Chapter 20............ Awake
Max actually gasped when Ben said her name. He said it with such love, such tenderness, like he had always said her name before.....
She blinked, and a tear fell down her face, she sniffed. She was on the verge of laughing hysterically, or breaking down completely. He was still looking up at her, that old boyish smile still softly playing on his face, but she couldn't say anything. She didn't know what to do. She still had his hand in hers, and she squeezed it tightly. She felt Zack closer behind her, her back was touching his chest now, and she thanked the gods that he was there with her.
"Ben" Zack said after it was made clear that max wasn't going to say anything anytime soon. "Are you all right?" he asked it in his old big brother/soldier way.
Ben looked at Zack like he had just now seen him. "Zack" he said, "I'm fine, except my head hurts, and my neck hurts" Max shrank back in guilt at this statement. she wondered if he remembered what happened, "My whole body hurts actually" he said. He brought his free hand up to his face and rubbed his eyes. He looked at Max again, "Maxie, your hurting my hand" he told her.
Max realized she was squeezing his hand very tight, and quickly let go. "I'm sorry, I-I didn't mean to" she said. She felt the guilt of what had happened in the woods almost two years ago weigh down on her more then ever. And now she was hurting him. Zack put a hand on her shoulder, reminding her not to freak out.
Ben scooted up on the bed, into a sitting position, and his attention was drawn to Alec for the first time. Alec was standing in the corner, whispering into Morgaines's ear, and rubbing her back, trying not to be noticed. "That's a little weird" Ben said looking at Alec.
Max turned and looked at Alec, trying to see him how Ben was. She wondered how she would react if she had just lost nearly two years of her life, and saw some one who looked exactly like her in the room. She couldn't begin to understand what was going through his mind. She walked over to Alec and put a hand on his arm. "Ben, this is Alec, your Manticore twin brother" she said.
Alec cleared his throat, "Uh.. hi." he said shifting awkwardly.
"And who's the baby?" Ben said crossing his arms. Max almost laughed at this. He looked like Zack, sitting there with a concerned big brother look. This was all so strange. This was how she had always pictured meeting Ben again. Before she actually did. and now, now she didn't know what he remembered, she didn't know how he was alive, and she didn't know if he was still crazy.
But he seemed okay. There was currently no sign of the lost boy in a killers body. "The baby is mine" Max said. Alec cleared his throat and looked at her. "And Alec's" she said it so softly, that had Ben not had enhanced hearing, he might not of been able to hear. But he did, and a look of confusion crossed is face. His brow furrowed, and his body visibly tensed as he gave Alec an unaprooveing stare. "We're a, kind of married" she told Ben.
"Well, I honestly don't know what to say" Ben said. He continued to glare at Alec, then turned his gaze to Zack, "You let this happen?" he asked.
Zack gave him a look, "I was on a farm with amnesia, I swear" he said. Ben looked even more confused.
"Can I have a moment alone with Ben?" Max said upset at the idea that Zack could control her.
"You mean I get to leave?" Alec said smiling. His smile quickly turned into a frown as Max gave him a threatening look. She hit his shoulder hard, and pointed at the door. Alec walked out with the expression of a scolded puppy.
Zack looked a little more reluctant to leave. But after a few moments of that same warning look from Max, he nodded and left. Max went over to the bed and sat on the edge, facing him. "You okay Maxie?" Ben asked, a look of concern on his face.
Max shook her head. "Am I okay? Am I okay? The question is Ben, are you okay" she said frustrated that he was acting so, so.... Well he wasn't acting like he had gone crazy, killed a bunch of people, and died, kind of, and was unconscious in a hospital bed for almost two years.
"I already said, I'm fine" Ben stated simply, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Fine. FINE he says" Max said. "How could you possibly be fine? Ben, do you remember anything?" she asked, her voice a little louder then necessary. Ben looked down for a moment then nodded. "Ben I killed you. I know I did" she began to cry again as she voiced what had been running through her mind this whole time. "I snapped you neck, I heard it crack. Ben I killed you and you died in my arms. And now suddenly your back, and everything is fine? How Ben? How is everything fine?" she cried.
"Well Max, I think it goes with out saying that I'm not dead, so you obviously didn't kill me" Ben said. Max was shaking her head still. "Max look at me, I'm here, alive. Listen I can't explain it either. I thought I was dead also. Until I woke up with an awful pain in my neck, in some ware house With Lydecker" Ben said. He was still looking down, at his hands.
"And then what?" Max said after Ben stopped talking for a while. She looked at him, he moved his hand out and put it over hers, but still didn't look up.
