* Lyrics from "Stay by me" by Annie Lennox *
I make my way to him…tiny, tiny steps, as befit a lady madam would say, even though she'd made me a whore in the eyes of the world. It is a matter of pride for me to act with dignity, despite the stares, the whispers, each time a child would point and ask why my obi was tied in front, low at the waist. The better to…be accessible, my dear, I would imagine myself saying. But I never said a word. It was none of their business what I did to survive, what I do to live. No use belaboring the point. No use pouting like a sulky child that the gods saw fit to grant me beauty but not respectability.
Femininity such as mine when…enhanced, by manner and dress, quickly rose in marketability. Therefore I was grateful to the madam for her training. I'd decided that if I were to be a professional whore, then I would be the most professional and most popular one. I succeeded. They say no one chooses whoring as a profession—they are wrong. The flesh trade may not have been my calling, but it is certainly a living I entered with my eyes, the ones my clients would often find disconcertingly aware, wide open. I choose to live in comfort instead of that rat-infested hovel I was born in and run away from as soon as I could. I choose whom to sleep with, no longer crouching in a corner fearing that my father and his drinking buddies would one day go beyond their "teasing" and be drunk enough to use me instead of my mother…I choose, not they, not even the madam.
If it was the make-up that smiled and not I, I conditioned myself not to be bothered to fix my interior to match the facade. If I felt like a doll on display beside a man, ensconced in his glass house, I amused myself with the thought that I was playing with him, and not the other way around. He wanted an ornamental woman, and so I played my part. He wouldn't get anything beyond that from me. I vowed no man would take anything that touched on my soul and kept that vow for a decade…until I met him, the man I now walk towards, with my achingly slow steps, prolonging, anticipating...
* stay by me / and make the moment last / please take these lips / even if I have been kissed / a million times *
Shishio Makoto. He came to me without pretence, and I was forced to shed the deceptive make-up…what had protected me from countless men could not hide me from his searing gaze, those same compelling eyes I now behold glittering with excitement, the fire within contained by an iron will. He freed me from the choices I'd bound myself to. He taught me that I could love a man without payment, with no need for reciprocity although I did crave his love—because he saw me as I am, understood me as I did him, and loved me as his kindred spirit. I could become anything for him, because in whatever function I willingly adapted myself to, for him, I was still Yumi. I stand beside him now with pride, as he faces the enemies he had requested I lead to him. I hide my trepidation as best I can, because although Shishio-sama has my confidence, Himura is as strong an opponent as my love has ever faced. I fear for Shishio-sama's safety, as I have never feared for my own…
However, the strongest opponent could well prove to be neither Himura, nor time, but my Shishio's own person. There is such unquenchable fire inside of Shishio-sama, a thirst for power that grows as he becomes more victorious…when will it stop? He has such hopes for Japan, dreams of the changes he will bring to fruition, but his strength has been spent time and again and his weapons, the Ten Swords, have broken on the stubborn backs of Himura and his skilled cohorts. But I wait to help my beloved in his fight, as long as we two yet live all is not lost, and this may well be my chance now…I come between him and Himura's sword, I am the veil that would hide the unanticipated move, Shishio may I be the instrument of your victory…
* and I don't care if there is no tomorrow / when I could die here in your arms *
The agony of his sword tearing my flesh brings exquisite joy for it wounds his enemy…I am more than a painted toy…I am no delicate beauty…colors swirl before my eyes, but my tears spill no sorrow for I feel his presence beside me, I bask in the pride I hear in his voice, I sense the caring in his caresses…
* even if the stars have made us blind / we're blind, we're blind / so blind in love / sweet darling / don't you know that we're no different to anyone / we stumble we falter / but we're no different than anyone *
It took a long time…even in death I was able to serve my master, my love…are we not human like you, are we not capable of such love as you…more than you…
* and all the winter snow has melted down / into a pool of silver water / and we're standing in a silver cloud / dark as your hair / dark as your hair *
Not even death will destroy us…I shall wait for your coming, Shishio-sama…Jya ne…