A/N- Replies to your reviews are at the bottom of the story. This story is
basically about this kid who is ruining Middle-Earth from entries from
Frodo's diary. That may change though. Just matters on how I feel really. I
felt inspired to I have write down this chapter or else I'll go crazy,
though that my not change so much... oh well!
Disclaimer: I do not own anything created by J.R.R. Tolkien. Although I do own the toddler (name to be revealed later.)
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Here I am again and I never knew things could have gotten much worse than how it was. Timmy, yes that is his name (I figured that out after the party, when I was interrogating him) ruined everything which I thought was impossible to ruin. Not only that, but Bilbo and Gandalf have left as well! I am having a nervous breakdown or I am going to have one soon, I can't decide which one to choose. Timmy is in the cupboard again, I gagged him so I can have some peace and quiet while I am writing and when I go to sleep. This is what happened after my last entry.
I was ready, I had my party clothes on and I had some extra food because the whole Shire was coming to the feast, so there was practically no limit to the food, or there shouldn't have been one. I decided to bring the little tyke with me for Gandalf to examine. He was red-faced, kicking, and screaming when I took him out of the cupboard. I stuffed him into my knapsack, along with a few carrots to keep him quiet, and walked over to the feast.
The feast looked amazing, I mean it was typical for Bilbo, but yes it was still amazing. The music almost made everyone want to do a little jig here and there, there were so many candles that they could light up the whole Shire, and the food table was enormous and somehow every single space on the table to put my food was taken so I had to order someone to bring another table. After that was finished I felt something kicking in my back.
I was confused for a second, suddenly I remembered the child that I wanted to show to Gandalf. I searched high and low, far and wide, but still no sign of him. The thumping on my back was beginning to become unbearable. Just when I was ready to throw the bag into the nearest fire I could find I felt a tap on my shoulder.
"Hello Mister Frodo!" my gardener, Sam piped up
"Hi Sam. Do you know where Gandalf is?" I said in a perfect monotone
"No, but Frodo you have to dance! It's your birthday and all excuses will be ignored!" Sam hollered confidently, obviously the results from drinking too much ale was showing
"No Sam, I.."
"I can't hear you!" Sam said in a sing along voice
"I need to talk to Gand.."
"Did you say something?" Sam said, waving his hands around, uncontrollably
"Sam, I'm serious, this bag..."
"La la la la la!" Sam sung gleefully
I clenched my teeth in frustration, I had felt a headache coming on. Just when I was ready to punch Sam in the nose, he pushed me into the crowd full of drunk dancing hobbits. In other words, one hell of a party, oh dear God...
After an hour's worth of pushing, tugging, grabbing, slapping, kicking, etc... my way out of the tipsy halfling bunch, my search for Gandalf continued. I prowled around the festivity searching for the gray wizard. Finally, my search was over. I found Gandalf showing some fireworks to a group of young hobbits. I limped my way over to where Gandalf was, to tell him my unfortunate discovery.
"Gandalf! There is no time to explain just open this!!!" I squealed as I threw the bag at Gandalf.
Gandalf opened the bag and said, "A dirty pair of breeches? Frodo, I told you to go easy on the hobbit weed..."
"WHAT!!!??" I screamed hysterically
The toddler escaped! What was I going to do!?
Gandalf frowned and said "I told you to go easy on..."
"NO! AARRRGGG!!"
I spun around in search of the kid, maybe he got loose when I was escaping from the intoxicated dancers. I pivoted around and saw Gandalf bending down to the ground to prepare some more fireworks, but I also saw 'him.' Just as I was going to shout a warning to Gandalf it was too late. The little pain in the neck, some how lit up a firework and stuffed it into a hole in the back of Gandalf's robes. The sight was too horrible for a witness like me to even write it down in my journal. Gandalf was pretty peeved about it. I have never seen him so angry before, and I hope I never live to see it again.
