the scene in front of her. "Oh. Oh!" Quickly, she shut the door behind her and moved over next to Ororo, where she would be least obstrusive - and least likely to be asked for help. That was the last thing Rogue needed at the moment. After all that had happened, she was beginning to wonder whether or not she'd manage to make it to adulthood without serious therapy.
Jean was sitting silently in a kitchen chair, face twisted into an outraged pout. She looked even more freakish and maudlin than the last time Rogue had seen her. Her red hair had come out of its bun, half-spilling over her shoulders and half-falling into her eyes. Parts of it were clumped together with gel and large flecks of glitter. Jean's shirt was practically falling off her body, revealing a pink leopard print bra. She had obviously had time for a lingerie change. Her eye makeup had run in thick, greasy, black-and-brown pools down her cheeks, and her mouth was clownishly smeared in brilliant red lipstick. One high heel was missing. Rogue gazed at her in horror. Jean looked like something out of a bad horror movie. Or maybe a bad porno. Hard to tell which.
Opposite from Jean, looking absolutely horrified, was Kurt, sitting on the edge of his seat as if he expected to have to get out and run any moment. His eyes were round and wild. Rogue thought dryly that he looked like a rabbit caught in the glare of headlights. A furry, blue rabbit. His hair was decidedly rumpled, and his clothing seemed a little askew. Apparently, there had been a tussle when Kurt first came into the room. That would explain the scratch marks on Kurt and the pout on Jean, not to mention the stressed expressions of Logan, Scott, and Ororo. Rogue felt sorry she had missed it. She would have given ANYTHING to see Little Miss Good Grades turn into a cradle-robbing rapist.
"What's going on, exactly?" she whispered to Ororo.
Ororo spoke in a tense voice, but Rogue was sure she could detect a hint of laughter in the woman's voice. "When I brought Kurt in, Jean just lost all control. It took Logan and Scott together to rescue him. Poor thing."
Rogue's lips twitched. "Poor thing," she echoed, and snuck a look over at Scott.
He seemed mildly traumatized.
Ororo caught her gaze. "Be easy on him. This has affected him terribly."
"Hell, at least he wasn't even aware of his surroundings half the time," Rogue retored. "Think about ME."
"Well, yes, but you didn't have to watch the person you loved madly in love with someone else," Ororo pointed out logically. "I mean - oh." She seemed to suddenly realize something. Her eyes darted from Rogue to Logan and back again.
Rogue went strangely quiet, examining her combat boots.
Ororo cleared her throat.
"I hate to interrupt your chat," Kurt cut in, voice strained, "but whatever you need to do to get Jean back to normal, I really wish you would hurry up and do it. Bitte?"
Logan was standing behind Jean's chair, ready to grab and restrain her if she made any sudden movies. "I think the kid's right," he said grimly. "This is feelin' less and less like a harmless joke and more and more like a goddamn nightmare. Anyone volunteer to give Jean the potion?"
Jean, catching Rogue's eye, snarled and snapped her mouth like a dog. Rogue instinctively moved back, disgusted.
Nobody answered Logan. There was an awkward silence.
Scott sighed deeply. "Fine." He got up off the chair and came towards Jean. "If this is the only way to do it, I'll volunteer." He paused. "What do I have to do?"
Ororo smiled in relief. "Thank you, Scott. You're the perfect one for the job." She gestured to the wine glasses. "Just fix two cups of the same stuff you drank."
"I don't exactly remember what I drank," Scott said flatly. "As I recall, I spent the whole time either getting my nose broken or trying to hump Ororo."
"Or threatening to kill everything in sight," Logan put in helpfully. "Don't whine, kid. We've all had it up to here with this stuff. You make the cure with white wine and a pinch of horseradish. Easy enough for you?" Logan sounded as tense as he looked. Jean kept on reaching back and trying to jab him with her shoe.
Scott gave him a dark look and didn't answer. Just went to the table and began carefully pouring out two glasses of wine.
Jean growled like an animal and struck her foot backwards again. This time, it hit Logan; Rogue watched, wincing, as the long, sharp heel dug into Logan's calf. His face went blank with pain for a second. Then he made a furious grab for Jean's shoulders. "Why, you little-" She dodged out of his grasp, squealing.
"Logan!" Ororo said sharply. "This is hardly the time to regress to third grade behaviour!"
Scott stopped pouring wine and gave Logan a dangerous look. "DON'T."
Logan managed to get control of himself. "I'm sorry," he said, tightly. Then, unable to keep it inside, he added, "But she KICKED me."
Jean blew a rasberry in his direction.
Logan narrowed his eyes at her.
"She doesn't know what she's doing," Ororo snapped. "Try to realize that, Logan. The potion changes behaviour completely."
