Chapter 14............ The gift
Disclaimer-The song used in this chapter is 'do what you have to do', by Sarah Mclachlan
Max woke up in Alecs bed for the second day in a row. There was no sun this morning though. It was gray and raining, Max felt cold and sick to her stomach. She moaned as she felt bile raise in her throat and ran to the bath room, throwing up in the toilet. She flushed the toilet and went over to the sink to brush her teeth, washing away the foul taste. She looked up at her reflection in the mirror. She hated what she saw. Her face looked pale, and worn. She felt awful.
"Max, are you okay?" Came Zacks voice with a knock at the door.
"I'm fine" she called out to him. She splashed some water on her face, rinsing some sweat away, and came out of the bath room. Zack was drinking a glass of water, wearing only his boxers, not caring for modesty. He smiled at her as she came out, she returned the smile in full. Zacks smiles were few and far between. But when he did smile, his whole face softened, his jaw unclenched and he looked beautiful. Memories of being with Zack and Ben, laughing over one of Ens stupid jokes flew through her mind. Max always laughed at them, even when she didn't think they were funny, she had to laugh when Ben did. Zack would hold out for a while though, trying to keep the strait face. But every now and then he would give in and laugh. It was always nice being with Ben at Manticore, he made the whole awful environment a little less horrible.
"Max?" Zack said. She could tell by his tone that he had been talking to her and she had spaced out.
"I'm sorry Zack, what did you say?" she asked him.
"I said don't you and Alec need to be getting off to work" Zack repeated.
"Oh, um yeah" Max said. She resisted the urge to groan, she didn't want to go to work today, but she should. She needed to get her pay check, and she needed to tell Normal she quit. Besides, one last day delivering her packages could be comforting in a strange way. She went onto Alecs room, their room now, and got extremely annoyed to find that Alec was still asleep. She sat down on the bed next to him and brushed some hair out of his face. She then pinched his nose between her thumb and index finger, cutting off his breathing.
His eyes popped open his mouth opened taking a deep breath. Max removed her hand and smiled down at him. "I can't believe you, your such a wimp. It used to take Ben and Zack over twice as long to wake up from that" she told him.
He glared at her, "What an annoying little sister you must of been" he said to her while climbing out of bed. He yawned and stretched a bit, then dropped to the floor and started doing push ups.
"Are you kidding? They loved me" she said, "I can't believe your doing push ups first thing in the morning, is this like some kind of ritual of yours? should I get used to it?" she asked him. She went over to where her suit case was and grabbed out a pair of jeans and a long sleeve black shirt.
What can I say, old habits die hard" Alec said. He did a few more push ups before going over to his dresser and pulling out a pair of brown corduroys and a blue T-shirt. "So after I finish my runs today, I'm going to see if your around Jam pony, to say good bye. After that I'm heading back here to grab my bag, and Zack. After that, we're off. I estimate we'll be gone for three days, at the most. Three days of me and Zack," he stopped getting dressed for a moment and looked off into space, looking a little disturbed, "Just me and Zack. I changed my mind Max, I don't want to go" he told her.
"Why would you not want to be with Zack? he's great" Max said. Alec simply looked at her and blinked. "Oh come on Alec, he's nice really, he's never been real mean to me" she said.
"He loves you. Me, I'm just the guy who knocked up his baby sister. I'll be lucky if he doesn't kill me" Alec whined.
"I'll talk to him before we leave, tell him not to bully you" Max told him. "And when you said love, you better of meant brotherly love, 'cause if you were implying anything, I'll kick your ass" Max said.
Alec shook his head, " Just listen to yourself, 'I'm gonna kick your ass' honestly, I don't know how I ended up with a woman who is so un feminine." Alec said mocking her.
"Simple, you thought with little Alec instead of your brain, and now your stuck with me. Now get over this whole distaste for the tough chick thing, because I'm not changing anytime soon. Besides, I don't think you'd like me if I wasn't the way I was" she said.
Alec came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. He lifted her off the ground a few inches and buried his face in her neck. She humored him and allowed him to hold her for a moment. He put her down and turned her so she was facing him, "Don't ever change" he said to her.
"I wasn't planing on it" she told him, "Now go put your shirt on, I'm gonna go have a quick chat with Zack" she said. He smiled at her and nodded. She exited the room.
