PADME`S REVENGE
Name and E-mail: Rhiannon, aandrea10@ureach.com Title: Padme`s Revenge Category: Humor Summary: Padme` decides to play practical jokes on Anakin. until he retaliates. Spoilers: None Season/Sequel Info: None, Completely random Rating: PG Pairings: None Warnings: Humorous Insanity, Every character's a nutcase
Padme` Amidala sat pensively in her bedchamber tossing a rubrics cube high into the air as she thought. She paused a moment and stared at the cube's red face and remembered the Dark Side and how their light sabers were red.
Then she thought about how Anakin had purposely deceived her that day he was acting like an idiot and riding that ridiculous pig and fell flat on his face. That wasn't what made her mad. The fact that he had pretended to be injured just to scare her really pissed her off!
And now she had decided he should pay. She had been attempting to concoct a devious plan in order to retaliate. The only problem was she didn't know how. The stinkin' man was just too freakin' powerful!
It isn't fair! She thought annoyed. Suddenly it hit her like a ton of bricks as she flipped the cube over to stare at the blue side.
His light saber! That was it, she would steal his light saber, and then he'd be sorry for sure!
Late in the night, around 3:00 am, Amidala tiptoed down the hallway towards Anakin's quarters. She silently lifted the latch to his door and crept inside.
She slithered over to his bed (Like the Grench). She crouched as quietly as possible, but the mass clutter in the room made it nearly impossible.
She cautiously reached for the silver object hanging loosely from his belt. She was inches away when all of the sudden Anakin shot straight up in the bed, staring directly at her. He snapped his fingers and the lights came on.
"What are you doing in here?" he asked her, confusion clear on his face.
"How did you wake up, I didn't make a single, bloody sound!" She raved.
"I sensed you before you even opened the door." He replied grinning.
She glared daggers at him; half wishing he would drop dead where he sat.
"Now back to the topic at hand, what are you doing in here?" He raised his eyebrows at her in question.
"Umm.umm. I was ah. looking.for the ah.umm curling iron! That's it, the curling iron"
"I don't have a curling iron." He replied waiting with amusement for her answer to that one.
"Umm. I was in here yesterday and I accidentally left it on your bed." She lied quickly.
"When were you in my room yesterday? I don't remember you leaving my sight the entire day."
"Well.see, you must have forgotten that time yesterday when I came in your room to curl my hair."
"Why not just curl your hair in your own room?"
"Cause umm.ah, the power is out in my room and I thought you wouldn't mind if I used yours."
He gave her a skeptical look and he shrugged. "Well it is no longer in my room, so you can look elsewhere so I can sleep and not have to worry about crazy senators bent on curling their hair in the middle of the night."
He decided to not even ask why she had been reaching for his light saber for fear of the response he might get. He watched her walk out of the room and made sure she was down the hall before going back to sleep.
Phooey! Padme` huffed as she beat a trail back to her room. Apparently she couldn't sneak up on him, so she had to out smart him. Suddenly it hit her like a bag of hammers, she could make him drunk, really drunk, then steal the light saber! She cackled with glee at her new plot and waited until morning to execute it.
The next morning Anakin walked out of his bedroom to hear Padme' laughing hysterically in the direction of the kitchen. He smelled something burning and decided he would skip breakfast this morning. He walked carefully to the dining table and sat down.
Padme` strolled out of the kitchen grinning wildly, almost maniac like. "Good morning!" she said sitting opposite him.
"Did you find your curling iron?" he asked giving her an odd look.
"What curling iron?" She countered genuinely confused.
"Never mind." He said glancing warily at whatever the substance on his plate was.
He debated in his mind whether it was edible or not and quickly deduced it wasn't. He pushed his plate away grimacing.
She hummed as she sliced her food and popped a piece into her mouth.
"I'm not hungry." He excused himself when he caught her puzzled look at why he wasn't eating.
She shrugged and continued to munch merrily at her food. When she had dispensed of her meal and half of his they decided to take a walk back to where the wild pigs were. Padme' figured she'd get more joy out of nailing Anakin on the same turf he nailed her.
Once they were there, Anakin recognized the setting and became suspicious of why they were back at the same place. He racked his brain for any possible reason she'd choose to come back here.
Suddenly it hit him like an anvil. She was going to get revenge for that little harmless joke he played on her.
I'm paranoid he decided shaking his head to dismiss the thought. Padme' sat down in the grass and he sat down beside her. She reached into her robe and produced a clear bottle containing a scarlet liquid. She sat it between them and said
"For you."
He eyed the bottle "What is it?" he asked giving her an untrusting look.
She thought a moment not quite sure what to say.
"It's ah. ah. umm. a ah.water."
"Why is it red" he asked examining the bottle.
"It's ah. flavored."
"What flavor?"
"Ah. cherry."
"I don't like cherry" he replied handing her back the bottle.
"Oh wait it's not cherry it's ah. strawberry"
"I don't like strawberries either."
She huffed in frustration "What do you like?"
"Bananas, grapes, and pears."
"Well, here's a yellow one, it's banana, drink it!"
She shoved it into his face.
"Wait a minute, I don't like bananas either."
"I don't care what you like, DRINK IT!" she opened the top and stuck it in his mouth. He quickly ejected it and spit the liquid out.
"Why are you so determined on making me drink this.thing?"
"NEVER MIND!" she screamed. She stood up, gathered her items and ran back to the castle.
"That woman is weird as hell." He muttered to himself before following.
Later that night Anakin and Padme' sat eating dinner at the large banquet table. Anakin wondered why there were no drinks on the table until Padme' excused herself and entered the kitchen.
Five minutes later she returned. She placed a goblet in front of Anakin and carried hers over to her seat. She sat down and continued eating her meal. Anakin eyed his drink then eyed her.
"What is this?" he asked lifting the goblet and inspecting its contents.
"It's ah. wine."
"Can I see your goblet?" he asked setting his down.
Padme' hugged her goblet to her chest as if it were her life.
"No! You can't have it!"
"Why not?"
"Because ah. because you can't."
"Padme', we can do this two ways, the easy way, or the hard way. The easy way is for you to hand me the glass, the hard way is for me to take it from you. Which way do you choose?"
She didn't answer but continued to keep her grip on her goblet. Anakin sighed. He raised his hand in the direction of her cup. Immediately the glass shook in her hand and began to fly towards Anakin.
Unfortunately she refused to let go and she was dragged across the banquet table with it.
Once the cup was within grabbing distance he plucked it from her hand and replaced her glass with his.
"Now I will drink." He grinned at her and drank the liquid.
Three seconds later he fell face down into his mashed potatoes.
Padme' leaped up on the table throwing her hands into the air.
"I am the CHAMPION!" she cried pulling a list out of her pocket and a pencil from another. "Plan 60 to get Anakin's light saber, success. Knocked unconscious, check", she checked the small box beside her plan, "Steal light saber." She reached for his light saber. Grabbed it and held it up triumphantly. "Check." She repeated her motion on the next item on the list.
"Now all I have to do is hide it somewhere." She mused.
However her thoughts were interrupted by another voice. "Senator? What are you doing?"
She turned abruptly and saw Obi Wan Kenobi standing in the doorway.
"What are you doing here? You can't be here! Go away!"
Obi Wan glanced at her hands, one held Anakin's light saber, the other held a pad of paper and a pencil.
"Why do you have Anakin's light saber?" Obi Wan asked glancing at Anakin with his head buried in food.
"What is he doing?" Obi asked.
"It's ah.new law the queen passed.eat with your face in your food."
Obi walked over to Anakin, lifted his head and dropped it again. Anakin didn't budge.
"Can he breathe like that? I don't think he can." Obi said turning to her.
"That's the point." She muttered under her breath. "Oh yeah, he can breathe." She assured him.
"Why do you have Anakin's light saber?"
"He ah.was ah.letting me polish it."
"Okay.what is that?" Obi gestured towards her paper.
"Oh ah.just a list of my senator duties." She hid the paper behind her back.
Obi lifted Anakin's head again but this time dropped it on the table and he woke up. Anakin looked at Padme'.
"What are you doing with my light saber?"
"Ah.I thought it was my curling iron."
Obi Wan furrowed his brow. "But you said you were going to polish it"
"Shut up old man." Padme' snapped.
"I thought you were looking for the curling iron."
"Yeah.but see.I thought you had found it for me and were going to give it to me."
"But haven't you seen my light saber on my belt before?"
"Yeah, but see.Okay. fine! Enough already! I was trying to steal it okay? How do you work this thing anyway? Ooh. shiny!"
"Run for your life Anakin!"
That night in Anakin's bedchamber, Obi and Anakin sat talking. "What are you doing here, master?"
"The council sent me to check on you. But right now we have more important matters to deal with. Anakin, you will not retaliate, understood?"
"But, master, she has my light saber?"
"Be that as it may, you need to do the responsible thing. The council would expel you if they knew what you were doing."
"But master, they don't have to know.and you could help me." Anakin offered.
Obi looked intrigued. "Well, okay, but not because it's fun, because she has your light saber."
"What ever you say master."
The next morning Padme' emerged from her room and walked over to the nearest guard which was actually Obi in disguise. "What's for breakfast?" she asked drowsily.
The guard gave a loud shrill whistle causing Padme` to cover ears.
"Umm.eggs." He watched Anakin slip silently into her room and bit back a grin.
Once in her room he walked into her bathroom, grabbed her toothpaste and her curling iron and walked over to her bed. He untwisted the cap on the toothpaste, turned it upside down, hovered it over her pillow and squeezed.
Once her pillow was covered with toothpaste he returned to the bathroom and returned the toothpaste to its proper place.
He produced a packet of cherry Kool-Aid from his cloak and covered her showerhead with the ruby powder.
Then he pulled a plastic snake from his cloak and placed it snuggly under her blankets before evacuating the area.
He emerged, gave Obi a thumbs up behind Padme`s back and crept back down the hall.
Late that night, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" Anakin smiled in his sleep.
The next morning Padme` stepped out of her room and glared at the two men seated at the breakfast table. Her hair was bright red.
Anakin regarded her solemnly, "Good morning Senator."
Obi was trying not to grin. Padme' pointed her finger accusingly at Anakin
"I know you had something to do with this."
"Something to do with what?"
She gestured toward her hair and Obi broke into a grin.
"I can't be responsible for your idiocy." Anakin said seriously.
She focused her attention on Obi who was about to laugh.
"Aha! You crack like an egg!" Padme' shouted. "What did we have for breakfast yesterday Obi?"
"Ah. eggs." Anakin kicked him under the table. "Ah. I mean I don't know I didn't have breakfast yesterday." Obi covered quickly. "Aha, I saw that kick! I'm calling Yoda right now to see what your up to!" She grabbed her communicator and typed in Y-O-D-A.
Yoda's small green frame appeared on the screen. "Ah Senator, sleep well did you?"
"Actually Yoda I didn't, thanks so much to your stinkin' apprentices."
Obi's eyes widened and so did Anakin's.
"My apprentices say you, done something have they?"
At this point Anakin jumped out of his seat and covered Padme's mouth with his hand snatching the communicator.
"Oh no master we didn't do anything."
Padme' writhed underneath his hand trying to escape. But Yoda just nodded and hung up.
Anakin hurled the communicator to the floor and stomped on it before releasing Padme'
He strolled back to his seat she burned holes in his head as he walked.
This was too much for Obi and he started to cackle, clutching his stomach he rolled into the floor.
Anakin watched his master and began to fight his own laughter, but eventually the laughter won, Padme' on the other hand, was not laughing. Padme' stormed out of the room leaving the chuckling duo with their laughter.