"Then he asked me where you were. So I said that you were way out of reach of his weasely hands. So then I asked him where I was, but he wouldn't tell me. But he did say that he would find you any ways, and that I wouldn't be able to help you when he did. So I of course started attacking him, telling him that he would be dead first" He paused for a moment, and finally looked at her. "I couldn't let him take you Max" he said. "But, I had over estimated myself, apparently I was still weak or something. Any ways there was this big dramatic thing with Lydecker telling me how he didn't want to hurt me, then he called me insane, then I felt more pain in my neck, then I felt a needle driving into my arm. Next thing I know......" he let his sentence trail off, and motioned his arm around the room.
Max couldn't believe how calm he was acting about all of this. This whole thing was just unbelievable. And she knew that she still couldn't be sure that he was okay. He had killed people. Lots of people. "Ben," she started slowly, this next part was going to be hard to say, but it needed to be said, "You killed" her words came out in an almost whisper.
Ben looked down again wouldn't look up for a long moment. When he did, there was a small tear forming in the corner of his eye. She remembered this. It was deja vu. This was the exact expression he had gotten in the space needle, when he had broken down. "I was just trying to please her" he said, his voice had gone back to that of a boys.
"But Ben, it was wrong. You know that right?" she was being harsh. And she knew it, but she didn't know what else to do. A part of her had broken that day that she 'killed Ben', and that part of her was coming back now. He nodded his head, and she squeezed his hand tightly. This wasn't over, she still had so many things to talk about with him. He was Ben, more of Ben then he had been before, but he was still weak, unstable. Not that she was one to talk, she wasn't too mentally stable herself.
But right now, she hardly even cared. He was back, and that made everything that was wrong in her life right. She reached her hand out and cupped his face, "I can't believe you're back" she said.
He put his hand over her hand that rested on his face, and he moved it down so that he was now holding both her hands in his lap. He pulled her to him, and she rested her head against his chest. She pulled her legs up on the bed, laying down on the bed next to him, in a peaceful state. And for a while, she allowed herself to be the young child again, living a life of hell, that all went away when she slept in her brothers arms. "Max," Ben said after a while "just out of curiosity, how did you come about marrying a man who looks just like me?"
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Zack nervously tapped his fingers on the small end table next to the chair in the hall out side of Ben's room. Alec stood with the baby, who was letting out some small cries. He was walking back and forth, rubbing her back, and quietly humming a song into her ear. Alec looked up at the clock, Ben and Max had been alone in the room for nearing twenty minutes now. He wanted to go in, see what was happening.
"I think the baby might want her mommy" Alec said to Zack. He silently thought to himself that it was strange hearing words like mommy coming out of Alec's mouth. But he looked up at him. Alec was currently looking at the door, contemplating whether or not to just walk in and tell Max her baby needed her.
"She needs time alone with him" Zack said, his tone emotionless. Alec glared at him for a moment.
"Well Morgana needs to be with her. And so do I. Don't get me wrong, it's great that you guys have your brother back, but she still has a husband and a child" Alec said sternly, "She's had plenty of time with him" he opened the door and went in.
He was taken aback by the sight that hit him. Max was on the bed lying down, her eyes closed, head resting on Ben's chest. Ben was stroking her hair slowly. He had been saying something before Alec came in, but he stopped talking when Alec entered. "Max, your husband is here" Ben's voice brushed over the word husband with a tone that could only be described as distaste.
Max opened her eyes, as if waking out of a trance, though Alec was quite certain she wasn't asleep. She lifted up her head, and looked up at him, "something wrong?" she asked.
Something wrong? of course something was wrong. His wife, mother of his child was lying in a bed with another man, who looked just like him. He didn't know what to think. He tried to tell himself that Ben was just a brother to her. But jealousy was tickling the back of hi brain, tempting him into believing it was more. Morgaine, let out a few more sobs, reminding Alec why he had come in the first place, "Morgana wants you I think" he said softly, wishing that he had listened to Zack and waited.
"Oh, yeah, bring her here" Max said softly. She had really felt like a young child again for a while, telling Ben about Alec, and how they had come to be, (leaving out the insanity part).
Alec walked over and almost reluctantly handed Max the baby. The way she was lying there, she looked so young. And Alec wasn't sure he wanted Ben to be around the baby. He was after all a psychotic killer, in Alecs eyes any ways. Because of Ben, Alec had to spend six months in psy obs. He could not forgive him for that. Max and Zack didn't understand, to them, this was there long lost favorite brother, they just assumed that since Alec was related he would also be happy to have Ben. He didn't even know Ben. Well, nothing good about him. To Alec, Ben was just some stranger who was stealing his new family away from him after being awake for half an hour.