Zack was bent over looking in the refrigerator when Max came out of the room. He now had a pair of jeans on, but his shirt was still off. He heard her enter the room and looked up at her, "Hey Max do you think Alec has a shirt I can borrow, I spilt juice on mine" he said.
Max tried not to laugh at the image of Zack spilling anything on himself. "Um, yeah I'm sure he'll be okay with it" Max said. "Hey Zack, listen, you behave with Alec. Play nice okay?" she said.
"I'll be good" he said.. "If I'm gonna be staying with you guys for a while, then I might as well get along with him" he said. Max raised her eyebrow at him, knowing that he wouldn't usually care about getting along with any one. "Hey, I promise I'll be nice okay?" he told her.
"Okay" she said. She walked over to the kitchen and grabbed a box of pop tarts out of the cabinet. She put two in the toaster, one for her, and one for Zack.
"You take care of your self while I'm gone, okay" Zack said looking at her.
"Zack, I'm all grown up now, I can take care of myself, I've been doing it for a while now" she said annoyed.
Zack raised an eyebrow at her, "Oh, and what a fine job you've been doing of that" he said motioning to her stomach. She glared at him for a moment. But her put an affectionate arm around her shoulders and pulled her to him, "Just be careful 'kay?" he said smiling down at her.
"Okay, I'll behave here, and you behave with Alec" Max said. She leaned her head on him for a moment before pulling away. Alec came out of his room, hair now brushed, and body now fully clothed. "Hey Alec, Zack needs to borrow a shirt okay?" Max asked.
"No problem buddy, my clothes are your clothes" he said. he walked into the kitchen as the pop tarts popped up in the toaster. "Oooo, breakfast is ready and everything. Your so good to me Max" he said.
Max slapped his hand way from the food, "Sorry, those are for me and Zack" she said. She grabbed them, handing one to Zack, and keeping one for herself.
Alec sulked as he realized that there was no pop tarts left. "I invite you both into my home, give you beds to sleep him, and this is how you repay me" he said shaking his head a little.
"I'll get you a muffin on the way to work" Max said to him. He looked up and smiled. He grabbed her by the waist and kissed her. Max kissed him back to. A part of her brain was thinking about how it was kind of funny that she was pregnant with his child, had spent the past few nights in his bed, and was going to spend her life with him, yet she still felt weird kissing him. Not that she didn't enjoy it, but, everything with Alec just felt strange, it was still so new. She pulled back from him after a moment, "Put your shoes on" she said, and he obediently went to the couch and put his boots on.
Max quickly ate her pop tart, then put her own shoes on. She put on her Jean jacket and stood impatiently by the door waiting for Alec to finish brushing his teeth. She looked at Zack, who was standing by the window, looking out at the gray morning, and walked over to him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and tightly hugged him. "I'll see you in three days big brother" she said.
He smiled down at her as Alec came out of the bathroom, "Okay let's leave Max" he said. She followed him out the door and they went to work.
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Max walked in the door to the apartment, a bag of groceries in one arm. She turned on the light, and looked down at the ground, a little sad. Alec, being the golden boy, always got less deliveries. So of course he finished a while before her. So she missed him, and didn't get to say good bye. Se flipped the light on and shut the door. She went into the kitchen and set the bag down. She smiled as she saw a book on the counter. It was blue, and was decorated with rattles and bottles. It was called, 'Parenting for new parents, from pregnancy to toddlers'.
She opened up the book and a note fell out, it was from Alec, It read;
-Max,
Sorry I missed you, but I found this book and thought you might enjoy reading it while I was gone. I Hope this is what you were talking about, they had shelves full of books so it was hard to choose. Anyway, some where in the house we have hidden another book for you. An actual novel. Zack bought it. He said that Mary (the woman who owned the ranch with her husband) was always talking about it. But you'll have to search the house to find it. I Thought it would be amusing. Well, for me any ways. It's really more for you to read when your belly gets all big and you don't feel like moving much. Well, I don't want to turn this note into a big long ramble, so I'll end it here. I'll give you a call as soon as I get the chance. OC should be there soon. go out tonight with her, it might make you feel better.
Love ya
-Alec
Max put the note down on the counter and began to put away the groceries. It didn't take her long to see that Alec ate nothing but junk food. His kitchen was full of chips, sugary cereals, and, chocolate. He had things like microwave burritos, and hot pockets in his freezer, and the frige was full of left over pizza, and beer. The most healthy thing he had was chocolate milk. And he probably only had that around in case he got seizures. She had gotten some real food. She bought fruit, and vegetables, and orange juice. She loaded the fridge with tofu, and regular milk, along with some stuff she had bought for a dinner.