"I DO realize that," Logan said, voice rising. "Didn't I just spend the last hour trying to keep you from tearing off my pants?"
"Well, you spent the hour before that trying to tear off Rogue's," Ororo retorted, losing her patience.
Rogue went pale. "How'd you know?"
Logan sighed and gave Ororo a dark look. "I THOUGHT it wouldn't hurt to tell her. She felt kinda bad about her little episode with me, and I was trying to comfort her. Obviously thoughtfulness is wasted on SOME PEOPLE."
"Thoughtfulness?" Ororo snorted. "You were probably PROUD of it."
Rogue went brilliant red.
Even Kurt stopped warily watching Jean to listen, eyes wide and curious.
Logan took a moment to collect himself. "All right," he said, voice carefully calm and even. "We're all adults here." He shot a glance towards Jean, who promptly stuck her tongue out at him and crossed her eyes. "Well. Most of us. The point is, I think this mess is goin' to our heads. If we don't watch it, we're gonna start FIGHTIN' each other, which is even worse than throwin' ourselves at each others' heads. Now I suggest we all focus on curin' Jean and Kurt. That will be the last set of cures we need to do. And after that, if we still have issues to deal with-" He glanced at Scott. Scott raised his eyebrows. "Well. We'll just hafta deal with them later, won't we?"
Ororo took a deep breath and smoothed down her hair. "Logan is right," she said, smiling at him a little apologetically. "We're all uptight. We just need to focus."
"Thanks for that little recap," Rogue murmured, too low for anyone to hear.
"Scott? Do you have the cure ready?"
Scott held the glasses out, a frown of distaste wrinkling his forehead. "I can't believe I DRANK that stuff."
Rogue cleared her throat. "You know what?"
Everyone looked over at her.
"From now on, Ah think we can all just skip saying that part. It's getting kinda over-used."
She was met with five pairs of blank eyes.
"Never mind." Rogue dismissed the topic with a wave of her hand. "Just get it over with."
Kurt glanced anxiously from face to face. "Um, guys?"
"What is it, Kurt?" Ororo asked kindly.
"How does this work, again?"
Ororo exchanged glances with Scott, who was a little pale around the lips. "I don't think either you or Scott will enjoy it, Kurt-" she began.
"You have to drink the wine and kiss her," Rogue interrupted impatiently. "That's it. It won't take more than five minutes."
Overhearing this, Jean rolled her tongue around her lips seductively, winking one mascara-smeared eye in Kurt's direction.
Rogue coughed. "Than again. Maybe it will."
Kurt buried his face in his hands. "Mein Gott . . . "
"Be brave," Logan said dryly. "It happens to the best of us."
"And, if it helps any, just think how humiliated Jean will be when she hears," Rogue said, unable to keep the satisfaction out of her voice.
Scott gave her a dark look. "Please, Marie. Leave Jean out of this."
"How can Ah?" Rogue asked, arms akimbo. "She's sitting there with her bra hanging out. Kinda hard to leave her out of it."
"Let's not fight," Ororo interjected quickly.
"He was being unreasonable!"
"Think how hard this is for me," Scott said, voice grim. "Do you think I LIKE watching Jean act like a - a-"
Jean flipped him off.
"Like a drunk whore with an attitude problem," Rogue supplied.
Scott was on the verge of saying something rude, caught himself, and smiled instead. A bitter smile, maybe, and a little forced, but a smile nonetheless. "That sounds about right."
Rogue grinned.
Kurt stood up, keeping one wary eye glued to Jean. "Where is the cure, please? I don't think I can bear this torture any longer."
Scott held one wine glass out to him.
Kurt sniffed it and crinkled up his nose. "I can't believe I-" He caught Rogue's eye and died off.
"Scott? Are you ready to give Jean the cure?" Ororo asked, face serious.
Rogue was losing her temper slightly. "Why do you have to ask him if he's ready? All he has to do is force it down her throat at the count of three."
Logan dodged one of Jean's flailing fists. "Personally, I think that's pretty damn hard."
Rogue shrugged.
"At the count of three," Ororo said. "One - two -"
Kurt lifted the wine glass to his lips, looking ill.
"Three."
It all happened in a blur. Kurt, eyes squeezed shut,a look of pure horror on his face, gulped down the wine and then rushed blindly at Jean, revolted but determined. Jean sputtered and choked on the wine, resisting Scott with all her might; desperate, he managed to get a stranglehold around her neck and force the wine down her open mouth. At this point, Jean noticed Kurt, standing within easy reach. Tossing Scott aside, she leapt on Kurt, who had time for one last agonized wince before he was smothered by Jean's hungry kisses.
Scott, as white as a sheet, turned away and covered his eyes with his hand.
