Announcer 1: Hey-hey-hoo! Are you eating all your green vegetables to get nice and strong? Super! ^.^ I'm Keroberos, beast of the seal, and I'm much more handsome than this guy. .;

Announcer 2: . Merble. Merblemerblemeef.

Kero-chan: Yeah, same to you, buddy!

Mina: -_-; *sigh* Boys.. could we start here? I'm going to miss my intro.

Kero-chan: Fine, fine. Welcome to --..He stole the microphone!

Merblemikey: ^.^ Merblemeefmerb!

Mina: Aw, thanks, sweetie! *walks onstage in the usual short skirt and tight blouse and giggles adorably* Welcome to the fifth edition of the Bishounen Dating Game! As always, I'm your super fun, super-sexy, strangely- single host, Mina Greenspell! *strikes a pose* We have a big treat for y'all today! Phibby's back, and he's all recovered from his nervous breakdown, according to his psychotherapist ^_^;; C'mon out, Phibby!

*Phibrizzo wanders out slowly, peeking around the curtains and rushing behind Mina, peeking behind her leg*

Mina: o.o Are you trying to peek up my skirt?

Phibrizzo: o_o; God no.

Mina: . So now I'm ugly?

Phibrizzo: o.o;;

Gourry: . You should stop talking, Faberge. You can't win.

Phibrizzo: u.u *eye twitch*

Mina: . It's good to have you back.

Phibrizzo: I'm on heavy anti-psychotics ^_^

Schuldich: . We should try those for Farfie.

Crawford: -_- We did, remember? He was eating them like M&M's.

Schuldich: o.o Oh yeah. He sure was happy, though.

Mina: O.o; So anyway.. our bachelorette!

*Hope walks out and sits down. A nametag on her shirt says "I'm only here 'cause I sucked up to BM, and damn proud of it!". She beams and waves*

Hope: ^.^ Hello, my people!

Mina: . -Your- people?

Hope: ^-^ *nods*

Mina: -_- You've been onstage for 30 seconds and already you're having an ego trip. It took Merblemikey two shows to have one. . *eyes her*

Hope: I'm cuter ^-^

Merblemikey: Merble! .

Kero-chan: . I agree with her, y'know --....PUDDING! WAI! *digs into it and promptly falls asleep, snoring loudly, still clinging to the spoon. Merblemikey holds up a bottle of heavy-duty sleeping pills and merrs, taking control of the microphone.*

Mina: *shakes her head, muttering* Let's just bring out our first bachelor and may God have mercy on his soul.

Farfie: .;; *hisses, sitting down and licking his knives, holding them protectively, his arms all bandaged up*

Phibrizzo: o.o;; Miss Mina, I'm scared.

Mina: *pats him* Don't worry, I'm sure he's....um.. in good company with you.

Nagi: *waves his "Go, Farfie!" sign, beaming* ^_^

Mina: o.o Welcome, Bachelor number one.

Farfie: Top o' the marnin' to ye.

Mina: o.o No comment.

Phibrizzo: Come on out, Bachelor number two!

*Marron boots a burly blonde haired German onstage and storms off, grumbling.*

Gateau: ^.^ Call me, Marron-sama!

Marron: -_-;

Mina: o.o Wow. Marron really gets around, doesn't he?

Hope: o.o You mean it's not Marron?

Mina: . Sorry.

Hope: u.u You promised me Marron.

Mina: Yeah, life's a bitch that way.

Hope: *mumbling* Life's not the bitch. You are.

Mina: . What was that?

Hope: ^_^; Nothing. *squeaks as her left pigtail suddenly ignites, frantically blows it out*

Mina: ^_^ v

Phibrizzo: o_o *slowly inches away*

Carrot: Hey! I think they're gonna fight! LESBIANS! *gets out his binoculars*

Hope: . I AM NOT A DYKE! *throws a mallet at him*

Carrot: *gets hit and flies off the seat. His binoculars fly across the room and shatter* u.u I sent in three box tops for those. Now all I have are my X-Ray glasses and my Sea Monkeys.

Marron: -_-;

Mina: -_-; Welcome back, Phibrizzo.

Phibrizzo: u.u *takes more of his anti-psychotics*

Mina: Well, come on out, number three.

