Chapter Five:
Fresh Concerns
It amazed me how quickly our lives settled into a comfortable routine. We were given a week to ourselves – no phone calls and no visitors – and we made the most of it. Every morning I was still in disbelief that Jamie was there in my arms. There was something so soothing and reassuring about it. We would walk hand-in-hand to the pier, letting the brisk wind brush up against us. And each day concluded in the same way – up on the balcony. Jamie would read a book off Mr. Rothman's list, laughing whenever she caught me admiring her as she read. We watched the sunset together, always topping off another perfect day.
At the close of our week, it was clear that things were changing, and neither of us could deny it, no matter how much we wanted to. Jamie was growing noticeably more tired.
That Sunday we went to church and as we walked through the doors hand-in-hand for the first time since our wedding, I had never felt more proud. I took my seat in one of the front pews and Jamie took hers in the choir, which soon began to sing. "… Early in the morning, I will celebrate the light. When I stumble in the darkness, I will call your name out loud. God of wonders beyond our galaxy – you are holy, holy. The universe declares your majesty – you are holy, holy. Lord of heaven and earth…." [Third Day and Caedman's Call, "God of Wonders"]
"Lord, you have been there whenever I have stumbled in the past. Why would you not be there for me in the future?" When I opened my eyes, I glanced up to find Reverend Sullivan glancing my way and we exchanged silent greetings. "How did I ever get so lucky? All of this was right before me for all these years, but somehow I was blind to it all."
When the service came to a close, Jamie and I headed over to greet my mother who had sat a few rows behind me. She was waving wildly, just in case we had failed to see her.
"Be prepared for mother-in-law overload," I teased. We had taken only a few steps when Jamie's hand reached for my shoulder and she came to a stop. "Come on, it's not going to be that bad… I'm sure she'll only talk for a good hour and by that time your dad should be pushing her out of the church so he can lock up." She didn't say a word. I shot her a quick glance. Her eyes were closed and she was bracing herself against me. "Jamie, are you okay?" I was startled.
"Yeah, I'm fine... I just got a little dizzy for a second."
It soon passed, and we slowly continued over to my mom. "I missed you guys!" she exclaimed when we reached her. "Do you know how many times I wanted to pick up the phone and give you a call? …"
"Landon," Reverend Sullivan was motioning me toward the front. A look of concern covered his face.
"I'll be right back, Jamie," I said, kissing her on the forehead. She nodded.
"Good morning, Reverend."
"Landon, has Jamie been taking her medications? How has she been doing?" He had pulled me aside and was scarcely whispering.
"She's been taking her medications regularly, but she's been a little tired these past few days." I could see Jamie peering over her shoulder to look our direction.
"Please just keep an eye on her. I trust you to take care of my little girl."
"Reverend, I don't want anything to happen to her – she's everything to me. I'll take good care of her." I was trying with everything in me not to reveal how uneasy I was at that moment.
On the ride home, I was in a state of shock. "Lord, Jamie can't be getting sicker already, can she? I know that you didn't bring us this far to take her away from me this soon."
As we were cooking dinner a few nights later, I was still pondering about whether I should confide in Jamie about my worries. It was obvious she wasn't feeling any better, and I was pretty sure she was still getting dizzy, although she did a great job trying to cover it up. I realized that she wished to focus on the positive and I certainly didn't want to be the one to bring up such a dim topic. Luckily I didn't have to.
"Landon, what was my father talking to you about on Sunday?" She was sitting up on the counter next to the stove as I stirred some spaghetti sauce.
"He's concerned about your health, Jamie. He saw you grab on to me in the isle, and it scared him. To be honest, it scared me, too. I think we need to accept the fact you haven't been feeling as well these past few days."
Jamie lowered her head, looking at her hands at the mere mention of it. "Sure, I've been a little tired recently. I can't deny that." She hopped off the counter and walked over to the cupboard, retrieving some noodles. "But the dizziness on Sunday – I had just stood up too quickly, that's all. It's nothing to be con…" She stopped mid-sentence, reaching for the countertop.
Placing my hand on her lower back, I let out a sigh. "You got dizzy again, didn't you?" She turned around, her apologetic eyes saying enough.