Chapter Twenty-One:
Doubting and Believing
"So this is where you ran off to so early yesterday morning," Jamie mused. The package now lay open on her lap, revealing the two matching dresses – one far smaller than the other. Her fingers were tracing over the tiny blue flower print that was scattered over the pale yellow background.
"Well… actually… that wasn't the main reason."
She glanced up at me, urging me to continue.
"I stopped by the church."
"It wasn't even 8:00 when you left, wasn't it locked?"
"Yeah, but the maintenance man let me in with his key," I replied without hesitation.
Her eyebrows rose. "Landon, my father has never hired anyone to care for the yard. He always does it himself."
"Why does everyone have to keep telling me that…?" I sighed. "Yeah, that's what your dad and the church elders told me when they caught me in the still locked church."
"Breaking and entering… in a church no less…" she laughed as she set the box to the side.
"Well… I'm glad someone is enjoying this…" I muttered to myself before giving in and laughing.
Later that afternoon, the doorbell rang. "Happy New Year, Landon," Reverend Sullivan greeted me with a hug at the front door, behind him stood Mr. Putnam and Mr. Harvey.
"Come on in," I invited, shaking Mr. Putnam's and Mr. Harvey's hands. "What could they possibly want with me…? I hope this doesn't have anything to do with yesterday – as if that wasn't embarrassing enough."
Reverend Sullivan had taken a seat next to Jamie on the couch, so I sat on the opposite end.
After a few minutes, Mr. Putnam got down to business, "We're sorry to drop by unannounced, but we wanted to talk to you about yesterday."
"Perfect… just perfect… 'Breaking and entering…' … 'We want to talk to you…'" It took everything in me not to search for an escape route. "I'm sorry… it won't happen again."
Apparently I had guilt written all over my face, because Reverend Sullivan soon jumped in to clarify. "No… Landon, we're here because we're hoping it will happen again."
"Maybe this would make more sense if you understood why we were there in the first place." Mr. Harvey interjected. "The three of us have noticed a need in the church when it comes to our youth – there isn't anything for them to identify with. The sermons don't exactly captivate them – no offense Hegbert."
"None taken," Reverend Sullivan replied with a chuckle.
Even I couldn't help but smile, remembering all the times my mom had to elbow me to keep me awake during those early Sunday mornings.
"I called both of them yesterday morning and suggested that we stop by the church and pray that God would give us guidance in finding the right person," Mr. Putnam continued with a smile. "We had no clue that the right person would be waiting for us when we got there."
"Me? The 'right person'?" I was totally and utterly dumbfounded.
Reverend Sullivan spoke with a grin, "Landon, we all agree that you would be able to reach our teenagers in a way that others can't. We'd like to hire you as our youth pastor."
That didn't help any. "What are they thinking? I can't be ready for this…" I instantly wished I had gotten some sleep the night before as I struggled to rationalize my thoughts. After much struggling, I managed to speak. "But I'm still in school." It was an excuse, and I knew it, but I wasn't comfortable at expressing my fears with them quite yet.
"We realize that and we want you to continue, but that doesn't shake our confidence that you are prepared to start serving now," Mr. Putnam replied.
"It's good to know someone's confident…" Looking over at Jamie, I saw the look of pride on her face as she glanced at her father and then at me. "Lord, why does everyone have to be confident except me? … But ohh how I love that reaction…" I never doubted that Jamie was proud of me… but to see it on her face like that, left me in awe and wishing I could do something to make it stay there. "Not that that makes this any easier…"
I sat there in shock, listening as the three explained what they had envisioned for me. They wanted me to lead a youth group from our house, attending sporting events or plays at the junior high and high school when possible to show my support.
"In short, we want them to have someone they can trust, who understands what they are going through, and who can give them words that mean something to them."
Mr. Harvey said it as if it was such an easy thing to do, but the whole concept seemed completely overwhelming to me. "Lord, I'm still learning, still discovering… How can I possibly teach when I feel like I know so very little?"
"Landon, can you help me put the clothes in the dryer? … If you'll excuse us for just a second…"
I followed Jamie in my haze into the laundry room and opened the washing machine. "Jamie, the washer's empty."
"I know." Her voice muted, she looked at me, her proud expression quickly revealing one of concern. "You seemed a little weighed down, and I thought that you might need to talk."
I sighed. "I'm not ready yet. I have so much left to learn."
"There will always be more to learn. Ask my dad – he'll tell you that even he still hasn't figured everything out yet." She smiled. "That hasn't kept him from sharing what he does know to those around him. … He told me once, that his greatest lessons were learned while trying to guide someone else."
"And when I have no clue what to say… how to say things?" I questioned.
"'Don't worry about how or what you should speak, for you will be given what to say at that hour.' Matthew 10:19."
"She always has an answer, doesn't she?" While part of me found this to be a great comfort, there was no denying that a small part was frustrated with myself for being blind to the truth that was seemingly so clear to her.
"You know what I think?" she asked, taking hold of my hand.
"No. What do you think?"
"I think it's time that you started doubting your doubts and believing your beliefs." With a squeeze, she let my hand go. Turning, she placed the two clean towels that were setting on the top of the dryer inside, and got it started.
"Doubting… That's what I was doing, wasn't it?… I can't believe I doubted Your plan." As the two of us returned to the living room, laundry "taken care of," I remembered a verse Mr. Morelock had been talking about a few weeks back: "'…when he asks, he must believe and not doubt…' James 1:6. … Well, this 'he' might have doubted… but it's about time 'he' started believing…"
"Landon, we didn't mean to interrupt anything. Just know that our offer still stands." Reverend Sullivan had gotten up off the couch and gave Jamie a hug, as Mr. Putnam and Mr. Harvey made their way towards the front door.
I took a deep breath before speaking. "When do you want me to start?"