Chapter 11:

"All I See Is Black And White"

"Oh my god..." What was once the clinic was now nothing but unmerciful flames over a cowering and burning house, the windows shattered and melted, the roof crumbling to the floor in dust particles that were eventually carried off into the wind. The only thing Sanosuke could think was: 'I'm too late...'

But he knew, she was in there; dead or alive, Megumi was still inside that smoldering thing she had once called home and he needed to get her out.

"Megumi!" He ran, too blinded with his objective to save the love of his life, to recapture whatever it was left of her, that he had no time to fear the dangers of what could happen if he got even an inch too close. Whatever was left of her.. A lock of hair, a piece of her clothing, anything; he just needed to know that he still had something of her with him, that he was able to save something...

But his legs weren't moving. Sanosuke barely felt the pair of hands gripping his arm until he realized that they were holding him back and he frustratingly tried to pull away, anxious to get to his Megumi, or whatever it was that was left of her. The grip on his arm only tightened against his struggling.

"What do you think you're doing?!" Kaoru cried, pulling with all her might to inhibit Sanosuke exactly where he was, keeping him from going inside the toppling clinic, "You can't go in there, Sanosuke! You'll get yourself killed!"

"You think I don't know that?! Let me go, Kaoru!" he shouted, yanking harder to get his elbow out of her grasp, but she held on tight, as if her life depended on it. She was scared too, but needless to say, she wasn't about to let him in there and leave his son a bastard.

By now Sanosuke was too terrified to think of anything else than throwing away his life to save whatever Megumi was left in the fiery pit before his eyes. He would've walked through the blazes of Hell itself if he could just see her again.

"I gotta go in there! Megumi's... she's still in there! I can't just leave her in there!" He jerked his arm away, harder this time, but Kaoru only grabbed him by his shirt. "I have to save her, I promised Suzuki! Kaoru, let me go!"

"No! I've already lost one of my best friends today, Sanosuke, and I'm not about to lose another!" she bawled, clinging to him, her nails digging into the tough fabric of his gi, "I'm not losing both of you! You can't... do this....!"

"Let him go, Kaoru," Kenshin said finally, placing a gentle hand on his wife's shaking one, still holding onto Sanosuke's gi from behind as she sobbed into the air of crackling flames. Kenshin carefully pried her fingers from his friend's wrinkled jacket, bringing her back into his embrace. "He knows what he's doing, that he does."

"But Kenshin...!" Kaoru began, her eyes welling up to their brims at the thought of losing yet another one of her dearest friends all in the same hour, and she looked back at the burning house where she knew Megumi was trapped inside. She wanted to help save her too. They tried to get there in time to help, but they were too late. They were all too late...

Slowly, Kaoru fell into her husband's arms, letting him know she would cooperate and she buried her face in his neck, unable to look at what could be the last glimpse she would ever see of Sanosuke Sagara. Soothingly, Kenshin smoothed the strands of her hair, rubbing her back to calm her quaking nerves and he watched as Sanosuke gave him an appreciative nod before he took off towards the burning clinic. He never once looked back.

Megumi was out of her body, far away in a world where fire was not a word at all, where the grass grew to the size of trees and covered the earth like a warm blanket. She was lost on a hill, looking up at the sky above that seemed to stretch farther than the eye could possibly see. The sun was out and it was warm, warm enough to go barefoot among the grass. Sakura petals flew about in the breeze, circling her with the light color of... nothing.

The colors were all gone, missing. The grass was nothing but huge masses of gray, blowing softly to the left from whence the wind whispered and called. The flowers were struck white, their stems a dark shade of black and the sky was a light grayish hue, like the shade of grease. There was no variety. The world was without color, tasteless, barren. And she was alone.

Frantically, Megumi's eyes searched over the plain for any form of intelligent life, but there was no other person in sight. She began to spin, her feet gracefully turning first to the right as she sought the land for somewhere to go, some place she could go to. She was lost in some kind of gloomy universe, dank and lonely in a place where again, no one would come to her aide.

Megumi barely noticed the absence of scars and blood, the lack of pain that had practically smothered her in it's wings. She never realized the beauty of herself returning to what she had been before... she left Tokyo for Aizu, before all the pain of losing Sano, before she met Tetsu. She remained oblivious to the lengthy white dress she wore upon her body, so light and comfortable it felt like air, and she ignored the small brushes of her waist length hair to her back as she continued down the hill in any direction that would require movement. She was Megumi Takani, the before side of the horror, and she didn't even know it.