That afternoon, Padme' had spent all morning washing the red color out of her hair. Now she stood outside on the balcony overlooking the lake. Anakin walked up to the rail and tapped her on the shoulder lightly.
"I know you'd probably want to kill me right now but I really need my light saber."
She turned on him, her eyes displaying her hatred.
"That's just too freakin' bad!" she snapped in irritation.
"Fine, I'll find it myself."
Padme' stepped back away from him. He watched her retreat with suspicion. "It's in your robe isn't it?"
She tried to make a run for it but he caught the back of her robe.
"HARRASSMENT!" She shrieked.
He quickly let go of her and she escaped. She dashed down the stairs and out of sight.
"Shit." He exclaimed before sitting down and meditating in order to calm himself.
Fifteen minutes later Padme` climbed the stone stairs to where she had been earlier and saw Anakin meditating. He opened his eyes to look at her smug face.
"I buried your light saber, Mr. Smarty Pants, find it now!" she challenged.
He rose slowly. "Okay."
He held out his hand and concentrated. Padme` watched in horrified awe as a very drenched light saber drifted through the air toward Anakin, he snatched it from the air.
"That's not fair!" Padme` shrieked.
She made a lunge for the weapon, but he held it high above his head. She tried to jump and reach it, but was unsuccessful. Then it occurred to her she could stand on the banister in order to reach it. What didn't occur to her is that the banister overlooked the lake two stories up.
Anakin just smiled and pushed her over the banister.
She screamed in terror but stopped when Anakin caught her before she fell.
She gazed at him, adrenaline racing through her, then she looked two stories down at the crystal waves breaking against the palace. Only then did she realize he was smiling.
"I'm going to kill you." Her voice was laced with menace.
He raised his eyebrows. "Well in that case." He let go.
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! SPLASH!
He heard her thud up the stairs. She ascended the steps into full view and Anakin burst out laughing at her moistened state. "You're all wet!" he managed to choke out.
"Listen, buddy, nobody pushes Padme` Francesca Amidala into a lake and gets away with it." She explained walking to face him, which just so happened to be beside the banister.
"Your middle name is Francesca?" He asked.
"That's not the point!" she raved. "The point is no one pushes me into a lake and gets away with it."
"You mean like this?" he asked innocently shoving her over the rail again.
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! SPLASH! Once she had returned from her second fall she stayed as far away from the railing as possible.
"I'm going to kill you.and I don't mean ha ha ha I'm going to kill you, I mean I am going to KILL you!"
She pounced on him, wrapped her hands around his throat and began to bang his head against the stone.
Obi walked outside and saw this. "What are you doing?!"
"Ah.umm.wrestling." Padme` supplied.
"Why are you all wet?"
"Ah.it's a new law the queen passed.take a shower in your clothes." Anakin lied, not wanting to get in trouble for submersing a senator.
"I'm going to have a talk with the queen." Obi said before walking away.
Padme' slapped Anakin once more for good measure before storming back to her bedroom to change out of her wet clothes.
At midnight that night Padme' crept down the corridor in the direction of the 4th- story balcony. She carried a hammer and nails and a 1ft x 1ft platform.
She reached the right side of the banister and threw a rope over the rail and climbed down. She quickly applied the platform to the edge of the balcony using the hammer and nails. Once she had finished she scaled the rope back up and returned to her room.
After breakfast that morning Padme` leaned against the banister, precisely over her platform she'd installed that night.
As Anakin walked past her she began to insult him. "What is up with that braid? I mean I've been keeping my opinions to myself so far, but that is just so retarded I had to say something." She leaned against the rail.
"Excuse me. Are you talking to me?" Anakin stepped closer to her challengingly.
"Well you're the only one here with a idiotic braid."
He wanted to push her over the rail again, it was so easy, just one little shove and she'd shut up.
But she just continued rambling. "And what about that cloak, it is so last season."
That was it; he pushed her over from the fourth floor.
Padme landed silently onto her platform and dropped a rock to provide the splash that would be needed in order to convince Anakin she had actually fallen.
He looked down at the churning water expecting to see Padme` surface furious at him.
But she never did.
Panic attacked. "Oh, God, I killed the senator!" He decided he should jump in after her and at least attempt to rescue her.
He dove over the rail into the water.
Padme` giggled with glee. Her plot had worked. She watched Anakin surface extremely confused.
"You idiot!" she yelled from her perch safely away from him.
He shot her a look of absolute hatred.
"Now who's all wet?" She taunted from safety.
She decided she should climb back up when she realized that was the part of her plan she'd forgotten. She was stuck on the board.
Obi Wan wandered out on to the balcony and looked over to see Padme` standing below and Anakin in the water.
"Help me up." Padme` ordered.
"Don't do it, master, she'll pull you in like she did me!" Anakin yelled from down in the water.
"Liar!" Padme` cried.
Obi Wan stared at the sight and quickly deduced Anakin's story would be the correct one.
"Good day Senator." He replied walking back inside.
"Rude, old man." She muttered, and, in her anger, stomped on the board.
This was a bad plan; the board immediately gave way falling out from under her. She clinged to the castle wall as the small piece of wood fell into the waves under her.
"Oh, God." She looked down at the water, and something that scared her far more.Anakin.
"What's wrong. scared of the water?" Anakin called from the lake. "Just let go of the wall."
"I'd rather jump into a pool of sharks." She yelled back.
"You'd be safer." He agreed swimming over to grab the fallen board. That place was also the approximate location she would fall too. And she would fall eventually; it was just a matter of time.
"Please don't let fall, please don't let me fall." she prayed quietly as her fingers began to slip.
One hand dropped so that only her right hand grasped the wall.
"Oh please!" she squealed as her fingers slid one by one over the brick she clutched so desperately.
Finally her hand slipped and she plummeted into the water a little to Anakin's right.
Once she broke the surface Anakin slid below the surface and circled her like a shark humming Jaws music to himself.
Padme` looked about her frantically but didn't see him anywhere and that alarmed her.
She felt someone shackle her ankles and drag her back under the water. Beneath the waves she came face to face with Anakin. She glared at his smug face and decided she should smack it.
She swung her hand to strike, but it hadn't occurred to her that the water would make her movements slower and Anakin caught her hand before it hit him, still smiling.
Then Padme` realized she needed air! She swam back up to the surface and so did Anakin.
She tried to swim to the shore but Anakin refused to release his grip on her left ankle.
"Let go, I prune easily." She struggled to free her ankle.
He let go of her ankle only long enough to shackle her other wrist so that he possessed both. She screamed in frustration.
"You have no one but yourself to blame if you do prune." He told her.
She thrashed wildly until, eventually he had no other option but to release her.
She swam quickly as if her life depended on it, and once she reached land she ran.
"Dammit." Anakin muttered before exiting the water himself.
The following morning at approximately 6.00 a.m. as the sun began to rise Padme` dragged a gigantic bucket full of raw eggs and cold gruel down the marble corridor leading to Anakin's chamber.
She lugged the disgusting slop originally prepared for breakfast that morning, up onto the slightly open door. The trap was set.
Padme` stood five feet away from the entrance and screamed,
"HELP ME, THEY'RE TAKING ME AWAY, HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The palace echoed with the earsplitting cry.
A few seconds later, a sleep induced Anakin emerged from his room, his eye lids half closed.
"Padme`? Are you well?"
To which she responded, "HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!"
Anakin, coming to the conclusion she'd lost her mind, opened the door far enough to gain admittance to the corridor.
But in order to do this he shifted the doors position and the mass of slime, which was the trap, came tumbling down.
Five seconds later Anakin was covered in raw eggs and cold oatmeal. Now he was fully awake.
"You little demon spawn!" he cried slinging bits of gruel off his face.
"Ha ha ha ha ha I got you." She triumphantly danced around him some odd 50 times.
"Padme`." Anakin's voice was suspiciously calm.
She stopped in front of him. "What?" She asked wearily.
"Run." He advised before shooting across the room towards her.
Now she wasn't stupid, she took the hint and ran.
They raced all through the palace. Padme` tried to hide several times, but Anakin always found her and each time her escape was too narrow for her comfort.
She raced up the steps in the direction of the banquet hall, Anakin hot on her heels yelling, "I just want to give you a big, long, slimy, nasty, grimy hug!"
Padme` reached the dining hall and saw in stunned horror that every door except the one she'd entered was locked from the outside.
She remembered the servants didn't unlock the doors until eight and it was barely 6:30.
She crawled desperately under the table as she heard the footsteps of her pursuer grow louder and faster.
Anakin, who presently looked more like the swamp thing, strolled in and smiled seeing the closed doors. He turned and locked the remaining door from which he had entered as well.
Now they were both trapped inside for another hour or so. The only problem was, he couldn't find Padme`.
He didn't understand it. She couldn't have gotten out.
"Wait a minute." he mused out loud.
With that he slowly slinked towards the table and gingerly raised the table cloth to reveal Padme`.
She smiled sweetly and laughed nervously. "Um.hi?"
Anakin lunged at her, satisfied he had cornered his prey.
She scrambled out from under the table as the chase continued.
They ran around the table some odd 77 times, screaming and tiring.
Then the door opposite to the one they had come in opened to reveal Obi and Yoda.
Both the hunter and the hunted froze. The lump of gruel that was Anakin's brow furrowed. "Master? Master Yoda? What are you doing here?"
Yoda shook his head sadly, "Acting like children you have been. Informed me of this Master Obi-Wan has."
He paused and strutted in to face the two pranksters. "Regret this I do." Yoda continued as he faced Anakin. "Necessary it is though. A Jedi you are no longer." He told Anakin solemnly.
"What!" Cried Anakin.
At this Padme` burst into hysterical laughter.
"As for you, a senator anymore you are not."
Padme`s laughter ceased immediately. Her face fell. "You're joking."
"Sadly, not joking am I."
They turned towards each other, completely horrified. They pointed at each other and screamed simultaneously, "This is all your fault!"
Then they heard something and they turned back towards Yoda who was writhing with mirth.
"What's so bloody funny?" demanded Padme` outraged.
"Fallen for it they have." Yoda managed to gasp to Obi who was also laughing.
"Fallen for what?" said Anakin narrowing his eyes.
"All a joke this was." Replied Yoda.
"You're still a senator and you're still a Jedi." Supplied Obi.
Padme` burst into a horrendous rage,
"What? You pointy eared little freak!"
"Hey!!!" Yoda yelled.
"Listen little green thing, don't you hey me! I'm the senator and I can do whatever I wish. And you know what I wish? I wish that I could put you in the fire, and then, once you're nice and blackened, then I'll stuff you in the freezer, and once you're a solid block of ice I'm gonna toss your nasty little hide back in the fire!"
Yoda just gaped at her terrible hostility while Anakin exploded suddenly with laughter. Padme` rounded on him. "And you mister Anakin Skywalker, while he's in the fire, you'll be in the freezer, and when he's in the freezer, guess where you're gonna be. the Fire!"
This merely caused Anakin to laugh harder.
Yoda shot him a glare and he stopped.
"Taught you a lesson I hope this has."
"Yes Yoda." Anakin and Padme` said in unison.
"Good. Apologize now."
"Yes Yoda." They caroled again.
"Sorry Padme`." Anakin said flatly.
"Sorry Anakin." She replied in the same monotone voice.
"Good." Repeated Yoda. "Go back to your quarters now you will." He instructed.
"Yes Yoda." They were beginning to sound like a broken record.
With that they both retreated towards the door, but every door was locked. Dum Dum Dum.
Will Yoda ever stop saying good?
Will they ever escape?
Will Anakin ever get access to a shower and remove the slime from his body?
Will Obi ever talk?
Tune in next week, same bat time, same bat channel!
Bye bye friends! Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe!
