by Yanagi-sen
Weiss Kreuz songfic
Usual disclaimers apply. Okay… here it is… the promised epilogue to Nagi's Journal. As always the way too kawaii bishounen don't belong to me… and neither does the song which is "Hero" sung by Enrique Iglesias.
Warnings: SAP probably lots of it, fluff… maybe a little angst, oh and yaoi (duh!)
This fic is dedicated to Enigma… aka E-sama the Llama, as a thank you for writing not only wonderful fics, but also beautiful notes and reviews about mine. We endlessly praise each other, but I haven't had the opportunity to dedicate a fic to him yet. Won't he be surprise when he FINALLY gets around to reading it? (Just kidding E-sama, I know you're busy! Here's a little gift from the High Priestess of the Cult of the Llama! ^__^)
"Sugoi!"
Indeed, I have to agree with Omi on this one. When Schu said it was an 'exclusive resort', I expected something nice, but this… this is way beyond anything I anticipated. The staff is polite and obviously dedicated to fulfilling their guests every need. Check in takes no time at all and Omi is pulling me across the beautifully decorated lobby.
"Nagi… let's check out the place."
~Would you dance
if I asked you to dance?~
After a massage and a soak in one of the hot spring pools, I am very content to simply relax on the sofa. Omi is poking around the room, calling out amenities as he comes across them. I feel a yawn… maybe a nap would be a good idea. Soft music suddenly fills the air and Omi is smiling from where he stands beside the stereo. He holds out a hand to me…
"Dance with me?"
~Would you run
and never look back?~
"Nagi?" His breath ghosts along my cheek, it makes me shiver slightly.
"Hai?"
"What would you have done if Crawford had refused to let you see me?"
Suddenly all the tension that I had lost came back with a vengeance. "W… why do you ask?"
"I just wanted to know. I mean, if I had asked you to, would you have run away to be with me? Could you have left Schwarz behind? I guess I'm trying to see where I fit into your life."
What would I have done? My mind turns things over as we continue to dance, Omi holding me tight, but giving me time to think. Could I have left Schwarz behind? They are my family, or the closest thing I've had. Could I have even turned against them? I shudder slightly and hide my face in his neck. I can already hear him apologizing. He shouldn't. He deserves an answer… I just don't know if I can give him one.
~Would you cry
if you saw me cry?~
I think back to that night that I broke down in Brad's office. It was after he and Schu had caught me in the café practically IN Omi's lap. He went on that trip and then when he got back, he summoned me to his office. After letting me stew for several hours in my room, sadistic prick. That has to have been one of the most embarrassing evenings of my life. I CRIED in front of Brad! Me! The one that has trouble even smiling or showing much on any kind of emotion cried on the couch in Crawford's office.
But I suppose things happen for a reason… I really think it was my tears that convinced Brad that I wasn't doing it to spite him, but that I really loved Omi. I don't think words would have done it. I didn't know what to tell him then and I don't know what to tell Omi now. I love my kitten. More than I can ever put into words. Words aren't my strong suit. Omi knows that. That's why he's waiting. He's patient. And he's kind. And if this was really bothering me he wouldn't press the issue.
The thing is… I want to give him an answer. I owe him one. I mean, he took as many risks as I did beginning this relationship. We both had to hide it, uncertain how our teams would react. I think he knows he was in a little more physical danger, since if he decided to Crawford wouldn't have hesitated to kill my blond archer. Schu either. Heck, if Omi hurts me in anyway I fully expect Schu and Farf to string him up. But would I have left them… for him?
A warm hand traces down my cheek, wiping away the tear that I hadn't even noticed falling.
~And would you save my soul, tonight?~
"You don't have to answer, Nagi. Cause it didn't come to that."
"But… you have a right to know."
"Shhhh…" He lightly kissed my cheek. "I know… you don't have to say anything. I know."
~Would you tremble
if I touched your lips?~
Time has a way of stopping when Omi starts to kiss me. Actually time ceases to have any meaning. His lips are warm and soft, almost gentle, yet insistent, burning, leaving me aching for more. He kisses me and the whole world shrinks to just him… and me. I can dimly hear the music, smell the light scent of the massage oil on his skin, but touch is the sense that matters most right now. The feel of his lips on mine, the slight tickling of his eyelashes, the soft feather-feel of his breath, his hands resting on my hips, the thin cotton of our yukata doing little to insulated the burning heat of the other.