Rogue watched with a smug smile. She couldn't wait to describe the incident in great detail, once Jean was back to normal. In public, preferably. This was too good a chance to pass over.
Ororo, seeming to read Rogue's mind, shook her head warningly.
Logan cleared his throat after several moments. "Um. I think that's enough."
Kurt, neck and cheeks covered in blurry red lipstick marks, made a weak attempt to pull away. Jean quickly overpowered him.
Kurt made a strangling noise. "The perfume - it is smothering me-"
Scott, unable to stand it any longer, stalked grimly over to the pile on the floor and grabbed Jean's collar in one hand. She squeaked in surprise. Scott yanked her roughly up off of Kurt, who gave a deep sigh of relief, looking as if he had just survived a horrible ordeal. Ororo rushed to help Kurt, while Scott kept a firm hold on Jean.
Logan and Rogue exchanged anxious glances.
Kurt managed to sit up. "Is it over, then?" he asked shakily.
They all looked at Jean.
There was a change in her expression. No longer simpering and leering, she looked bewildered, dazed, a little agitated. Slowly, Jean reached a hand up and felt her hair. A look of horror come into her eyes as she explored the greasy knots and tangles. Next, she touched her face - the moist streaks and gummy lips. Her fingertips came away smeared with garish colors. This led Jean to notice her talon-like false nails, which led her to discovering her leaopard-print bra, which led her to spot Kurt, cowering in the corner with lipstick marks - HER lipstick marks - covering his neck and face. Jean turned snow white beneath her clown circles of rouge.
Scott touched her shoulder gently. "Jean? Are you OK?"
She whirled around and grabbed him urgently. "Let me see a mirror."
"Jean, it's OK. We can explain-"
"Let me see a mirror!" She sounded desperate.
Ororo cleared her throat. "Wait one moment-" She left the kitchen. There was a long moment when nobody spoke; they didn't seem to have anything to say to each other. Rogue coughed awkwardly. Scott shuffled his feet. Then Ororo came back into the kitchen, carrying her purse in one hand and holding out a compact mirror in the other. "Here you go, Jean," she said. Though her voice was serious, Rogue was CERTAIN she could hear laughter hiding at the corners. And when Ororo stepped over to attend to Kurt, Rogue could have sworn she saw a suspicious twinkle in the woman's eyes.
Rogue bit back a burst of laughter herself, feeling suddenly hysterical. At one end, this was all very grim and annoying, but at the other end, it was just so FUNNY.
Jean, hands trembling, held the little mirror up to her face. A clownish mask stared back at her. "Oh my god." With a zombie-like precision, she moved the mirror down her body, taking in the bra, the blouse, the scratch marks. "Oh my god," she repeated flatly.
Unable to help herself any longer, Rogue began laughing, doubling over with tears gathering at the corners of her eyes.
Logan clamped a hand to his mouth, obviously struggling not to do the same thing.
Even Ororo's shoulders began shaking as she knelt over Kurt, who was now one of the only ones not laughing.
Scott was another one. "It's OK, Jean. It's not your fault," he said soothingly. "Just relax, OK?" He seemed anxious, handling Jean as if she was a delicate object that might shatter at any moment. "Just relax. We can explain."
Jean, not paying attention, raised the mirror up high enough to get a good look at her hair. Her eyes grew big as suacers. Instead of her usual smooth, shiny, shampoo-commercial mane, Jean found herself staring at clumpy streaks of glitter, tangled knots, and stray strands falling every which way. Apparently, this was the last straw. Before anyone could do anything to stop her, Jean opened her mouth and let out an earsplitting shriek.
And then, a second later, Jean had fainted dead away.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Jean ran the comb through her thick, damp hair, wincing slightly as it caught on a snag. "It will take YEARS to fix this."
"No, it's not bad at all. Almost back to normal," Ororo comforted.
"You look beautiful," Scott assured Jean, stroking her cheek lovingly. He was so relieved to see his girlfriend back to normal - not in love with a blue-skinned fiteen-year-old, not smothered in makeup, not trying to bite him like a dog - that he had been even more doting than usual. He kissed her with a slight smacking sound. "Just gorgeous."
Rogue patted back a yawn.
"Well, thank you, but-" Jean made a face. "The whole thing is just so embarassing to think about. I don't know how I can ever show my face in public again."
"Then don't," Rogue whispered, too low for anyone to hear - except Logan, standing right behind her chair. He caught her eye and winked, conspiratorial.
Rogue blushed.
