Most Unlikely Occupations for Our SD Characters
Mitsui
Spokesperson for Hygiene Products
[Commercial Voice: Do you want teeth as…
Ryota: How dare you look at Ayako-chan!
A can of coke accidentally hits Mitsui in the face and he's bleeding as front teeth falls out.]
He must have flimsy teeth if they keep falling out after a punch by Ryota, right? Recall Mitsui with his 2 front teeth missing before rejoining Shohoku.
Model for "The Thinker" imagine 'the thinker' not sitting on a rock but on the toilet, oh that's soooo tasteful, ne? (he does most of his thinking in the john, recall pre-match with Shoyo)
Rukawa (basically any job that requires attention or requires him to stay awake isn't suitable for him but here are some examples)
Priest/Pastor
[Rukawa is delivering an eulogy as the casket is slowly lowered into the ground.
On the side, Rukawa's brigade: RU-KA-WA! RU-KA-WA! L-O-V-E, RU-KA-WA!
Person lowering the casket downs it, lid pops open.
Screaming, shouting, cheering.
Rukawa: Baka.]
Electrician
[Rukawa's fixing the wiring and has fallen asleep. Drooling. Drool falls on wiring. The house burns down.
"…"]
Actor (non-corpse and has lines to speak) recall first meeting with Hanamichi "My name's Sakuragi Hanamichi. Remember it." "I forgot already"
[Director *ruffling his hair until it looks like Kiyota*: Fine! One more time!
The guy that does that board clicking thingie: Act 1, Scene 1. Take 574.
Rukawa *rubbing eyes and yawn*: Time to go?
Director goes crazy: That's not the line!! The like is OHAYOU GOZAIMASU!!! *goes and jumps out window*
Guy that does the board thingie is very happy because his hand aches.
Rukawa thinks to self 'It's morning?']
Sendoh
Doctor/Surgeon
[Sendoh snaps on latex gloves: Alright. Lets begin.
Assistant: You're 3 hours late! The heart for the transplant is useless now.
"…"]
Chef
[Pours wine onto the pan (I can't remember the name where they make the big fire). Flames rise. A spark touches his hair.
Boom!
Sendoh with a burnt face and afro hair.]
Lifeguard
[Sendoh spots the director that jumped out of the window and landed in the water and is drowning. Runs to the water with lifesaver. Pause. Sendoh thinks Damn, my hair took me 2 hours to do. If I get it wet…
Swims very slowly towards the Director, hanging onto lifesaver to avoid getting his hair wet.
Director drowns.]
Uozumi
Male Nurse at Old Folks Home
[Uozumi: Konnichiwa, I'll be your nurse.
Old woman who's hearing and eyesight aren't that good: Honey why don't you come closer so I can see you better? And would you mind speaking up dear?
Uozumi walks over and shouts: KONNICHIWA, I'LL BE YOU NURSE!
Old woman dies of heart attack.] Told you he was intimidating
Paramedic
[Sendoh just rescue the Director and is trying to get him to breathe.
Uozumi: Let me through. I know first aid.
Uozumi applies CPR. Pumping director's heart. Nasty sound of ribs cracking.
"…"]
Coach Taoka
Professional Biker *snicker* can you imagine him sitting on those things? It would totally remind him of when Hanamichi poked his hands up his ass (Ryonan Shohoku Practise Match). He thinks about it sitting on a cushiony seat (recall Shohoku's match with Shoyo).
Hanamichi
Sports Med recall Rukawa in the practise match with Ryonan. His method for healing Rukawa is to kick him
[Football player: I think I sprained my ankle.
Hanamichi: Don't be a wuss. *kick*
The cracking sound is drowned by the football player's hollering.]
Babysitter
[Hanamichi ask kid that resembles Rukawa: Hey, are you that Kitsune's son?
Kid giggles: You're funny looking.
Hanamichi with flashing eyes: What did you say?
Kid: A funny looking monkey.
Bang.
Kid unconscious, suffering possible brain damage with bump on the head. Learns never to laugh again.]
Singer
[Hanamichi at audition for Pop Stars.
Ex-Director (has changed jobs and yes he's alive): Go ahead.
Hanamichi sings his tensai song.
Glass breaks and eardrums rupture.]
Hikoichi
Teacher
[Student: Aida-sensei why do turtles all migrate to the place they were born? How do they know?
Hikoichi pulls out his trust notebook: Let me check
Flips through it, info not found.
Hikoichi whips out his trust pen: So Shita where exactly do they migrate, approximately how many every time, do males migrate too?
Students fall over in chibi form.]
Ryota
Spokesperson for Height Products obvious reason
Helicopter Pilot
[Passenger: I believe we're suppose to be going the other way.
Ryota: Don't worry. Ayako's house is nearby and I just want to say hi (got that from Rat Race).
Passenger: Who?
Ryota with heart shaped eyes: Ayako-chan…
Passenger screaming.
Crashes into the ex-Director's house.
Ryota: Oooops, I hope Ayako-chan didn't see that.
"…"]
Maki
Model for Teen Magazine
[Girl 1: Eeeew, this guy looks like my father.
Girl 2: Come on. He's a bit old but at least he's got a nice bod.
Girl 1 whips out a picture of a man identical to Maki except with streaks of white in his hair.
Drops magazine and runs off to wash eyes.]
Kiyota
Librarian he'll probably be the loudest person in the library and imagine his hair in a tight bun
Info Desk at the Mall recall Shohoku's match with Shoyo and how he went to the wrong locker room
[Ex-director: So this is the way to the real-estate agency?
Kiyota: Yeah, yeah follow the instructions.
Ex-director follows the scribbles to a dark room. Search for light switch.
Voices: Don't close that door!!
Ex-director who's deaf now can't hear. Bang, door closed.
Voice: Oh crap. You followed that crazy hair guy's instruction, huh? Now you're trap with us here.]
Coach Anzai
Lifeguard for Baywatch can you imagine him running in swim trunks like those Baywatch dudes during the Theme song? *shudders*
End of Most Unlikely Jobs