A/n: This fic is dedicated to Zoe, who loves Yu-Gi-Oh so much she own anything to do with it!

Chapter One: The New Yami

"HIHI!" Yugi Moto yelled at the top of his lungs. "I'M THE YUGI AND I'M THE STAR OF THIS SHOW!"

"NO YOU'RE NOT!" protested Yugi's Yami. "MY NAME IS IN THE TITLE! NOT YOURS!"

"That don' change a thing. Besides, they love me more."

"LIAR!" Yami shouted at he and Yugi began to slap each other like girls.

"Stop that!" shouted Tea, as she got in between the two of them.

"Why?"

"Because you're not setting a good example for the younger audience!" Tea explained, as she covered the ears of a little boy. "I'm not letting you turn any of the lil' boys g-a-y.!"

"G-A-Y?" Yugi and Yami asked in chorus.

"Yes, g-a-y."

"What's that spell?!" Yugi asked, as Pegasus (Peggy), Tristen, and Yugi's grandpa lined up behind him in cheerleaders uniforms with pictures of Yugi's hair on their shirts.

"G-A-Y!" they yelled together.

"What's that spell?!" Yugi yelled back.

"GAYYYYYY!" they said, before turning and leaving.

"Stop that!" Tea argued again.

"But we're not gay! And besides, WHY SHOULD WE LISTEN TO YOU?! You're named after a drink!" Yugi said.

"You're so mean!" Tea shouted back as she began to cry and ran into a closet. The audience began to clap and then stopped.

"WOOT! Let's hear it for the closet!" shouted Phoinex, a tall boy with jet-black hair. The audience obeyed him and began to clap.

"M'hm…" muttered Mai, who was sitting at a table with a cigar in her hand and bottles of beer scattered all around her.

"The closet?!" Yugi asked, "But I'm the star!"

"I told you you're not, little… PERSON!" Yami answered angrily.

"PERSON?! I'm you're partner! How could you?! That's it!" Yugi said, as he took a ring off his finer that looked suspiciously like an engagement ring. "We're through!" Yugi snapped his fingers, and then two people dragged in a table. Then an oddly short one came in carrying a chair and set it behind the table. The short one then put a sign that said "Yami Auditions" neatly on the front of the table. Yugi sat in the chair with his face turned away from his former Yami.

Zoe was the first to line up in front of the table. Then a stranger came up and lined up behind her. Zoe raared and then her mouth somehow grew gigantic and she bit the persons head off. The stranger was never heard from again.

"WOOT! Let's here it for the table!" Phoinex shouted again, and once again the audience obeyed and clapped for the table.

"Mama, Sumo?" Yugi asked as he looked around for Zoe. Zoe ran up to the table. "Do you love me?" Yugi asked again.

"HELL YA!" Zoe replied instantly.

"YOU'RE HIRED!"

"WOOO! GO ME!" Just then, Joey walked on stage wearing large green bow in his head that practically served as an umbrella. The rest of his close were the same.

"YAH! GO JOEY! LET'S HERE IT FOR HIM!" yelled an audience member as he stood up and began to clap. Everyone in the audience just stared at him. Selena, a girl with braided brown hair an green eyes, stood with steam coming out of her nose.

"Joey is mine!" she declared, before ramming herself right into the persons stomach and shooting them through the roof to Pluto.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk…." Phoinex muttered with his arms crossed. "Silly person, only I control the audience…"

Meanwhile, backstage Bakura was planning evil crimes of low power that would not be affective whatsoever in helping him take over the show because he's stupid and not smart because he just is.

"Bwahaha… Now I'll show them… all their taunting… JUST BECAUSE MY HAIR DOESN'T GO UP DOES NOT MEAN I'M A LOSER!"

"Did you hear something, Yami?" Yugi asked his *new* Yami.

"Nope." Zoe replied, as she walked in wearing clothes that matched Yugi's. "Oooo… prettyful." she said as she poked the back part of her jacket which somehow stood up. Suddenly, the wall behind them blew up as a motorcycle came flying in. On it was Yami Yugi, wearing biker clothes. Behind him was Tea, with her own biker clothes.

"YAMI! You look…. COOL!" Yugi said, as he began to drool.

"Hey! What about-" Zoe suddenly stopped as she saw Yami Yugi and began to drool herself.

"WOOT! Let's hear it for the bike!" Phoinex shouted. Yet again, the audience obeyed and applauded.

"LITTLE PERSON! I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL!" Yami Yugi shouted at Yugi.

"Uhhh…. Hold on." Yugi replied, as he sucked Zoe into his Millennium Puzzle kicking and screaming, but making her his official Yami. "Pst, Yami, what do I do?" Yugi asked in his mind.

"Hmm… say yes." Zoe said randomly as she walked around Yami Yugi's former chambers.

"Yes." Yugi obediently said. Tea then walked to the wall with an evil grin and pushed a button which made a dueling stadium appear. Yugi and Yami Yugi stepped onto their dueling thingies and they raised up high in the air. Then they drew their cards.

