A/N: This chapter is based on a true story about me babysitting my nephew
and niece at the same time. This story has no exaggeration from the real
story with my nephew and niece.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything created by J.R.R. Tolkien. Although I do own Timmy
= = = = = = = = = =
Today was horrible. I cried at least two times ever since supper. Timmy has been upgraded from the china cupboard to the guest room, of course I was forced by Merry and Pippin. Although I did do some modifications to it, I just put three new shining locks on the door and changed the yellow curtains on the windows to black ones. I've tied him down on the bed because I have no idea what that little beast is capable of since, I think, I have already had a small sample of his wrath. I also put several mouse snares (A/N: Hobbit sized mouse traps) on the floor so he cannot escape. Just want to be on the safe side.
When I woke up this morning from the constant pounding in the back of my head, I suspected it was a hangover. That was until I realized that there was a human child with strange garments in my formerly uncle's hobbit hole, that he was a beast, and that he was found cute and innocent to everyone else, but I know the truth. I groaned and casually fell off the bed, if that is even possible, and walked into the living room.
My eyes settled down on the small china cupboard that kept on shuddering and had murmurs from inside that sounded like, "Elp me!" I rubbed my head in annoyance and waltzed off into the kitchen even though hobbits can't waltz that well due to our big feet. I fixed myself a small but hearty breakfast that had toast, eggs, bacon, carrots, sausages, porridge and potatoes. At least that is what I remember. I made another breakfast for Bilbo, but then I realized that he left last night to live with the elves, after the breakfast was all set out.
"Buggar" was what I said if I remember correctly
Then the thumping noise came to my attention, again.
"Oh alright! Keep your trousers on! I'm coming!" I walked over to the cupboard and opened it and found a fragile and frightened boy, gagged and cramped in the china (actually broken china) cupboard. I pulled him out and took off his gag. He immediately started bawling his little and bothersome head off, yet again. I immediately grabbed his hand and dragged him off into the kitchen with me. I set him on a chair and handed him a carrot, hoping that he would come to silence. He took the carrot without question and examined it carefully, or at least I thought so. A frown took over his face and he threw the carrot right square in the middle of my forehead. I, or course, trembled with anger. He started to sob again, figures...
I then handed him a small bowl of porridge hoping that he would eat it, then the door was knocked on. I glanced at Timmy one more time, discovering that he was poking his chubby finger into the bowl of porridge. I quickly scampered off to the door and opened it up to find my two best friends, Merry and Pippin.
"Hello Frodo, we just wanted to tell you that we feel really sorry about your loss.." Merry started
"Yes Bilbo was like a father to all of us you know. After his disappearance..." Pippin piped up
"Merry, Pippin, Bilbo went off to stay with the elves, he's alright."
"Oh, then we should go then, right Pip?"
"Oh dear! I have been so rude please come in."
Merry and Pippin stampeded in (being so young of course) and skipped towards the kitchen and then froze in horror. I was a little bewildered of the whole affair of being ran over so I slowly limped next to the two terrified hobbits. I looked into the kitchen and replicated the same expression that Merry and Pippin had on their faces as well.
Timmy was there on the table with a spoon in one hand a potato in the other. The kitchen was suddenly decorated with globs of porridge, sausages, and carrots stuck onto the walls and they were also crunched up onto the ground. Broken dishes and ceramic cups were scattered onto every single spot of the kitchen, the ceiling and the floor both. The only audible noise was the 'plop plop' of the porridge, slowly dripping off little Timmy's wooden spoon. I was more than ready to kill him.
Before I was ready to pounce on Timmy, Pippin said something.
"Aw! Frodo, where'd you get him? He's a human right? He is so adorable! Hello my name is Pippin what's yours?"
I could feel the blood straining from my face.
"Hallo Peepin. Ma neme iz Timmy."
Timmy let his spoon and potato clatter to the food infested ground.
"Oh, and my name is Merry. Nice to meet you."
"Hallo Marree."
Yes, all the blood in face was definitely gone.
"Frodo you look so pale. Do you need something to drink?" Merry asked
At this point Timmy threw a cup of water (which amazingly wasn't shattered) at my face. He did his trademark evil cackle of triumph. I pounded my fist in my open hand, that was final straw! Unfortunately Pippin knew what I was going to do so he tackled me to the ground while shouting instructions to Merry to hide Timmy. Some friends I've got...