"He goe bie bie!!" as Timmy liked to call it
After the explosion, the child laughed viciously with an evil gleam in his eyes. I was almost certain at that point he was a spy for the dark lord. As if right on cue for a performance, there was another firework display, but of a dragon, the dragon attempted to attack everyone. This was done by Merry and Pippin but ever since they heard how upset Gandalf was they sprinted away, back to their homes in Brandybuck Hall (Is that right??).
After a long and fearful explanation to Gandalf about the child, he told me to keep him in my house and alive. I shook my head in frustration I mean come on! The kid tried to blow you up!! I tried to convince Gandalf or to think of another solution.
"Frodo, I find it quite strange for a child to think up of a plot like that. That is why you must keep him for further investigation."
"No Gandalf! This is insane! This kid is insane! That is out of the question, absolutely..." I never finished what I said because some chap (bastard...) decided that this was the time for a speech from Bilbo.
Everyone knew how Bilbo's speeches were, they were long and boring and went on and on. After Bilbo greeted everyone he finally said these last few words that I will never forget,
"I'm leaving now. Goodbye." Bilbo said, I had a strange feeling that 'Goodbye' was directed to me.
Then it happened again, yes, little Timmy pushed Bilbo off his wooden podium and you know what happened to Bilbo? He disappeared into thin air! At that point I fainted from utter shock and I had enough anger to set off a war.
When I woke up I found Gandalf and the menace staring down at me, I realized I was in Bag End, in my bed.
"AAAAHHHHH!!!!" I screamed from, well, utter shock... dear me, this is very shocking indeed.
"Shhhh! Its ok Frodo, you were just a little shocked." No like I didn't know that. "You just need to rest and catch up on your sleep."
"Shleepy Hed!!" Timmy hollered... you have no idea how much I wanted to wipe that stupid grin off his face.
"You killed Bilbo! I am going to kill y..."
"He didn't Frodo! Bilbo went off to stay with the elves. He used a ring to become invisible."
"Oh, but that little.."
"Yes, he did push Bilbo, but your uncle thought it was hilarious."
"What is wrong with you people? That kid is evil!!! Don't you see that? I bet he is casting a spell on all of you!!" I shouted
"Well, um... no. I think he is a very well behaved boy. Judging from his age..."
"Oh, just shut up!" I moaned, feeling another migraine pounding in my head
After another brief discussion, I was forced to keep the little brat. He also told me to keep this ring secret and to keep it safe. I am really beginning to think that Gandalf is off his rocker. After that was settled Gandalf decided to leave, to search for some answers to some questions.
I was absolutely furious and that happened only 15 minutes ago. After Gandalf literally ran off, I asked Timmy a few questions, yes I interrogated him. After a few minutes of mindless babble, he finally said that he was three and a half years old and his name was Timmy. He also sang me a song that mentioned paws, a dog named Blue, and something about clues. After I gave him a small supper (Gandalf would kill me if I didn't) I gagged him and threw him into the china cupboard again.
I am quite exhausted from today's events. I am going to sleep now.
Sincerely, Frodo
= = = = = = = = = =
A/N: Here it is! It may not be as funny because I am literally half-asleep. My next chapter should come when I feel inspired, so... I don't know when that will happen. Here are my replies:
..... : Thank you for thinking that my story was funny! I hope you like this one too.
Dragon: Thank you for liking my story. Yeah that twig and berries thing made me crack up too!
*no name*: Thanks for liking my story. Here is more of it too!
U2LoVeR: Thank you for loving my story... yes I do think of some.. well er... different, no original ideas, do I?
bored2death: You say I'm talented??? *grins like an idiot* I am not good at everything! Anyways thanks for loving my story!
cakie: Bestest? Is that even a word? Anyways, thank you soooo much for saying I'm talented *hands some chocolate to cakie* and thank you for reviewing as well!
Keep the reviews coming, and I will review your story! I promise!