It's heaven, here in his arms. I could die here. I want to die here, if it means being with him for eternity.
Then this awful growling sound comes from low in his body.
~Would you laugh?
Oh please tell me this.~
He breaks away, laughing uncontrollably. I'm smiling, that shy smile he knows is my equivalent to his raucous laughter.
"Well… I guess maybe we should eat first, snog later." His cerulean eyes are sparkling.
"Snog? SNOG? Where did you get THAT from? You been reading Harry Potter fics again?"
He sidles up to me as I'm pulling on clothing more appropriate to the hotel restaurant than the cotton resort yukata. "So what if I have?" His voice is slightly husky and he drops a kiss on my bared neck before pulling clothes of his own out of his suitcase.
"Draco/Harry slash?"
"Of course… is there any other kind?" He's pulling a comb quickly through his hair.
"You just like the bad bishounen don't you?"
"I love you don't I?"
~Now would you die
for the one you loved?~
My mind is still turning over his questions as we make our way to the restaurant. What would I have done? Could I have left them… or him? Could I have turned on my family? Or on Omi? Could I have killed him? Would I have killed myself if I had? I don't know.
I don't know that I could have really faced down Brad if it had come to that. But I'm not sure that I could have run away either. I'm glad it didn't happen. But I can't help wondering, what if? What if Brad hadn't given in? What if Weiss hadn't been understanding? What if Omi hadn't been willing to risk it with me?
I shouldn't question him. I know what he feels. He tells me. He lets me know what's going on. I wish I could do that for him too. I wish I could tell him how much I love him. I wish I could tell him about my fears and insecurities. I'm a very insecure person, I know that. I know he would understand… but I just can't articulate my feelings. If you show weakness, that's when the wolves attack. The streets taught me that. Esset reinforced it. Omi contradicts it.
I'm trying… I really am. Please, Omi… just wait a little longer.
~Hold me in your arms, tonight. ~
"Oh, this is nice."
This place just keeps getting better and better. Instead of one of the tables in the busy, but not crowded dining room, we are shown to a small private dining area to the side. The room, with a traditional chubadai and zabuton, is large enough for 4 or 6 people to dine comfortably. The sliding wall can be pulled shut for privacy. All in all, a very pleasant way to eat.
Omi wraps his arm around me as we peer at the menu. After the waitress comes and takes our order, closing the wall after her, he pulls me fully in to his arms. I relax into them, it's so nice not to have to worry about being interrupted by family or teammates.
"Comfy?" He's smiling.
"Very."
~I can be your hero, baby.
I can kiss away the pain.~
We feed each other the appetizer, assorted maki and nigiri. There's just something different about the sushi when the person you love is feeding it to you. He's so careful, not to put on too much wasabi, and that the soy sauce doesn't drip onto my clothes. When a drop inevitably falls on my lips, instead of using a napkin… he kisses me. His tongue laps up the spilled sauce and then darts in to dance with my own.
I'm so tempted to say, screw the rest of dinner and drag him back to our room… but I really haven't eaten much all day and if I don't eat now he's gonna get all mother-hennish on me. I didn't think anyone could be worse then Schu and Farf in that department. Then I started going out with Omi. If possible… Ken is just as bad. I'm surrounded by them!
~I will stand by you forever.
You can take my breath away.~
Our meal comes and we take turns feeding rice and delicacies to each other. Omi just asked them to bring some of the house specialties so we have a variety of things to choose from. The grilled shake is excellent, but I'll let Omi have the tako. Then he's holding something up… I can't tell what it is but he's dipped it in some type of sauce… probably the ginger one. He's very careful not to tap the chopsticks against my teeth, he's so considerate that way. I chew thoughtfully… he didn't. He's smirking. He did.
Unagi.
"Broiled eel… specialty of the house."
I reach for the tea but Omi holds up the sake he ordered instead. "This is will make it taste better." I don't usually drink sake, but right now, I'll take anything. Omi holds the small cup to my lips, he's in full pampering mode tonight, the warm sake flows over my tongue, mingling with the taste of the ginger and unagi. I have to admit, he's right. But I still don't like unagi.