"What do you think you are doing Frodo?" Pippin asked pulling me up
"Where is he!? I swear I am going to make him wish he that never came to Bag End!"
"Now now Frodo, just relax and sit down while I make a cup of tea for you." Merry said assuredly as he walked in and left to the kitchen again. Pippin gently pushed me towards a chair in the living room. Once I sat down Merry came in and handed me a cup and told me to close my eyes so I wouldn't know where Timmy was so I would kill him. I reluctantly did this and heard Pippin shut the door. I opened my eyes to see my two hobbit friends and that little... freakish child!
"Frado so seelly!" I gave him a withering glare for that.
"Frodo, Pip and I are wondering how you got Timmy here, I mean who wouldn't"
For the next twenty four minutes I told them about how Timmy came along and about the night before. After I finished my story Merry and Pippin glanced at me, then gave each other a wink, and said at the same time, "Can we take care of him!?"
I think I nearly jumped five feet high (which is quite tall for a hobbit) into the air with joy and at once gave them their 'jobs' without question.
"Great" said Pippin, looking around, "But uh, where is he?"
I think I nearly peed in my pants from fright after that comment. I rushed about in the hobbit hole. Looking in every nook and cranny for any possible sign of him. That was until I heard the shrill cry of Merry,
"I'VE FOUND HIM!!!!"
I ran as fast as my stiff little hobbit legs could carry me. I ended up coming into the kitchen again. I saw Timmy in the middle of the wooden floor, he scratched at his silver bracelet while he looked down at his toes. Then I looked beside him and I saw a ripped up envelope. I picked up the remaining bits that were inside the envelope and suddenly realized that this was the envelope that contained the papers that said I owned Bag End. I panicked but then found the paper unharmed (maybe a few porridge specks) near he ripped up envelope.
"Was there anything else in the envelope?" Pippin playfully asked Timmy while he was tickling him, crazy hobbits...
Timmy just laughed, oh dear... this can't be good. "There must've been something in the envelope" I thought. I closed my eyes searching through my memory until I realized that Bilbo's ring was in there too! I pushed Pippin out of the way and put myself face to face against that big greened eyed nuisance.
"Timmy," I said in my very strained, but gentle voice, "Where is the ring?"
"What Ring?" Merry asked
"Sshh! I'll tell you later! Now Timmy where is the ring?"
Timmy answered with a very watery fart. I think I got even paler than I was earlier that day.
"Oh no, Please tell me that is not the answer." I said in a small voice, feeling my eyelids getting wider and wider
Timmy laughed and patted his stomach and once more made a nasty sounding fart. I backed away about three feet and suddenly shouted some orders.
"Merry get a bucket, a bar of soap, and a rag, this is going to be a nasty one! Pippin, bring another bucket filled with water and a long stick. Brace yourselves for one smelly ride and remember look for a golden ring!" The hobbits went off in different directions
I looked at Timmy once more and I saw his face all of a sudden screw up. It was time...
"Timmy, hold on to it, just hold!"
And there was some grunting...
"MERRY! PIPPIN! HURRY UP!!!" I shouted
Merry and Pippin finally came just in time.
The rest was history and thank goodness, we found the ring. I think my hands will never smell the same again.
After that episode I think I fainted from the stench. Pippin woke me up to find myself in a very clean kitchen which my two friends cleaned up themselves, bless their souls. They told me I was out for hours so they just left me there to rest without knowing that fainting and not waking up again was quite dangerous. Will they ever learn... They also told me that Timmy was taking a nap in the guest room and they checked up on him everyone now and then. At least they have some sense... I put the CLEAN golden ring and the papers for Bag End in another envelop and put them away in a very secret place so no one can find it, except me of course.
Then Timmy walked in, nearly in tears and said, "I haf gon pee pee!"
And what do you know, he wet his bed! I gave him another pair of my hobbit breeches and cleaned up his mess. It's like keeping a dog! A dirty, ruddy, annoying, little dog!
I told Merry and Pippin to take care of him while I make supper (yes it has been that long, a hobbit cannot survive that long without food, it's just not proper!). Of course as enthusiastic as they are, they whisked Timmy away before you could say 'Shire'. They were probably teaching him a prank or two, oh no, why did I ever allow them to take care of Timmy!
After supper which was fine for me but whenever I looked up I saw Timmy stabbing at his mashed potatoes which created a huge mess. And of course you cannot forget the slobber, I slipped on it plenty of times to get myself a sore bottom! After I fixed up the guest room, full with new modifications, I put Timmy to sleep. Then I thought of a good excuse about the ring and what it was to Pippin and Merry so they can leave me alone. After a small hobbit snack I bided them goodbye.