Name and E-mail: Rhiannon, aandrea10@ureach.com Title: Padme`s Revenge Category: Humor Summary: Padme` decides to play practical jokes on Anakin. until he retaliates. Spoilers: None PADME`S REVENGE
Season/Sequel Info: None, Completely random Rating: PG Pairings: None Warnings: Humorous Insanity, Every character's a nutcase
Padme` Amidala sat pensively in her bedchamber tossing a rubrics cube high into the air as she thought. She paused a moment and stared at the cube's red face and remembered the Dark Side and how their light sabers were red.
Then she thought about how Anakin had purposely deceived her that day he was acting like an idiot and riding that ridiculous pig and fell flat on his face. That wasn't what made her mad. The fact that he had pretended to be injured just to scare her really pissed her off!
And now she had decided he should pay. She had been attempting to concoct a devious plan in order to retaliate. The only problem was she didn't know how. The stinkin' man was just too freakin' powerful!
It isn't fair! She thought annoyed. Suddenly it hit her like a ton of bricks as she flipped the cube over to stare at the blue side.
His light saber! That was it, she would steal his light saber, and then he'd be sorry for sure!
Late in the night, around 3:00 am, Amidala tiptoed down the hallway towards Anakin's quarters. She silently lifted the latch to his door and crept inside.
She slithered over to his bed (Like the Grench). She crouched as quietly as possible, but the mass clutter in the room made it nearly impossible.
She cautiously reached for the silver object hanging loosely from his belt. She was inches away when all of the sudden Anakin shot straight up in the bed, staring directly at her. He snapped his fingers and the lights came on.
"What are you doing in here?" he asked her, confusion clear on his face.
"How did you wake up, I didn't make a single, bloody sound!" She raved.
"I sensed you before you even opened the door." He replied grinning.
She glared daggers at him; half wishing he would drop dead where he sat.
"Now back to the topic at hand, what are you doing in here?" He raised his eyebrows at her in question.
"Umm.umm. I was ah. looking.for the ah.umm curling iron! That's it, the curling iron"
"I don't have a curling iron." He replied waiting with amusement for her answer to that one.
"Umm. I was in here yesterday and I accidentally left it on your bed." She lied quickly.
"When were you in my room yesterday? I don't remember you leaving my sight the entire day."
"Well.see, you must have forgotten that time yesterday when I came in your room to curl my hair."
"Why not just curl your hair in your own room?"
"Cause umm.ah, the power is out in my room and I thought you wouldn't mind if I used yours."
He gave her a skeptical look and he shrugged. "Well it is no longer in my room, so you can look elsewhere so I can sleep and not have to worry about crazy senators bent on curling their hair in the middle of the night."
He decided to not even ask why she had been reaching for his light saber for fear of the response he might get. He watched her walk out of the room and made sure she was down the hall before going back to sleep.
Phooey! Padme` huffed as she beat a trail back to her room. Apparently she couldn't sneak up on him, so she had to out smart him. Suddenly it hit her like a bag of hammers, she could make him drunk, really drunk, then steal the light saber! She cackled with glee at her new plot and waited until morning to execute it.
The next morning Anakin walked out of his bedroom to hear Padme' laughing hysterically in the direction of the kitchen. He smelled something burning and decided he would skip breakfast this morning. He walked carefully to the dining table and sat down.
Padme` strolled out of the kitchen grinning wildly, almost maniac like. "Good morning!" she said sitting opposite him.
"Did you find your curling iron?" he asked giving her an odd look.
"What curling iron?" She countered genuinely confused.
"Never mind." He said glancing warily at whatever the substance on his plate was.
He debated in his mind whether it was edible or not and quickly deduced it wasn't. He pushed his plate away grimacing.
She hummed as she sliced her food and popped a piece into her mouth.
"I'm not hungry." He excused himself when he caught her puzzled look at why he wasn't eating.
She shrugged and continued to munch merrily at her food. When she had dispensed of her meal and half of his they decided to take a walk back to where the wild pigs were. Padme' figured she'd get more joy out of nailing Anakin on the same turf he nailed her.
Once they were there, Anakin recognized the setting and became suspicious of why they were back at the same place. He racked his brain for any possible reason she'd choose to come back here.
Suddenly it hit him like an anvil. She was going to get revenge for that little harmless joke he played on her.
I'm paranoid he decided shaking his head to dismiss the thought. Padme' sat down in the grass and he sat down beside her. She reached into her robe and produced a clear bottle containing a scarlet liquid. She sat it between them and said
"For you."
He eyed the bottle "What is it?" he asked giving her an untrusting look.
She thought a moment not quite sure what to say.
"It's ah. ah. umm. a ah.water."
"Why is it red" he asked examining the bottle.
"It's ah. flavored."
"What flavor?"
"Ah. cherry."
"I don't like cherry" he replied handing her back the bottle.
"Oh wait it's not cherry it's ah. strawberry"
"I don't like strawberries either."
She huffed in frustration "What do you like?"
"Bananas, grapes, and pears."
"Well, here's a yellow one, it's banana, drink it!"
She shoved it into his face.
"Wait a minute, I don't like bananas either."
"I don't care what you like, DRINK IT!" she opened the top and stuck it in his mouth. He quickly ejected it and spit the liquid out.
"Why are you so determined on making me drink this.thing?"
"NEVER MIND!" she screamed. She stood up, gathered her items and ran back to the castle.
"That woman is weird as hell." He muttered to himself before following.
Later that night Anakin and Padme' sat eating dinner at the large banquet table. Anakin wondered why there were no drinks on the table until Padme' excused herself and entered the kitchen.
Five minutes later she returned. She placed a goblet in front of Anakin and carried hers over to her seat. She sat down and continued eating her meal. Anakin eyed his drink then eyed her.
"What is this?" he asked lifting the goblet and inspecting its contents.
"It's ah. wine."
"Can I see your goblet?" he asked setting his down.
Padme' hugged her goblet to her chest as if it were her life.
"No! You can't have it!"
"Why not?"
"Because ah. because you can't."
"Padme', we can do this two ways, the easy way, or the hard way. The easy way is for you to hand me the glass, the hard way is for me to take it from you. Which way do you choose?"
She didn't answer but continued to keep her grip on her goblet. Anakin sighed. He raised his hand in the direction of her cup. Immediately the glass shook in her hand and began to fly towards Anakin.
Unfortunately she refused to let go and she was dragged across the banquet table with it.
Once the cup was within grabbing distance he plucked it from her hand and replaced her glass with his.
"Now I will drink." He grinned at her and drank the liquid.
Three seconds later he fell face down into his mashed potatoes.
Padme' leaped up on the table throwing her hands into the air.
"I am the CHAMPION!" she cried pulling a list out of her pocket and a pencil from another. "Plan 60 to get Anakin's light saber, success. Knocked unconscious, check", she checked the small box beside her plan, "Steal light saber." She reached for his light saber. Grabbed it and held it up triumphantly. "Check." She repeated her motion on the next item on the list.
"Now all I have to do is hide it somewhere." She mused.
However her thoughts were interrupted by another voice. "Senator? What are you doing?"
She turned abruptly and saw Obi Wan Kenobi standing in the doorway.
"What are you doing here? You can't be here! Go away!"
Obi Wan glanced at her hands, one held Anakin's light saber, the other held a pad of paper and a pencil.
"Why do you have Anakin's light saber?" Obi Wan asked glancing at Anakin with his head buried in food.
"What is he doing?" Obi asked.
"It's ah.new law the queen passed.eat with your face in your food."
Obi walked over to Anakin, lifted his head and dropped it again. Anakin didn't budge.
"Can he breathe like that? I don't think he can." Obi said turning to her.
"That's the point." She muttered under her breath. "Oh yeah, he can breathe." She assured him.
"Why do you have Anakin's light saber?"
"He ah.was ah.letting me polish it."
"Okay.what is that?" Obi gestured towards her paper.
"Oh ah.just a list of my senator duties." She hid the paper behind her back.
Obi lifted Anakin's head again but this time dropped it on the table and he woke up. Anakin looked at Padme'.
"What are you doing with my light saber?"
"Ah.I thought it was my curling iron."
Obi Wan furrowed his brow. "But you said you were going to polish it"
"Shut up old man." Padme' snapped.
"I thought you were looking for the curling iron."
"Yeah.but see.I thought you had found it for me and were going to give it to me."
"But haven't you seen my light saber on my belt before?"
"Yeah, but see.Okay. fine! Enough already! I was trying to steal it okay? How do you work this thing anyway? Ooh. shiny!"
"Run for your life Anakin!"
That night in Anakin's bedchamber, Obi and Anakin sat talking. "What are you doing here, master?"
"The council sent me to check on you. But right now we have more important matters to deal with. Anakin, you will not retaliate, understood?"
"But, master, she has my light saber?"
"Be that as it may, you need to do the responsible thing. The council would expel you if they knew what you were doing."
"But master, they don't have to know.and you could help me." Anakin offered.
Obi looked intrigued. "Well, okay, but not because it's fun, because she has your light saber."
"What ever you say master."
The next morning Padme' emerged from her room and walked over to the nearest guard which was actually Obi in disguise. "What's for breakfast?" she asked drowsily.
The guard gave a loud shrill whistle causing Padme` to cover ears.
"Umm.eggs." He watched Anakin slip silently into her room and bit back a grin.
Once in her room he walked into her bathroom, grabbed her toothpaste and her curling iron and walked over to her bed. He untwisted the cap on the toothpaste, turned it upside down, hovered it over her pillow and squeezed.
Once her pillow was covered with toothpaste he returned to the bathroom and returned the toothpaste to its proper place.
He produced a packet of cherry Kool-Aid from his cloak and covered her showerhead with the ruby powder.
Then he pulled a plastic snake from his cloak and placed it snuggly under her blankets before evacuating the area.
He emerged, gave Obi a thumbs up behind Padme`s back and crept back down the hall.
Late that night, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" Anakin smiled in his sleep.
The next morning Padme` stepped out of her room and glared at the two men seated at the breakfast table. Her hair was bright red.
Anakin regarded her solemnly, "Good morning Senator."
Obi was trying not to grin. Padme' pointed her finger accusingly at Anakin
"I know you had something to do with this."
"Something to do with what?"
She gestured toward her hair and Obi broke into a grin.
"I can't be responsible for your idiocy." Anakin said seriously.
She focused her attention on Obi who was about to laugh.
"Aha! You crack like an egg!" Padme' shouted. "What did we have for breakfast yesterday Obi?"
"Ah. eggs." Anakin kicked him under the table. "Ah. I mean I don't know I didn't have breakfast yesterday." Obi covered quickly. "Aha, I saw that kick! I'm calling Yoda right now to see what your up to!" She grabbed her communicator and typed in Y-O-D-A.
Yoda's small green frame appeared on the screen. "Ah Senator, sleep well did you?"
"Actually Yoda I didn't, thanks so much to your stinkin' apprentices."
Obi's eyes widened and so did Anakin's.
"My apprentices say you, done something have they?"
At this point Anakin jumped out of his seat and covered Padme's mouth with his hand snatching the communicator.
"Oh no master we didn't do anything."
Padme' writhed underneath his hand trying to escape. But Yoda just nodded and hung up.
Anakin hurled the communicator to the floor and stomped on it before releasing Padme'
He strolled back to his seat she burned holes in his head as he walked.
This was too much for Obi and he started to cackle, clutching his stomach he rolled into the floor.
Anakin watched his master and began to fight his own laughter, but eventually the laughter won, Padme' on the other hand, was not laughing. Padme' stormed out of the room leaving the chuckling duo with their laughter.
