"Anyone can escape into sleep, we are all geniuses when we dream, the butcher's the poet's equal there."
--- E. M. Cioran, The Tempation to Exist
The first thing to do, of course, was to invent a suitably beautiful name. Marie just would not do. She'd be.. um... Isabella Faith and she couldn't think of a last name right now because her head was throbbing. She'd landed on a bush, and not a very thick one, at that.
"I don't think we're in Kansas anymore..." she said, mimicking Dorothy. But what the hell, Dorothy had magic boots and a dog, whereas Isabella Faith had a throbbing head and was not entirely sure she was not in Kansas. But then on the other hand Kansas didn't have very hot looking Japanese guys either. Not like the guy who was helping her up.
"Excuse me?" he frowned his very hot looking brow, which was rather normal. After all, you don't see Mary Sues dropping from nowhere and talking in perfect Jap about Kansas everyday, at least not in the Slam Dunk world. So Sendoh was suitably confused, as you or I might be.
"Hi! I'm Isabella Faith Yamaha. (She'd been thinking about motorcycles and pianoes)"
And then she sort of remembered that she was supposed to be all aloof and cold. So she withdrew her hand when he stuck his out to help her up, which was really rather rude, but apparently the more rude you were the more intrigued the Slam Dunk guys got.
Sendoh was starting to get slightly worried. He thought that maybe the knock had unbalanced her, in which case she should go to a doctor. He was about to enquire about her current mental state when a guy in black pushed him aside.
"Move it, move it, out the way, don't touch Ms Yamaha!"
Ms Yamaha was quickly pulled off the ground, checked for broken bones, and hustled into a wonderful sparklinglyish white limo, which retained its sparkling state although it had sloshed through dirty puddles with its 7 litre engine. Being a Mary Sue had its perks.
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"No daddy, I'm not okay. I've lost my memory, because a truck ran me over while I rescued a doggie. Who am I?" Isabella was having fun. She got to live alone in a condominum penthouse, and was currently on the phone (Nokia 7210, the lucky pig) with her millionaire father (inventor of chewable lipsticks according to the security guy)
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Of all the wonders the condominium contained, it hadn't contained the very useful alarm clock. So now she was more than slightly late for school. Her first day at school, Shohoku high.
"Geeky school clothes made to look hot? Check. Ravishing hair in order? Check. Sparkly teeth? Check. Perfect cold ice cube look? Double check!" Oh this was rather fun. Now to go and get her guy.
Unfortunately, the security guy was out getting coffee, and the driver was somewhere inaccessible (he'd gone to the loo), so she had to run.
Which rather ruined the newly aquired cool queen of ice look, since running to school tended to make one look very flustered, and not aloof.
She flashed a winning smile at the teacher, smoothed her hair, and was introduced as Isabella Faith Yamaha, a new student at Shohoku High from America, they had to be kind to her because although her mother was Japanese so she spoke Japanese, she had lived in America all her life. She also had perfect hair, a perfect figure, a perfect face, great teeth, and eyes that changed colour according to her mood, somewhat like a mood ring. Only the teacher didn't mention that.
She did a catwalk down to her seat and listened for whistles by the guys and sneaky comments by the girls.
None came, however. It was most depressing. Here she was, the damn MARY SUE for heaven's sake, and no one seemed to care so far, besides the security guy, and that was because her father paid him.
The teacher began to talk of cubic equations, and Isabella began to think of plans to steal all the Slam Dunk boys hearts. She twirled her jet black hair with one lovely finger, and sucked on her pencil end, it helped her think.
The golden sun turned from a rosy red in the east to a white hot globe in the afternoon sky, and school ended. I suppose schools are basically the same the world round, so it was emptied at an alarming rate, except for Isabella, who was studying the map on how to get to the gym, and one other guy, who was fast asleep.
"Excuse me. EXCUSE ME. He-lloo in there. Knock knock, anyone home?" Someone was being very annoying and knocking on his head.
"No, so I guess you're dead, right? Sheesh. Now look. My wit is being wasted on a dead guy. This is way unfun." That annoying person was going to die. Just as soon as he opened his eyes, and he didn't want to.
But wait. He didn't have to.
"OW!" Isabella lurched back, clutching her bloodied nose. She guessed, correctly, that she had just met Rukawa. Of course. Mary Sues inevitabely ended up in his class.
Mary Sues did not get bloodied noses on a regular basis, and neither did they bawl when it happened. And if you happened to be a Mary Sue, Rukawa was supposed to wake up and not say sorry but go off to the gym and you were supposed to scream after him and follow him.
Only Isabella's nose happened to hurt real bad so she went to the school nurse instead.
She tramped the school halls with a bandaged nose, not dreaming of revenge on Rukawa, but of how icky his drool had been, and how hot he had looked while drooling icky drool.
It was while trying to look at the bandages by closing one eye that she bashed into a wall. Really. She knew Mary Sues were generally supposed to be able to take knocks, but this was a bit too much.
Only it wasn't a wall. It was Akagi, who helped her up. She let him, since she was really feeling rather woozyish. He brought her back to the nurse, since she began talking about Kansas, and made his way to the gym. It was really rather disturbing, and the sedative the nurse was injecting into her made her rather sleepy too.
"Sheep. Are white." she announced before she popped off.
Later, when her nose's swelling had gone down and she was a good deal more collected, she followed the nurses directions to gym. It was not easy to get lost, but somehow or other she accomplished this feat, and wandered around a bit before arriving outside a familiar door, with the lock broken.
"Ah," she said knowingly. "They haven't gotten that replaced yet. I wonder if Sakuragi had to pay for it." And then she walked in, which was a slight error, seeing it was a changing room and all.
"HENTAI!!!!!"
Mitsui's face was a bright red after he yelled those words out, as was Isabella's, just after she slammed the door. On her nose.
(You know, I've always wondered why the girl screamed when she opens the door on a naked guy. It makes more sense the other way round, does it not?)
She'd had to make her way back to the nurse, who was beginning to treat her as an experimental gerbil, and giggling as she applied cold compresses this time, instead of pills.
It was no joke, this Mary Sue business.
Thanks a lot, mskitsune and unchained and snowfall. You have made my day. Really. It's my first fic and I was a little apprehensive.
No, it's not a Mary Sue bashing, although it might be made an Anti-Mary Sue.