He's very apologetic. He was just kidding. But I really don't like eel. He starts to kiss me, trying to make up for the trick.
He takes my breath away… as usual.
~Would you swear
that you'll always be mine?~
He pulls back and I rest my head on his shoulder. He always does that. Leave me gasping and weak and generally happy to be with him.
"Nagi… can I ask you something?"
I nod… I really don't want to speak right now. I'm just content to sit here. They've taken our dishes away, leaving some tea and more sake. I'm full, I'm warm, I'm relaxed, I haven't felt this good in… forever.
"Would you… would you accept something from me?"
I sit up so I can see his face. His eyes are gleaming in the low light. There is this… hope in them. And also an uncertainty, like he's afraid of what I might say.
"Accept something?"
"Well… um, yeah. I mean.. it's not like a promise or.. well I guess it is a promise, but it doesn't have to be forever right now, I mean I just want you to have it and if you say no I'll understand, but…"
He's flustered… he's so kawaii like this.
"Omi… OMI!"
"Yeah."
"I know what you are saying. And I would love to accept it."
He smiles… it's like the sun just came back up. He fumbles in his pocket and pulls out a small pendant on a silk cord. He holds it up so I can see it. It's silver of course, he knows I don't like gold, not that I wear any jewelry but we were talking about it one day. Stamped on the surface is a mountaintop with a single tree jutting up into the sky silhouetted against a full moon. He must have read the question in my eyes.
"Tsuki, the moon, for Tsukiyono… and 'nagi' the evergreen for you. Do… do you like it."
Like it? It's all I can do not to cry.
~Or would you lie?
would you run and hide?~
What will Brad say? Is the first thing that pops into my head. I think he tolerates this relationship because he sincerely believes it won't last. Schu knows better, he's told me as much. He's looked into both our heads… he says we're gonna be together for a long time. He told me not to throw this away, cause love like we share is rare. Then he ruffled my hair and called me 'chibi' which I hate, but that's Schu.
If I accept this… what does it mean? Omi says it's just a token. Just a gift. But is it really? What will it mean to me a month, a year, ten years from now? If we live that long. This isn't just teenage hormones talking here, not for us. This is much deeper and meaningful. Can I accept this from him, knowing that someday we may be called upon to try to kill each other?
He says it isn't forever.
What if that's what I want it to be?
~Am I in too deep?
Have I lost my mind?~
I smile and turn around to let him tie it on. My hands are shaking too much. When he's done, he kisses the back of my neck again, making me shiver. He likes to do that. The back of my neck is very sensitive. It's considered a very erotic place on the body, that's why geisha kimono are set back farther to display the nape of the neck.
I flip over the pendant to check the back. The inscription simply reads, 'ai', love.
He's looking at me expectantly. I don't know what to say. I'm lost here. I'm so overwhelmed. I never dreamed he would do this. I hoped he would, but never really thought it would happen. Not this soon. What can I do to express what I cannot say? That I do want this to be forever. I know we're too young. But… but he could die next week. Or I could. I have to live for now… that's all I can do. Live for now.
My eyes fall on the warm sake sitting on the table.
~I don't care...
You're here tonight. ~
My hands are still shaking slightly as I pour the sake into a pair of cups. I set one in front of him and wait for his reaction.
His cerulean eyes grow wide… a shimmer of his own tears glisten in the dimness. He smiles and nods. His hands are poised on the edges of his cup, waiting for me.
Our motions are synchronous as we lift our cups and take nine sips, careful to drink at exactly the same times, not breaking eye contact. We finish and set the cups down in the same manner.
~I can be your hero, baby.
I can kiss away the pain.~
"Let's go back to the room… where I can really show you how beautiful you are."
He helps me up, ignoring my blush and leads the way out. We pause to put our slippers back on outside the dining alcove and then head out. I don't even see the other diners, the waitresses, the maitre de. My eyes are locked on the back his hand as it clutches mine.