That afternoon, Padme' had spent all morning washing the red color out of her hair. Now she stood outside on the balcony overlooking the lake. Anakin walked up to the rail and tapped her on the shoulder lightly.
"I know you'd probably want to kill me right now but I really need my light saber."
She turned on him, her eyes displaying her hatred.
"That's just too freakin' bad!" she snapped in irritation.
"Fine, I'll find it myself."
Padme' stepped back away from him. He watched her retreat with suspicion. "It's in your robe isn't it?"
She tried to make a run for it but he caught the back of her robe.
"HARRASSMENT!" She shrieked.
He quickly let go of her and she escaped. She dashed down the stairs and out of sight.
"Shit." He exclaimed before sitting down and meditating in order to calm himself.
Fifteen minutes later Padme` climbed the stone stairs to where she had been earlier and saw Anakin meditating. He opened his eyes to look at her smug face.
"I buried your light saber, Mr. Smarty Pants, find it now!" she challenged.
He rose slowly. "Okay."
He held out his hand and concentrated. Padme` watched in horrified awe as a very drenched light saber drifted through the air toward Anakin, he snatched it from the air.
"That's not fair!" Padme` shrieked.
She made a lunge for the weapon, but he held it high above his head. She tried to jump and reach it, but was unsuccessful. Then it occurred to her she could stand on the banister in order to reach it. What didn't occur to her is that the banister overlooked the lake two stories up.
Anakin just smiled and pushed her over the banister.
She screamed in terror but stopped when Anakin caught her before she fell.
She gazed at him, adrenaline racing through her, then she looked two stories down at the crystal waves breaking against the palace. Only then did she realize he was smiling.
"I'm going to kill you." Her voice was laced with menace.
He raised his eyebrows. "Well in that case." He let go.
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! SPLASH!
He heard her thud up the stairs. She ascended the steps into full view and Anakin burst out laughing at her moistened state. "You're all wet!" he managed to choke out.
"Listen, buddy, nobody pushes Padme` Francesca Amidala into a lake and gets away with it." She explained walking to face him, which just so happened to be beside the banister.
"Your middle name is Francesca?" He asked.
"That's not the point!" she raved. "The point is no one pushes me into a lake and gets away with it."
"You mean like this?" he asked innocently shoving her over the rail again.
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! SPLASH! Once she had returned from her second fall she stayed as far away from the railing as possible.
"I'm going to kill you.and I don't mean ha ha ha I'm going to kill you, I mean I am going to KILL you!"
She pounced on him, wrapped her hands around his throat and began to bang his head against the stone.
Obi walked outside and saw this. "What are you doing?!"
"Ah.umm.wrestling." Padme` supplied.
"Why are you all wet?"
"Ah.it's a new law the queen passed.take a shower in your clothes." Anakin lied, not wanting to get in trouble for submersing a senator.
"I'm going to have a talk with the queen." Obi said before walking away.
Padme' slapped Anakin once more for good measure before storming back to her bedroom to change out of her wet clothes.
At midnight that night Padme' crept down the corridor in the direction of the 4th- story balcony. She carried a hammer and nails and a 1ft x 1ft platform.
She reached the right side of the banister and threw a rope over the rail and climbed down. She quickly applied the platform to the edge of the balcony using the hammer and nails. Once she had finished she scaled the rope back up and returned to her room.
After breakfast that morning Padme` leaned against the banister, precisely over her platform she'd installed that night.
As Anakin walked past her she began to insult him. "What is up with that braid? I mean I've been keeping my opinions to myself so far, but that is just so retarded I had to say something." She leaned against the rail.
"Excuse me. Are you talking to me?" Anakin stepped closer to her challengingly.
"Well you're the only one here with a idiotic braid."
He wanted to push her over the rail again, it was so easy, just one little shove and she'd shut up.
But she just continued rambling. "And what about that cloak, it is so last season."
That was it; he pushed her over from the fourth floor.
Padme landed silently onto her platform and dropped a rock to provide the splash that would be needed in order to convince Anakin she had actually fallen.
He looked down at the churning water expecting to see Padme` surface furious at him.
But she never did.
Panic attacked. "Oh, God, I killed the senator!" He decided he should jump in after her and at least attempt to rescue her.
He dove over the rail into the water.
Padme` giggled with glee. Her plot had worked. She watched Anakin surface extremely confused.
"You idiot!" she yelled from her perch safely away from him.
He shot her a look of absolute hatred.
"Now who's all wet?" She taunted from safety.
She decided she should climb back up when she realized that was the part of her plan she'd forgotten. She was stuck on the board.
Obi Wan wandered out on to the balcony and looked over to see Padme` standing below and Anakin in the water.
"Help me up." Padme` ordered.
"Don't do it, master, she'll pull you in like she did me!" Anakin yelled from down in the water.
"Liar!" Padme` cried.
Obi Wan stared at the sight and quickly deduced Anakin's story would be the correct one.
"Good day Senator." He replied walking back inside.
"Rude, old man." She muttered, and, in her anger, stomped on the board.
This was a bad plan; the board immediately gave way falling out from under her. She clinged to the castle wall as the small piece of wood fell into the waves under her.
"Oh, God." She looked down at the water, and something that scared her far more.Anakin.
"What's wrong. scared of the water?" Anakin called from the lake. "Just let go of the wall."
"I'd rather jump into a pool of sharks." She yelled back.
"You'd be safer." He agreed swimming over to grab the fallen board. That place was also the approximate location she would fall too. And she would fall eventually; it was just a matter of time.
"Please don't let fall, please don't let me fall." she prayed quietly as her fingers began to slip.
One hand dropped so that only her right hand grasped the wall.
"Oh please!" she squealed as her fingers slid one by one over the brick she clutched so desperately.
Finally her hand slipped and she plummeted into the water a little to Anakin's right.
Once she broke the surface Anakin slid below the surface and circled her like a shark humming Jaws music to himself.
Padme` looked about her frantically but didn't see him anywhere and that alarmed her.
She felt someone shackle her ankles and drag her back under the water. Beneath the waves she came face to face with Anakin. She glared at his smug face and decided she should smack it.
She swung her hand to strike, but it hadn't occurred to her that the water would make her movements slower and Anakin caught her hand before it hit him, still smiling.
Then Padme` realized she needed air! She swam back up to the surface and so did Anakin.
She tried to swim to the shore but Anakin refused to release his grip on her left ankle.
"Let go, I prune easily." She struggled to free her ankle.
He let go of her ankle only long enough to shackle her other wrist so that he possessed both. She screamed in frustration.
"You have no one but yourself to blame if you do prune." He told her.
She thrashed wildly until, eventually he had no other option but to release her.
She swam quickly as if her life depended on it, and once she reached land she ran.
"Dammit." Anakin muttered before exiting the water himself.
The following morning at approximately 6.00 a.m. as the sun began to rise Padme` dragged a gigantic bucket full of raw eggs and cold gruel down the marble corridor leading to Anakin's chamber.
She lugged the disgusting slop originally prepared for breakfast that morning, up onto the slightly open door. The trap was set.
Padme` stood five feet away from the entrance and screamed,
"HELP ME, THEY'RE TAKING ME AWAY, HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The palace echoed with the earsplitting cry.
A few seconds later, a sleep induced Anakin emerged from his room, his eye lids half closed.
"Padme`? Are you well?"
To which she responded, "HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!"
Anakin, coming to the conclusion she'd lost her mind, opened the door far enough to gain admittance to the corridor.
But in order to do this he shifted the doors position and the mass of slime, which was the trap, came tumbling down.
Five seconds later Anakin was covered in raw eggs and cold oatmeal. Now he was fully awake.
"You little demon spawn!" he cried slinging bits of gruel off his face.
"Ha ha ha ha ha I got you." She triumphantly danced around him some odd 50 times.
"Padme`." Anakin's voice was suspiciously calm.
She stopped in front of him. "What?" She asked wearily.
"Run." He advised before shooting across the room towards her.
Now she wasn't stupid, she took the hint and ran.
They raced all through the palace. Padme` tried to hide several times, but Anakin always found her and each time her escape was too narrow for her comfort.
She raced up the steps in the direction of the banquet hall, Anakin hot on her heels yelling, "I just want to give you a big, long, slimy, nasty, grimy hug!"
Padme` reached the dining hall and saw in stunned horror that every door except the one she'd entered was locked from the outside.
She remembered the servants didn't unlock the doors until eight and it was barely 6:30.
She crawled desperately under the table as she heard the footsteps of her pursuer grow louder and faster.
Anakin, who presently looked more like the swamp thing, strolled in and smiled seeing the closed doors. He turned and locked the remaining door from which he had entered as well.
Now they were both trapped inside for another hour or so. The only problem was, he couldn't find Padme`.
He didn't understand it. She couldn't have gotten out.
"Wait a minute." he mused out loud.
With that he slowly slinked towards the table and gingerly raised the table cloth to reveal Padme`.
She smiled sweetly and laughed nervously. "Um.hi?"
Anakin lunged at her, satisfied he had cornered his prey.
She scrambled out from under the table as the chase continued.
They ran around the table some odd 77 times, screaming and tiring.
Then the door opposite to the one they had come in opened to reveal Obi and Yoda.
Both the hunter and the hunted froze. The lump of gruel that was Anakin's brow furrowed. "Master? Master Yoda? What are you doing here?"
Yoda shook his head sadly, "Acting like children you have been. Informed me of this Master Obi-Wan has."
He paused and strutted in to face the two pranksters. "Regret this I do." Yoda continued as he faced Anakin. "Necessary it is though. A Jedi you are no longer." He told Anakin solemnly.
"What!" Cried Anakin.
At this Padme` burst into hysterical laughter.
"As for you, a senator anymore you are not."
Padme`s laughter ceased immediately. Her face fell. "You're joking."
"Sadly, not joking am I."
They turned towards each other, completely horrified. They pointed at each other and screamed simultaneously, "This is all your fault!"
Then they heard something and they turned back towards Yoda who was writhing with mirth.
"What's so bloody funny?" demanded Padme` outraged.
"Fallen for it they have." Yoda managed to gasp to Obi who was also laughing.
"Fallen for what?" said Anakin narrowing his eyes.
"All a joke this was." Replied Yoda.
"You're still a senator and you're still a Jedi." Supplied Obi.
Padme` burst into a horrendous rage,
"What? You pointy eared little freak!"
"Hey!!!" Yoda yelled.
"Listen little green thing, don't you hey me! I'm the senator and I can do whatever I wish. And you know what I wish? I wish that I could put you in the fire, and then, once you're nice and blackened, then I'll stuff you in the freezer, and once you're a solid block of ice I'm gonna toss your nasty little hide back in the fire!"
Yoda just gaped at her terrible hostility while Anakin exploded suddenly with laughter. Padme` rounded on him. "And you mister Anakin Skywalker, while he's in the fire, you'll be in the freezer, and when he's in the freezer, guess where you're gonna be. the Fire!"
This merely caused Anakin to laugh harder.
Yoda shot him a glare and he stopped.
"Taught you a lesson I hope this has."
"Yes Yoda." Anakin and Padme` said in unison.
"Good. Apologize now."
"Yes Yoda." They caroled again.
"Sorry Padme`." Anakin said flatly.
"Sorry Anakin." She replied in the same monotone voice.
"Good." Repeated Yoda. "Go back to your quarters now you will." He instructed.
"Yes Yoda." They were beginning to sound like a broken record.
With that they both retreated towards the door, but every door was locked. Dum Dum Dum.
Will Yoda ever stop saying good?
Will they ever escape?
Will Anakin ever get access to a shower and remove the slime from his body?
Will Obi ever talk?
Tune in next week, same bat time, same bat channel!