Here I am now writing down today's events, and let me tell you they were not pretty. They were quite smelly actually. I do hope Gandalf comes soon! He would know what to do. Maybe he'll take him away in search of Timmy's parents? I must keep my dreams to myself for now and get to sleep. If tomorrow is as eventful as today, I want to be ready for anything!
Sincerely, Frodo
= = = = = = = = = =
A/N: Well that took my forever to write because I was writing with an empty mind. I am sorry that it is not funny although the whole situation is. I am thinking of doing a series of Timmy's adventures. But that is just an idea.
I know it took about seven years before Frodo left Hobbiton after Gandalf's visit about what is the one ring and the explanation for it. But how long was it between the night Gandalf left the first time (that was my chapter before this one) and the time he came again where he tells about the ring? I really really really need an answer soon.
Please, give me some disasters that you have had with a toddler that I can use in this story. I still have a few up my sleeve but I need more! Here are my replies to the reviews:
KarateElf: Don't we all, he he...
Adamina: You have been extremely helpful! Thanks for the advice!
Jo March: I was sick and tired of waiting for someone to write a good humor fic so I wrote one. I hope I get a lot of reviews too. Little nephews are horrible aren't they? This one is based one day when I had to babysit my nephew. Quite horrible really...
bored2death: Yeah well, this one will definitely remind you of your babysitting days! Muahahahaha!!
funny...: Yes the Blue's clues part was funny I thought, since I watched it before I wrote that chapter. Yes, I was sugar high before I wrote this chapter. When I wrote it I was all *blah*. Yes, very groggy indeed.
Aradi: It's been about two years since I last read the books so I practically remember nothing. I hope I have a good sense of humor, since this is a humor fic....
Imp: Thank you for putting me on you favorites list! Makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside! I think I have granted your wish have I not, about Merry and Pippin? Thanks for the information, it was most helpful.
So do you like it, hate it, love it, despise it? Tell me by reviewing! Just try to stick with constructive criticism because when you flame ME I never feel like writing (I'm bad enough already) and it will not be fair to other readers. Review please!
Disclaimer: I do not own anything created by J.R.R. Tolkien. Although I do own Timmy
= = = = = = = = = =
Today was horrible. I cried at least two times ever since supper. Timmy has been upgraded from the china cupboard to the guest room, of course I was forced by Merry and Pippin. Although I did do some modifications to it, I just put three new shining locks on the door and changed the yellow curtains on the windows to black ones. I've tied him down on the bed because I have no idea what that little beast is capable of since, I think, I have already had a small sample of his wrath. I also put several mouse snares (A/N: Hobbit sized mouse traps) on the floor so he cannot escape. Just want to be on the safe side.
When I woke up this morning from the constant pounding in the back of my head, I suspected it was a hangover. That was until I realized that there was a human child with strange garments in my formerly uncle's hobbit hole, that he was a beast, and that he was found cute and innocent to everyone else, but I know the truth. I groaned and casually fell off the bed, if that is even possible, and walked into the living room.
My eyes settled down on the small china cupboard that kept on shuddering and had murmurs from inside that sounded like, "Elp me!" I rubbed my head in annoyance and waltzed off into the kitchen even though hobbits can't waltz that well due to our big feet. I fixed myself a small but hearty breakfast that had toast, eggs, bacon, carrots, sausages, porridge and potatoes. At least that is what I remember. I made another breakfast for Bilbo, but then I realized that he left last night to live with the elves, after the breakfast was all set out.
"Buggar" was what I said if I remember correctly
Then the thumping noise came to my attention, again.
"Oh alright! Keep your trousers on! I'm coming!" I walked over to the cupboard and opened it and found a fragile and frightened boy, gagged and cramped in the china (actually broken china) cupboard. I pulled him out and took off his gag. He immediately started bawling his little and bothersome head off, yet again. I immediately grabbed his hand and dragged him off into the kitchen with me. I set him on a chair and handed him a carrot, hoping that he would come to silence. He took the carrot without question and examined it carefully, or at least I thought so. A frown took over his face and he threw the carrot right square in the middle of my forehead. I, or course, trembled with anger. He started to sob again, figures...