They were all in the kitchen, and a general feeling of ease and relief seemed to have replaced the former tense atmosphere. Everyone was happy to see the last couple cured. Rogue, especially. She had been in the middle of everything from the the very start. She looked around the kitchen, feeling a rare sense of companionship with everyone in the room. Jean, after being revived with cold water and a few good slaps, had scrubbed every inch of her body in a warm bath. Rogue suspected she held her own private bra-burning behind the locked bathroom door. She certainly looked better - fresh-faced and dressed in a fuzzy white bathrobe, Jean was in the process of combing her hair back to its naturally straight state. Scott, the color back in his cheeks, was sitting on the arm of her chair, doting adoringly over Jean. His nose had suffered no obvious damage. Ororo, looking peaceful and calm, sat with her legs crossed and her hands in her lap. Kurt was crouching on the table, no worse for the wear. He was carefully avoiding Jean's eyes, but other than that, he seemed fine. Almost back to his spritely self. Logan was leaning in the corner, looking a little tired but extremely relieved at having the whole ordeal over with. Rogue looked over his shoulder and caught his eye again. He smiled. Now that everything was back to normal, Logan seemed to be thinking along the same lines as Rogue - that, all in all, it had been one of the funniest things to happen in months. Rogue was almost glad Kitty had started the whole mess, it was so-
Rogue sat straight up in her chair, feeling as if someone had just kicked her in the gut. "Kitty."
Everyone stared at her, confused.
"Where's Kitty?" Rogue ran a hand through her hair, agitated all over again. "Ah mean, this is serious, you guys. Ah haven't seen her for over an hour. At LEAST. Ah was looking for her when Ah came into the kitchen - and then Ah got distracted - but. She hasn't shown up at all, has she? Where could she be?"
"Rogue, calm down!" Ororo said, confused at the girl's distress. "It's not a tragedy. She must be in her room, or-"
"No, no. Trust me. This IS a tragedy." Rogue got out of her chair and began pacing nervously. "There's no telling what Kitty is up to, but whatever it is, it isn't good. We're in for more trouble."
"I hate to be the voice of doom, but I kinda have to agree with the kid on this one," Logan put in. He looked worried himself. "Remember, she's the one who started this whole thing."
"And me," Jean added, beautifully humble as usual. She gave a sweet, apologetic smile. "I mean, I put the stuff in the soup, after all."
"That's true," Rogue said quickly. "You did."
Scott frowned at Rogue over Jean's shoulder. "Don't be ridiculous, Jean. It's not your fault. You couldn't have known that stuff was a potion instead of milk."
Rogue gave a cough that sounded suspiciously like "sour milk."
"Well, it smelled OK!" Jean said defensively. "Why did you two put in the fridge to begin with?"
"Us TWO? It was Kitty's idea! Ah-" Rogue broke off, reminded of the dilemna once again. "Speaking of Kitty - oh, god. Where is she?" Rogue went pale, thinking of all the lurid possibilities.
"Well, be logical. Where do you THINK she might have gone?" Ororo asked.
Rogue gave her a look. "No offense, but this is KITTY we're talking about here. Hard to be logical with her."
Logan nodded his agreement.
Kurt spoke up slowly from the tabletop. "I saw her - right before Ororo took me down here -"
"That's the last time I saw her, too."
"She seemed upset," Kurt said, and Rogue could tell that he felt a little embarrassed. He shifted around uncomfortably. "What I mean to say is, she seemed-"
"Ah know what you're trying to say," Rogue cut in, smiling in spite of herself. "Actually - Ah think that might be part of why she left-" Rogue looked significantly from Kurt to Jeand back again. Everyone else looked confused; Kurt looked as if he wanted to sink into a hole.
Just then, there came the sound of a door slamming.
Everyone turned, startled.
"Who would that be?" Ororo asked, half-rising from her chair.
Rogue and Logan exchanged tense, hopeful glances. Could it be-? Was it-?
The sound of footsteps, light and quick, came towards the kitchen. Kurt crouched down, as if ready to dash away any moment. A second later, the door swung open. There was a breathless pause - and thenKitty came in, looking worried and distracted. She seemed to have a great deal on her mind. When she caught sight of the six pairs of eyes, some relieved, some confused, some a little hostile, Kitty stopped dead in her tracks. The color rose in her cheeks. "Oh. My god," she said, stammering a little. "I, like, totally forgot you guys were in here."
Rogue stepped forwards. "Kitty," she said, voice stern. "What's going on now?"
"N-nothing," Kitty said, a little too quickly. "I, uh, like, I-" She swallowed. "Rogue, can I talk to you outside for a moment?"
Everyone groaned simultaneously.
Kitty bit her lip guiltily.
"What's wrong now?" Rogue asked, feeling all her weariness rushing back in a flood. "What did you do this time, Kitty?"
"There's a problem." Kitty hesitated, then added in a tragic stage whisper, "It's with Lance."