AUTHOR'S NOTE
No, I do NOT write like this. This was meant as a joke. If you can't
take a joke, don't read it. I obviously do not own these characters,
because if I did I would've written the fifth book right now. If you think
I'm selling this, you must be crazy because no one would buy it! Enjoy!!
Chapter Two: The Chosen Ones!
Harry stepped into the Great Hall, and everyone clapped. "Hurray for Harry! Harry is Harry Potter!" But Draco looked angry. He whispered to Harry, "Grr.I will enact my revenge on yous. When I am Death Eater of Coolness."Hermione held Harry's hand, Harry pulled away, to Hermione's anger. "Why did you pull away? You do not like me?" Before he could answer, Dumbledore clapped his hands, and the student's became silent.
"We will TOTALLY sort those who need to be TOTALLY sorted. We also have foreign exchange students that exchanged because they are foreign. They are from America. America is cool. That is why they are cool. Because they are. All of the other students who use too much hair gel and have names that begin with 'Drac' are losers and need to scrub toilets forever. Why? Because I want them to."
Draco's face went pale, and he became suddenly depressed. "I do not think he meant me, but he might have." Crabbe and Goyle hugged him, "It will be alright, dear friend."
Parvati walked up to Crabbe, she blushed, and walked away. Lavender did the same to Goyle, except she giggled. Harry felt sick. The food that the Great Hall was serving, hamburgers, coke, and french fries didn't help.
By now he had missed the first-year sorting, but the exchange students were here.
"Silken-Touch, Amethyst Ruby-Crystal Wind", Dumbledore called.
She kicked Draco in the knees, Draco blushed, "You are pretty good and kicking me."
She smiled, as her long silver hair floated majestically behind her. She was wearing golden jeans, that sparkled near the rhinestone tank-top. Her eyes were a mixture of ocean-blue and lavender. Harry was scared.
The Sorting Hat whispered in her head, "You would do well in Slytherin. But is too hard to pronounce, so you will end up in Gryff, the rockinest-house in Hogwarts." It called out "Gryff, the rockinest-house in Hogwarts."
She walked next to Harry, Harry backed away. She hit him with a kiss, "My best friend is your twin sister who moved to San Francisco. She is ugly, kind of like you."
Harry shouted, "What are you talking about, you freak? Your hair is silver, and you're not even 16! Why are you coming to Hogwarts, you're from America! You Ame-Crystal Whatcha Wind Silver Creature-Thing!"
"Why thank you, but my name is Princess Amethyst Crystal-Ruby Wind Silken- touch of the Lost Dimension."
"There are no Kingdoms in America!"
"UH.uh.yeah."
Harry turned to his friend Ron, who was sticking straws up his nose.
"Wharp, wharp! I am a cute little walrus! Wharp, wharp!"
Harry ran to Madam Pomfrey, right after the Hat called out "Ok, Topaz, Cliff! You is in the coolest house, Griff!"
Cliff had a shirt that said, "I is handsome." All the girls fainted, even Percy.
Harry ran to the nurse, "Help! I'm hallucinating, everything's demented here!"
He had interrupted her kissing Snape, "Ah! You's interrupt fun for my mouth! I will kill you! 10 years of detention with the dementors. And I will tell them you is Sirius Black, who I hate because he is my second cousin, twice removed and then eaten by a car."
As Snape ran out, Pomfrey looked angry. "What do you want? Don't tell Flitwicky."
Harry twitched, "Um.I'll just go."
"No! I will help you with a problem that needs to be helped!"
She shouted at him, and drank three bottles of Skele-Gro mixed with wine.
Harry screamed, this was a nightmare. When he went up to his room, he shouted a guess at the password, "Balderdash!"
Nothing happened.
"Chocolate Frog!"
Nothing happened.
"What's the password?" He asked himself, outloud.
The Fat Lady swung open, as Harry noted the stupid mark on her face. She had been graffitied. As he saw the terrible sight inside, he let out a stifled scream.
Chapter Two: The Chosen Ones!
Harry stepped into the Great Hall, and everyone clapped. "Hurray for Harry! Harry is Harry Potter!" But Draco looked angry. He whispered to Harry, "Grr.I will enact my revenge on yous. When I am Death Eater of Coolness."Hermione held Harry's hand, Harry pulled away, to Hermione's anger. "Why did you pull away? You do not like me?" Before he could answer, Dumbledore clapped his hands, and the student's became silent.
"We will TOTALLY sort those who need to be TOTALLY sorted. We also have foreign exchange students that exchanged because they are foreign. They are from America. America is cool. That is why they are cool. Because they are. All of the other students who use too much hair gel and have names that begin with 'Drac' are losers and need to scrub toilets forever. Why? Because I want them to."
Draco's face went pale, and he became suddenly depressed. "I do not think he meant me, but he might have." Crabbe and Goyle hugged him, "It will be alright, dear friend."
Parvati walked up to Crabbe, she blushed, and walked away. Lavender did the same to Goyle, except she giggled. Harry felt sick. The food that the Great Hall was serving, hamburgers, coke, and french fries didn't help.
By now he had missed the first-year sorting, but the exchange students were here.
"Silken-Touch, Amethyst Ruby-Crystal Wind", Dumbledore called.
She kicked Draco in the knees, Draco blushed, "You are pretty good and kicking me."
She smiled, as her long silver hair floated majestically behind her. She was wearing golden jeans, that sparkled near the rhinestone tank-top. Her eyes were a mixture of ocean-blue and lavender. Harry was scared.
The Sorting Hat whispered in her head, "You would do well in Slytherin. But is too hard to pronounce, so you will end up in Gryff, the rockinest-house in Hogwarts." It called out "Gryff, the rockinest-house in Hogwarts."
She walked next to Harry, Harry backed away. She hit him with a kiss, "My best friend is your twin sister who moved to San Francisco. She is ugly, kind of like you."
Harry shouted, "What are you talking about, you freak? Your hair is silver, and you're not even 16! Why are you coming to Hogwarts, you're from America! You Ame-Crystal Whatcha Wind Silver Creature-Thing!"
"Why thank you, but my name is Princess Amethyst Crystal-Ruby Wind Silken- touch of the Lost Dimension."
"There are no Kingdoms in America!"
"UH.uh.yeah."
Harry turned to his friend Ron, who was sticking straws up his nose.
"Wharp, wharp! I am a cute little walrus! Wharp, wharp!"
Harry ran to Madam Pomfrey, right after the Hat called out "Ok, Topaz, Cliff! You is in the coolest house, Griff!"
Cliff had a shirt that said, "I is handsome." All the girls fainted, even Percy.
Harry ran to the nurse, "Help! I'm hallucinating, everything's demented here!"
He had interrupted her kissing Snape, "Ah! You's interrupt fun for my mouth! I will kill you! 10 years of detention with the dementors. And I will tell them you is Sirius Black, who I hate because he is my second cousin, twice removed and then eaten by a car."
As Snape ran out, Pomfrey looked angry. "What do you want? Don't tell Flitwicky."
Harry twitched, "Um.I'll just go."
"No! I will help you with a problem that needs to be helped!"
She shouted at him, and drank three bottles of Skele-Gro mixed with wine.
Harry screamed, this was a nightmare. When he went up to his room, he shouted a guess at the password, "Balderdash!"
Nothing happened.
"Chocolate Frog!"
Nothing happened.
"What's the password?" He asked himself, outloud.
The Fat Lady swung open, as Harry noted the stupid mark on her face. She had been graffitied. As he saw the terrible sight inside, he let out a stifled scream.