I Miss You
Chapter 17: I Know I'll See You Again
They had been talking for half an hour when he finally asks the fateful question: "So how's Tristin?"
She knows she should have expected it. It is widely known that she broke up with Dean for Tristin all those years ago. And for all intents and purposes, she and Tristin had been as good as married anyway.
"I wouldn't know," she finally responds coolly.
"I'm sorry, I had no idea," he says, his brown eyes flashing apologetically.
"Don't be, it's not your fault."
"You don't have to answer this," he says, testing the waters, "but what ended it?"
"Which time?" she asks sarcastically. "I guess what it comes down to is that we aren't meant to be together."
"You've got to be kidding me." He clearly isn't buying it.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"That is such a cop out answer."
She starts to protest but he cuts her off.
"That's what people say when a relationship gets too hard or complicated, so they blame everything on fate instead of taking responsibility for themselves. And in all the years I've known you, Rory Gilmore," he looks at her pointedly, "I've never known you to bail when things get too hard."
"I'm not bailing, I'm letting go."
"You know what the problem is," he continues, ignoring her, "you're both too stubborn for your own good."
"I am not!" she argues.
He raises his eyebrow.
"Somehow you got it into your heads that you couldn't be together. You couldn't just accept the fact that you had the perfect relationship and be happy with it. So you created these impossible hoops to make each other jump through, so of course it would come as no surprise when it couldn't be done. And yet you can't stay away from each other." He shakes his head ruefully. "That is so messed up, Ror."
Her eyes narrow. "I'm not going to sit here and listen to you criticize my relationship failures. You have no idea what we went through. You have no idea how we've changed. Things can't stay the same forever, Dean. If things were that simple, I'd still be with you!"
Her eyes turn a steely cobalt and her cheeks flush dangerously. He recognizes that look all too well. So the line has presented itself. Now the question is, back off or skip merrily to the other side? He shrugs slightly. I've got nothing to lose. But she has everything to gain.
"You can cut the crap," he says calmly. "Does it matter how you've changed or who did what to who how long ago? The point is, even after all this time, you still love him! You'll always love him. And not the peaceful, nostalgic kind of love that you can deal with everyday for the rest of your life. I'm talking the passionate, once in a lifetime, soul wrenching love. Do you think love like that is a walk in the park? Maybe that's why you're scared, because you don't know how to open yourself up to it. But I don't care what you say. You two will never get over each other. True love never dies. Let go of your pride, Ror. There's no room for it."
"You can't just sit there and spout cliches at me. Don't fool yourself. I know exactly what it is we're giving up..."
"No, what you're giving up," he stresses.
"Will you let me talk?" she screeches in frustration. "Do you know how many times I've crawled back to him, begging him to forgive me? We're stuck in this sick holding pattern and I'm tired of it. I can't do that to myself anymore. I won't. We had our chance. We had second and third and fourth chances. And we still couldn't get it together. I'm tired of trying. I'm just tired." Her voice abruptly drops to a whisper. Her self righteous anger has finally left her, leaving nothing but regret and resignation.
She allows him to pull her into a comforting hug. He strokes her hair lightly.
"Don't you think you deserve to be happy?"
"I don't need his love to be happy."
"Once you've experienced that kind of love, you'll never be whole without it. Do you realize how lucky you are? So many people live their lives without knowing what came naturally to you at seventeen. Don't throw it away."
"I don't know how to find it again," she confesses sadly.
"Yes you do. It's always been there." He gestures to her heart. "You just couldn't hear it until now." He strokes her hair comfortingly, lulling her into a light sleep.
She wakes much later in her bed, drowsy and disoriented. "What is wrong with me?" she asks her empty apartment. She could have sworn she had fallen asleep with Dean on the river bank. So how had she gotten back to her apartment?
The phone rings. She clears her throat then reaches for the receiver. "Hello?"
"Hey babe."
"Mom?"
"I'm sorry to call like this, I know it's the middle of the night there, but I figured hey, now is as good a time as any, if this can be considered a good time, which I don't think it can be, but-"
"Mom," she interrupts.