Bye bye friends! Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe!
Name and E-mail: Rhiannon, aandrea10@ureach.com Title: Padme`s Revenge Category: Humor Summary: Padme` decides to play practical jokes on Anakin. until he retaliates. Spoilers: None Season/Sequel Info: None, Completely random Rating: PG Pairings: None Warnings: Humorous Insanity, Every character's a nutcase
Padme` Amidala sat pensively in her bedchamber tossing a rubrics cube high into the air as she thought. She paused a moment and stared at the cube's red face and remembered the Dark Side and how their light sabers were red.
Then she thought about how Anakin had purposely deceived her that day he was acting like an idiot and riding that ridiculous pig and fell flat on his face. That wasn't what made her mad. The fact that he had pretended to be injured just to scare her really pissed her off!
And now she had decided he should pay. She had been attempting to concoct a devious plan in order to retaliate. The only problem was she didn't know how. The stinkin' man was just too freakin' powerful!
It isn't fair! She thought annoyed. Suddenly it hit her like a ton of bricks as she flipped the cube over to stare at the blue side.
His light saber! That was it, she would steal his light saber, and then he'd be sorry for sure!
Late in the night, around 3:00 am, Amidala tiptoed down the hallway towards Anakin's quarters. She silently lifted the latch to his door and crept inside.
She slithered over to his bed (Like the Grench). She crouched as quietly as possible, but the mass clutter in the room made it nearly impossible.
She cautiously reached for the silver object hanging loosely from his belt. She was inches away when all of the sudden Anakin shot straight up in the bed, staring directly at her. He snapped his fingers and the lights came on.
"What are you doing in here?" he asked her, confusion clear on his face.
"How did you wake up, I didn't make a single, bloody sound!" She raved.
"I sensed you before you even opened the door." He replied grinning.
She glared daggers at him; half wishing he would drop dead where he sat.
"Now back to the topic at hand, what are you doing in here?" He raised his eyebrows at her in question.
"Umm.umm. I was ah. looking.for the ah.umm curling iron! That's it, the curling iron"
"I don't have a curling iron." He replied waiting with amusement for her answer to that one.
"Umm. I was in here yesterday and I accidentally left it on your bed." She lied quickly.
"When were you in my room yesterday? I don't remember you leaving my sight the entire day."
"Well.see, you must have forgotten that time yesterday when I came in your room to curl my hair."
"Why not just curl your hair in your own room?"
"Cause umm.ah, the power is out in my room and I thought you wouldn't mind if I used yours."
He gave her a skeptical look and he shrugged. "Well it is no longer in my room, so you can look elsewhere so I can sleep and not have to worry about crazy senators bent on curling their hair in the middle of the night."
He decided to not even ask why she had been reaching for his light saber for fear of the response he might get. He watched her walk out of the room and made sure she was down the hall before going back to sleep.
Phooey! Padme` huffed as she beat a trail back to her room. Apparently she couldn't sneak up on him, so she had to out smart him. Suddenly it hit her like a bag of hammers, she could make him drunk, really drunk, then steal the light saber! She cackled with glee at her new plot and waited until morning to execute it.
The next morning Anakin walked out of his bedroom to hear Padme' laughing hysterically in the direction of the kitchen. He smelled something burning and decided he would skip breakfast this morning. He walked carefully to the dining table and sat down.
Padme` strolled out of the kitchen grinning wildly, almost maniac like. "Good morning!" she said sitting opposite him.
"Did you find your curling iron?" he asked giving her an odd look.
"What curling iron?" She countered genuinely confused.
"Never mind." He said glancing warily at whatever the substance on his plate was.
He debated in his mind whether it was edible or not and quickly deduced it wasn't. He pushed his plate away grimacing.
She hummed as she sliced her food and popped a piece into her mouth.
"I'm not hungry." He excused himself when he caught her puzzled look at why he wasn't eating.
She shrugged and continued to munch merrily at her food. When she had dispensed of her meal and half of his they decided to take a walk back to where the wild pigs were. Padme' figured she'd get more joy out of nailing Anakin on the same turf he nailed her.
Once they were there, Anakin recognized the setting and became suspicious of why they were back at the same place. He racked his brain for any possible reason she'd choose to come back here.
Suddenly it hit him like an anvil. She was going to get revenge for that little harmless joke he played on her.
I'm paranoid he decided shaking his head to dismiss the thought. Padme' sat down in the grass and he sat down beside her. She reached into her robe and produced a clear bottle containing a scarlet liquid. She sat it between them and said
"For you."
He eyed the bottle "What is it?" he asked giving her an untrusting look.
She thought a moment not quite sure what to say.
"It's ah. ah. umm. a ah.water."
"Why is it red" he asked examining the bottle.
"It's ah. flavored."
"What flavor?"
"Ah. cherry."
"I don't like cherry" he replied handing her back the bottle.
"Oh wait it's not cherry it's ah. strawberry"
"I don't like strawberries either."
She huffed in frustration "What do you like?"
"Bananas, grapes, and pears."
"Well, here's a yellow one, it's banana, drink it!"
She shoved it into his face.
"Wait a minute, I don't like bananas either."
"I don't care what you like, DRINK IT!" she opened the top and stuck it in his mouth. He quickly ejected it and spit the liquid out.
"Why are you so determined on making me drink this.thing?"
"NEVER MIND!" she screamed. She stood up, gathered her items and ran back to the castle.
"That woman is weird as hell." He muttered to himself before following.
Later that night Anakin and Padme' sat eating dinner at the large banquet table. Anakin wondered why there were no drinks on the table until Padme' excused herself and entered the kitchen.
Five minutes later she returned. She placed a goblet in front of Anakin and carried hers over to her seat. She sat down and continued eating her meal. Anakin eyed his drink then eyed her.
"What is this?" he asked lifting the goblet and inspecting its contents.
"It's ah. wine."
"Can I see your goblet?" he asked setting his down.
Padme' hugged her goblet to her chest as if it were her life.
"No! You can't have it!"
"Why not?"
"Because ah. because you can't."
"Padme', we can do this two ways, the easy way, or the hard way. The easy way is for you to hand me the glass, the hard way is for me to take it from you. Which way do you choose?"
She didn't answer but continued to keep her grip on her goblet. Anakin sighed. He raised his hand in the direction of her cup. Immediately the glass shook in her hand and began to fly towards Anakin.
Unfortunately she refused to let go and she was dragged across the banquet table with it.
Once the cup was within grabbing distance he plucked it from her hand and replaced her glass with his.
"Now I will drink." He grinned at her and drank the liquid.
Three seconds later he fell face down into his mashed potatoes.
Padme' leaped up on the table throwing her hands into the air.
"I am the CHAMPION!" she cried pulling a list out of her pocket and a pencil from another. "Plan 60 to get Anakin's light saber, success. Knocked unconscious, check", she checked the small box beside her plan, "Steal light saber." She reached for his light saber. Grabbed it and held it up triumphantly. "Check." She repeated her motion on the next item on the list.
"Now all I have to do is hide it somewhere." She mused.
However her thoughts were interrupted by another voice. "Senator? What are you doing?"
She turned abruptly and saw Obi Wan Kenobi standing in the doorway.
"What are you doing here? You can't be here! Go away!"
Obi Wan glanced at her hands, one held Anakin's light saber, the other held a pad of paper and a pencil.
"Why do you have Anakin's light saber?" Obi Wan asked glancing at Anakin with his head buried in food.
"What is he doing?" Obi asked.
"It's ah.new law the queen passed.eat with your face in your food."
Obi walked over to Anakin, lifted his head and dropped it again. Anakin didn't budge.
"Can he breathe like that? I don't think he can." Obi said turning to her.
"That's the point." She muttered under her breath. "Oh yeah, he can breathe." She assured him.
"Why do you have Anakin's light saber?"
"He ah.was ah.letting me polish it."
"Okay.what is that?" Obi gestured towards her paper.
"Oh ah.just a list of my senator duties." She hid the paper behind her back.
Obi lifted Anakin's head again but this time dropped it on the table and he woke up. Anakin looked at Padme'.
"What are you doing with my light saber?"
"Ah.I thought it was my curling iron."
Obi Wan furrowed his brow. "But you said you were going to polish it"
"Shut up old man." Padme' snapped.
"I thought you were looking for the curling iron."
"Yeah.but see.I thought you had found it for me and were going to give it to me."
"But haven't you seen my light saber on my belt before?"
"Yeah, but see.Okay. fine! Enough already! I was trying to steal it okay? How do you work this thing anyway? Ooh. shiny!"
"Run for your life Anakin!"
That night in Anakin's bedchamber, Obi and Anakin sat talking. "What are you doing here, master?"
"The council sent me to check on you. But right now we have more important matters to deal with. Anakin, you will not retaliate, understood?"
"But, master, she has my light saber?"
"Be that as it may, you need to do the responsible thing. The council would expel you if they knew what you were doing."
"But master, they don't have to know.and you could help me." Anakin offered.
Obi looked intrigued. "Well, okay, but not because it's fun, because she has your light saber."
"What ever you say master."
The next morning Padme' emerged from her room and walked over to the nearest guard which was actually Obi in disguise. "What's for breakfast?" she asked drowsily.
The guard gave a loud shrill whistle causing Padme` to cover ears.
"Umm.eggs." He watched Anakin slip silently into her room and bit back a grin.
Once in her room he walked into her bathroom, grabbed her toothpaste and her curling iron and walked over to her bed. He untwisted the cap on the toothpaste, turned it upside down, hovered it over her pillow and squeezed.
Once her pillow was covered with toothpaste he returned to the bathroom and returned the toothpaste to its proper place.
He produced a packet of cherry Kool-Aid from his cloak and covered her showerhead with the ruby powder.
Then he pulled a plastic snake from his cloak and placed it snuggly under her blankets before evacuating the area.
He emerged, gave Obi a thumbs up behind Padme`s back and crept back down the hall.
Late that night, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" Anakin smiled in his sleep.
The next morning Padme` stepped out of her room and glared at the two men seated at the breakfast table. Her hair was bright red.
Anakin regarded her solemnly, "Good morning Senator."
Obi was trying not to grin. Padme' pointed her finger accusingly at Anakin
"I know you had something to do with this."
"Something to do with what?"
She gestured toward her hair and Obi broke into a grin.
"I can't be responsible for your idiocy." Anakin said seriously.
She focused her attention on Obi who was about to laugh.
"Aha! You crack like an egg!" Padme' shouted. "What did we have for breakfast yesterday Obi?"
"Ah. eggs." Anakin kicked him under the table. "Ah. I mean I don't know I didn't have breakfast yesterday." Obi covered quickly. "Aha, I saw that kick! I'm calling Yoda right now to see what your up to!" She grabbed her communicator and typed in Y-O-D-A.
Yoda's small green frame appeared on the screen. "Ah Senator, sleep well did you?"
"Actually Yoda I didn't, thanks so much to your stinkin' apprentices."
Obi's eyes widened and so did Anakin's.
"My apprentices say you, done something have they?"
At this point Anakin jumped out of his seat and covered Padme's mouth with his hand snatching the communicator.
"Oh no master we didn't do anything."
Padme' writhed underneath his hand trying to escape. But Yoda just nodded and hung up.
Anakin hurled the communicator to the floor and stomped on it before releasing Padme'
He strolled back to his seat she burned holes in his head as he walked.
This was too much for Obi and he started to cackle, clutching his stomach he rolled into the floor.
Anakin watched his master and began to fight his own laughter, but eventually the laughter won, Padme' on the other hand, was not laughing. Padme' stormed out of the room leaving the chuckling duo with their laughter.