She thought they should all sit down for a nice meal before they left. It would be a good bye thing, Oc, Zack, Alec, Joshua, and even Logan if he wanted to come. They were the dearest people in her life, and she wanted to have them all together one last time. She leaned against the counter an her elbows and put her face in her hands. She tried to hold back the tears that came up at the thought. They were leaving everything. Bringing only what they could pack. They would just abandon all their things. Maybe sell the tv. Yes they should sell the tv. That could bring them some more money.
And the stereo system. Alec had allot of nice things, which made Max mad in a way. Many of his things he had stolen, and many of the others belonged to Brain. She had been a little upset when he had just taken over the apartment like that, after he died. But, he didn't live there anymore so it didn't matter.
Max began to look around the apartment, partly to find this book Alec had written about, and partly to see what they could sell. She didn't see anything else that she thought would bring them much money, and she couldn't find the book. She sat down on the couch frustrated. After a moment the phone rang, and she rushed to answer it, thinking it must be Alec, "Hello" she said.
"Hi Max" the voice that said her name so gentle and tenderly was not the voice of Alec, but that of Logan.
Max closed her eyes at the pain of hearing his voice. She felt as though she had a deep gash in her stomach that had been struggling to heal, only to be ripped open before it got the chance. "Hi Logan" she said. Her voice cracked a little over his name, as she struggled not to cry.
"Max, I have some news for you. I found a place for you guys in Ireland. I still can't believe your leaving for Ireland. Any ways, I thought that maybe you could come over and I could show it to you, there's a picture. And there's a few other possibilities. I thought I could cook you dinner, you know, one last time" his voice sounded strained and full of desperation, "you know, tonight it will of been exactly two years since we met" he said.
The tears Max had been struggling to hold back came rushing down her face in rivers. She hadn't even realized it. She knew that she should say know. That seeing him alone would just add to her pain, but she couldn't say no to him. Not when he had done so much for her. "Okay, I'll be there soon" she said quietly and hung up the phone. She slid down against the wall to the floor and brought her knees up to her chest. She gave herself a few moments to cry. She felt wrong, as though by seeing Logan she was betraying Alec. But it wasn't how she meant it. When she had met Logan, he had reawakened her to the world. She had felt new to it again. Fate had been cruel to keep them apart, but the blow had been softened by Alec. She cared deeply for Alec, and he made her feel happy and safe. Weather or not she loved him, she didn't know yet. but she did know that to be able to live a a happily ever after, she needed to have on more dinner at Logans. On more late night conversation. She dreamed of one more dance, of one more touch on her face, but this she knew she could not have.
Happily ever after. The thought stuck with her for a moment, and she shook her head. No, happily ever after was what happened in fairy tales. She had always wanted the Disney ending, but she wouldn't get it. Instead she got this weird warped x5 ending. But she could have a happily ever now, and make it last as long as possible. And no one would be able to take it way, she would have it with her forever. But before she could have the happy now, she had to have a meal with her first love. The love that showed her that a happily ever now was possible, even with out him.
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For the first time since she had met Logan, she knocked at his door. He answered the door quickly after she knocked, and smiled at her. She gathered up the strength inside herself to smile back. "Hey you" she said.
"Hey" he said back. He moved from the door so she could enter. She walked into his nice apartment, and looked around it. It smelled of cooking pasta. She breathed the scent in deeply, knowing that it may be the last time. She took in the site of his nice furniture, and expensive computer equipment. Logan led her over to his computer and brought up some pictures of a house.
"It's real old" he told her, "It's far out there to, so you don't have to worry about any neighbors or anything. There's a hospital not to far out of reach, so you don't have to worry if something happens with the baby" as he mentioned her unborn child his voice caught in his throat a little. "You'll need to find a doctor there that you can confide in. One you can trust." Max nodded in understanding. "It has three bedrooms, one bathroom a kitchen, and a living room. That should be enough space for you all. He showed her the pictures of the inside of the house. It really was old. Like a cottage she had scene in an old pre pulse movie. It was stone on the outside with flowers growing all around. There was a big field behind the house, with trees around it. The rooms, though not that large, were a comfortable size. She fell in love with the house as she looked at it. "The house does have electricity, though it's heating system isn't very good, so it will get cold in the winter.