"I'm sorry," she apologizes. She sounds flustered.
"Mom, what's wrong?"
To Rory's horror, Lorelai chokes on a sob. "I don't know how to tell you this, so I'm just going to say it."
She feels her heart drop into her feet. A cold sweat breaks over her brow.
"There's been an accident."
"Who?" she whispers.
A sniffle, followed by faint static. "Dean."
She pulls the phone from her ear and stares at it in bewilderment. She must have heard her wrong.
"-crashed into a tree during a rainstorm. I'm sorry sweetie, he didn't make it."
"Mom, that's impossible." Her voice grows steadier with the knowledge that there's no way that he can be dead.
"Rory," her mother is openly weeping now, "I'm sorry, but Dean is dead."
"No he isn't." Impatience begins to creep into her voice. "Mom, I just talked to him this afternoon. He happened to be here, backpacking through Europe."
"Sweetie, I know this is hard. I know this is going to take some time to get used to-"
"When did it happen?" she demands.
"Early this morning. He was on his way back from New York."
She drops the phone. That's impossible. This can't be happening. Am I going crazy?
Her mother's worried voice bleeds into the still air of her apartment. "Rory, are you alright? Talk to me."
"I'm coming home now," she says shakily. "I'm pretty much packed anyway, I just have to take care of a few things. I'll call you when I know more."
She replaces the receiver on its cradle. Her hand is shaking. A single tear works its way down her cheek. It silently splashes on the floor.
17/21
I know, this is weird. Just go with it. Sorry for all the philosophical dialogue. And while I'm apologizing, sorry for disappearing these last few months. After my last update, I realized that I had backed myself into a corner and didn't know how to get out of it. Hence, this oddball chapter. Well at least no one can accuse me of falling into the cliche trap. Thanks for sticking with me. I realize it hasn't been easy, thanks to my frequent disappearing acts. But I meant what I said. I will see this through to the end. (The question is, will it be worth it?)
Chapter 17: I Know I'll See You Again
They had been talking for half an hour when he finally asks the fateful question: "So how's Tristin?"
She knows she should have expected it. It is widely known that she broke up with Dean for Tristin all those years ago. And for all intents and purposes, she and Tristin had been as good as married anyway.
"I wouldn't know," she finally responds coolly.
"I'm sorry, I had no idea," he says, his brown eyes flashing apologetically.
"Don't be, it's not your fault."
"You don't have to answer this," he says, testing the waters, "but what ended it?"
"Which time?" she asks sarcastically. "I guess what it comes down to is that we aren't meant to be together."
"You've got to be kidding me." He clearly isn't buying it.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"That is such a cop out answer."
She starts to protest but he cuts her off.
"That's what people say when a relationship gets too hard or complicated, so they blame everything on fate instead of taking responsibility for themselves. And in all the years I've known you, Rory Gilmore," he looks at her pointedly, "I've never known you to bail when things get too hard."
"I'm not bailing, I'm letting go."
"You know what the problem is," he continues, ignoring her, "you're both too stubborn for your own good."
"I am not!" she argues.
He raises his eyebrow.
"Somehow you got it into your heads that you couldn't be together. You couldn't just accept the fact that you had the perfect relationship and be happy with it. So you created these impossible hoops to make each other jump through, so of course it would come as no surprise when it couldn't be done. And yet you can't stay away from each other." He shakes his head ruefully. "That is so messed up, Ror."
Her eyes narrow. "I'm not going to sit here and listen to you criticize my relationship failures. You have no idea what we went through. You have no idea how we've changed. Things can't stay the same forever, Dean. If things were that simple, I'd still be with you!"
Her eyes turn a steely cobalt and her cheeks flush dangerously. He recognizes that look all too well. So the line has presented itself. Now the question is, back off or skip merrily to the other side? He shrugs slightly. I've got nothing to lose. But she has everything to gain.