So do you like it, hate it, love it, despise it? Tell me by reviewing! Just try to stick with constructive criticism because when you flame ME I never feel like writing and it will not be fair to other readers. Review please!
Disclaimer: I do not own anything created by J.R.R. Tolkien. Although I do own the toddler (name to be revealed later.)
= = = = = = = = = =
Here I am again and I never knew things could have gotten much worse than how it was. Timmy, yes that is his name (I figured that out after the party, when I was interrogating him) ruined everything which I thought was impossible to ruin. Not only that, but Bilbo and Gandalf have left as well! I am having a nervous breakdown or I am going to have one soon, I can't decide which one to choose. Timmy is in the cupboard again, I gagged him so I can have some peace and quiet while I am writing and when I go to sleep. This is what happened after my last entry.
I was ready, I had my party clothes on and I had some extra food because the whole Shire was coming to the feast, so there was practically no limit to the food, or there shouldn't have been one. I decided to bring the little tyke with me for Gandalf to examine. He was red-faced, kicking, and screaming when I took him out of the cupboard. I stuffed him into my knapsack, along with a few carrots to keep him quiet, and walked over to the feast.
The feast looked amazing, I mean it was typical for Bilbo, but yes it was still amazing. The music almost made everyone want to do a little jig here and there, there were so many candles that they could light up the whole Shire, and the food table was enormous and somehow every single space on the table to put my food was taken so I had to order someone to bring another table. After that was finished I felt something kicking in my back.
I was confused for a second, suddenly I remembered the child that I wanted to show to Gandalf. I searched high and low, far and wide, but still no sign of him. The thumping on my back was beginning to become unbearable. Just when I was ready to throw the bag into the nearest fire I could find I felt a tap on my shoulder.
"Hello Mister Frodo!" my gardener, Sam piped up
"Hi Sam. Do you know where Gandalf is?" I said in a perfect monotone
"No, but Frodo you have to dance! It's your birthday and all excuses will be ignored!" Sam hollered confidently, obviously the results from drinking too much ale was showing
"No Sam, I.."
"I can't hear you!" Sam said in a sing along voice
"I need to talk to Gand.."
"Did you say something?" Sam said, waving his hands around, uncontrollably
"Sam, I'm serious, this bag..."
"La la la la la!" Sam sung gleefully
I clenched my teeth in frustration, I had felt a headache coming on. Just when I was ready to punch Sam in the nose, he pushed me into the crowd full of drunk dancing hobbits. In other words, one hell of a party, oh dear God...
After an hour's worth of pushing, tugging, grabbing, slapping, kicking, etc... my way out of the tipsy halfling bunch, my search for Gandalf continued. I prowled around the festivity searching for the gray wizard. Finally, my search was over. I found Gandalf showing some fireworks to a group of young hobbits. I limped my way over to where Gandalf was, to tell him my unfortunate discovery.
"Gandalf! There is no time to explain just open this!!!" I squealed as I threw the bag at Gandalf.
Gandalf opened the bag and said, "A dirty pair of breeches? Frodo, I told you to go easy on the hobbit weed..."
"WHAT!!!??" I screamed hysterically
The toddler escaped! What was I going to do!?
Gandalf frowned and said "I told you to go easy on..."
"NO! AARRRGGG!!"
I spun around in search of the kid, maybe he got loose when I was escaping from the intoxicated dancers. I pivoted around and saw Gandalf bending down to the ground to prepare some more fireworks, but I also saw 'him.' Just as I was going to shout a warning to Gandalf it was too late. The little pain in the neck, some how lit up a firework and stuffed it into a hole in the back of Gandalf's robes. The sight was too horrible for a witness like me to even write it down in my journal. Gandalf was pretty peeved about it. I have never seen him so angry before, and I hope I never live to see it again.
