Oh I'm sure it wasn't as bad as all that…or maybe it was… I don't know, it was a long time ago after all. It's just that…well, it was just that in those bad times, that was the worst. I didn't lose her of course, but then maybe I had. Maybe I didn't lose her totally, but just that… Oh hell, now I feel all awkward an shit! Well whatever, something changed that day between us and whatever it was, it was permanent. It was a switch in the paths in my life and where the other one lead…who knows. It may have been better, or it just might as well have had it's own terrors to show me.

It was black where I was. I wasn't scared, but I thought I should be. I felt dead inside. I felt black.

A slow decay. That's what it is, a faint numbness of feeling. I see a bright light and it blinds me and I turn my eyes away, then I see the door leading outside to a gray green world of short grass and large rock outcroppings. I walk towards the door and hear sounds to my right. Ugly mumbling sounds. I turn my head and see old decrepit men, mumbling to each other and slobbering. One of them mentions my father. I feel ugly. I turn back to the door. I'm floating to it, not walking. Everything's so slow. I'm not floating, I'm falling. The doors moves away and I see the floorboards rushing towards me. I feel sorrow.

Too late now.

I hit the floorboards but don't feel the impact. There's a bright light shining through the cracks under them. They break apart and fall out from under me and I'm blinded again, but the light's everywhere. I can't turn away from it. I feel terror. I feel myself falling and I feel less light where I'm falling. In fact, there's no light. There's a place that doesn't blind me and I'm falling towards it. It grows until I fall in and it engulfs me.

It's black. I feel everything. I scream out in terror, anger, joy, pain and it fades. I feel it fade, because no noise comes from my lips. I have no lips to scream, no eyes to see, no ears to hear, no tongue to taste, no skin to touch. I only have those feelings…and they're fading in my scream. They're almost gone and I know that if they go this time, they will never come back again. I don't want them to come back. In fact, they're almost gone. Not much longer…

I feel red all around me. I feel it inside me and the feelings, I'm aware of them again. I realize I want them. I can't understand the red with out them. But they're fading. They're almost gone and I don't know how to get them back. I want them. I want them so much. I want to feel. The red…

I hear my scream grow again. I feel the red turn to warmth. I feel the warmth inside and it glows brighter. It become orange, then yellow, then white. I feel terror anger, joy and pain. They fade, but they're still there, they're just not as strong as they can be. I feel desire. The strongest desire for the warmth. I want the warmth and I have it inside me. It's all I feel.

What is it? Is it love?

…

With a rush of something that would be the equivalent of a flash of light, I was aware of myself again. I was being held by Celes.

"What did you say?" She asked me with a voice that seemed so contented. It was soft and divine.

"I said it's so warm." I felt kind of dizzy…hazy. I had know idea what I had said, but apparently I did. I was too bewildered to be confused.

She hummed her approval and continued to hold me.

"I love you." Did I say that…or her?

"I know." The reply was from a different person, but I still couldn't tell.

"Don't be afraid." Who was saying these things? Why couldn't I tell?

"I'm afraid."

"There's nothing to be afraid of."

"Why?"

"Because I love you. Don't you understand? That's all that matters."

"You hate me."

"I forgive you. I'll always forgive you."

"Why?"

"Because…"

I had looked at her the whole time and all I saw was her eyes. Then suddenly I was aware of her as if for the first time. She held me as a mother holding a child. I felt divinity from her, pure and eternal love and understanding. All was forgiven as she held me. It didn't matter to her, she only wanted to me to feel her warmth. Her warmth overwhelmed me and for the first time in my life, I finally understood.

I held her tight and wept.