I then handed him a small bowl of porridge hoping that he would eat it, then the door was knocked on. I glanced at Timmy one more time, discovering that he was poking his chubby finger into the bowl of porridge. I quickly scampered off to the door and opened it up to find my two best friends, Merry and Pippin.
"Hello Frodo, we just wanted to tell you that we feel really sorry about your loss.." Merry started
"Yes Bilbo was like a father to all of us you know. After his disappearance..." Pippin piped up
"Merry, Pippin, Bilbo went off to stay with the elves, he's alright."
"Oh, then we should go then, right Pip?"
"Oh dear! I have been so rude please come in."
Merry and Pippin stampeded in (being so young of course) and skipped towards the kitchen and then froze in horror. I was a little bewildered of the whole affair of being ran over so I slowly limped next to the two terrified hobbits. I looked into the kitchen and replicated the same expression that Merry and Pippin had on their faces as well.
Timmy was there on the table with a spoon in one hand a potato in the other. The kitchen was suddenly decorated with globs of porridge, sausages, and carrots stuck onto the walls and they were also crunched up onto the ground. Broken dishes and ceramic cups were scattered onto every single spot of the kitchen, the ceiling and the floor both. The only audible noise was the 'plop plop' of the porridge, slowly dripping off little Timmy's wooden spoon. I was more than ready to kill him.
Before I was ready to pounce on Timmy, Pippin said something.
"Aw! Frodo, where'd you get him? He's a human right? He is so adorable! Hello my name is Pippin what's yours?"
I could feel the blood straining from my face.
"Hallo Peepin. Ma neme iz Timmy."
Timmy let his spoon and potato clatter to the food infested ground.
"Oh, and my name is Merry. Nice to meet you."
"Hallo Marree."
Yes, all the blood in face was definitely gone.
"Frodo you look so pale. Do you need something to drink?" Merry asked
At this point Timmy threw a cup of water (which amazingly wasn't shattered) at my face. He did his trademark evil cackle of triumph. I pounded my fist in my open hand, that was final straw! Unfortunately Pippin knew what I was going to do so he tackled me to the ground while shouting instructions to Merry to hide Timmy. Some friends I've got...
"What do you think you are doing Frodo?" Pippin asked pulling me up
"Where is he!? I swear I am going to make him wish he that never came to Bag End!"
"Now now Frodo, just relax and sit down while I make a cup of tea for you." Merry said assuredly as he walked in and left to the kitchen again. Pippin gently pushed me towards a chair in the living room. Once I sat down Merry came in and handed me a cup and told me to close my eyes so I wouldn't know where Timmy was so I would kill him. I reluctantly did this and heard Pippin shut the door. I opened my eyes to see my two hobbit friends and that little... freakish child!
"Frado so seelly!" I gave him a withering glare for that.
"Frodo, Pip and I are wondering how you got Timmy here, I mean who wouldn't"
For the next twenty four minutes I told them about how Timmy came along and about the night before. After I finished my story Merry and Pippin glanced at me, then gave each other a wink, and said at the same time, "Can we take care of him!?"
I think I nearly jumped five feet high (which is quite tall for a hobbit) into the air with joy and at once gave them their 'jobs' without question.
"Great" said Pippin, looking around, "But uh, where is he?"
I think I nearly peed in my pants from fright after that comment. I rushed about in the hobbit hole. Looking in every nook and cranny for any possible sign of him. That was until I heard the shrill cry of Merry,
"I'VE FOUND HIM!!!!"
I ran as fast as my stiff little hobbit legs could carry me. I ended up coming into the kitchen again. I saw Timmy in the middle of the wooden floor, he scratched at his silver bracelet while he looked down at his toes. Then I looked beside him and I saw a ripped up envelope. I picked up the remaining bits that were inside the envelope and suddenly realized that this was the envelope that contained the papers that said I owned Bag End. I panicked but then found the paper unharmed (maybe a few porridge specks) near he ripped up envelope.
"Was there anything else in the envelope?" Pippin playfully asked Timmy while he was tickling him, crazy hobbits...
Timmy just laughed, oh dear... this can't be good. "There must've been something in the envelope" I thought. I closed my eyes searching through my memory until I realized that Bilbo's ring was in there too! I pushed Pippin out of the way and put myself face to face against that big greened eyed nuisance.
"Timmy," I said in my very strained, but gentle voice, "Where is the ring?"
"What Ring?" Merry asked
"Sshh! I'll tell you later! Now Timmy where is the ring?"