"I want it" she said. "I want that house" she said again.
Logan nodded, "then you'll have it" he said. "I'm giving it to you, it's owned by my family, and was left to me." he told her.
Max shook her head, "Logan, I can't take this from you" she told him.
"Yes you can" he told her, "It has furniture and everything. It will save you allot of money, and allot of trouble. Think of it as a baby gift, or a going away gift, or a wedding present" he said quietly.
Wedding? For some reason the thought of living with Alec, and raising a child hadn't equaled marriage in her mind yet. Not that she was ruling the idea out, just it was to much to think of at the moment. She looked at Logan, his face was begging her to take the house, so she gave in and accepted, "Okay, but think of it as lending it to me. I'm coming back. I swear." she said.
Logan nodded, "Well, dinner should be about ready now" he told her. She smiled and followed him to the kitchen.
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The dinner was sitting in her stomach and she found herself strangely content sitting in Logans apartment. She had a hand resting on her stomach. She was studding her stomach, thinking about her small frame, and how pregnancy wouldn't be easy. "You think it will be different there?" she asked Logan, "Like, will they have all this technology and stuff since they were never hit by the pulse? Will people still care about other people there?" she asked Logan.
Logan shook his head, "I haven't been there since I was six" he said. He smiled at her "I don't know." he looked down again, and to break the science came up with something to say, "I'd offer you some pre pulse wine or something, but I guess your not allowed to drink or something" he said. Max smiled and nodded. She leaned back, listening to the soft song that was playing. She didn't recognize it, but the woman who was singing had a beautiful voice, and the song was hitting her heart.
What ravages of spirit
conjured this tempestuous rage
created you a monster
broken by the rules of love
and fate has lead you through it
you do what you have to do
and fate has led you through it
you do what you have to do ...
and I have the sense to recognize that
I don't know how to let you go
Logan appeared in front of her, and healed out a gloved hand. "Dance with me Max? just one last time?" he asked.
Max started at his hand in front of her. She knew that she shouldn't, that there was a million reasons that she couldn't, but she wanted to. She had thought that this would never happen again. And she saw no harm in letting it, as long as she was careful. Her own hands were already wearing gloves, like always. She reached out and placed her gloved hand in his, and stood up. They didn't stand to close, because there was to many reason not to. But they did dance. And they looked deeply into one another eyes, knowing that this really was the end. Max knew she was loosing him forever, she amy see him again, but not how she had wanted.
every moment marked
with apparitions of your soul
I'm ever swiftly moving
trying to escape this desire
the yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
the yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
but I have the sense to recognize
that I don't know how
to let you go
I don't know how
to let you go
a glowing ember
burning hot
burning slow
deep within I'm shaken by the violence
of existing for only you
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
and I have sense to recognize but
I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go
As the song came to a soft sad end, a thought occurred to Max. With the thought came sadness, but peace. The powers that be, or the blue lady, or whoever ruled her life had chosen a different path for her to go on. A harder path. Logan had been given to her to teach her to love. Teach her to trust, and to prepare her for the long path that lay ahead of her. He had given all those gifts. And above all he gave her his love in return. She could never repay him for all he had given her. She could only wish him a world of happiness.
"I love you Max" he was saying to her. "I know that we can't be together, but I want you to know that. And nothing will ever change that" he said.
Max looked up into his sad brown eyes and realized that there was something she could give to him. "The knowledge that though their time together was brief, and at an end, she loved him. "I love you" she said. Her voice choked over the words slightly, but Logan knew that they were true. And now it was time to do the hard part, "Thank you Logan. I hope you come to dinner. Good bye" she said, and she left. This good bye was the real good bye. She would see him again if he came to dinner, but not in the same way. As she left the apartment though, instead of feeling torn apart, she felt an odd sense of peace. And she knew that she had now started on her path of life.
