Alone.
The word means something new, something entirely different than it did yesterday. Loneliness was something I had experienced when I was young, before I had friends. It was just a distant memory and I would never feel it again, not with friends such as these. Friends who were ripped brutally from my grasp, just last night.
Loneliness is all I know now. Its stagnant waters pool around me. I am the last of our circle, the last of the Marauders. The only one left.
Why, Sirius? Why?! Did you hate James so much that you wanted to kill him? No, I do not believe that. You did not, could not have betrayed your best friend.
And yet you did. You betrayed the Potters, than Peter as well. I'm so confused, I just don't understand! Were all the years at Hogwarts a lie, did you always court the Dark Arts? For the sake of my sanity, I hope not. I hope that your laughter was genuine, that your smiling face was not a mask. That's all I have left to cling to. Memories.
And yet, even those are bittersweet, knowing that never again will James's face peer at me from beneath the starlit sky, knowing that Peter's odd sterling silver eyes will never again hide a secret. Even you are gone, lost to me forever. I have only me now, only me and the wolf. Nothing to keep between me and the pain.
Not even in love can I find solace. After all, who dares to love a werewolf? Who dares even associate with those of my ilk? No one. No one but you, and James, and Lily and Peter! But they are dead. Even you are dead to me.
Even you.