That afternoon, Padme' had spent all morning washing the red color out of her hair. Now she stood outside on the balcony overlooking the lake. Anakin walked up to the rail and tapped her on the shoulder lightly.
"I know you'd probably want to kill me right now but I really need my light saber."
She turned on him, her eyes displaying her hatred.
"That's just too freakin' bad!" she snapped in irritation.
"Fine, I'll find it myself."
Padme' stepped back away from him. He watched her retreat with suspicion. "It's in your robe isn't it?"
She tried to make a run for it but he caught the back of her robe.
"HARRASSMENT!" She shrieked.
He quickly let go of her and she escaped. She dashed down the stairs and out of sight.
"Shit." He exclaimed before sitting down and meditating in order to calm himself.
Fifteen minutes later Padme` climbed the stone stairs to where she had been earlier and saw Anakin meditating. He opened his eyes to look at her smug face.
"I buried your light saber, Mr. Smarty Pants, find it now!" she challenged.
He rose slowly. "Okay."
He held out his hand and concentrated. Padme` watched in horrified awe as a very drenched light saber drifted through the air toward Anakin, he snatched it from the air.
"That's not fair!" Padme` shrieked.
She made a lunge for the weapon, but he held it high above his head. She tried to jump and reach it, but was unsuccessful. Then it occurred to her she could stand on the banister in order to reach it. What didn't occur to her is that the banister overlooked the lake two stories up.
Anakin just smiled and pushed her over the banister.
She screamed in terror but stopped when Anakin caught her before she fell.
She gazed at him, adrenaline racing through her, then she looked two stories down at the crystal waves breaking against the palace. Only then did she realize he was smiling.
"I'm going to kill you." Her voice was laced with menace.
He raised his eyebrows. "Well in that case." He let go.
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! SPLASH!
He heard her thud up the stairs. She ascended the steps into full view and Anakin burst out laughing at her moistened state. "You're all wet!" he managed to choke out.
"Listen, buddy, nobody pushes Padme` Francesca Amidala into a lake and gets away with it." She explained walking to face him, which just so happened to be beside the banister.
"Your middle name is Francesca?" He asked.
"That's not the point!" she raved. "The point is no one pushes me into a lake and gets away with it."
"You mean like this?" he asked innocently shoving her over the rail again.
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! SPLASH! Once she had returned from her second fall she stayed as far away from the railing as possible.
"I'm going to kill you.and I don't mean ha ha ha I'm going to kill you, I mean I am going to KILL you!"
She pounced on him, wrapped her hands around his throat and began to bang his head against the stone.
Obi walked outside and saw this. "What are you doing?!"
"Ah.umm.wrestling." Padme` supplied.
"Why are you all wet?"
"Ah.it's a new law the queen passed.take a shower in your clothes." Anakin lied, not wanting to get in trouble for submersing a senator.
"I'm going to have a talk with the queen." Obi said before walking away.
Padme' slapped Anakin once more for good measure before storming back to her bedroom to change out of her wet clothes.
At midnight that night Padme' crept down the corridor in the direction of the 4th- story balcony. She carried a hammer and nails and a 1ft x 1ft platform.
She reached the right side of the banister and threw a rope over the rail and climbed down. She quickly applied the platform to the edge of the balcony using the hammer and nails. Once she had finished she scaled the rope back up and returned to her room.
After breakfast that morning Padme` leaned against the banister, precisely over her platform she'd installed that night.
As Anakin walked past her she began to insult him. "What is up with that braid? I mean I've been keeping my opinions to myself so far, but that is just so retarded I had to say something." She leaned against the rail.
"Excuse me. Are you talking to me?" Anakin stepped closer to her challengingly.
"Well you're the only one here with a idiotic braid."
He wanted to push her over the rail again, it was so easy, just one little shove and she'd shut up.
But she just continued rambling. "And what about that cloak, it is so last season."
That was it; he pushed her over from the fourth floor.
Padme landed silently onto her platform and dropped a rock to provide the splash that would be needed in order to convince Anakin she had actually fallen.
He looked down at the churning water expecting to see Padme` surface furious at him.
But she never did.
Panic attacked. "Oh, God, I killed the senator!" He decided he should jump in after her and at least attempt to rescue her.
He dove over the rail into the water.
Padme` giggled with glee. Her plot had worked. She watched Anakin surface extremely confused.
"You idiot!" she yelled from her perch safely away from him.
He shot her a look of absolute hatred.
"Now who's all wet?" She taunted from safety.
She decided she should climb back up when she realized that was the part of her plan she'd forgotten. She was stuck on the board.
Obi Wan wandered out on to the balcony and looked over to see Padme` standing below and Anakin in the water.
"Help me up." Padme` ordered.
"Don't do it, master, she'll pull you in like she did me!" Anakin yelled from down in the water.
"Liar!" Padme` cried.
Obi Wan stared at the sight and quickly deduced Anakin's story would be the correct one.
"Good day Senator." He replied walking back inside.
"Rude, old man." She muttered, and, in her anger, stomped on the board.
This was a bad plan; the board immediately gave way falling out from under her. She clinged to the castle wall as the small piece of wood fell into the waves under her.
"Oh, God." She looked down at the water, and something that scared her far more.Anakin.
"What's wrong. scared of the water?" Anakin called from the lake. "Just let go of the wall."
"I'd rather jump into a pool of sharks." She yelled back.
"You'd be safer." He agreed swimming over to grab the fallen board. That place was also the approximate location she would fall too. And she would fall eventually; it was just a matter of time.
"Please don't let fall, please don't let me fall." she prayed quietly as her fingers began to slip.
One hand dropped so that only her right hand grasped the wall.
"Oh please!" she squealed as her fingers slid one by one over the brick she clutched so desperately.
Finally her hand slipped and she plummeted into the water a little to Anakin's right.
Once she broke the surface Anakin slid below the surface and circled her like a shark humming Jaws music to himself.
Padme` looked about her frantically but didn't see him anywhere and that alarmed her.
She felt someone shackle her ankles and drag her back under the water. Beneath the waves she came face to face with Anakin. She glared at his smug face and decided she should smack it.
She swung her hand to strike, but it hadn't occurred to her that the water would make her movements slower and Anakin caught her hand before it hit him, still smiling.
Then Padme` realized she needed air! She swam back up to the surface and so did Anakin.
She tried to swim to the shore but Anakin refused to release his grip on her left ankle.
"Let go, I prune easily." She struggled to free her ankle.
He let go of her ankle only long enough to shackle her other wrist so that he possessed both. She screamed in frustration.
"You have no one but yourself to blame if you do prune." He told her.
She thrashed wildly until, eventually he had no other option but to release her.
She swam quickly as if her life depended on it, and once she reached land she ran.
"Dammit." Anakin muttered before exiting the water himself.
The following morning at approximately 6.00 a.m. as the sun began to rise Padme` dragged a gigantic bucket full of raw eggs and cold gruel down the marble corridor leading to Anakin's chamber.
She lugged the disgusting slop originally prepared for breakfast that morning, up onto the slightly open door. The trap was set.
Padme` stood five feet away from the entrance and screamed,
"HELP ME, THEY'RE TAKING ME AWAY, HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The palace echoed with the earsplitting cry.
A few seconds later, a sleep induced Anakin emerged from his room, his eye lids half closed.
"Padme`? Are you well?"
To which she responded, "HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!"
Anakin, coming to the conclusion she'd lost her mind, opened the door far enough to gain admittance to the corridor.
But in order to do this he shifted the doors position and the mass of slime, which was the trap, came tumbling down.
Five seconds later Anakin was covered in raw eggs and cold oatmeal. Now he was fully awake.
"You little demon spawn!" he cried slinging bits of gruel off his face.
"Ha ha ha ha ha I got you." She triumphantly danced around him some odd 50 times.
"Padme`." Anakin's voice was suspiciously calm.
She stopped in front of him. "What?" She asked wearily.
"Run." He advised before shooting across the room towards her.
Now she wasn't stupid, she took the hint and ran.
They raced all through the palace. Padme` tried to hide several times, but Anakin always found her and each time her escape was too narrow for her comfort.
She raced up the steps in the direction of the banquet hall, Anakin hot on her heels yelling, "I just want to give you a big, long, slimy, nasty, grimy hug!"
Padme` reached the dining hall and saw in stunned horror that every door except the one she'd entered was locked from the outside.
She remembered the servants didn't unlock the doors until eight and it was barely 6:30.
She crawled desperately under the table as she heard the footsteps of her pursuer grow louder and faster.
Anakin, who presently looked more like the swamp thing, strolled in and smiled seeing the closed doors. He turned and locked the remaining door from which he had entered as well.
Now they were both trapped inside for another hour or so. The only problem was, he couldn't find Padme`.
He didn't understand it. She couldn't have gotten out.
"Wait a minute." he mused out loud.
With that he slowly slinked towards the table and gingerly raised the table cloth to reveal Padme`.
She smiled sweetly and laughed nervously. "Um.hi?"
Anakin lunged at her, satisfied he had cornered his prey.
She scrambled out from under the table as the chase continued.
They ran around the table some odd 77 times, screaming and tiring.
Then the door opposite to the one they had come in opened to reveal Obi and Yoda.
Both the hunter and the hunted froze. The lump of gruel that was Anakin's brow furrowed. "Master? Master Yoda? What are you doing here?"
Yoda shook his head sadly, "Acting like children you have been. Informed me of this Master Obi-Wan has."
He paused and strutted in to face the two pranksters. "Regret this I do." Yoda continued as he faced Anakin. "Necessary it is though. A Jedi you are no longer." He told Anakin solemnly.
"What!" Cried Anakin.
At this Padme` burst into hysterical laughter.
"As for you, a senator anymore you are not."
Padme`s laughter ceased immediately. Her face fell. "You're joking."
"Sadly, not joking am I."
They turned towards each other, completely horrified. They pointed at each other and screamed simultaneously, "This is all your fault!"
Then they heard something and they turned back towards Yoda who was writhing with mirth.
"What's so bloody funny?" demanded Padme` outraged.
"Fallen for it they have." Yoda managed to gasp to Obi who was also laughing.
"Fallen for what?" said Anakin narrowing his eyes.
"All a joke this was." Replied Yoda.
"You're still a senator and you're still a Jedi." Supplied Obi.
Padme` burst into a horrendous rage,
"What? You pointy eared little freak!"
"Hey!!!" Yoda yelled.
"Listen little green thing, don't you hey me! I'm the senator and I can do whatever I wish. And you know what I wish? I wish that I could put you in the fire, and then, once you're nice and blackened, then I'll stuff you in the freezer, and once you're a solid block of ice I'm gonna toss your nasty little hide back in the fire!"
Yoda just gaped at her terrible hostility while Anakin exploded suddenly with laughter. Padme` rounded on him. "And you mister Anakin Skywalker, while he's in the fire, you'll be in the freezer, and when he's in the freezer, guess where you're gonna be. the Fire!"
This merely caused Anakin to laugh harder.
Yoda shot him a glare and he stopped.
"Taught you a lesson I hope this has."
"Yes Yoda." Anakin and Padme` said in unison.
"Good. Apologize now."
"Yes Yoda." They caroled again.
"Sorry Padme`." Anakin said flatly.
"Sorry Anakin." She replied in the same monotone voice.
"Good." Repeated Yoda. "Go back to your quarters now you will." He instructed.
"Yes Yoda." They were beginning to sound like a broken record.
With that they both retreated towards the door, but every door was locked. Dum Dum Dum.
Will Yoda ever stop saying good?
Will they ever escape?
Will Anakin ever get access to a shower and remove the slime from his body?
Will Obi ever talk?
Tune in next week, same bat time, same bat channel!
Bye bye friends! Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe!