Syaoran: *whining, standing backstage* I can't do it.

Tomoyo: Mr. Tsukishiro is in the audience. He came just to see you, you know. *sighs* I guess I'll have to break the news to him.

Syaoran: O_O *runs out, knocking Farfie off his stool and sitting on it, cheeks bright red*

Yukito: *waves, utterly oblivious as always* ^.^

Mina: o.o; You okay, Bachelor one?

Farfie: o.x I fell on my knife. *smiles and licks the blood up.* ^.x Yay!

Mina: O.o;

Crawford: -_-;

Syaoran: *overly enthusiastic* HELLO, MISS MINA! IT IS GOOD TO BE HERE!

Mina: o.o Not -that- good, Bachelor number three.

Toya: *mutters* Brat.

*Syaoran and Toya glower at each other until Yuki gives Toya a cute little bunny kiss, and then Toya sticks his tongue out at the brat, and goes back to his Yuki.*

Mina: ^.^ So now that the contestants are all accounted for, let's begin. Read the first question, Hopie.

Kero-chan: *snores loudly into the microphone *

Hope: o.o; I can't read with that in the background.

Mina: ^_^ Merblemikey.. sweetie, could you?

Merblemikey: Merble! Meef-merb. *whaps Kero-chan upside the head *

Kero-chan: Mm. .. Right there, Yue.. Just like that.

Yue: o_o;

Sakura: o_o;; Hoee!

Merblemikey: .; *hits him again *

Kero-chan: *snort * Huh? ^_^;; Oh! And we're back!

Mina: o.o; We never left.

Kero-chan: o.o;; Oh. ^_^;;

Hope: *clears her throat and looks at the index cards * Bachelor number one.

Farfie: Aye?

Hope: I hate random gropings. What would you say is your biggest pet peeve?

Farfie: *ponders a moment and then smiles * God. 'e's always after me lucky charms.

Crawford: -_-;

Hope: o.o;

Mina: Huh. That's the second Lucky Charms reference in the Bishounen Dating Game.

Phibrizzo: Well, they -are- magically delicious.

Lina: Told you!

Hope: What about you, Bachelor Number Two?

Gateau: *hops off of his stool, almost knocking over the other two as he flexes his muscles * Unbeautiful people, like Carrot. *looks over to see Marron looking adoringly at Carrot * -_-; What's he got that I don't?

Mina: *hums 'If I only had a brain' *

Gateau: .;

Mina: ^.^

Hope: -_- Looks like you picked the cream of the crop, Mina..

Mina: ^_^ You could always have -me-.

Hope: *pause * .. Bachelor number three! Your answer?

Syaoran: *grumble * I hate it when Sakura-chan makes me put on my Sleeping Beauty costume.

Sakura: ^_^;

Schuldich: Ooh, Brad-sama, you know what that reminds me of?

Crawford: -_- I'm not having sex with you in the green room, Schuldich.

Schuldich: *pout * Why not? Everyone else got to.

Crawford: -_-; We'll discuss this later. The -other- crazy redhead is looking at us funny.

Lina: o_o; *stare *

Merblemikey: Merblemerblemeef!

Mina: -_- No, you can't have the crazy bachelor.

Merblemikey: u.u Meef.

Hope: -_- I'm starting to think that none of them are all there.

Mina: Well, it's the fifth edition. I had to choose -someone-. Beggars can't be choosers, y'know.

Hope: Fine, fine. Bachelor number one?

Nagi: ^-^ Yay, Farfie!

Hope: -_- So much for the element of surprise.

Mina: . Kinda sad that you didn't guess it earlier.

Hope: u.u;; Bachelor number one. I'm a really picky eater. What do you like to eat most?

Farfie: ^.x Anti-psychotics. Sometimes Schuldich dips them in chocolate and sees how many I can fit in my mouth.

Crawford: .;

Schuldich: ^.^ He's up to thirty-two.

Phibrizzo: Hm. Never tried them with chocolate. *walks offstage *

Hope: How about you, Bachelor Number two?

Gateau: ^_^ Marron.

Marron: *chokes *

Gateau: ^.^ *flex flex *

Carrot: . Pervert!