"You can cut the crap," he says calmly. "Does it matter how you've changed or who did what to who how long ago? The point is, even after all this time, you still love him! You'll always love him. And not the peaceful, nostalgic kind of love that you can deal with everyday for the rest of your life. I'm talking the passionate, once in a lifetime, soul wrenching love. Do you think love like that is a walk in the park? Maybe that's why you're scared, because you don't know how to open yourself up to it. But I don't care what you say. You two will never get over each other. True love never dies. Let go of your pride, Ror. There's no room for it."
"You can't just sit there and spout cliches at me. Don't fool yourself. I know exactly what it is we're giving up..."
"No, what you're giving up," he stresses.
"Will you let me talk?" she screeches in frustration. "Do you know how many times I've crawled back to him, begging him to forgive me? We're stuck in this sick holding pattern and I'm tired of it. I can't do that to myself anymore. I won't. We had our chance. We had second and third and fourth chances. And we still couldn't get it together. I'm tired of trying. I'm just tired." Her voice abruptly drops to a whisper. Her self righteous anger has finally left her, leaving nothing but regret and resignation.
She allows him to pull her into a comforting hug. He strokes her hair lightly.
"Don't you think you deserve to be happy?"
"I don't need his love to be happy."
"Once you've experienced that kind of love, you'll never be whole without it. Do you realize how lucky you are? So many people live their lives without knowing what came naturally to you at seventeen. Don't throw it away."
"I don't know how to find it again," she confesses sadly.
"Yes you do. It's always been there." He gestures to her heart. "You just couldn't hear it until now." He strokes her hair comfortingly, lulling her into a light sleep.
She wakes much later in her bed, drowsy and disoriented. "What is wrong with me?" she asks her empty apartment. She could have sworn she had fallen asleep with Dean on the river bank. So how had she gotten back to her apartment?
The phone rings. She clears her throat then reaches for the receiver. "Hello?"
"Hey babe."
"Mom?"
"I'm sorry to call like this, I know it's the middle of the night there, but I figured hey, now is as good a time as any, if this can be considered a good time, which I don't think it can be, but-"
"Mom," she interrupts.
"I'm sorry," she apologizes. She sounds flustered.
"Mom, what's wrong?"
To Rory's horror, Lorelai chokes on a sob. "I don't know how to tell you this, so I'm just going to say it."
She feels her heart drop into her feet. A cold sweat breaks over her brow.
"There's been an accident."
"Who?" she whispers.
A sniffle, followed by faint static. "Dean."
She pulls the phone from her ear and stares at it in bewilderment. She must have heard her wrong.
"-crashed into a tree during a rainstorm. I'm sorry sweetie, he didn't make it."
"Mom, that's impossible." Her voice grows steadier with the knowledge that there's no way that he can be dead.
"Rory," her mother is openly weeping now, "I'm sorry, but Dean is dead."
"No he isn't." Impatience begins to creep into her voice. "Mom, I just talked to him this afternoon. He happened to be here, backpacking through Europe."
"Sweetie, I know this is hard. I know this is going to take some time to get used to-"
"When did it happen?" she demands.
"Early this morning. He was on his way back from New York."
She drops the phone. That's impossible. This can't be happening. Am I going crazy?
Her mother's worried voice bleeds into the still air of her apartment. "Rory, are you alright? Talk to me."
"I'm coming home now," she says shakily. "I'm pretty much packed anyway, I just have to take care of a few things. I'll call you when I know more."
She replaces the receiver on its cradle. Her hand is shaking. A single tear works its way down her cheek. It silently splashes on the floor.
17/21
I know, this is weird. Just go with it. Sorry for all the philosophical dialogue. And while I'm apologizing, sorry for disappearing these last few months. After my last update, I realized that I had backed myself into a corner and didn't know how to get out of it. Hence, this oddball chapter. Well at least no one can accuse me of falling into the cliche trap. Thanks for sticking with me. I realize it hasn't been easy, thanks to my frequent disappearing acts. But I meant what I said. I will see this through to the end. (The question is, will it be worth it?)