He's so strong. I don't even think he really notices it. He's trained with a bow for a very long time. That builds a type of upper body strength that is deceptive. He's tried to teach me, taking me to a shooting range. Even with bows of the lightest pull, I tire easily. He's shooting one that's a lot harder than mine, and doing it with ease. I've even watched him with the traditional Japanese bow. Kyudo is an amazing art form, maybe not practical for our type of 'night work', but it's excellent training. Omi is wonderful at it, of course. He's probably wonderful at any type of aimed projectile. I bet he'd be good with a gun, if he'd consider using one.
His hands… so strong… and yet so gentle. He catches me watching them and lifts our hands to kiss the backs of my knuckles.
~I will stand by you forever.
You can take my breath away.~
Anything. That's my answer. I would to anything for him. To be with him. To be a part of him. To share a life with him.
Others may think we are too young to know what we want. That may be true. But when you've lived through as much as we have… it ages you. Some days I feel so old. Most people never experience what we have. Most people wouldn't want to. I didn't want to. But I did. He did. We do. So I would like to think since we are old enough to be asked to kill… that we are old enough to be allowed to live.
We choose to live together.
We might not be allowed to physically live to together for a while yet. But someday. For now, we are together in spirit.
That will be enough.
~Oh, I just want to hold you.
I just want to hold you.~
I've barely kicked off my slippers when Omi has me pinned against the wall. He knows I love it when he's like this. All forceful and aggressive. You wouldn't think I would enjoy it, considering my history. But I do. Maybe I'm just naturally submissive. Maybe that's why Brad got so worried. Maybe I thinking too damn much.
Oooh… remember that upper body strength I love so much. I know I don't weigh a lot… but it still surprises me when he picks me up. And he's carrying me to the bed. Now I could get used to this. Schu carries me sometimes when I overreach myself on a mission, even Brad and Farf have done it occasionally. But this is much nicer. He kneels on the bed and lowers me down so softly. I pull him down too, for now I just want him to hold me.
~Am I in too deep?
Have I lost my mind?~
It's too much… all of a sudden. I'm not used to affection like this. Schwarz is not demonstrative with emotions like this. The most I've ever gotten is the occasional hug from Schu or a quick squeeze from Brad. Farf usually brings food. To have someone so… wanting to TOUCH me.
"Kirei."
One word… one word and the dam breaks and tears start to stream. Kirei… beautiful… but not just beautiful, a clean and pure type of beautiful. I haven't been pure since my father murdered my mother when I was four. I haven't been clean since I first killed for Esset when I was eleven. I know people think I'm pretty… Schu calls me 'bishounen' all the time. But to see how Omi looks at me. To hear it from his mouth. It's overwhelming.
~I don't care...
You're here tonight.~
Omi kisses away the couple tears that fell… I don't allow more than that. And starts to remove my clothing, in between kisses and teasing nips and soft words. He reassures me that we'll only go as far as I want. Is he crazy… how often do we get uninterrupted, unsupervised time together? I want everything. I want him.
"I want you."
He stops and looks into my eyes. "You're sure? I mean, we can do other things. We don't have to go all the way tonight. I can wait."
"But I don't know if I can."
He licks his lips… suddenly nervous. "Okay. If that's what you want…" He grins… that grin that means he thinking something naughty. "Top or bottom?"
~I can be your hero, baby.
I can kiss away the pain. ~
"I'm sorry… I'm sorry…" Omi's practically crying, afraid to move and hurt me more.
And it does hurt, even with the lube. It hurts a lot. But I knew it would. Schu explained all this… in embarrassing detail, several years ago.
"It will fade, Omiitchi… It'll be okay."
"Do you want me to stop?"
I'm thinking about it. It really did hurt. But Schu had said that if you could get past that it was wonderful, if your partner was gentle and started slow. I can't think of anyone who would be gentler than Omi.
"Just start slow, love. Kiss me again, onegai?"
~I will stand by your forever.
You can take my breath away.~
Oh my god… oh my god… Omigod! I didn't know anything could feel this good. It's like I'm floating, but I can still feel the bed under my back. I can feel the sweat on my skin and Omi's too as my hands slide along his back. His hands are under my shoulder blades, his face buried in my hair. Once in a while he presses a quick kiss to my neck. We're both moaning and panting. The friction of his body along mine, trapping my member between our stomachs, stroking it with each of his thrusts into my body, his hardness deep inside me hitting something over and over…
And then the world breaks into a million glittering pieces.