A/n-Okay, I know this chapter came dangerously close to Logan/Max, but understand that it was not meant like that. It was supposed to be Max kind of realizing, that though she had loved Logan, she didn't belong with him, and he could never have any part in her life past friendship. I promise the next chapter will have More Max/Alec stuff. The next chapter will be the last chapter to take place in Seattle also. I feel like I'm kind of dragging this story out, but there is so many things left that I still want to put in, so it probably will go on for a while longer. I hope everyone is enjoying it, and I beg you all for more reviews :)
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Disclaimer-The song used in this chapter is 'do what you have to do', by Sarah Mclachlan
Max woke up in Alecs bed for the second day in a row. There was no sun this morning though. It was gray and raining, Max felt cold and sick to her stomach. She moaned as she felt bile raise in her throat and ran to the bath room, throwing up in the toilet. She flushed the toilet and went over to the sink to brush her teeth, washing away the foul taste. She looked up at her reflection in the mirror. She hated what she saw. Her face looked pale, and worn. She felt awful.
"Max, are you okay?" Came Zacks voice with a knock at the door.
"I'm fine" she called out to him. She splashed some water on her face, rinsing some sweat away, and came out of the bath room. Zack was drinking a glass of water, wearing only his boxers, not caring for modesty. He smiled at her as she came out, she returned the smile in full. Zacks smiles were few and far between. But when he did smile, his whole face softened, his jaw unclenched and he looked beautiful. Memories of being with Zack and Ben, laughing over one of Ens stupid jokes flew through her mind. Max always laughed at them, even when she didn't think they were funny, she had to laugh when Ben did. Zack would hold out for a while though, trying to keep the strait face. But every now and then he would give in and laugh. It was always nice being with Ben at Manticore, he made the whole awful environment a little less horrible.
"Max?" Zack said. She could tell by his tone that he had been talking to her and she had spaced out.
"I'm sorry Zack, what did you say?" she asked him.
"I said don't you and Alec need to be getting off to work" Zack repeated.
"Oh, um yeah" Max said. She resisted the urge to groan, she didn't want to go to work today, but she should. She needed to get her pay check, and she needed to tell Normal she quit. Besides, one last day delivering her packages could be comforting in a strange way. She went onto Alecs room, their room now, and got extremely annoyed to find that Alec was still asleep. She sat down on the bed next to him and brushed some hair out of his face. She then pinched his nose between her thumb and index finger, cutting off his breathing.
His eyes popped open his mouth opened taking a deep breath. Max removed her hand and smiled down at him. "I can't believe you, your such a wimp. It used to take Ben and Zack over twice as long to wake up from that" she told him.
He glared at her, "What an annoying little sister you must of been" he said to her while climbing out of bed. He yawned and stretched a bit, then dropped to the floor and started doing push ups.
"Are you kidding? They loved me" she said, "I can't believe your doing push ups first thing in the morning, is this like some kind of ritual of yours? should I get used to it?" she asked him. She went over to where her suit case was and grabbed out a pair of jeans and a long sleeve black shirt.
What can I say, old habits die hard" Alec said. He did a few more push ups before going over to his dresser and pulling out a pair of brown corduroys and a blue T-shirt. "So after I finish my runs today, I'm going to see if your around Jam pony, to say good bye. After that I'm heading back here to grab my bag, and Zack. After that, we're off. I estimate we'll be gone for three days, at the most. Three days of me and Zack," he stopped getting dressed for a moment and looked off into space, looking a little disturbed, "Just me and Zack. I changed my mind Max, I don't want to go" he told her.
"Why would you not want to be with Zack? he's great" Max said. Alec simply looked at her and blinked. "Oh come on Alec, he's nice really, he's never been real mean to me" she said.
"He loves you. Me, I'm just the guy who knocked up his baby sister. I'll be lucky if he doesn't kill me" Alec whined.
"I'll talk to him before we leave, tell him not to bully you" Max told him. "And when you said love, you better of meant brotherly love, 'cause if you were implying anything, I'll kick your ass" Max said.
Alec shook his head, " Just listen to yourself, 'I'm gonna kick your ass' honestly, I don't know how I ended up with a woman who is so un feminine." Alec said mocking her.
"Simple, you thought with little Alec instead of your brain, and now your stuck with me. Now get over this whole distaste for the tough chick thing, because I'm not changing anytime soon. Besides, I don't think you'd like me if I wasn't the way I was" she said.
Alec came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. He lifted her off the ground a few inches and buried his face in her neck. She humored him and allowed him to hold her for a moment. He put her down and turned her so she was facing him, "Don't ever change" he said to her.
"I wasn't planing on it" she told him, "Now go put your shirt on, I'm gonna go have a quick chat with Zack" she said. He smiled at her and nodded. She exited the room.