Not knowing what to do, she ran, trudging on through the thick fog on the top of the gray grass on the black hill beside the white Sakura flowers and below the vast open sky portraying nothing but black and white. It was like a dream world, one that she wanted to desperately wake up from.




Sanosuke burst through the front door, kicking the tall oak down with his arms up over his head to protect himself from the falling parts of the clinic's roof. Almost immediately as he entered the room, he began to cough.

There was fire everywhere, areas he had so many wonderful memories in, and he turned away from their graying remains on the floor as sparks flew from his left and scalded his arms. Hurriedly, he pulled off his jacket and threw it over his head to avoid getting too serious of burns and he struggled to see through the thick clouds of smoke.

He could hear the creaking of the walls that threatened to topple over at any given second, the scratching noises the wood made as the fire and smoke kicked it around. Lifting his face up, Sanosuke jumped to his left, stepping aside as he dodged a scorching ceiling piece that fell from above. The clinic wasn't going to stay standing for long. The walls looked about ready to sprawl onto the floor any minute and in it, trapping them inside the Devil's mouth. He coughed again.

"Megumi!" he shouted over the crashes of shattering glass. He cursed under his breath as another piece of the ceiling dropped down at his feet, and he kicked it aside, venturing further into the fiery pit, squinting his eyes to see through the thick clouds of smoke and bright blazes of the scarlet flames. "Megumi! Where are you?!"



Soft angelic music played in her head, impregnating her thoughts and feelings, confusing her. Her legs carried her off, sprinting down the hill in a direction she couldn't tell was either left or right and she felt the cool wind whipping through her hair and it cascaded down her back in rippling waves of black strands. She was scared and confused all at the same time, lost in something so delusional yet utterly real and she slowly began to increase her speed, running forward towards a glowing light at the very bottom of the hill. The tune ringing in her ears followed the rhythm of her galloping feet, leading her to who knows where, following nothing but her heart's steady beat.

Suddenly, the cool wind died down and her feet abruptly stopped moving. She was at the bottom of the hill, the warmest part, the part that she had no idea she had intended to go to. A light appeared out of nowhere, shining down on her, gracing her head like an angel's halo, and almost instantly her fear ceased as she reached the incredible warmth of the light, glinting off the ebony color of her lashes and tickling down the sides of her arms. It beckoned her with nothing more than it's shine, but despite her closed eyes, she smiled.

It was strange, it was ordinary, it was fake, it was the most realistic thing Megumi had ever come into contact with. It was everything she could and couldn't have ever imagined. Giggling like she had just been told a secret, Megumi craned her neck higher to take in more of the warm glow that rested on her and her alone. The light... it radiated with the love of all people, the happiness of all smiles, the laughter of all voices. It had to be... It could only be... It was... Heaven.



"Oh god..." He panicked when he saw her. She was still there, all in one piece, but her skin was charred and spotted with burns. Her clothes were battered and torn, as if wild wolves had broken in and gnawed at everything that came close enough to their barred teeth. She wasn't moving, was so utterly still in her seat, and suddenly, the fire wasn't what scared him most.

Sanosuke anxiously ran behind the smoking chair, black in every place imaginable, barely strong enough to hold up Megumi's weight, and he shakily undid the ropes that bound her in her fiery prison. But without the support of the ropes, her body fell forward from the chair, so limp and lifeless that it didn't even have enough power to hold itself up.

Sanosuke barely had enough time to catch her in his arms, and he winced as the fire licked at his bare back as he blocked the flames intent on hurting her even more. Sweat drizzled down the side of his neck, his entire body was sore from muscles to bone, and his wounds from the previous fight seemed to be acting up again, still tender from their injuries. Despite it all, he held her close.

"Come on, Fox, let's get you outta here..." he whispered into her ear as he lifted her form up into his arms, holding her in front of him so he could keep out the flares of angry violent fire that reached up with it's sizzling fingers to pull her back to their torture chamber. Sanosuke covered her with his body. He wouldn't let them take her. "I'm gonna get you outta here if it kills me..."

"He's been in there too long..." Kaoru murmured softly, her head finally coming up from where it had rested on her husband's shoulder and she looked worriedly at the door Sanosuke had entered but had not retired from. Another second passed, but no one came out of the clinic's door. "Kenshin... what if...?"

The windows burst, shattering in all directions, and a million sharp shards of glass fell onto the graying lawn already covered with ash. Kenshin and Kaoru shielded their eyes from the bright lights of the fire and it's wrath, not even noticing the now conscious six year old boy leaning up against the clinic's gate post. They hadn't realized he was awake, that is, until he screamed.