Tira: .; Hypocrite.

Carrot: .;;

Hope: *sigh * Bachelor number three?

Syaoran: Chocolate. Especially when Sakura-chan's covered in it. ^_^;

Toya: *twitch twitch, takes karate stance *

Yukito: -_- To~ya, we've discussed this. You can't go around fighting ten year olds.

Syaoran: *glowers *

Farfie: o.x Fight! It will hurt God!

Toya: *sits down, still glaring *

Farfie: u.u Damn. *snaps his fingers, disappointed. *

Kero-chan: Well, things look to be heating up here.. Of course, that could just be because the Merblemikey lit my tail on fire! *screams, blowing it out *

Merblemikey: ^.^ Merble. *hides his lighter * Meef, meef, merblemeef, narf.

Kero-chan: I don't agree with that at all.

Merblemikey: Merble .

Kero-chan: O_O So's your mom!

Mina: . BOYS! Do I have to come up there?

Carrot: ^_^ You can come here, too.

*Tira and Marron both smack him *

Mina: -_-; Just finish the questions, Hope, so I can get a good, stiff drink.

Hope: u.u I'm going to need one too.

Mina: ^.^ It's a date then.

Hope: . Only if I'm -really- drunk.

Mina: ^_^ Deal.

Hope: *tosses away the second index card * Bachelors, my favorite play is a Midsummer's Night Dream. What's yours, and why?

Farfie: Hm. That's easy. Hamlet ^.x *pauses to lick off his knife and then slash himself in the arm with it. *

Syaoran: O_O *faint, thud *

Toya: *smirk *

Farfie: Everyone dies in it. That makes God sad. ^_x

Hope: o.o Did I hear a thud?

Phibrizzo: *frantically waving smelling salts under Syaoran's nose * .no?

Hope: ^.^ Okay. Bachelor number two, what's your favorite play and why?

Gateau: *ponders this for a moment * The Graduate. ^_^ I could play Mrs. Robinson, and Marron.. *is cut off by a rolled up ball of paper hitting him in the head. He beams and waves * Hi, Marron-sama! Quick! Look at my muscles! *flex flex *

Marron: u.u Are you trying to seduce me, Mr. Mocha?

Gateau: ^_^ *nodnodnod *

Marron: -_-;

Hope: o.o I can't see it winning any Tony's. Bachelor number three?

Syaoran: *still unconscious *

Phibrizzo: o_o; *tries to make his voice sound like Syaoran's, ends up deadpanning. * I.. don't really like plays. However.. I do like the Vagina Monologues.

Hope: O.o

Phibrizzo: o_o;;

Hope: That's.. nice.

Phibrizzo: Whew.

Syaoran: @.@ Can I get some strawberry ice cweam, mommy? I've been a good boy.. *falls over again *

Mina: -_-; Only on -my- show.

Merblemikey: Merblemerblemerble meef-narf-merb.

Mina: I agree completely, honey. *nods *

Kero-chan: *mutters something about a meglomanical pokemon and sighs, opening a bottle of Jack Daniels. *

*Phibrizzo walks out with chocolate smeared on his lips, giggling *

Phibrizzo: ^.^ They -are- better with chocolate.

Mina: -_- Maybe now's a good time to go to commercial.



*Commercial Break *

Announcer: New to McDonalds! We here at McDonalds support Pride Week 100%! After all, we hire gay workers too. There's one at the downtown McDonalds in Edmonton. ..of course, he's only part-time, but..anyway! To celebrate Pride Week, we're introducing a brand new taste! The McCock!

Man 1: Mm! It's so creamy.. but it has a salty flavor to it!

Announcer: And, while supplies last, get a free 'Queer as Folk' action figure with each purchase of the McCock!

Kid: Wow, cool! I want Justin!

Big Gay Al: Me too! ^.^ Rawr.

Announcer: So come down and enjoy a McCock today, with a portion of the proceeds going to Ronald McDonalds Fund for Better Lights In Dance Clubs.

*

Yukito: o.o I'm suddenly hungry.

Marron: . I want Justin too.

Mina: o.o; Well, at least there wasn't a talking Dildo.

Phibrizzo: If there was, I probably would've gone right back to the loony bin.

