by Yanagi-sen
Weiss Kreuz fanfic
Usual disclaimers apply. Not mine, if they were I would be a lot better off…
Warnings: who knows, I have no idea where this will go or even what I'm going, but it's safe to say there will be shounen ai, probably yaoi, possible lemons, dirty language, maybe violence. I CAN promise no character death, that's it
Day 4: The Perfect Partner (or What the Hell is She Doing to Us?)
Just when I thought this assignment couldn't possibly get any worse… it does. I should change my name to Murphy. -_-; Today's lovely entry is supposed to be about our 'Perfect Partner', as in romantic, spending the rest of your life with, partner. Why me? This SUCKS!!!!! I don't want to write about this… I mean… it's embarrassing! How would SHE like it if she had to write this stuff?… I guess I might as well get it over with…
I've never really given much thought to this. I mean, I barely have any friends, let alone dates. Okay, I'll play the game… My perfect partner would be… beautiful and sexy and smart and pretty and… Ah, Hell… okay… I'm gay! There, I said it! *sigh* It's bad enough that I'm a freak, and a loner, and too busy doing things that are HIGHLY ILLEGAL to have a social life… but I have to be gay too? I mean, I could be bi, I did think I was in love with Tot after all, but maybe that's why I think it never would have worked with us. I don't know. It's not as if I have a lot of experience to draw from here! A couple stolen kisses are not grounds for knowing your sexual orientation. All I know is, whenever Schu sits down to watch that porn of his… and he always does it when I'm sitting there in the living room, usually doing my homework, like he can't go do that in his OWN room… I'm just NOT interested. If it has girls that is. He's brought in a few yaoi ones too. I find those much more interesting. He thinks it's funny, after all, he knows what I'm thinking if I'm not really blocking him. Well, to be honest, after a while of watching those videos he doesn't have to read my mind. Jerk.
*sigh again* Back to this stupid assignment. Ok, so OBVIOUSLY my 'perfect partner' (note how our teacher was so PC in her wording) would be male. Oh, and also gay or bi would be nice. It's doesn't make sense to be with someone if you can't be WITH someone. And I know looks aren't everything but I really do go for a nice face. I mean, they don't have to be gorgeous, but nice. You know what I mean. Preferably smart, I really don't have the patience for someone I have to explain everything too. Not to mention I like meaningful conversation. They would have to 'understand' what I do. Which means… they would also have to be an assassin or somehow involved in the underworld. There's a requirement most kids don't have I'm sure. But I've seen what happens when the other one is clueless to what you do… They usually end up dead. They would have to be tolerant of my powers. I couldn't imagine being with someone who was afraid of me. What else, what else? I don't know what I want! Maybe that's why she's making us do this.
I guess I just want someone who will love me for me. Yes, I used the 'L' word. But I don't think I could be with someone without love. Maybe that's what was missing with Tot. I didn't love her. I cared for her. I wanted to take care OF her… But I don't think I loved her. That's a sad realization to make. I didn't love her. I suppose the next question is, have I loved anybody? I'd have to say yes. I mean, I love Brad and Schu and even Farf. But they're my family, I love them that way. Would Schu sleep with me if I asked him? Maybe. I don't call him 'Slut' for nothing. Probably if we'd been watching one of THOSE videos. But it would be friends sharing bodies… not the love I'm looking for. Knowing Schu it would be fun though. Do I love anybody? The answer is, yes I do. Does he know? Yes, he does. Does he feel the same way?… I don't know.
I suppose I should describe him a bit. He's my 'type'. A little taller than me, which is good, most of the people I'm around tower over me. He's really cute, in my opinion. He's smart and really funny. He's a little older, not that that's important or anything, just an observation. He knows what I do. He's not afraid of me. He's fairly independent; he's got a job. He's fun to do things with, that's important to me. Sometimes we just hang out in the park, talking. Other times we go to the movies or sit in a café. If we can't get out to meet, we'll meet in a chatroom and talk for hours. He brings out the little used social part of me, recluse that I am. The main draw back is that we actually don't get to see each other too often.
He moved recently. It's hard to do the 'distance relationship' thing. He's said he misses me, but I can't help but think that he's making new friends… maybe he'll find someone new. He's so outgoing and personable. And me… I'm withdrawn, often moody, and I don't make friends easily. Oh yeah, the other problem. Neither one of us can tell our families about our relationship. I think that's harder on him than me… I mean, I'm used to not sharing things. But he's more open with his family, usually. They wouldn't take our relationship well. If we still have a relationship that is… I don't know. I just don't know where we stand anymore. With him so far away and all. He's the only person who has completely accepted me for who I am. Ever. And I'm really afraid I'm gonna lose that. -Nagi