Usual disclaimers apply.
Not mine, if they were I would be a lot better off…
Warnings: who knows, I have no idea where this will go or
even what I'm going, but it's safe to say there will be shounen ai, probably
yaoi, possible lemons, dirty language, maybe violence. I CAN promise no character death, that's it
Day 12: A Better World? (a life beyond?)
Okay, now that my social/family life is back to some
semblance of normalcy (as much as it ever gets for me anyways), I can actually
think about these stupid little assignments.
Take today's. Will the world be
a better place when you are 50? My
question is… Will I MAKE 50? I honestly
don't give much thought to the future, beyond tomorrow and next week. On the streets you concentrate on TODAY…
tomorrow will come soon enough, with it's own problems to deal with. You have to concentrate on surviving today,
if you get distracted, you could be dead.
Even after years of living with Schwarz, where I've had food, and
clothing, and shelter… I still don't think much beyond 'now'. I think that's why it was so hard to do that
'dreams' assignment.
I think my question is an honest one; will I live to be
50? I'm kinda in a high-risk profession
here. Granted, I usually don't do the
really dangerous stuff, but accidents can always happen. I could always get hit by a stray bullet, I
can't keep a shield up all the time, it's really draining. An explosive could misfire, that's already
happened once, and I got a concussion and a broken arm that time. Boy was I pissed… I couldn't type with the
cast, it was pure Hell. At least it was
my left arm so I could still use the mouse.
Otherwise I think I would have gone insane. I've been injured other times too. Like when Esset's Grand High Summoning Ceremony for Demonic Evil
got screwed, by Schwarz of course ^_^, and the whole place came down. I had to use my powers to take us out, which
left me too weak to swim to the surface.
Schu had to come back down and get me.
I was out by then; he actually did CPR on me. I caught pneumonia from that one and spent the next week or so in
bed. That's what I did on my summer
vacation.
You can't really be afraid of dying, in our profession. I mean, I don't think death is a good option,
don't get me wrong, but we can't be afraid of it. Fear is a natural and healthy emotion, it will keep you
alive. But letting fear take over is
dangerous. It makes you hesitate, and
often, if you hesitate, you could die.
So I'm not afraid that I will die before I'm 50, I just can't be sure of
living. Cause sometimes, no matter how
good the plan… it falls apart and you end up winging it. That's when it truly gets a little
dicey. Cause in those situations, you
never quite know what could happen next.
But the adrenaline rush is great!
Death is always a very real possibility in our line of work.
Then again, I could get hit by a car tomorrow in an accident
totally unrelated to what we do. You
never know. I do think that we are
helping to make a better world. Weiss
may technically be the 'good guys'. But
that's only because they work FOR the law, sort of, and we work on the…
fringes? We do the same thing… we just
make a profit off of it. I've seen the
way Weiss has to live… they're not making a profit off of anything! I'm sure all my classmates and teachers
would be astounded to know exactly what goes on in the underworld. How much is controlled by various factions. Whole governments and countries, dancing to
their tune. Schwarz tends to… weed out
the more undesirable elements. There
ARE degrees of criminals after all.
Brad really seems to like to go after anything that uses
kids. Child prostitution, kidnapping
rings, immigrant sweatshops, that sort of thing. I'm not sure why, but he and Schu both have this thing about
kids. I would hazard a guess that it's
because of their childhoods, or lack thereof, but they haven't shared and I'm
not going asking. The point is, Brad
like to go after those scumbags. Of
course, when we do things like that, guess who gets the wonderful honor of
being bait? Actually, it's kind of
fun. I get to play helpless kid, when
I'm anything but. I always go armed of
course, and Schu is in constant contact with me. I think Brad gets really nervous on those missions, but I like
them. I love the look on the target's
face when I switch from victim to aggressor.
In a way, I guess the world would be a better place if I get
to 50. It certainly is better than if
we'd let Esset summon their daemon or whatever they were going for. I really don't understand WHAT they were
doing. But I know it was EVIL. We're bad on occasion, but we're not evil. Well… most of the time. Just kidding. We're not evil even if we sometimes do things of… how does Brad
put it… questionable legality? What
Esset wanted was nothing less than world domination. Schwarz doesn't go for that.
Brad is happy with carving out our own little corner of the underworld,
we don't want the planet. What would we
do with it? I don't want to be responsible
for all those people. Schu doesn't even
want to be responsible for himself!
Farf?! Give me a minute to stop
laughing. Brad's a leader, but he knows
better than to overreach what he can manage.
Will the world be a better place when I'm 50? God I hope so. If Ms. Psycho-Bitch-from-Hell knew what was really out there… I
think she would be afraid to ask this question. All of them. If they only
knew… But I guess that's one reason why groups like Weiss and Schwarz work in
the shadows… to make sure the shades stay there. I would like to hope I'll live to be 50. I hope I'm with someone, and happy. But this life we lead… I don't know. I just don't know. -Nagi