Mina: Who knows? After this, you might be headed back there anyway ^_^;

Hope: *tosses away the bottle of vodka she was drinking during the commercial * ^.^

Random Crew Member: OW!

Hope: o.o Oops. ^_^; Anyway. On with the questions.

Kero-chan: We're about to start. And heeeeeeeeeeerrrrrreeeeeeee weeeeeeeeee. goooo!

Mina: o.o; That was uncalled for.

Hope: Bachelors, if you could star in any movie, what movie would you star in? .I'm almost afraid to ask..

Farfie: ^_x Silence of the Lambs. I already have the mask for it, see? *holds up a Hannibal-type mask * Plus, anything's good with fava beans and a nice chianti.

Yukito: ^_^ *nods *

Hope: . what about you, Bachelor two?

Gateau: *thinks a moment * Rudy. *sniffles * He just.. he tried so hard to make the team, and they wouldn't let him.. And then he made the goal.. *starts bawling * J..Just give me a moment.

Hope: o_o; Okay.. bachelor number two has a thing for sappy movies.

Marron: *stares in shock * I never would've guessed..

Mina: . Deep down, I always suspected it. *sagely nod *

Hope: Bachelor three?

Syaoran: *has regained consciousness, but has scooted far from Farfie's stool * .

Farfie: ^.x

Syaoran: I think I'd like to star in the Karate Kid. Only.. without the dorky headband.

Schuldich: Do you have something against headbands, kid? .

Syaoran: o.o No. Not at all ^_^;;

Mina: Oh! We're on the last question! Thank god..

Farfie: *twitch *

Hope: I'm just as glad as you are, Mina-chan. -_- *sighs * Bachelors, I'm a big fan of reality shows. If you could be on a reality show, which one would you choose?

Farfie: ^_x The Osbournes. They have a real (bleep) problem with their (bleep) mouths, but they're (bleep) (bleep) (bleep).

Nagi: O_O My virgin ears!

Hope: o_o; -My- virgin ears!

Mina: . *snigger * Right.

Hope: . Quiet, you. Bachelor two, what show would you be on?

Gateau: ^_^ Survivor. That way, I could use my beautiful muscles to win money.

Marron: -_-;

Hope: And, finally, Bachelor number three..

Syaoran: Well, it sure as hell wouldn't be Big Brother, I can tell you that much.

Toya: *mutters * Brat.

Mina: ^.^ And that's the end. Audience, write down who you'd like to see Hope end up with, and -- . uh-oh.

Hope: o.o What?

Mina: o.o Bachelor number two left. *blinku's, looks around *

Marron: GET OFF ME! .

Gateau: ^_^ *sitting in Marron's lap * Miss me, Marron-sama?

Marron: u.u

Mina: o.o Okay.. so .. Audience, just pick between one and -

Syaoran: *has dived off stage to attack Toya *

Mina: . well, it looks like it's going to be an easy -

*A loud 'thud' is heard * Mina: Oh, for the love of.. ..*pause * .. ^_^; Kero-chan, can you call 9-1- 1? Bachelor One passed out from blood loss.

Farfie: *dazed, happy look on his face * *.x

Hope: *wails * I don't even get a Bishounen!?

Mina: o.o You can have Phibby.

*Pause, both laugh *

Phibrizzo: -_-

Mina: Calm down, calm down. I'll think of something.

*Smoke detector goes off , and everyone looks around to see where the fire's coming from. *

Yohji: *looks innocent, puffing away on one cigarette after the other *

Mina: -_-

Crawford: -_-;

Schuldich: . *hiss *

Nagi: . *hiss *

Yohji: *goes onstage and takes Hope's hand * Will you do me the honor of accompanying me to dinner, lovely?

Carrot: o.o He's good.

Yohji: ^_^ And I owe it all to Bob the Talking Dildo's Clinic on How to Get a Chick.

Carrot: u.u I kept trying to sleep with the sexy lady assistant.

Hope: ^_^ I'll take this one. *zoom *

Mina: But he's not even a --. .*sigh * Oh well. Go on, announcers. .;;

Kero-chan: u.u I need pudding.

Merblemikey: ^.^ Merblemerble! Meef!

*Fade to black. *