The word 'death' had never occurred to her. Megumi had never let the thought sink in and she was not at all frightened of it anymore for wherever she was now, it had to be the best possible place one could be.

There were no more flames, or death, or pain, just this... She wanted this. It was the place the Christians spoke of whenever they talked about death, whenever they came into the clinic with too serious of injuries. It was the home of God, where all the angels lived and nothing short of good existed. Megumi stepped forward to receive her undeniable fate, more than ready to take on what the other side had in store for her.

But somewhere in the distance, she heard her name.

'Megumi...'

The voice was low and remote and she strained her ears to hear it better.

'Megumi,' it came again. But it was away from the white light, across from the barrier of Heaven and Hell, toward the top of the hill. The voice was soft and gentle, but it sounded... sad... so sad... almost pleading.



It took the small boy only a moment to realize that whoever it was that was shrieking at the top of their lungs, was none other than him. At the sight before him, he did nothing but act.

"MOM!" Suzuki cried, rushing over on tired legs to where Sanosuke had climbed through the broken window and was now setting Megumi down on the ground, the older man's breath coming in ragged gasps and his body suffering from what looked to be at least third degree burns.

'I got her out...'

"Mr. Sagara!"

Sanosuke looked up from Megumi's unconscious form, one burnt hand holding her's as he watched Suzuki kneel down by his mother's side, his eyes open so wide he couldn't blink. Suzuki looked over his mother's immobile body in confusion.

"Mom?"

Sanosuke swallowed hard, pushing back the wad of smoke that had built up in his throat, and he gently squeezed Megumi's hand, indicating that she was now safe and he was finally there. Anxiously, he waited for her to open her eyes.

"Megumi, you're okay now... I'm here," Sanosuke whispered, his voice straining at every syllable that rolled off his tongue, stinging at his dried throat, and he squeezed her hand again. But he received no response. "Megumi... hey, wake up," he tried again.

Nothing.

Panic suddenly rose in his heart, his veins pumping wildly underneath his skin as he placed two of his dirtied fingers to the side of her neck, frantically searching for her pulse, but, he felt no heart beat. It was then that he realized that even though her lips were slightly parted, he felt no air escape.

"Oh my god...! She's not breathing!"



The light of Heaven shone brighter, bringing her attention away from the crying voice, a constant battle for the most observation, like a child having a fit over the toy his parents refused to buy. They both begged her for attention.

'Megumi..' the voice called again, louder this time, as if it were coming closer.

Suddenly, she felt it, the strong hands reaching out to her from the light above, drawing her away from turning around. But the voice was heard again in the other direction and slowly she opened her eyes, revealing the outstretched hand so close to her own, the hand of an angel. It screamed out 'Take me' but it whispered it all at the same time. If the foreigner's stories were true, then this would be...

'Megumi...' the voice from behind her came louder, more distinct, and she turned her head to face the direction of it, her back to the beckoning angel's hand. The voice held something of importance, like it wasn't supposed to be there. It sounded... scared. But Megumi didn't know what of.



"Mommy...? Wake up, Mommy..." Suzuki whispered, gently shaking his mother's shoulders to grab her attention, but her eyes remained closed. Suzuki shook her harder. "Mommy! Mommy, it's me, Suzuki! Wake up now! Why aren't you...?"

"Suzuki..." Sanosuke choked, placing his hand over his son's in an act of comfort, but the eyes Suzuki directed towards him, so desperate and ignorant, they kept him from speaking. Those eyes, they reverberated with innocense, a trait Sanosuke barely remembered ever having.

"What's wrong with her? She's gonna be alright, right, Mr. Sagara? She's gonna be okay, right...?" Suzuki practically pleaded, his hands quivering as he violently gripped Sanosuke's arm, "You... you saved... you saved Mommy for me... didn't you...?"

"Suzuki... I..." Sanosuke trailed off. What could he say? What could he do? He had promised him, he had promised his son that he would save her. He had even promised himself, but... she was...

"Suzuki, come here for a second," Kenshin called to the boy from the gate, his expression unreadable as he tried to be strong in front of the child, not wanting to let Suzuki know there was any reason to be alarmed. The boy wasn't used to death, probably didn't even know what it was, and Kenshin thought it best that he not learn now.

Too tired to object, Suzuki slowly stood and he sluggishly dragged his feet over to where his uncle and aunt stood, his eyes showing confusion, worry, regret; all things Kenshin had known all too well during his own childhood.

Bending down low so that he met Suzuki eye to eye, he made him turn away from his mother's lifeless form on the ground, refusing to let the boy see his father break down.