Zack was bent over looking in the refrigerator when Max came out of the room. He now had a pair of jeans on, but his shirt was still off. He heard her enter the room and looked up at her, "Hey Max do you think Alec has a shirt I can borrow, I spilt juice on mine" he said.
Max tried not to laugh at the image of Zack spilling anything on himself. "Um, yeah I'm sure he'll be okay with it" Max said. "Hey Zack, listen, you behave with Alec. Play nice okay?" she said.
"I'll be good" he said.. "If I'm gonna be staying with you guys for a while, then I might as well get along with him" he said. Max raised her eyebrow at him, knowing that he wouldn't usually care about getting along with any one. "Hey, I promise I'll be nice okay?" he told her.
"Okay" she said. She walked over to the kitchen and grabbed a box of pop tarts out of the cabinet. She put two in the toaster, one for her, and one for Zack.
"You take care of your self while I'm gone, okay" Zack said looking at her.
"Zack, I'm all grown up now, I can take care of myself, I've been doing it for a while now" she said annoyed.
Zack raised an eyebrow at her, "Oh, and what a fine job you've been doing of that" he said motioning to her stomach. She glared at him for a moment. But her put an affectionate arm around her shoulders and pulled her to him, "Just be careful 'kay?" he said smiling down at her.
"Okay, I'll behave here, and you behave with Alec" Max said. She leaned her head on him for a moment before pulling away. Alec came out of his room, hair now brushed, and body now fully clothed. "Hey Alec, Zack needs to borrow a shirt okay?" Max asked.
"No problem buddy, my clothes are your clothes" he said. he walked into the kitchen as the pop tarts popped up in the toaster. "Oooo, breakfast is ready and everything. Your so good to me Max" he said.
Max slapped his hand way from the food, "Sorry, those are for me and Zack" she said. She grabbed them, handing one to Zack, and keeping one for herself.
Alec sulked as he realized that there was no pop tarts left. "I invite you both into my home, give you beds to sleep him, and this is how you repay me" he said shaking his head a little.
"I'll get you a muffin on the way to work" Max said to him. He looked up and smiled. He grabbed her by the waist and kissed her. Max kissed him back to. A part of her brain was thinking about how it was kind of funny that she was pregnant with his child, had spent the past few nights in his bed, and was going to spend her life with him, yet she still felt weird kissing him. Not that she didn't enjoy it, but, everything with Alec just felt strange, it was still so new. She pulled back from him after a moment, "Put your shoes on" she said, and he obediently went to the couch and put his boots on.
Max quickly ate her pop tart, then put her own shoes on. She put on her Jean jacket and stood impatiently by the door waiting for Alec to finish brushing his teeth. She looked at Zack, who was standing by the window, looking out at the gray morning, and walked over to him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and tightly hugged him. "I'll see you in three days big brother" she said.
He smiled down at her as Alec came out of the bathroom, "Okay let's leave Max" he said. She followed him out the door and they went to work.
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Max walked in the door to the apartment, a bag of groceries in one arm. She turned on the light, and looked down at the ground, a little sad. Alec, being the golden boy, always got less deliveries. So of course he finished a while before her. So she missed him, and didn't get to say good bye. Se flipped the light on and shut the door. She went into the kitchen and set the bag down. She smiled as she saw a book on the counter. It was blue, and was decorated with rattles and bottles. It was called, 'Parenting for new parents, from pregnancy to toddlers'.
She opened up the book and a note fell out, it was from Alec, It read;
-Max,
Sorry I missed you, but I found this book and thought you might enjoy reading it while I was gone. I Hope this is what you were talking about, they had shelves full of books so it was hard to choose. Anyway, some where in the house we have hidden another book for you. An actual novel. Zack bought it. He said that Mary (the woman who owned the ranch with her husband) was always talking about it. But you'll have to search the house to find it. I Thought it would be amusing. Well, for me any ways. It's really more for you to read when your belly gets all big and you don't feel like moving much. Well, I don't want to turn this note into a big long ramble, so I'll end it here. I'll give you a call as soon as I get the chance. OC should be there soon. go out tonight with her, it might make you feel better.
Love ya
-Alec
Max put the note down on the counter and began to put away the groceries. It didn't take her long to see that Alec ate nothing but junk food. His kitchen was full of chips, sugary cereals, and, chocolate. He had things like microwave burritos, and hot pockets in his freezer, and the frige was full of left over pizza, and beer. The most healthy thing he had was chocolate milk. And he probably only had that around in case he got seizures. She had gotten some real food. She bought fruit, and vegetables, and orange juice. She loaded the fridge with tofu, and regular milk, along with some stuff she had bought for a dinner.
