by Yanagi-sen
Weiss Kreuz fanfic
Usual disclaimers apply. Not mine, if they were I would be a lot better off…
Warnings: who knows, I have no idea where this will go or even what I'm doing, but it's safe to say there will be shounen ai, probably yaoi, possible lemons, angst, dirty language, maybe violence. I CAN promise no character death, that's it
Day 22: Still here… (and still sick… -_-;)
Still here, still sick… I've reached the point when the novelty of staying home sick has worn off and I just want to get out of here. I've been trapped in my room for three days, only being allowed to leave to go to the bathroom. Okay, so for the first day I was essentially flat on my back and out of it, and yesterday wasn't really much better, but today… I'm getting bored. I can't stare at the smaller screen on my laptop for too long before my eyes get tired, but they won't let me sit up in a chair so I can use the bigger monitor on my computer. Farf has essentially commandeered the TV, so I can't even go be bored out there. Well, I could, but Farf's idea of entertainment and mine are VASTLY different. I've read all the books I have here and I don't really want to do yet another reread. I don't feel inspired enough to draw. This just sucks.
I really want to get out. I'm starting to feel better, and cabin fever is setting in. Couldn't tell, ne? I've done all the homework Brad brought home already. He said he'd stop again today and see if there was anything else. Yippee. Somehow, homework is NOT really what I want to do. I'm all caught up on the Schwarz paperwork and accounts, so nothing there. I'm not quite well enough to go hacking, still a little slow on the reaction time, and if I got caught… Brad would have a cow. *snicker* Brad having a cow… where do people come up with these things? I mean, besides being anatomically impossible the entire idea is ludicrous. This is sad. I must REALLY be bored, or still really sick if I'm analyzing clichés.
I'm bored, bored, bored, bored, bored… Come on guys… is it THAT great a sacrifice to come entertain me for a little while? I don't ask for much, but a little company would be nice. But NOOOO… Brad's in his office, he's not the entertaining type anyways. Farf is watching the TV… which means he'll be there till Schu wrestles the remote from him, Brad needs him to go kill someone, or it's time to start dinner. And Schu… is who know where… He's been doing that a lot lately. Disappearing for a little while. Never for too long. Never at the same time. But he just leaves… Which leaves me to speculate on what the 'Slut' is doing… *smirk*
Which I'm NOT going to write here cause we've already established that he does not understand the sanctity of the private journal and I would like to keep my brain unscrambled.
Let's see, what am I SUPPOSED to be writing about? Your favorite color and why… uh huh… is she scraping the bottom of the barrel here or what? How is 'your fav color' a meaningful journal exercise? What is my favorite color anyway? Hmm… certainly not that crappy gray I have to wear everyday. I mean, yuck! It's not flattering to anyone… least of all me! Let's see… I like black. I think it makes me look taller. But Schu always says I look like a ghost, too pale, especially in the black. Hmmm… green really doesn't go with my eyes… Brown… dull. I love that heather-violet sweater I have… Omi likes it too. Omi… hmm… I know. My favorite color… Omi's eyes.
Okay, THAT was sappy. But it's true. I love his eyes. They're this amazing blue that changes with his mood. Not drastically, but subtle, like you have to be paying attention to notice it. When he's happy, his eyes are like the bluest blue sky you've ever seen. Like in the summer, when there are only a few fluffy white clouds and the sky seems to go on forever. And when he's sad, there is this bit of gray that creeps into them, the way colors are dulled by the rain. You know, when the clouds filter all the light and everything… is just gray. And then, when he's angry… they darken. I can't really describe those, except to say… it's THEN you see what a killer he can be.
I don't suppose anyone else notices his eyes the way I do. I mean, they probably see the soulful, blue, sometimes teary eyes that look far too young and innocent for his age. What a mask! I think he hides his true nature the best of any of them. But he can't lie with his eyes. I don't know how they can miss it. Except that you see what you want to see. They want to see him as the innocent boy, untouched by the things he has to do, the 'pure one'. I see his soul. I see his pain. I see his guilt. It must be hard, to feel things the way he does. I don't let myself feel. At least, not as much. Schu's drawn me out some, Omi's done more, but I still have parts of me that I won't touch, and I won't let be touched. Then again… I don't have to kill as much as he does. Brad doesn't like me killing. He's trying to 'protect' me as much as he can. Sorry, Brad. I was tainted long before you met me.
The streets will do that to you. Age you before your time. Taint your soul, if you can even keep it. And I was out there really young. My five years in Hell. I'm still surprised sometimes that I survived, as intact as I am. I was a mess when Brad found me. Still am in many ways. Esset didn't help. They were never really interesting in keeping their lackeys hale and healthy, just obedient. Good little lapdogs. I'm really glad Brad wasn't one of them. He did as the fossils asked, when they asked, but he was NEVER a lackey. Therefore, neither were we. But I'm getting away from my point, if there is a point amidst all this babbling… I envy Farf sometimes. He either doesn't realize what a mess he is, or he doesn't care. Unfortunately for me, I know exactly how much of a freak I am and how screwed up my psyche is. But oh well… I just push it all to the back of my mind and keep going. I'm sure it will all come back to haunt me someday, but till then, I'm just not going to worry about. Okay so that's a lie I always worry about stuff, but I know I'm not going to do anything about it. Repress, deny, ignore… that's my nature.
I looked back over this and realized how much I've been rambling. Oh well. It's kept me busy. I'm sooooo not looking forward to when I have to edit this monster. I hope Ms. Bitch gives us a little warning. Otherwise… I'm so screwed. -Nagi