Name and E-mail: Rhiannon, aandrea10@ureach.com Title: Padme`s Revenge Category: Humor Summary: Padme` decides to play practical jokes on Anakin. until he retaliates. Spoilers: None PADME`S REVENGE
Season/Sequel Info: None, Completely random Rating: PG Pairings: None Warnings: Humorous Insanity, Every character's a nutcase
Padme` Amidala sat pensively in her bedchamber tossing a rubrics cube high into the air as she thought. She paused a moment and stared at the cube's red face and remembered the Dark Side and how their light sabers were red.
Then she thought about how Anakin had purposely deceived her that day he was acting like an idiot and riding that ridiculous pig and fell flat on his face. That wasn't what made her mad. The fact that he had pretended to be injured just to scare her really pissed her off!
And now she had decided he should pay. She had been attempting to concoct a devious plan in order to retaliate. The only problem was she didn't know how. The stinkin' man was just too freakin' powerful!
It isn't fair! She thought annoyed. Suddenly it hit her like a ton of bricks as she flipped the cube over to stare at the blue side.
His light saber! That was it, she would steal his light saber, and then he'd be sorry for sure!
Late in the night, around 3:00 am, Amidala tiptoed down the hallway towards Anakin's quarters. She silently lifted the latch to his door and crept inside.
She slithered over to his bed (Like the Grench). She crouched as quietly as possible, but the mass clutter in the room made it nearly impossible.
She cautiously reached for the silver object hanging loosely from his belt. She was inches away when all of the sudden Anakin shot straight up in the bed, staring directly at her. He snapped his fingers and the lights came on.
"What are you doing in here?" he asked her, confusion clear on his face.
"How did you wake up, I didn't make a single, bloody sound!" She raved.
"I sensed you before you even opened the door." He replied grinning.
She glared daggers at him; half wishing he would drop dead where he sat.
"Now back to the topic at hand, what are you doing in here?" He raised his eyebrows at her in question.
"Umm.umm. I was ah. looking.for the ah.umm curling iron! That's it, the curling iron"
"I don't have a curling iron." He replied waiting with amusement for her answer to that one.
"Umm. I was in here yesterday and I accidentally left it on your bed." She lied quickly.
"When were you in my room yesterday? I don't remember you leaving my sight the entire day."
"Well.see, you must have forgotten that time yesterday when I came in your room to curl my hair."
"Why not just curl your hair in your own room?"
"Cause umm.ah, the power is out in my room and I thought you wouldn't mind if I used yours."
He gave her a skeptical look and he shrugged. "Well it is no longer in my room, so you can look elsewhere so I can sleep and not have to worry about crazy senators bent on curling their hair in the middle of the night."
He decided to not even ask why she had been reaching for his light saber for fear of the response he might get. He watched her walk out of the room and made sure she was down the hall before going back to sleep.
Phooey! Padme` huffed as she beat a trail back to her room. Apparently she couldn't sneak up on him, so she had to out smart him. Suddenly it hit her like a bag of hammers, she could make him drunk, really drunk, then steal the light saber! She cackled with glee at her new plot and waited until morning to execute it.
The next morning Anakin walked out of his bedroom to hear Padme' laughing hysterically in the direction of the kitchen. He smelled something burning and decided he would skip breakfast this morning. He walked carefully to the dining table and sat down.
Padme` strolled out of the kitchen grinning wildly, almost maniac like. "Good morning!" she said sitting opposite him.
"Did you find your curling iron?" he asked giving her an odd look.
"What curling iron?" She countered genuinely confused.
"Never mind." He said glancing warily at whatever the substance on his plate was.
He debated in his mind whether it was edible or not and quickly deduced it wasn't. He pushed his plate away grimacing.
She hummed as she sliced her food and popped a piece into her mouth.
"I'm not hungry." He excused himself when he caught her puzzled look at why he wasn't eating.
She shrugged and continued to munch merrily at her food. When she had dispensed of her meal and half of his they decided to take a walk back to where the wild pigs were. Padme' figured she'd get more joy out of nailing Anakin on the same turf he nailed her.
Once they were there, Anakin recognized the setting and became suspicious of why they were back at the same place. He racked his brain for any possible reason she'd choose to come back here.
Suddenly it hit him like an anvil. She was going to get revenge for that little harmless joke he played on her.
I'm paranoid he decided shaking his head to dismiss the thought. Padme' sat down in the grass and he sat down beside her. She reached into her robe and produced a clear bottle containing a scarlet liquid. She sat it between them and said
"For you."
He eyed the bottle "What is it?" he asked giving her an untrusting look.
She thought a moment not quite sure what to say.
"It's ah. ah. umm. a ah.water."
"Why is it red" he asked examining the bottle.
"It's ah. flavored."
"What flavor?"
"Ah. cherry."
"I don't like cherry" he replied handing her back the bottle.
"Oh wait it's not cherry it's ah. strawberry"
"I don't like strawberries either."
She huffed in frustration "What do you like?"
"Bananas, grapes, and pears."
"Well, here's a yellow one, it's banana, drink it!"
She shoved it into his face.
"Wait a minute, I don't like bananas either."
"I don't care what you like, DRINK IT!" she opened the top and stuck it in his mouth. He quickly ejected it and spit the liquid out.
"Why are you so determined on making me drink this.thing?"
"NEVER MIND!" she screamed. She stood up, gathered her items and ran back to the castle.
"That woman is weird as hell." He muttered to himself before following.
Later that night Anakin and Padme' sat eating dinner at the large banquet table. Anakin wondered why there were no drinks on the table until Padme' excused herself and entered the kitchen.
Five minutes later she returned. She placed a goblet in front of Anakin and carried hers over to her seat. She sat down and continued eating her meal. Anakin eyed his drink then eyed her.
"What is this?" he asked lifting the goblet and inspecting its contents.
"It's ah. wine."
"Can I see your goblet?" he asked setting his down.
Padme' hugged her goblet to her chest as if it were her life.
"No! You can't have it!"
"Why not?"
"Because ah. because you can't."
"Padme', we can do this two ways, the easy way, or the hard way. The easy way is for you to hand me the glass, the hard way is for me to take it from you. Which way do you choose?"
She didn't answer but continued to keep her grip on her goblet. Anakin sighed. He raised his hand in the direction of her cup. Immediately the glass shook in her hand and began to fly towards Anakin.
Unfortunately she refused to let go and she was dragged across the banquet table with it.
Once the cup was within grabbing distance he plucked it from her hand and replaced her glass with his.
"Now I will drink." He grinned at her and drank the liquid.
Three seconds later he fell face down into his mashed potatoes.
Padme' leaped up on the table throwing her hands into the air.
"I am the CHAMPION!" she cried pulling a list out of her pocket and a pencil from another. "Plan 60 to get Anakin's light saber, success. Knocked unconscious, check", she checked the small box beside her plan, "Steal light saber." She reached for his light saber. Grabbed it and held it up triumphantly. "Check." She repeated her motion on the next item on the list.
"Now all I have to do is hide it somewhere." She mused.
However her thoughts were interrupted by another voice. "Senator? What are you doing?"
She turned abruptly and saw Obi Wan Kenobi standing in the doorway.
"What are you doing here? You can't be here! Go away!"
Obi Wan glanced at her hands, one held Anakin's light saber, the other held a pad of paper and a pencil.
"Why do you have Anakin's light saber?" Obi Wan asked glancing at Anakin with his head buried in food.
"What is he doing?" Obi asked.
"It's ah.new law the queen passed.eat with your face in your food."
Obi walked over to Anakin, lifted his head and dropped it again. Anakin didn't budge.
"Can he breathe like that? I don't think he can." Obi said turning to her.
"That's the point." She muttered under her breath. "Oh yeah, he can breathe." She assured him.
"Why do you have Anakin's light saber?"
"He ah.was ah.letting me polish it."
"Okay.what is that?" Obi gestured towards her paper.
"Oh ah.just a list of my senator duties." She hid the paper behind her back.
Obi lifted Anakin's head again but this time dropped it on the table and he woke up. Anakin looked at Padme'.
"What are you doing with my light saber?"
"Ah.I thought it was my curling iron."
Obi Wan furrowed his brow. "But you said you were going to polish it"
"Shut up old man." Padme' snapped.
"I thought you were looking for the curling iron."
"Yeah.but see.I thought you had found it for me and were going to give it to me."
"But haven't you seen my light saber on my belt before?"
"Yeah, but see.Okay. fine! Enough already! I was trying to steal it okay? How do you work this thing anyway? Ooh. shiny!"
"Run for your life Anakin!"
That night in Anakin's bedchamber, Obi and Anakin sat talking. "What are you doing here, master?"
"The council sent me to check on you. But right now we have more important matters to deal with. Anakin, you will not retaliate, understood?"
"But, master, she has my light saber?"
"Be that as it may, you need to do the responsible thing. The council would expel you if they knew what you were doing."
"But master, they don't have to know.and you could help me." Anakin offered.
Obi looked intrigued. "Well, okay, but not because it's fun, because she has your light saber."
"What ever you say master."
The next morning Padme' emerged from her room and walked over to the nearest guard which was actually Obi in disguise. "What's for breakfast?" she asked drowsily.
The guard gave a loud shrill whistle causing Padme` to cover ears.
"Umm.eggs." He watched Anakin slip silently into her room and bit back a grin.
Once in her room he walked into her bathroom, grabbed her toothpaste and her curling iron and walked over to her bed. He untwisted the cap on the toothpaste, turned it upside down, hovered it over her pillow and squeezed.
Once her pillow was covered with toothpaste he returned to the bathroom and returned the toothpaste to its proper place.
He produced a packet of cherry Kool-Aid from his cloak and covered her showerhead with the ruby powder.
Then he pulled a plastic snake from his cloak and placed it snuggly under her blankets before evacuating the area.
He emerged, gave Obi a thumbs up behind Padme`s back and crept back down the hall.
Late that night, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" Anakin smiled in his sleep.
The next morning Padme` stepped out of her room and glared at the two men seated at the breakfast table. Her hair was bright red.
Anakin regarded her solemnly, "Good morning Senator."
Obi was trying not to grin. Padme' pointed her finger accusingly at Anakin
"I know you had something to do with this."
"Something to do with what?"
She gestured toward her hair and Obi broke into a grin.
"I can't be responsible for your idiocy." Anakin said seriously.
She focused her attention on Obi who was about to laugh.
"Aha! You crack like an egg!" Padme' shouted. "What did we have for breakfast yesterday Obi?"
"Ah. eggs." Anakin kicked him under the table. "Ah. I mean I don't know I didn't have breakfast yesterday." Obi covered quickly. "Aha, I saw that kick! I'm calling Yoda right now to see what your up to!" She grabbed her communicator and typed in Y-O-D-A.
Yoda's small green frame appeared on the screen. "Ah Senator, sleep well did you?"
"Actually Yoda I didn't, thanks so much to your stinkin' apprentices."
Obi's eyes widened and so did Anakin's.
"My apprentices say you, done something have they?"
At this point Anakin jumped out of his seat and covered Padme's mouth with his hand snatching the communicator.
"Oh no master we didn't do anything."
Padme' writhed underneath his hand trying to escape. But Yoda just nodded and hung up.
Anakin hurled the communicator to the floor and stomped on it before releasing Padme'
He strolled back to his seat she burned holes in his head as he walked.
This was too much for Obi and he started to cackle, clutching his stomach he rolled into the floor.
Anakin watched his master and began to fight his own laughter, but eventually the laughter won, Padme' on the other hand, was not laughing. Padme' stormed out of the room leaving the chuckling duo with their laughter.
