"Chain smoker!"
This was, sadly, the worst insult that Ken could muster. However, because of the gag, it came out more like, "Mmmfoker!"
"What did you call me?" Yohji asked, turning away from where he was sharpening several long utensils commonly used for hot-dog roasting.
"MMMFOKER! I cuhlled 'ou a MMFOKER," Ken yelled very carefully.
"Excuse me!—you don't even know my mother. Uppity conditioner thief!"
Omi sighed and, for the sake of communication, removed the gag from Ken's mouth.
"I said 'chain smoker!'" Ken cried.
"…You called me a chain smoker?"
"Yes! Yes sir! You're an evil, chain-smoking fiend!"
"I am not a chain smoker."
"Yes, you are."
"If I'm not at this moment smoking, then by definition I really can't be a chain smoker, now can I?" Yohji asked, turning and waving the hot-dog-skewer.
"I… uh… I…" Ken stuttered, and then hung his head. "No, sir."
"I thought not. Omi! Restore the gag."
"Yes, sir."
Yohji smirked. Getting them to call him "sir" had been a good idea. …But it wouldn't make up for his hair. Nothing would make up for his hair.
"Omi!" he screeched suddenly, turning sharply with freshly sharpened skewers in hand. "Fetch me the objects of torture."
"Yohji, it's not too late. You can still resolve this like a civilized human being."
"Now, Omittchi. Or else I'll make the sentence worse."
"No!" Omi cried passionately. "I won't betray Ken like that—and if you were in the same situation, I wouldn't betray you, either, Yohji! I'm not going to turn against my friends—any of them! I shall remain neutral, like the great country Switzerland!"
Yohji's eyes glinted dangerously.
"Fine," he said. "Then you, too, shall pay the price."
Shortly, Omi found himself bound and gagged alongside Ken. They exchanged a glance as Yohji re-entered the room, a soccer ball in each hand. He sat them both down a few feet in front of Ken and then sat down behind them. He stroked one lovingly as he reached around to grab one of the hot-dog skewers. Ken's eyes widened and filled with tears, and he strained forward against his bonds.
Yohji grinned wickedly, held the skewer dramatically above his head, and brought it down sharply into the soccer ball's side. Air hissed out as he raised in and brought it down again and again, until all that remained was a lumpy black and white husk.
Ken screamed through his gag, and abruptly passed out.
Yohji looked put-out.
"How the hell am I supposed to torture him if that's all he can take?"
"He mubms roh vulls rerry much, Rohri!"
"…What? Oh, never mind," Yohji said, reaching over and yanking the gag away.
"He loves those balls very much, Yohji, I said."
"Ah," Yohji said, replacing the gag. "I'll just wait 'til he wakes up, then."
***
"Here?" Shuldig asked, obviously disbelieving of his fearless leader.
"Yes, here. I have seen it," Brad replied, nodding wisely.
"That's odd," Nagi muttered. "I didn't think any of the members of Weiss were literate."
Farfarello just stood imposingly behind Nagi, glancing around at the bookshelves.
Brad nodded again.
"I have seen it," he repeated cryptically.
"Right," Nagi said, nodding.
Shuldig nodded as well.
"…I wonder if they have any Precious Moments Bibles," Farfarello said softly.
"What?" Nagi asked, again practicing his sullen, I'm-fifteen-so-leave-me-the-fuck-alone scowl.
"We're out of toilet paper," Farfarello replied, staring off into the distance.
The rest of Schwarz shared a look, but didn't say anything. They didn't have to.
"It won't be long, now," Brad said, finally. "Not long at all."
"Dear God," Nagi replied. "I should hope not."
Notes: First of all, I want to thank you ALL for all the reviews you've given me! ^.^ I've never gotten so many reviews! Thanks especially to Marsupial, Ayako, Lunar Child, and BunjyGuM-Boy, who all reviewed not once, but TWICE. …Sorry if I missed you in that list. You can leave another irate review telling me to add you immediately, if you want. ^_~ And now for a few special notes:
To Marsupial: Yes, they would hate you at Yohji's salon. The Salon Lady of Doom would INSIST you dye your hair back to its original colour IMMEDIATELY, if not sooner. And if you resisted, she would strap YOU TOO into the chair. And possibly she would gag you. In this respect, she and Yohji would get along quite famously. Also, she would probably insist that you go to the tanning booth. Everyone should have that freshly baked, melanoma-welcoming "glow."
To Lunar Child: It amuses me greatly that you were eating pancakes while reading this the first time you reviewed. ;.; I'm sorry I made your pancake fall of your plate, though. POOR PANCAKE!
To Keeshe Kal'Daka: Yeah, it's going to be KIND of Ranken… In the sense that Ken's favour is going to be very… ::evil laughter:: Intimate and embarassing. In a way.
To Nagi-no-miko: If Aya can make that stupid orange sweater look less-than-hideous, then he can sure as hell work those ear-tail-things.
Nagi: ::SCOWL, DEATH GLARE:: And STOP TOUCHING ME!
Shuldig: ::edging away:: Now, Nagi, it's only because she loves you—
Nagi: XP
Farfarello: ^_^ Forgive her, Nagi, she knows not what she does…
Schuldig and Nagi: O.O
Shuldig: Did he… just… almost quote scripture at us?!
Nagi: O.O;;
To everyone else who was kind enough to review: THANKS SO MUCH! ^_^
BTW, sorry this part was so short. …I actually only thought this was going to be four chapters. O.o So much for that!
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