I've loved two people in my life. Even after my first love departed with her blessing to love again, I still couldn't leave the conflict behind. And what if I had been able to? What would it say about me that as soon I was given the say so, I could have free reign with the first woman to walk by without the slightest hint of guilt? I kept that guilt with me a lot longer than I let anyone, even Celes, know. To this day, I don't know if I did that because of her, or because of me.

Now going to the market was a rare occasion for yours truly. For some reason, I just didn't usually go. I can't really pinpoint a good reason. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy it, hell I had all sorts of fun playing wonderfully juvenile pranks on the townsfolk and there was always the pub when I got bored, or if I thought Celes was catching on to me. The more times I went, the quicker I ended up sitting at the pub. That may have been the reason, but I didn't really think so.

Ah hell, who cares? I'd been asking too many questions about myself lately.

So there I was, walking beside Celes feeling pretty damn good and not giving a tin shit towards whatever it was that was growing on my mind and knocking on my synapses every once in a while. I knew now what it was like and how to deal with it. Let that fucking hallucination do it's worst, I was stone! Aint nothing gonna break me! I was filled with the kind of confidence that was fueled by an underlying and powerful fear. Right then I wouldn't admit it, but deep down, I was terrified.

But it was nice sunny day and that terror was deep down. I walked along with Celes, humming a tune I can't remember.

"Your singing it all wrong." Celes said suddenly. She hadn't said anything ever since she'd left the house.

"Really? That's probably why I can't place the tune." I replied thoughtfully, then added. "Perhaps m'lady would be willing to bestow upon me a vocal correction?"

"I would." She smiled back at me. I was stunned to silence, Celes never sang. Not without a lot more whining on my part than I had yet let out.

"I-I would be greatly honored, m'lady." I stammered. Either it was the shock or the anticipation.

Celes had the most beautiful voice the world had ever known. I say that with an almost childish pride because I know that I'm not being in the least way biased toward my love. She had one chance on the stage and it became a fiasco. The entire play was ruined and in fact the entire incident had caused some minor damage to the stage at the Opera House and it was closed a week for repairs. That had never happened in the entire history of the place and people talked about that show even to this day.

Thing was, they didn't talk much about the destruction or even the kidnapping. What everyone talked about was Maria's performance. Apparently she was quite the siren, but on that night she was the goddess of music brought to flesh and blood. If the mishap afterwards was ever mentioned, it was with a deep regret and bitterness that it should occur during Maria's greatest performance. Boy howdy, I tell you, ya just can't buy that kinda pride!

So anyway, yeah, I stood there thinking that I was having a pretty screwball weekend, what with the head trips 'n everything when it hit me. Then it left me cause at that point Celes started singing.

I'm not a poet and I can't put beauty to words, so don't ask me to. It's beyond me and I highly suspect that describing Celes' singing is beyond anyone else too. It's like beauty in it's purest form. Somehow it just finds its way into you, into something deep and powerful. Every time she sings I think I've been changed somehow. I don't know, like I said, I can't describe it. I can only enjoy it.

So I did. I didn't know the tune, but that hardly mattered. It would be stuck in my head for the rest of the month by the time she was finished. She sang for what seemed like forever till she stopped. Then it felt like it'd only been a minute, at best. I let out a deep sigh and realized that a cloud had come over the sun. The cool breeze was only slightly warmer and it was now a fair bit stronger, dancing with Celes' hair in a wonderfully graceful waltz. I stared at her in a kind of daze.

"Why don't you sing more often?" I said in a fairly dazed tone. I probably sounded buzzed, I certainly felt like I was.

Celes looked down at the ground. "I'm not that good." She replied solemnly.

I blinked at her and was instantly sobered up. Who was this woman I was walking with? Seriously, I was beginning to feel something that could very well have been panic or worse, that deep seated terror, begin to creep up outta me. Celes was acting so bizarre it left me feeling like she was someone I'd never met before. She was responding without hesitation to questions she used to answer only with a glare and the answers obviously made her uncomfortable. Simply put, Celes did not do that…ever. I was beginning to feel lost in something I didn't understand and it made me feel more and more distant from her. I wasn't going to let that happen, so I got straight to the bottom of things the only way I knew how.

"You…" I stammered and tried again. "You…" Okay, once again, this time breath first. "You…(uh oh)…you…(come on, you can do it!)…you don't think your good?" Atta boy!

"Of course not. I don't know how to sing, you know that."

That was news to me.

"Uh…huh…" I was dumbfounded and a little annoyed. You ever know some person with this amazing talent and they never felt it was of any worth. Ya just wanna smack 'em upside the head don't you? I couldn't say I felt exactly the same way towards Celes, but I'd be pretty disappointed if she simply didn't want to believe how good she was. I suddenly felt a twist in my stomach at that thought.

"You…you really believe you can't sing?" I was only just beginning to understand, but you'll have to forgive me. I'm not that bright and Celes isn't exactly the most forthcoming person in the world. She didn't answer.

"How can you possibly think that? I mean it, what exactly is it that makes you think your not good. How do you know?" I suddenly felt hot around the collar.

"Well…I don't…" She stammered and trailed off. I usually didn't like it when she did that, but I didn't care now.

"I figured." I said crossly. "How dare you? How dare you? To abuse what you have, it's unreal. Did you drop the first sword given you because you feared it would cut you?"

Was I yelling? I felt like I wasn't in control anymore. I should've been scared, I should've been terrified. I should've been seeing bright white lights flash before my eyes and hear Satan speaking to me in tongues. Instead I felt calm and grateful. The lack of control was also a lack of responsibility. I wasn't holding the riegns anymore and I could finally sit back and relax. I let whatever it was have it's peace and somewhere in that place that had been holding all those other nasty mental monsters a feeling of pity and sorrow towards Celes was growing. Eventually, I'd stop when it grew large enough, but not right now.

"Singing is not something you learn Celes. It's not something you train for. Not for you. You don't hide what's inside you when you sing, in fact it frees it from you. It frees it for every person who can hear it. You sing for me, but only when you can't hold back anymore, when the closet gets too big to hide all those nasty skeletons. You let them lose and spill your guts out to me secure in the knowledge that I won't understand your pain, your pleasure, your desires, your needs. But I do. I don't need to understand the song to understand the meaning. Neither does anyone else who listens to you. Do you know what your voice is capable of? Is that the real reason why you don't sing? Tell me what your so afraid of."

"I can't!" She suddenly burst into tears. "Please…don't make me…" That feeling of pity was gaining momentum really fast. I didn't have much time.

"I don't want to, but you do." My harsh tone suddenly became gentle and desperate. "You sang for me now because you had to. You needed to tell me something and I don't want you to shut it in again. It hurts, but that pain does more damage when it's buried deep inside. It kills people Celes. It's killing you and it's killing me. I don't want it to kill you."

With a rush almost like the winds of the north, I was back on the saddle and I felt like my very soul had been stolen from me and all that was left was this weak and scared husk. But I wasn't alone.

"Please let it go. Then it'll be gone forever." I said with great effort. We were at the threshold and it was up to her to decide whether to cross over or not.

She did.