That afternoon, Padme' had spent all morning washing the red color out of her hair. Now she stood outside on the balcony overlooking the lake. Anakin walked up to the rail and tapped her on the shoulder lightly.
"I know you'd probably want to kill me right now but I really need my light saber."
She turned on him, her eyes displaying her hatred.
"That's just too freakin' bad!" she snapped in irritation.
"Fine, I'll find it myself."
Padme' stepped back away from him. He watched her retreat with suspicion. "It's in your robe isn't it?"
She tried to make a run for it but he caught the back of her robe.
"HARRASSMENT!" She shrieked.
He quickly let go of her and she escaped. She dashed down the stairs and out of sight.
"Shit." He exclaimed before sitting down and meditating in order to calm himself.
Fifteen minutes later Padme` climbed the stone stairs to where she had been earlier and saw Anakin meditating. He opened his eyes to look at her smug face.
"I buried your light saber, Mr. Smarty Pants, find it now!" she challenged.
He rose slowly. "Okay."
He held out his hand and concentrated. Padme` watched in horrified awe as a very drenched light saber drifted through the air toward Anakin, he snatched it from the air.
"That's not fair!" Padme` shrieked.
She made a lunge for the weapon, but he held it high above his head. She tried to jump and reach it, but was unsuccessful. Then it occurred to her she could stand on the banister in order to reach it. What didn't occur to her is that the banister overlooked the lake two stories up.
Anakin just smiled and pushed her over the banister.
She screamed in terror but stopped when Anakin caught her before she fell.
She gazed at him, adrenaline racing through her, then she looked two stories down at the crystal waves breaking against the palace. Only then did she realize he was smiling.
"I'm going to kill you." Her voice was laced with menace.
He raised his eyebrows. "Well in that case." He let go.
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! SPLASH!
He heard her thud up the stairs. She ascended the steps into full view and Anakin burst out laughing at her moistened state. "You're all wet!" he managed to choke out.
"Listen, buddy, nobody pushes Padme` Francesca Amidala into a lake and gets away with it." She explained walking to face him, which just so happened to be beside the banister.
"Your middle name is Francesca?" He asked.
"That's not the point!" she raved. "The point is no one pushes me into a lake and gets away with it."
"You mean like this?" he asked innocently shoving her over the rail again.
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! SPLASH! Once she had returned from her second fall she stayed as far away from the railing as possible.
"I'm going to kill you.and I don't mean ha ha ha I'm going to kill you, I mean I am going to KILL you!"
She pounced on him, wrapped her hands around his throat and began to bang his head against the stone.
Obi walked outside and saw this. "What are you doing?!"
"Ah.umm.wrestling." Padme` supplied.
"Why are you all wet?"
"Ah.it's a new law the queen passed.take a shower in your clothes." Anakin lied, not wanting to get in trouble for submersing a senator.
"I'm going to have a talk with the queen." Obi said before walking away.
Padme' slapped Anakin once more for good measure before storming back to her bedroom to change out of her wet clothes.
At midnight that night Padme' crept down the corridor in the direction of the 4th- story balcony. She carried a hammer and nails and a 1ft x 1ft platform.
She reached the right side of the banister and threw a rope over the rail and climbed down. She quickly applied the platform to the edge of the balcony using the hammer and nails. Once she had finished she scaled the rope back up and returned to her room.
After breakfast that morning Padme` leaned against the banister, precisely over her platform she'd installed that night.
As Anakin walked past her she began to insult him. "What is up with that braid? I mean I've been keeping my opinions to myself so far, but that is just so retarded I had to say something." She leaned against the rail.
"Excuse me. Are you talking to me?" Anakin stepped closer to her challengingly.
"Well you're the only one here with a idiotic braid."
He wanted to push her over the rail again, it was so easy, just one little shove and she'd shut up.
But she just continued rambling. "And what about that cloak, it is so last season."
That was it; he pushed her over from the fourth floor.
Padme landed silently onto her platform and dropped a rock to provide the splash that would be needed in order to convince Anakin she had actually fallen.
He looked down at the churning water expecting to see Padme` surface furious at him.
But she never did.
Panic attacked. "Oh, God, I killed the senator!" He decided he should jump in after her and at least attempt to rescue her.
He dove over the rail into the water.
Padme` giggled with glee. Her plot had worked. She watched Anakin surface extremely confused.
"You idiot!" she yelled from her perch safely away from him.
He shot her a look of absolute hatred.
"Now who's all wet?" She taunted from safety.
She decided she should climb back up when she realized that was the part of her plan she'd forgotten. She was stuck on the board.
Obi Wan wandered out on to the balcony and looked over to see Padme` standing below and Anakin in the water.
"Help me up." Padme` ordered.
"Don't do it, master, she'll pull you in like she did me!" Anakin yelled from down in the water.
"Liar!" Padme` cried.
Obi Wan stared at the sight and quickly deduced Anakin's story would be the correct one.
"Good day Senator." He replied walking back inside.
"Rude, old man." She muttered, and, in her anger, stomped on the board.
This was a bad plan; the board immediately gave way falling out from under her. She clinged to the castle wall as the small piece of wood fell into the waves under her.
"Oh, God." She looked down at the water, and something that scared her far more.Anakin.
"What's wrong. scared of the water?" Anakin called from the lake. "Just let go of the wall."
"I'd rather jump into a pool of sharks." She yelled back.
"You'd be safer." He agreed swimming over to grab the fallen board. That place was also the approximate location she would fall too. And she would fall eventually; it was just a matter of time.
"Please don't let fall, please don't let me fall." she prayed quietly as her fingers began to slip.
One hand dropped so that only her right hand grasped the wall.
"Oh please!" she squealed as her fingers slid one by one over the brick she clutched so desperately.
Finally her hand slipped and she plummeted into the water a little to Anakin's right.
Once she broke the surface Anakin slid below the surface and circled her like a shark humming Jaws music to himself.
Padme` looked about her frantically but didn't see him anywhere and that alarmed her.
She felt someone shackle her ankles and drag her back under the water. Beneath the waves she came face to face with Anakin. She glared at his smug face and decided she should smack it.
She swung her hand to strike, but it hadn't occurred to her that the water would make her movements slower and Anakin caught her hand before it hit him, still smiling.
Then Padme` realized she needed air! She swam back up to the surface and so did Anakin.
She tried to swim to the shore but Anakin refused to release his grip on her left ankle.
"Let go, I prune easily." She struggled to free her ankle.
He let go of her ankle only long enough to shackle her other wrist so that he possessed both. She screamed in frustration.
"You have no one but yourself to blame if you do prune." He told her.
She thrashed wildly until, eventually he had no other option but to release her.
She swam quickly as if her life depended on it, and once she reached land she ran.
"Dammit." Anakin muttered before exiting the water himself.
The following morning at approximately 6.00 a.m. as the sun began to rise Padme` dragged a gigantic bucket full of raw eggs and cold gruel down the marble corridor leading to Anakin's chamber.
She lugged the disgusting slop originally prepared for breakfast that morning, up onto the slightly open door. The trap was set.
Padme` stood five feet away from the entrance and screamed,
"HELP ME, THEY'RE TAKING ME AWAY, HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The palace echoed with the earsplitting cry.
A few seconds later, a sleep induced Anakin emerged from his room, his eye lids half closed.
"Padme`? Are you well?"
To which she responded, "HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!"
Anakin, coming to the conclusion she'd lost her mind, opened the door far enough to gain admittance to the corridor.
But in order to do this he shifted the doors position and the mass of slime, which was the trap, came tumbling down.
Five seconds later Anakin was covered in raw eggs and cold oatmeal. Now he was fully awake.
"You little demon spawn!" he cried slinging bits of gruel off his face.
"Ha ha ha ha ha I got you." She triumphantly danced around him some odd 50 times.
"Padme`." Anakin's voice was suspiciously calm.
She stopped in front of him. "What?" She asked wearily.
"Run." He advised before shooting across the room towards her.
Now she wasn't stupid, she took the hint and ran.
They raced all through the palace. Padme` tried to hide several times, but Anakin always found her and each time her escape was too narrow for her comfort.
She raced up the steps in the direction of the banquet hall, Anakin hot on her heels yelling, "I just want to give you a big, long, slimy, nasty, grimy hug!"
Padme` reached the dining hall and saw in stunned horror that every door except the one she'd entered was locked from the outside.
She remembered the servants didn't unlock the doors until eight and it was barely 6:30.
She crawled desperately under the table as she heard the footsteps of her pursuer grow louder and faster.
Anakin, who presently looked more like the swamp thing, strolled in and smiled seeing the closed doors. He turned and locked the remaining door from which he had entered as well.
Now they were both trapped inside for another hour or so. The only problem was, he couldn't find Padme`.
He didn't understand it. She couldn't have gotten out.
"Wait a minute." he mused out loud.
With that he slowly slinked towards the table and gingerly raised the table cloth to reveal Padme`.
She smiled sweetly and laughed nervously. "Um.hi?"
Anakin lunged at her, satisfied he had cornered his prey.
She scrambled out from under the table as the chase continued.
They ran around the table some odd 77 times, screaming and tiring.
Then the door opposite to the one they had come in opened to reveal Obi and Yoda.
Both the hunter and the hunted froze. The lump of gruel that was Anakin's brow furrowed. "Master? Master Yoda? What are you doing here?"
Yoda shook his head sadly, "Acting like children you have been. Informed me of this Master Obi-Wan has."
He paused and strutted in to face the two pranksters. "Regret this I do." Yoda continued as he faced Anakin. "Necessary it is though. A Jedi you are no longer." He told Anakin solemnly.
"What!" Cried Anakin.
At this Padme` burst into hysterical laughter.
"As for you, a senator anymore you are not."
Padme`s laughter ceased immediately. Her face fell. "You're joking."
"Sadly, not joking am I."
They turned towards each other, completely horrified. They pointed at each other and screamed simultaneously, "This is all your fault!"
Then they heard something and they turned back towards Yoda who was writhing with mirth.
"What's so bloody funny?" demanded Padme` outraged.
"Fallen for it they have." Yoda managed to gasp to Obi who was also laughing.
"Fallen for what?" said Anakin narrowing his eyes.
"All a joke this was." Replied Yoda.
"You're still a senator and you're still a Jedi." Supplied Obi.
Padme` burst into a horrendous rage,
"What? You pointy eared little freak!"
"Hey!!!" Yoda yelled.
"Listen little green thing, don't you hey me! I'm the senator and I can do whatever I wish. And you know what I wish? I wish that I could put you in the fire, and then, once you're nice and blackened, then I'll stuff you in the freezer, and once you're a solid block of ice I'm gonna toss your nasty little hide back in the fire!"
Yoda just gaped at her terrible hostility while Anakin exploded suddenly with laughter. Padme` rounded on him. "And you mister Anakin Skywalker, while he's in the fire, you'll be in the freezer, and when he's in the freezer, guess where you're gonna be. the Fire!"
This merely caused Anakin to laugh harder.
Yoda shot him a glare and he stopped.
"Taught you a lesson I hope this has."
"Yes Yoda." Anakin and Padme` said in unison.
"Good. Apologize now."
"Yes Yoda." They caroled again.
"Sorry Padme`." Anakin said flatly.
"Sorry Anakin." She replied in the same monotone voice.
"Good." Repeated Yoda. "Go back to your quarters now you will." He instructed.
"Yes Yoda." They were beginning to sound like a broken record.
With that they both retreated towards the door, but every door was locked. Dum Dum Dum.
Will Yoda ever stop saying good?
Will they ever escape?
Will Anakin ever get access to a shower and remove the slime from his body?
Will Obi ever talk?
Tune in next week, same bat time, same bat channel!
Bye bye friends! Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe!