I Miss You
Chapter 7: (is) A Three-fold Utopian Dream
He stares at the diamond. Its tiny rainbows of light reflect like stars in his eyes. It mocks him from the display window. Should he? What had started as a harmless quest for a birthday present had quickly turned into one of those life altering decisions. He had been standing thoughtfully outside the jewelry shop in Princeton for nearly twenty minutes, trying to justify the purchase.
It is a delicate engagement ring: a gorgeous emerald cut diamond in a platinum setting. It reminds him of her. Though it is certainly beautiful on the outside, the elegant character lying beneath the surface, inherent in its very nature, radiates outward, making it that much more magnificent. He can see himself waking up to her every morning. If he could know that kind of bliss, even for a second, he would die a happy man.
Are they ready for marriage? He knows they are still young and inexperienced in the world. But he would be lying to himself if he said that marriage hasn't been on his mind for quite some time. But they have never discussed it seriously. He continues to debate with himself, on the sidewalk across the street from his college. He does mental calculations in his head. Graduation in three more semesters, or one and a half years. Grad school in two years. He would be twenty four years old if they waited until he was finished with grad school to get married. Unless they just went for it after college graduation, in which case...he shakes his head, clearing his head of those thoughts. How about you ask her first, he scolds himself.
He again eyes the ring in the window. It is calling to him, whispering "Buy me! Buy me!" Who is he to argue? He steps inside the shop, pulling out his wallet.
***
The black velvet jewelry box is nestled safely in the inside pocket of his jacket, next to his heart. It has been in his possession for a little over two weeks. He gets antsy just thinking about it. It has been so hard not to shout from the roof tops that he loves her and wants her to be his wife. It's a good thing her birthday is today, he muses. This thing is burning a hole in my pocket.
He drives up and parks in front of her house. Lorelai is throwing one of her famous birthday bashes. He suspects the entire town is already inside. He takes a deep breath to calm his racing heart. With a sense of purpose, he gets out of his car and walks up to the porch. She throws open the door wearing a tiara. "There you are! Where's my present?"
"You'll have to wait and see," he says with a smug smile.
"Someone's got a secret," she sings.
"You could say that," he shrugs.
***
She works her way through a pile of rapidly disappearing presents. He bides his time, waiting for her to realize that she hasn't received anything from him yet. In the meantime, he shares meaningful glances with Lorelai, who is in on the secret. She catches his eye and gives him the thumbs up. She had been delighted when Tristin had showed her the ring. She still can't get over the idea that her little girl is going to be proposed to on her twenty first birthday.
Rory finishes opening the last present and stands to thank everyone for coming. Lorelai interrupts, motioning for Tristin to come forward. "Sorry sweetie, one more."
Tristin wades through the shredded wrapping paper on the ground and comes to stand in front of her. She gazes at him questioningly as the rest of the guests look on. Swallowing past the growing lump in his throat, he takes her hand in his and drops to one knee.
Her eyes grow wide with shock and her chin drops open. Her hand begins to shake within his. Everyone ceases all conversation immediately, their eyes riveted to the couple before them. He clears his throat self consciously. He looks into her eyes, and suddenly the words pour freely from his heart, of their own will.
"Rory, every time I look at you, I fall in love with you all over again. Every moment I spend with you leaves me wanting more. I want to make you happy. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, knowing that no matter what life throws at us, we'll be able to handle it because we have each other. I am hopelessly, head over heels in love with you. Will you marry me?"
He reaches inside his jacket pocket and pulls out the box. He lifts the top, displaying the ring. He looks back up at her and is startled by what he finds. Tears slowly begin to track their way down the smooth skin of her cheeks and her chin quivers. But her eyes...they aren't happy. She looks like a deer caught in headlights.
He feels his heart drop into his stomach. She is going to refuse him. The tiny thought nags him, as she tries to remember how to form words.
Rory is frozen. She hears his beautiful words and the emotion behind him. She knows she is in love with him. But she can't marry him. She isn't ready. There is so much more she wants to accomplish in life before she settles down and commits herself to the life they will have together. She opens her mouth, trying to articulate these thoughts in a way that won't hurt him, but it is impossible. His eyes delve into hers, begging her to say yes. But she can't.
She looks around her. Her friends and relatives are expecting her to say yes. They are holding their breaths in anticipation of the word they think she will say. She feels suffocated in this room, with everyone staring at her waiting for an answer she can't give. Her eyes full of regret, she turns and runs out of the house. After a moment of hesitation, Tristin jumps to his feet and runs after her.
***
He catches up with her a few blocks away from Luke's. "Rory! Rory, wait!" he calls urgently.
She slows to a stop and waits for him to catch up. Her eyes are red and puffy from crying.
"Hey, hey," he says softly, wiping away a stray tear from her face. "What's going on?"
"Tris, I think we need to take a break," she hiccups.
"What? Why? Is it the proposal? I know it's sudden. I'm sorry, I should have discussed this with you first. I'm such an idiot!" he babbles, distressed, knowing that there is more to it than that.
"No, this isn't about you, it's about me. I just need more time. I need space."
"Did I do something wrong? Have your feelings changed? Tell me what I can do to fix this," he begs.
"I still love you," she emphasizes. "But please understand. You want more than I can give you. I'm not ready for marriage yet. I need time to figure out who I am and who I want to be."
"Rory, we've done this already. We tried to stay apart but it only brought us closer together. I know who I am. I know what I want. And that's you."
She smiles at him sadly. "I know, and I'm sorry. I'm the one who pushed for us to get back together. You did what you were supposed to do while we were apart, but I didn't. And now I need to fix that."
"So you're breaking up with me?" he asks, his face a mask of pain.
She bites her lip, suddenly unsure of herself. There is no denying she loves him with all of her heart. The proposal had been perfect in every way. His face, nervous yet confident, but so tender and full of love, will forever be imprinted in her memory. And oh God, the ring...But she still isn't ready. "Yes."
His heart breaks. The one scenario that had never occurred to him; he had been so sure she would say yes. His hopes, his three-fold utopian dream, vanish. He fights back the nausea that threatens to overwhelm him, then leans down and places a kiss on her forehead. And he walks away.
7/21
Chapter 7: (is) A Three-fold Utopian Dream
He stares at the diamond. Its tiny rainbows of light reflect like stars in his eyes. It mocks him from the display window. Should he? What had started as a harmless quest for a birthday present had quickly turned into one of those life altering decisions. He had been standing thoughtfully outside the jewelry shop in Princeton for nearly twenty minutes, trying to justify the purchase.
It is a delicate engagement ring: a gorgeous emerald cut diamond in a platinum setting. It reminds him of her. Though it is certainly beautiful on the outside, the elegant character lying beneath the surface, inherent in its very nature, radiates outward, making it that much more magnificent. He can see himself waking up to her every morning. If he could know that kind of bliss, even for a second, he would die a happy man.
Are they ready for marriage? He knows they are still young and inexperienced in the world. But he would be lying to himself if he said that marriage hasn't been on his mind for quite some time. But they have never discussed it seriously. He continues to debate with himself, on the sidewalk across the street from his college. He does mental calculations in his head. Graduation in three more semesters, or one and a half years. Grad school in two years. He would be twenty four years old if they waited until he was finished with grad school to get married. Unless they just went for it after college graduation, in which case...he shakes his head, clearing his head of those thoughts. How about you ask her first, he scolds himself.
He again eyes the ring in the window. It is calling to him, whispering "Buy me! Buy me!" Who is he to argue? He steps inside the shop, pulling out his wallet.
***
The black velvet jewelry box is nestled safely in the inside pocket of his jacket, next to his heart. It has been in his possession for a little over two weeks. He gets antsy just thinking about it. It has been so hard not to shout from the roof tops that he loves her and wants her to be his wife. It's a good thing her birthday is today, he muses. This thing is burning a hole in my pocket.
He drives up and parks in front of her house. Lorelai is throwing one of her famous birthday bashes. He suspects the entire town is already inside. He takes a deep breath to calm his racing heart. With a sense of purpose, he gets out of his car and walks up to the porch. She throws open the door wearing a tiara. "There you are! Where's my present?"
"You'll have to wait and see," he says with a smug smile.