"Your mom's going to be just fine, that she is," Kenshin said, hugging the boy in his arms with his head turned down upon his shoulder, sharing the space Kaoru had used as a support-hold, "She's going to be okay..."

Kaoru remained standing, listening intently to the comforting words she heard Kenshin whisper in Suzuki's ear, and her grip on Kenshin's shoulder rigidly tightened as she watched one of her best friends in the entire world weep like a baby before her.

"Megumi..." Sanosuke sobbed, his head easing it's way down towards the floor, slowly pressing his perspiring forehead down upon her unmoving shoulder. Breathing hard through his mouth, his hand tenderly and shakily stroking the silky strands of her ebony hair, his other hand gingerly cradling the back of her head. He wanted so much to feel her heart, to see her breathe just one last time, to hear her voice... He needed to know that he didn't fail her. "Megumi... you... you can't be dead... you can't be... I can't lose you... not again... not after I just got you back... you can't just leave me here all alone... Megumi, I need you... Wake up... Please... come back... come back to me..."

Not again. This couldn't be happening to him again. It happened too much, too often, too fast. He could never get close to anyone; they all ended up like this. One by one, they all fell dead, all because he had tried to help them, to save them, but he had never truly triumphed. This was the story of his life.

'I should never have come back....' Sanosuke thought to himself, still gently cradling Megumi's head, his fingers intertwined through several strands of her hair, his tears soaking the burnt edges of her kimono, 'If I hadn't, Megumi might... she might still be alive...'

He tried to save her, he almost did, but... almost doesn't count. Not in matters like these.

Sanosuke couldn't think, he couldn't breathe, all he could do... was feel, and he hurt all over. His body felt so suddenly heavy, dragged down by gravity to the earth's floor, his skin was tingling, like he was just electrocuted and his head was spinning, as if he had just recovered from a bad fall from two stories high. He felt like he was missing a limb from his body, an important item, vital for survival. Sanosuke wanted to die.



Megumi turned her head around, back to the open arms of the angel that had appeared before her. It held a beauty life had never known, it held a grace no human had ever possessed, it held a source so powerful that no amount of strength could move it. The angel had no face, but she knew it was smiling at her, welcoming her. Leisurely, the angel reached out with it's beautiful hand, extending it to take hold of her's, yet Megumi looked back once again as the voice called her from behind.

'Megumi...'

The voice, it was so familiar, so wonderful despite it's sadness. It seemed to be... crying... But why?

And suddenly, a feeling of intense warmth engulfed her, not the flames of any fire, or the light's brilliant glow, but something much more deep-felt. Her heartbeat quickened, the blood in her veins coursing through her entire body, as if surging some kind of renewed energy, and she felt the torridness steadily increase in her heart. It was so familiar. It was the warmth that only one thing could bring into her heart. And Megumi knew at last whose voice it was.

"Sanosuke..." she whispered back, her eyes finally open, as if she had been blind up until that very moment.

The angel looked to be shocked, as if speech was as forbidden as adultery on religious grounds. Megumi turned her head around, her cinnamon eyes blinking rapidly as she was finally awakened from her trance, and as her gaze settled, she saw an opening in the far end of the valley of black and white, the direction of Sanosuke.

It was a hole, so finely shaped, like the finest artwork of all the earth. But that wasn't the most amazing thing about it. No, the most spectacular characteristic was that it was... in color. Reds, pinks, greens, blues, yellows, every color ever created and more, all centered around that tiny hole. And in that hole she saw Sanosuke's face, his own hand reaching out to take her's. She could almost feel his arms surrounding her.

'Megumi...'

The angel's hand came closer, fighting against the other side, willing her to choose the heavenly path instead. It said nothing, but it's warmth was it's own heavy persuasion, the light of all the world.

Either decision had no turning back option, no second chances. This decision was final, no do-overs. Which way should she go? To the open arms of the angel wings and heavenly music that sang in the loudest form of choruses the opportunity of bliss or to the arms of the one she loved most in the world, the warmth in her heart that made her happy to be alive?

Megumi didn't think. She just ran; ran to where she knew she belonged.

A/N: Which way did she choose? Hm... Leave a review and I'll let you know faster! By the by, since this is the self-titled chapter i.e. All I See Is Black And White, just like the story, I guess you know what that means! No, no, no. Of course I wouldn't leave you hanging with an ending like this. The next chapter will most likely be the last, besides the epilogue of course, so we'll see how fast I'll update. (Hint: encouragement inspires me greatly! ^^)