Timmy answered with a very watery fart. I think I got even paler than I was earlier that day.
"Oh no, Please tell me that is not the answer." I said in a small voice, feeling my eyelids getting wider and wider
Timmy laughed and patted his stomach and once more made a nasty sounding fart. I backed away about three feet and suddenly shouted some orders.
"Merry get a bucket, a bar of soap, and a rag, this is going to be a nasty one! Pippin, bring another bucket filled with water and a long stick. Brace yourselves for one smelly ride and remember look for a golden ring!" The hobbits went off in different directions
I looked at Timmy once more and I saw his face all of a sudden screw up. It was time...
"Timmy, hold on to it, just hold!"
And there was some grunting...
"MERRY! PIPPIN! HURRY UP!!!" I shouted
Merry and Pippin finally came just in time.
The rest was history and thank goodness, we found the ring. I think my hands will never smell the same again.
After that episode I think I fainted from the stench. Pippin woke me up to find myself in a very clean kitchen which my two friends cleaned up themselves, bless their souls. They told me I was out for hours so they just left me there to rest without knowing that fainting and not waking up again was quite dangerous. Will they ever learn... They also told me that Timmy was taking a nap in the guest room and they checked up on him everyone now and then. At least they have some sense... I put the CLEAN golden ring and the papers for Bag End in another envelop and put them away in a very secret place so no one can find it, except me of course.
Then Timmy walked in, nearly in tears and said, "I haf gon pee pee!"
And what do you know, he wet his bed! I gave him another pair of my hobbit breeches and cleaned up his mess. It's like keeping a dog! A dirty, ruddy, annoying, little dog!
I told Merry and Pippin to take care of him while I make supper (yes it has been that long, a hobbit cannot survive that long without food, it's just not proper!). Of course as enthusiastic as they are, they whisked Timmy away before you could say 'Shire'. They were probably teaching him a prank or two, oh no, why did I ever allow them to take care of Timmy!
After supper which was fine for me but whenever I looked up I saw Timmy stabbing at his mashed potatoes which created a huge mess. And of course you cannot forget the slobber, I slipped on it plenty of times to get myself a sore bottom! After I fixed up the guest room, full with new modifications, I put Timmy to sleep. Then I thought of a good excuse about the ring and what it was to Pippin and Merry so they can leave me alone. After a small hobbit snack I bided them goodbye.
Here I am now writing down today's events, and let me tell you they were not pretty. They were quite smelly actually. I do hope Gandalf comes soon! He would know what to do. Maybe he'll take him away in search of Timmy's parents? I must keep my dreams to myself for now and get to sleep. If tomorrow is as eventful as today, I want to be ready for anything!
Sincerely, Frodo
= = = = = = = = = =
A/N: Well that took my forever to write because I was writing with an empty mind. I am sorry that it is not funny although the whole situation is. I am thinking of doing a series of Timmy's adventures. But that is just an idea.
I know it took about seven years before Frodo left Hobbiton after Gandalf's visit about what is the one ring and the explanation for it. But how long was it between the night Gandalf left the first time (that was my chapter before this one) and the time he came again where he tells about the ring? I really really really need an answer soon.
Please, give me some disasters that you have had with a toddler that I can use in this story. I still have a few up my sleeve but I need more! Here are my replies to the reviews:
KarateElf: Don't we all, he he...
Adamina: You have been extremely helpful! Thanks for the advice!
Jo March: I was sick and tired of waiting for someone to write a good humor fic so I wrote one. I hope I get a lot of reviews too. Little nephews are horrible aren't they? This one is based one day when I had to babysit my nephew. Quite horrible really...
bored2death: Yeah well, this one will definitely remind you of your babysitting days! Muahahahaha!!
funny...: Yes the Blue's clues part was funny I thought, since I watched it before I wrote that chapter. Yes, I was sugar high before I wrote this chapter. When I wrote it I was all *blah*. Yes, very groggy indeed.
Aradi: It's been about two years since I last read the books so I practically remember nothing. I hope I have a good sense of humor, since this is a humor fic....
Imp: Thank you for putting me on you favorites list! Makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside! I think I have granted your wish have I not, about Merry and Pippin? Thanks for the information, it was most helpful.
So do you like it, hate it, love it, despise it? Tell me by reviewing! Just try to stick with constructive criticism because when you flame ME I never feel like writing (I'm bad enough already) and it will not be fair to other readers. Review please!