"Someone's got a secret," she sings.
"You could say that," he shrugs.
***
She works her way through a pile of rapidly disappearing presents. He bides his time, waiting for her to realize that she hasn't received anything from him yet. In the meantime, he shares meaningful glances with Lorelai, who is in on the secret. She catches his eye and gives him the thumbs up. She had been delighted when Tristin had showed her the ring. She still can't get over the idea that her little girl is going to be proposed to on her twenty first birthday.
Rory finishes opening the last present and stands to thank everyone for coming. Lorelai interrupts, motioning for Tristin to come forward. "Sorry sweetie, one more."
Tristin wades through the shredded wrapping paper on the ground and comes to stand in front of her. She gazes at him questioningly as the rest of the guests look on. Swallowing past the growing lump in his throat, he takes her hand in his and drops to one knee.
Her eyes grow wide with shock and her chin drops open. Her hand begins to shake within his. Everyone ceases all conversation immediately, their eyes riveted to the couple before them. He clears his throat self consciously. He looks into her eyes, and suddenly the words pour freely from his heart, of their own will.
"Rory, every time I look at you, I fall in love with you all over again. Every moment I spend with you leaves me wanting more. I want to make you happy. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, knowing that no matter what life throws at us, we'll be able to handle it because we have each other. I am hopelessly, head over heels in love with you. Will you marry me?"
He reaches inside his jacket pocket and pulls out the box. He lifts the top, displaying the ring. He looks back up at her and is startled by what he finds. Tears slowly begin to track their way down the smooth skin of her cheeks and her chin quivers. But her eyes...they aren't happy. She looks like a deer caught in headlights.
He feels his heart drop into his stomach. She is going to refuse him. The tiny thought nags him, as she tries to remember how to form words.
Rory is frozen. She hears his beautiful words and the emotion behind him. She knows she is in love with him. But she can't marry him. She isn't ready. There is so much more she wants to accomplish in life before she settles down and commits herself to the life they will have together. She opens her mouth, trying to articulate these thoughts in a way that won't hurt him, but it is impossible. His eyes delve into hers, begging her to say yes. But she can't.
She looks around her. Her friends and relatives are expecting her to say yes. They are holding their breaths in anticipation of the word they think she will say. She feels suffocated in this room, with everyone staring at her waiting for an answer she can't give. Her eyes full of regret, she turns and runs out of the house. After a moment of hesitation, Tristin jumps to his feet and runs after her.
***
He catches up with her a few blocks away from Luke's. "Rory! Rory, wait!" he calls urgently.
She slows to a stop and waits for him to catch up. Her eyes are red and puffy from crying.
"Hey, hey," he says softly, wiping away a stray tear from her face. "What's going on?"
"Tris, I think we need to take a break," she hiccups.
"What? Why? Is it the proposal? I know it's sudden. I'm sorry, I should have discussed this with you first. I'm such an idiot!" he babbles, distressed, knowing that there is more to it than that.
"No, this isn't about you, it's about me. I just need more time. I need space."
"Did I do something wrong? Have your feelings changed? Tell me what I can do to fix this," he begs.
"I still love you," she emphasizes. "But please understand. You want more than I can give you. I'm not ready for marriage yet. I need time to figure out who I am and who I want to be."
"Rory, we've done this already. We tried to stay apart but it only brought us closer together. I know who I am. I know what I want. And that's you."
She smiles at him sadly. "I know, and I'm sorry. I'm the one who pushed for us to get back together. You did what you were supposed to do while we were apart, but I didn't. And now I need to fix that."
"So you're breaking up with me?" he asks, his face a mask of pain.
She bites her lip, suddenly unsure of herself. There is no denying she loves him with all of her heart. The proposal had been perfect in every way. His face, nervous yet confident, but so tender and full of love, will forever be imprinted in her memory. And oh God, the ring...But she still isn't ready. "Yes."
His heart breaks. The one scenario that had never occurred to him; he had been so sure she would say yes. His hopes, his three-fold utopian dream, vanish. He fights back the nausea that threatens to overwhelm him, then leans down and places a kiss on her forehead. And he walks away.
7/21