Disclaimer: See page one cause I am far too lazy to write it again

Notes: I felt like writing one more chapter about nothing so sorry for the absolute nonsense. Continuing on from the last chapter, picture the few minuets right before the battle of Amon Hen. This is a combined view from both book and movie. Please remember that I don't have spell check!

Finally Perfected, My Fighting FANFICTION ORCS!

Fireweilder

IN SARUMAN'S LAIR

One day, Saruman got really pissed off at his inability to capture the ring from a stupid furry hobbit, so he decided to create the ultimet killing mechines…he failed in doing so.

Combining random FanFiction writters and one strand of elf hair in his large mud mixing hole, he accidently created a group of fangirls that he hoped would obey him and carry out his bidding. He also wanted one to tell him that he was the sexiest Lord of the Rings character, since no one ever did. But again he failed since none of them wanted to stay and tell Saruman that he was sexy at all. Again getting pissed off, he ordered them to go and capture the halflings. He had a hard time convincing them of going off in to the wilderness with not makeup at all, but after he promised that they could have the bodies of the Hobbits after he was done, they all ran out of the lair with little dust clouds following them.

'Little do they know,' he thought to himself, 'that there is also an Elf in the Fellowship. I pity them when my rabid fangirls find them. MWAHAHAHAHACOUGH!…cough…gasp' Saruman falls onto the floor gasping for air

Now we join our favorite Fellowship members, LEGOLAS, ARAGORN, FRODO, and all the other guys in the backround, just getting off the river and pulling into Amon Hen.

After battling the Balrog…I mean Mary Sue… in the Mines of Moria, the fellowship was really tired once they got to Lothlorien. But after telling Galadriel and Celeborn about their problems, they gave them parting gifts that would repel future fangirl problems. Legolas' arrows now had liitle bottles of "essance of elf" that would explode on conntact, sending the fangirls running everywhere in confusion. Frodo got a lightblub to momentrly blind them while he ran away, fell, then cried for Aragorn to save him. Unfortunatly, Galadriel didn't like Aragorn or Gimli so she gave them shiny jewlery and gave Gimli a elvish wig that he now wore all the time.

After a slight elf- is- not- better- then- dwarf confratation between Gimli and Legolas (which Gimli once again lost) the fellowship had a problem to face. Since Gandalf was "dead", no one had a very good ability to lead the fellowship onward. So every one had to vote on which way to go in the morning, to Mordor or to Gondor.

Well, none one except Frodo and Sam wanted to go into Mordor, but since no one trusted the Hobbit to fulfill the quest, they didn't do that.

"Why don't you guys trust me anymore? Look, I said I was sorry about nearly selling it to that poor begger on the side of road but he looked like he needed it! I would do something like that again… I mean wouldn't!" Yelled Frodo, standing up and taking Boromir by the collar

"Frodo," said Brormir through clenched teeth " get your hands off my collar and your foot off my hand and I promise I won't try to steal the ring from you in five seconds."

Frodo snapped out of his little weird trance and got off Boromir.

Suddenly Legolas stood up and ran up a tree

"Didn't I tell you guys not to make and sharp movements infront of the elf." Said Aragorn from his hobo corner

"Umm, guys" said Legolas, climbing back down to the ground, "we got un problema"

" How big? Is it like 'wild Oliphaunts are no charging over the ridge to trample us all to death' big or like 'oh my god my pants ripped and I really have to go to the bathroom and there is the girl I really like and oh crap she is coming toward me so I'll just run behind a bush really quick and try not to make a big mess.' Big?" asked Pippin

"Well, not like that has never happened to me but, no." responded Legolas. "Do me a favor and take a really deep breath right now."

Everyone did as Legolas said, except Gimli who still didn't like Legolas at all.

"Hmmm, I smell…" said Aragorn, trailing off

"Oh my god, I know that smell!" screamed Merry

"It's THE CRAPPY SMELLING PERFUME OF THE DREADED FANGIRLS!!!"