"He goe bie bie!!" as Timmy liked to call it
After the explosion, the child laughed viciously with an evil gleam in his eyes. I was almost certain at that point he was a spy for the dark lord. As if right on cue for a performance, there was another firework display, but of a dragon, the dragon attempted to attack everyone. This was done by Merry and Pippin but ever since they heard how upset Gandalf was they sprinted away, back to their homes in Brandybuck Hall (Is that right??).
After a long and fearful explanation to Gandalf about the child, he told me to keep him in my house and alive. I shook my head in frustration I mean come on! The kid tried to blow you up!! I tried to convince Gandalf or to think of another solution.
"Frodo, I find it quite strange for a child to think up of a plot like that. That is why you must keep him for further investigation."
"No Gandalf! This is insane! This kid is insane! That is out of the question, absolutely..." I never finished what I said because some chap (bastard...) decided that this was the time for a speech from Bilbo.
Everyone knew how Bilbo's speeches were, they were long and boring and went on and on. After Bilbo greeted everyone he finally said these last few words that I will never forget,
"I'm leaving now. Goodbye." Bilbo said, I had a strange feeling that 'Goodbye' was directed to me.
Then it happened again, yes, little Timmy pushed Bilbo off his wooden podium and you know what happened to Bilbo? He disappeared into thin air! At that point I fainted from utter shock and I had enough anger to set off a war.
When I woke up I found Gandalf and the menace staring down at me, I realized I was in Bag End, in my bed.
"AAAAHHHHH!!!!" I screamed from, well, utter shock... dear me, this is very shocking indeed.
"Shhhh! Its ok Frodo, you were just a little shocked." No like I didn't know that. "You just need to rest and catch up on your sleep."
"Shleepy Hed!!" Timmy hollered... you have no idea how much I wanted to wipe that stupid grin off his face.
"You killed Bilbo! I am going to kill y..."
"He didn't Frodo! Bilbo went off to stay with the elves. He used a ring to become invisible."
"Oh, but that little.."
"Yes, he did push Bilbo, but your uncle thought it was hilarious."
"What is wrong with you people? That kid is evil!!! Don't you see that? I bet he is casting a spell on all of you!!" I shouted
"Well, um... no. I think he is a very well behaved boy. Judging from his age..."
"Oh, just shut up!" I moaned, feeling another migraine pounding in my head
After another brief discussion, I was forced to keep the little brat. He also told me to keep this ring secret and to keep it safe. I am really beginning to think that Gandalf is off his rocker. After that was settled Gandalf decided to leave, to search for some answers to some questions.
I was absolutely furious and that happened only 15 minutes ago. After Gandalf literally ran off, I asked Timmy a few questions, yes I interrogated him. After a few minutes of mindless babble, he finally said that he was three and a half years old and his name was Timmy. He also sang me a song that mentioned paws, a dog named Blue, and something about clues. After I gave him a small supper (Gandalf would kill me if I didn't) I gagged him and threw him into the china cupboard again.
I am quite exhausted from today's events. I am going to sleep now.
Sincerely, Frodo
= = = = = = = = = =
A/N: Here it is! It may not be as funny because I am literally half-asleep. My next chapter should come when I feel inspired, so... I don't know when that will happen. Here are my replies:
..... : Thank you for thinking that my story was funny! I hope you like this one too.
Dragon: Thank you for liking my story. Yeah that twig and berries thing made me crack up too!
*no name*: Thanks for liking my story. Here is more of it too!
U2LoVeR: Thank you for loving my story... yes I do think of some.. well er... different, no original ideas, do I?
bored2death: You say I'm talented??? *grins like an idiot* I am not good at everything! Anyways thanks for loving my story!
cakie: Bestest? Is that even a word? Anyways, thank you soooo much for saying I'm talented *hands some chocolate to cakie* and thank you for reviewing as well!
Keep the reviews coming, and I will review your story! I promise!
So do you like it, hate it, love it, despise it? Tell me by reviewing! Just try to stick with constructive criticism because when you flame ME I never feel like writing and it will not be fair to other readers. Review please!