"I'll go first…" Yami began. "I release, Dragon Zombie!" Yami Yugi said as he put down his card and the monster appeared on the arena.

"Yami , which card should I release?" Yugi asked in his mind. (Italics mean in his mind, k peeps?)

"Umm… Release… uhh… YOU FIRGUE IT OUT, BOY! I'M TRYING TO REDECORATE HERE!" Zoe yelled, as she went back to painting the walls of Yami Yugi's former chambers pink.

"I release… CURSE OF SELENA!" Yugi shouted as he put his card down. Selena suddenly disappeared from the audience and reappeared in the arena with skeleton wings.

"Dragon Zombie! Dragons Breath!" Yami Yugi shouted. The monster obeyed and shot the attack at Curse of Selena, who blocked it with her wings.

"PUT ME IN DEFENSE MODE!" Curse of Selena demanded at Yugi.

"Yami! What do I do?!" Yugi asked Zoe.

"Uhhh… put her in defense mode." Zoe replied, as she stopped painting.

"How do I do that? YOU DO IT!" Yugi said as he touched the Millennium Puzzle and turned into Zoe. Or so it seemed. They had only switched places, so Zoe had appeared wearing paint stained white over alls and a side ways white hat on her head.

"STUPID YUGI!" she complained, as she turned the Curse of Selena card to the side, which put the Curse of Selena into defense mode. "Is that all, Yugi?"

"Umm… could you finish the duel pwease?" Yugi asked.

"Raar… fine, but you'd better start painting!"

"Yes, ma'am!" Yugi said, as he picked up Zoe's paint brush and started painting.

"I release the Celtic Guardian, in attack mode!" Yugi said as he put the card down and release the monster.

"I release… The Woot Card!" Zoe shouted as she put down the card. This time, Phoinex disappeared from the audience and reappeared on the arena with a large scepter. "Woot Card! Special Ham Whap!" Zoe ordered.

"Specciiallll…." Phoinex began as he gathered energy. "Hammm…. WHAP!" he yelled, as he hit the Dragon Zombie with his scepter and defeated it.

"Grrr…" Yugi muttered. "I play the Feral Imp!" Yami Yugi said, as he put down another card.

"Fine. I switch Curse of Selena into attack mode," Zoe said as she flipped the Curse of Selena card, "and add The Mystical Brownie to The Woot Card." A large brownie then appeared on the arena. Joey sniffed it somehow and instantly began to run toward it.

"NO! MINE!" The Woot shouted at him as he stepped in front of the brownie and ate it quickly, becoming The Mystical Wootie.

"Celtic Guardian! Attack the Joey ma-bob!" Yami Yugi shouted. The monster did as it was told and nearly sliced Joey, had Curse of Selena not gotten in the way and stopped it with her wings.

"Don't you dare hurt my Joey…" Curse of Selena snarled. The Celtic Guardian began to tremble and tried to hide behind Yami Yugi.

"CAN'T HIDE FROM ME, FATTIE!" Zoe shouted, referring to the Celtic Guardians immense size. "Mystical Wootie! FUDGE WOOT CANNON!" Zoe ordered. The Mystical Wootie opened its mouth and began to gather in energy.

"Fudge… Woot… CANNON!" The card shouted, and fired a blast of something at Yami Yugi and the Celtic Guardian. The attack somehow managed to hit Tea as well and began to shoot her, Yami Yugi, and the card up into the sky.

"UH-OH!" Tea and Yami Yugi shouted down, " LOOKS LIKE WE'RE BLASTING OFF AGAIN!"

"Pikachu?" Zoe reacted. "Woops, sorry, reflex." Zoe then thought hard and saw into her mind. "YUGI!" she yelled as she saw what Yugi had done. On the walls were stick figures of pink paint. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!"

"I PAINTED!"

"I LUV IT!"

"GO ME!" Zoe and Yugi then switched back and Yugi appeared where Zoe was standing. Curse of Selena then began to turn back into regular Selena and The Mystical Wootie turned back into the Woot and then back into Phoinex.

"GO US!" they yelled together. Phoinex was suddenly hit on the head with his scepter by Joey.

"BROWNIE THEIF!"

"I AM NOT! THE MYSTICAL BROWNIE WAS MADE ESPECIFIACLLY FOR THE WOOT CARD! Ain't that right, Peggy?" Phoinex said. Pegasus then came out wearing his normal clothes, only still holding the pom-poms. He spun them around each other and then jumped up and raised them high, shouting, "THAT'S RIGHHHTTT!" with an oddly feminent voice.

"FINE!" Joey shouted, before turning and tripping on the ring Yugi had thrown, somehow causing the stage to fall revealing Bakura.

"NOO! I'VE BEEN REVEALED!" Bakura shouted in agony.

"Shut up, BAKARA!" Yugi yelled.

"You're all so mean…" Bakura yelled before running into a hole and falling deep, deep into somewhere, where he later appears to be in the second chapter for this first has now ended.