She thought they should all sit down for a nice meal before they left. It would be a good bye thing, Oc, Zack, Alec, Joshua, and even Logan if he wanted to come. They were the dearest people in her life, and she wanted to have them all together one last time. She leaned against the counter an her elbows and put her face in her hands. She tried to hold back the tears that came up at the thought. They were leaving everything. Bringing only what they could pack. They would just abandon all their things. Maybe sell the tv. Yes they should sell the tv. That could bring them some more money.
And the stereo system. Alec had allot of nice things, which made Max mad in a way. Many of his things he had stolen, and many of the others belonged to Brain. She had been a little upset when he had just taken over the apartment like that, after he died. But, he didn't live there anymore so it didn't matter.
Max began to look around the apartment, partly to find this book Alec had written about, and partly to see what they could sell. She didn't see anything else that she thought would bring them much money, and she couldn't find the book. She sat down on the couch frustrated. After a moment the phone rang, and she rushed to answer it, thinking it must be Alec, "Hello" she said.
"Hi Max" the voice that said her name so gentle and tenderly was not the voice of Alec, but that of Logan.
Max closed her eyes at the pain of hearing his voice. She felt as though she had a deep gash in her stomach that had been struggling to heal, only to be ripped open before it got the chance. "Hi Logan" she said. Her voice cracked a little over his name, as she struggled not to cry.
"Max, I have some news for you. I found a place for you guys in Ireland. I still can't believe your leaving for Ireland. Any ways, I thought that maybe you could come over and I could show it to you, there's a picture. And there's a few other possibilities. I thought I could cook you dinner, you know, one last time" his voice sounded strained and full of desperation, "you know, tonight it will of been exactly two years since we met" he said.
The tears Max had been struggling to hold back came rushing down her face in rivers. She hadn't even realized it. She knew that she should say know. That seeing him alone would just add to her pain, but she couldn't say no to him. Not when he had done so much for her. "Okay, I'll be there soon" she said quietly and hung up the phone. She slid down against the wall to the floor and brought her knees up to her chest. She gave herself a few moments to cry. She felt wrong, as though by seeing Logan she was betraying Alec. But it wasn't how she meant it. When she had met Logan, he had reawakened her to the world. She had felt new to it again. Fate had been cruel to keep them apart, but the blow had been softened by Alec. She cared deeply for Alec, and he made her feel happy and safe. Weather or not she loved him, she didn't know yet. but she did know that to be able to live a a happily ever after, she needed to have on more dinner at Logans. On more late night conversation. She dreamed of one more dance, of one more touch on her face, but this she knew she could not have.
Happily ever after. The thought stuck with her for a moment, and she shook her head. No, happily ever after was what happened in fairy tales. She had always wanted the Disney ending, but she wouldn't get it. Instead she got this weird warped x5 ending. But she could have a happily ever now, and make it last as long as possible. And no one would be able to take it way, she would have it with her forever. But before she could have the happy now, she had to have a meal with her first love. The love that showed her that a happily ever now was possible, even with out him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For the first time since she had met Logan, she knocked at his door. He answered the door quickly after she knocked, and smiled at her. She gathered up the strength inside herself to smile back. "Hey you" she said.
"Hey" he said back. He moved from the door so she could enter. She walked into his nice apartment, and looked around it. It smelled of cooking pasta. She breathed the scent in deeply, knowing that it may be the last time. She took in the site of his nice furniture, and expensive computer equipment. Logan led her over to his computer and brought up some pictures of a house.
"It's real old" he told her, "It's far out there to, so you don't have to worry about any neighbors or anything. There's a hospital not to far out of reach, so you don't have to worry if something happens with the baby" as he mentioned her unborn child his voice caught in his throat a little. "You'll need to find a doctor there that you can confide in. One you can trust." Max nodded in understanding. "It has three bedrooms, one bathroom a kitchen, and a living room. That should be enough space for you all. He showed her the pictures of the inside of the house. It really was old. Like a cottage she had scene in an old pre pulse movie. It was stone on the outside with flowers growing all around. There was a big field behind the house, with trees around it. The rooms, though not that large, were a comfortable size. She fell in love with the house as she looked at it. "The house does have electricity, though it's heating system isn't very good, so it will get cold in the winter.
