Title: Because
Chapter 2/3: Spike
Author: Anna
Website: http://devoted.to/spark
Feedback: what's not to love about it?
Note: takes place after 'Bring On The Night' and is Spike's POVI wasn't expecting this. I wasn't expecting any of this. I should be dust right now. I shouldn't be here, watching the vision of Drusilla dance about while I get slapped around by the ugliest vampire I've ever seen. My ashes should be scattered in the wind by now. But they're not.
Why aren't they? I ask myself that question almost constantly. I also ask myself what I've accomplished by all this. What have I accomplished with my soul?
I've accomplished killing half of Sunnydale.
Five years ago that would be something to celebrate. But not now. Now it's complicated. Now I'm not quite a white hat, but not a black hat either. I'm like a light shade of gray.
And I'm whipped. Don't forget that. I am completely and utterly whipped by one Buffy Anne Summers. But do you know what the worst part is? I don't care. I'm happy this way. I'm happy being in love with the slayer.
Five years ago that would be something to kill myself for. But not now. Now it's complicated. Hah. Now I'm chipped and whipped.
I almost laugh out loud, but the fist of the ugly vampire above me brings me back to reality. Damn. This thing is gonna kill me. Bloody perfect timing, too.
When I woke up chained in the basement, the last think I thought I'd feel were Buffy's soft hands wiping the blood off my face. That was the nicest wake up call I've had in a long time.
And she didn't seem angry, either. She seemed… sympathetic? Compassionate, even. I was afraid I had hurt someone but she put my fears to rest. I had taken a good chunk out of what's-his-name. I could live with that.
I looked over the chains, sizing them up for strength and endurance. If I wanted to, could I break free of them? There was no telling what I could do if I was triggered again. Did she know that? I don't think she did. So I told her.
She didn't know that my vampire antics rivaled that of Angelus' in his pre-soul days. She didn't know how many 'play things' I had made out of my victims for both Drusilla and myself. And she had no idea how happy I was while I did it. It sickened me, but I didn't trust myself. If I got loose, someone was gonna die.
She had to kill me. I decided that the chains wouldn't stop me and I didn't want to take the risk of getting free. I couldn't take the risk of getting free.
I told her to kill me, but I knew she wouldn't. She's been threatening to stake me for six years and when the time comes that she really should, she doesn't.
There's nothing keeping me here. No life. No hope. No love. I'm an outcast. Always have been and always will be. But at least I used to have her and Dawn to hold onto. They were my lifelines. Now I don't even have them.
So I decided to sacrifice myself to save them. It's not as heroic as it sounds. I was probably more afraid of myself than they were.
I tried pissing her off, like I used to love doing. Maybe if I got her angry enough, she'd stake me just to shut me up. But I soon found out it had the opposite reaction than what I'd hoped for. She told me exactly what she thought of me.
But what she thought of me was considerably better than what I thought of myself. She knew I had changed. She knew I was trying. She knew I was a good… man? I had a flashback to 1880… "Cecily, I know I'm a bad poet, but I'm a good man."
I muttered under my breath and was rewarded with another swift punch from His Ugliness.
So, why aren't my ashes scattered around some graveyard? Why aren't I giving in to this illusion of Drusilla? Why am I here? I know the answer, and the answer is quite simple.
Because she believes in me.
Author's Note: How was this chapter? I thought it was better than the last… not sure why, though. Oh well… you tell me! And thanks so much for the reviews…
Dani ~ you're right, there aren't many stories from Dawn's POV… hence mine! J
Sage ~ I know what you mean, but under all her angered silence, I think Dawn still cares for Spike… she's just hurt…
Green-Eyed-Goddess & Katie ~ ooh, on your favorites list? Haha, that makes my whole day… thanks so much!