Chapter Twenty:

The New Start

            "It's a chilly 31° here in New York City, and we have just under one hour left until the New Year."  Dick Clark's voice announced over the TV.  Jamie and I were curled up on the couch, watching the countdown while she flipped through a book of baby names.

            "How about April?" she asked.

            "It's a pretty name… but you know what everyone is going to ask her, don't you?" I began.

            She shook her head.

            "'Why were you named April if you were born in March?'"

            She laughed.  "So are you saying you want to name her March, or you want me to wait an extra month and deliver in April?"

            "Hmm… would you mind waiting?  I mean, it would be so much more convenient with my school schedule," I mused, looking down at her.  I caught a sudden jab in my side from her elbow.  "Ouch!  I take it that's a no."

            My mind drifted back to the morning. 

Leaving Dr. Nelson's office, I had sat in the car for over a half-hour, reeling in the effects of the news.  Rushed with a flood of emotions, I had been incapable of thought. 

Now… it seemed like that was all I could do… drift off in thoughts of how suddenly everything had changed…

            "Landon? … What do you think of that one?"

            Pulling myself back to the present, I tried to cover for my lack of attention.  "I like it."

            Apparently that had been a mistake, because Jamie began to giggle… and didn't stop.  "Are you sure about that one? … Then I'll let you explain to our family how our daughter came to be named Shopping Carter. … Where were you?"

            "Jamie, have you ever felt like you've been traveling in a dark tunnel … and now … out of nowhere … you exit the tunnel … and then are so blinded by the light?" 

            She sat up and turned to look at me, concern written on her face.  "I'm not sure…  You've been acting strange all day, are you alright?"

            I didn't answer.  Instead I leaned in and kissed her, pulling back when the sparks overwhelmed me with their frequency.  "Don't you feel it?"

            "Feel what? … And who gave you permission to kiss me before midnight?" she mocked.

            I chuckled, "Sorry."  I paused, reflecting.  "Don't you feel the change…?" I asked before trying to express everything I couldn't say in words through a single, gentle, passionate kiss.  I felt her lean into it, bringing her arms around my neck, as the flickers turned into surges. 

"Now that… that I felt," she whispered, leaning her forehead against mine.  "But you did it again."

"You mean it's not midnight yet?" I asked, pretending to be surprised.

Smiling, she shook her head, before laying it to rest on my shoulder.

            There was a comfortable silence between us while I tried to figure out what to say… how to say it…  I had leaned down to her ear.  "'Hope that is seen is not hope, because who hopes for what he sees?'" I began.

            Jamie joined in with me as I continued.  "'But if we hope for what we do not see…'"  I let her finish, "'we eagerly wait for it with patience.'"

            I lowered my voice to a low whisper.  "What if we don't have to wait any longer?"  Glancing down, I could see that my words hadn't registered, confusion revealing itself in her features.  "This isn't working… as much as I wanted it to… I'm just going to have to come out and tell her."

            I took a deep breath before starting.  "I talked to Dr. Nelson today."

            At the mention of his name, she turned to face me.

            "You're … in … remission."  Saying three words had never been more freeing.

            At the sound, I heard her breath catch in her throat.  Her eyes widened as they searched my calm expression, looking for something. 

I knew all too well what that something was.  "This is for real, Jamie," I whispered.  Realizing her reaction mirrored my own from earlier, I smiled.

She opened her mouth to speak, only to change her mind.  The corners of her lips were faintly turned upward.  Slowly, her gaze drifted and she shifted, leaning up against me once more.  As she settled down, I could barely make out the words she mumbled, "Dark tunnel… exit… blinded by the light…"

            The minutes passed, neither of us saying a word, both deep in thought.  Then I heard it, "3… 2… 1… Happy New Year!"  I smiled, "It's finally midnight..."

            "Happy New Year," I whispered as I brushed her hair off her back and over her left shoulder.  Slowly, I brushed my lips down the back of her neck and then across her right shoulder, placing light kisses as I went.  My hand tracing its way up her side and then down her arm until her hand was in mine.

            "Mmm…" she sighed, giving my hand a squeeze.  Tilting her head, her eyes met mine, shining with a life of their own.  "Tell me everything."

            I turned the television off as "Auld Lang Syne" played in the background, and then allowed myself to relive the meeting as I recounted it:

            "I really don't know how to say this…"

            I could feel the dread within me building as he began.

            "I've wanted to say something for some time… but Jamie and you made it very clear that you didn't want to hear the results of any of her blood work…"

            I stood up to leave.  "I don't want to hear this… I'm sorry, Dr. Nelson."

            "You don't want to know the tests have come back normal for the past month?" he injected.

            I froze at the door, short of breath, before slowly turning around and sitting back down.  "What?" was all I managed to choke out.

            He sighed before continuing.  "I can't explain it, Landon.  I've consulted with other colleagues and we are all at a loss for words.  Jamie's blood work has constantly been improving since my first meeting with the two of you… then it turned completely normal."  Slight uncertainty was on his face, and I could see the lack of justification had been bothering him.

            I struggled to try to say something.  The words were on the tip of my tongue, yet my mouth wouldn't cooperate with me.

            "Your wife has taught me something.  After all the schooling, you're trained to think that science is the explanation for all of the world's workings… but… that just doesn't fit here."  He paused before continuing.  "It took a lot of inner-turmoil before I could admit that to myself.  Then I remembered the reason that she gave for not wanting to know the results – that she was doing it on 'faith and a lot of hope.'"

            After a few moments of silence, I finally managed to speak.  "God's work rarely ever follows our expectations… or even science's explanations… but… how boring would life be if it did?"

            "Well… witnessing the power of faith and hope… that … that is a major discovery for some of us in the medical community, Landon," he said, a grin on his face.

            "Did he really say it like that?" Jamie asked me as I finished.

            "Yeah."

            She giggled, drawing a little checkmark in the air with her finger.

            "What?" I inquired.

            "Number 7."

            I joined in her laughter.  "Make a medical discovery."  It was then that it hit me.  "Jamie, what do you think about Hope?"

            She thought a moment before speaking.  "Hope sees you through the darkest of times, allowing you to find that end of the tunnel."  Her thumb was drawing sweeping patterns on the back of my hand.

            "I couldn't agree with you more… but what do you think of Hope as a name?"

            Her smile grew, lighting up her whole face.  "It's … perfect."

            The hours passed, as Jamie and I were given the opportunity to discuss something we had never planned on – our future.  I had no desire to sleep… in fact… I was a little apprehensive about sleeping that night, afraid that if I fell asleep, I would wake up to find that it had all been a dream.

Bright rays of light were just beginning to peak through the windows when I asked, "Where do you see us… on New Years Eve… ten years from now?"

Not hearing any response, I glanced down to see her eyes closed, her breathing slow and deep, her head on my shoulder.  "Well," I whispered as I reached to the back of the couch for the fleece throw and opened it over her, "I see … you … me … and our family … on this very couch … welcoming another new year… and remembering the incredible new start God blessed us with this year."