I think I must have cried out, though I have no memory of it. My whole body goes taut… like one of Omi's bowstrings. I start to shudder and thrust back wildly.
Omi cries out into my hair and pulls me closer if that's even possible. I feel him shove in as deep as he can, his body tightening, even as a warm wetness explodes between us. I can feel that same wetness flowing inside me now. I'm hyper sensitive to every touch, every sensation, I swear I can feel the very molecules of air against my skin. With my powers linked to my emotions… who knows, maybe I can.
I can't see, or hear, or smell, or taste anything right at this moment. Only feel. And it feels wonderful.
~I can be your hero.
I can kiss away the pain.~
Gradually… the other senses return. I am aware of other things, the slight breeze coming in the window, cooling the sweat on my skin, even as Omi warms other parts of me. I see how the moonlight on the water outside is reflected on the ceiling, dancing. I can smell the light scent of Omi's strawberry shampoo, and the slightly heavier scent of the massage oil from earlier, and the more musky smell that I realize is from sex. I can hear him panting in my ear, trying to recover breath and realize I'm doing the same thing.
He lifts himself off me a bit so he can look down into my face. Supporting himself on one arm, his free hand traces the tear trails down my face, wiping them away. "Kirei." He says again, and kisses me so gently. He is so gentle.
He pulls out, and I wince slightly. He starts to apologize and I shut him up by kissing him again. He glances around.
"I think we need something to clean up with."
He watches me as my eyes narrow. A washcloth drops beside us on the bed, good thing it was in my line of sight… it's really hard to 'fetch' things that aren't. He smiles and uses it to clean me up, then himself and then drops the cloth over the side of the bed. I really can't move to help him. He laughs and rolls me on my side, cuddling up behind me. He drops another kiss on my shoulder, then buries his face again in my hair. I use my gift to pull the blanket up from the bottom of the bed. We had almost managed to totally kick it off.
~And I will stand by you forever.
You can take my breath away.~
"I love you, Nagi." He whispers in my ear. I smile in the dark. It's wide grin, too bad he can't see it.
"I love you too."
He pulls me a little closer. I can barely keep my eyes open. "Go to sleep, love. I'll be here."
So I do.
~You can take my breath away.~
Omi watches as Nagi falls asleep. I'll be here, Nagi-chan. I promise.
~I can be your hero.~
Owari.
There… the long awaited, much anticipated, hassled for, epilogue to Nagi's Journal. I hope everyone enjoyed. I did a marathon writing session… I've been on my computer since about 6 this morning… it's now 11:30, and this is all I've done. I haven't even checked my email yet! But I'm happy with it. A few notes and things of note, the boys are visiting a resort in Atami, about 100 km from Tokyo. The website I was looking at called it the 'Naples of Japan' and said it was popular for honeymoons and lovers in general. *wink wink* ^__^ About the Harry Potter fics… not interested in writing any (for now), but I love to read them. Especially Draco… I just like the bad bishies I guess… Draco, Nagi, Soujiro… kawaii.
Their dinner: first of all a chubadai is a traditional table, zabuton the floor cushions (there is your Japanese language lesson for the day), maki (nori roll sushi), nigiri (sushi without the nori), shake (salmon my fav), tako (octopus), and of course the ever present unagi (eel) which is becoming a standing joke here. The sake sharing is a Japanese wedding tradition. Sip 9 times together, the goal is to do everything at the same time because the superstition is that the first one to put their cup down will die first.
Oh and the pendent… like many Japanese words, 'nagi' can mean several things. One is calm or lull… another is evergreen tree. So if you've seen a different meaning, it's not uncommon. Omi is playing with the meaning of their names a little.
'Omigod'… this is a standing joke between several of us… started as a deliberate typo by Miki in the chat room… Yachii wanted me to dedicate the sex scene to her… bet she didn't think I'd actually do it! ^_~ And the strawberry shampoo is for Miki who was very upset that I wouldn't write in the strawberry-flavored lube… wait for a PWP. And finally… again this fic is dedicated to E-sama… hope you liked it! -Yanagi