"I want it" she said. "I want that house" she said again.
Logan nodded, "then you'll have it" he said. "I'm giving it to you, it's owned by my family, and was left to me." he told her.
Max shook her head, "Logan, I can't take this from you" she told him.
"Yes you can" he told her, "It has furniture and everything. It will save you allot of money, and allot of trouble. Think of it as a baby gift, or a going away gift, or a wedding present" he said quietly.
Wedding? For some reason the thought of living with Alec, and raising a child hadn't equaled marriage in her mind yet. Not that she was ruling the idea out, just it was to much to think of at the moment. She looked at Logan, his face was begging her to take the house, so she gave in and accepted, "Okay, but think of it as lending it to me. I'm coming back. I swear." she said.
Logan nodded, "Well, dinner should be about ready now" he told her. She smiled and followed him to the kitchen.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The dinner was sitting in her stomach and she found herself strangely content sitting in Logans apartment. She had a hand resting on her stomach. She was studding her stomach, thinking about her small frame, and how pregnancy wouldn't be easy. "You think it will be different there?" she asked Logan, "Like, will they have all this technology and stuff since they were never hit by the pulse? Will people still care about other people there?" she asked Logan.
Logan shook his head, "I haven't been there since I was six" he said. He smiled at her "I don't know." he looked down again, and to break the science came up with something to say, "I'd offer you some pre pulse wine or something, but I guess your not allowed to drink or something" he said. Max smiled and nodded. She leaned back, listening to the soft song that was playing. She didn't recognize it, but the woman who was singing had a beautiful voice, and the song was hitting her heart.
What ravages of spirit
conjured this tempestuous rage
created you a monster
broken by the rules of love
and fate has lead you through it
you do what you have to do
and fate has led you through it
you do what you have to do ...
and I have the sense to recognize that
I don't know how to let you go
Logan appeared in front of her, and healed out a gloved hand. "Dance with me Max? just one last time?" he asked.
Max started at his hand in front of her. She knew that she shouldn't, that there was a million reasons that she couldn't, but she wanted to. She had thought that this would never happen again. And she saw no harm in letting it, as long as she was careful. Her own hands were already wearing gloves, like always. She reached out and placed her gloved hand in his, and stood up. They didn't stand to close, because there was to many reason not to. But they did dance. And they looked deeply into one another eyes, knowing that this really was the end. Max knew she was loosing him forever, she amy see him again, but not how she had wanted.
every moment marked
with apparitions of your soul
I'm ever swiftly moving
trying to escape this desire
the yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
the yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
but I have the sense to recognize
that I don't know how
to let you go
I don't know how
to let you go
a glowing ember
burning hot
burning slow
deep within I'm shaken by the violence
of existing for only you
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
and I have sense to recognize but
I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go
As the song came to a soft sad end, a thought occurred to Max. With the thought came sadness, but peace. The powers that be, or the blue lady, or whoever ruled her life had chosen a different path for her to go on. A harder path. Logan had been given to her to teach her to love. Teach her to trust, and to prepare her for the long path that lay ahead of her. He had given all those gifts. And above all he gave her his love in return. She could never repay him for all he had given her. She could only wish him a world of happiness.
"I love you Max" he was saying to her. "I know that we can't be together, but I want you to know that. And nothing will ever change that" he said.
Max looked up into his sad brown eyes and realized that there was something she could give to him. "The knowledge that though their time together was brief, and at an end, she loved him. "I love you" she said. Her voice choked over the words slightly, but Logan knew that they were true. And now it was time to do the hard part, "Thank you Logan. I hope you come to dinner. Good bye" she said, and she left. This good bye was the real good bye. She would see him again if he came to dinner, but not in the same way. As she left the apartment though, instead of feeling torn apart, she felt an odd sense of peace. And she knew that she had now started on her path of life.
A/n-Okay, I know this chapter came dangerously close to Logan/Max, but understand that it was not meant like that. It was supposed to be Max kind of realizing, that though she had loved Logan, she didn't belong with him, and he could never have any part in her life past friendship. I promise the next chapter will have More Max/Alec stuff. The next chapter will be the last chapter to take place in Seattle also. I feel like I'm kind of dragging this story out, but there is so many things left that I still want to put in, so it probably will go on for a while longer. I hope everyone is enjoying it, and I beg you all for more reviews :)
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