But As Max began to speak tender words to her child, rubbing her back, and cooing, she began look less like a child, and more like a mother... Well not like a mother, but not like a child.
Alec felt uncomfortable, and he noticed that Ben was looking at him. There was a look in is eye, not a friendly one either. Not really a crazy one though. It was quite similar to the look Zack had had at first, shortly after he had found out that he was responsible for getting Max pregnant. He shifted on his feet feeling out of place. Ben was still looking at him. "What?" he asked after a moment. He didn't like people to stare at him.
"How long have you known Max?" Ben asked. "How did you meet her?"
"Umm.. about two years I guess, a little less" Alec said. He didn't really want to answer the second part. They hadn't really met under the best conditions. "We met back at Manticore" he finally said, hopping that Ben wouldn't ask anymore about it.
At the word Manticore, a new look came across Ben's face. Alec couldn't read it well, fear maybe? Anger, regret? It left his features too quickly for Alec to tell. Ben turned and looked at Max, "Manticore?" he asked slowly. The word came out slowly, forced almost. His voice was steady, but it was obvious that he was trying hard to keep it so.
"Burned to the ground, by yours truly" She said smiling. Ben smiled at this, and let out a small noise, it could of been a laugh, a sigh of relief, or a noise of disbelief.
"Okay, tell me everything that happened" Ben said. His voice remained quiet, with the forced tone.
Max shook her head, "Latter" she said. Ben nodded. Max didn't want to talk about Manticore with Ben, she wanted him to forget that it ever existed. That he was ever there. "You know, I just realized something. I married my brothers twin brother" she said trying to change the subject to a lighter note.
"He's not really your brother Max. Just because you grew up together and called each other brother and sister, doesn't mean your related" Alec said. He didn't like the whole prospect of the idea of Ben and Max being brother and sister. It was weird. "And, I'm not really his brother either. I never met him before this, plus he's like my clone or something, not my brother" he added.
"Maybe your the clone, what's your designation?" Ben asked.
"Me?" Alec asked in mock shock, putting a hand to his chest. "How could I be a clone. I have more personality. I'm way better looking, and well, come on. There is no way that I'm a clone" he stated.
"His designation is 494, he'd be the clone. But I personally don't think you're clones. You're way to different" Max said. "Oh, and Alec, your not way better looking, you guys look exactly alike, except the hair" she commented.
Alec shook his head. "We don't look anything alike" he continued to insist. Max shook her head. "Well, nice to meet you Ben. Max, I think Zack is going to die if you don't let him in, so can I tell him to come on in?" Alec said changing the subject. Max nodded her head, dismissing Alec from the room.
Alec walked out and sat in the chair outside of Ben's room. "You can go in now" he said to Zack. Zack jumped out of his seat, and walked into the room. He rested his head on his hand, and sat alone. She was wrong. He didn't look like Ben. He didn't look like Ben at all. And he didn't sound like Ben, or walk like Ben, or talk like Ben. He wasn't anything like Ben. Ben was crazy. Alec, was not.
Of course, that didn't seem to hit the rest of them. Ben was in there right now. With his wife. With his child. And with his brother...... Alec shook his head, surprised at his own thought, of Zack, as his brother. It was over in a minute though. This wasn't fair. This was his family now, and Ben was taking them away from him.
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Max actually gasped when Ben said her name. He said it with such love, such tenderness, like he had always said her name before.....
She blinked, and a tear fell down her face, she sniffed. She was on the verge of laughing hysterically, or breaking down completely. He was still looking up at her, that old boyish smile still softly playing on his face, but she couldn't say anything. She didn't know what to do. She still had his hand in hers, and she squeezed it tightly. She felt Zack closer behind her, her back was touching his chest now, and she thanked the gods that he was there with her.
"Ben" Zack said after it was made clear that max wasn't going to say anything anytime soon. "Are you all right?" he asked it in his old big brother/soldier way.
Ben looked at Zack like he had just now seen him. "Zack" he said, "I'm fine, except my head hurts, and my neck hurts" Max shrank back in guilt at this statement. she wondered if he remembered what happened, "My whole body hurts actually" he said. He brought his free hand up to his face and rubbed his eyes. He looked at Max again, "Maxie, your hurting my hand" he told her.
Max realized she was squeezing his hand very tight, and quickly let go. "I'm sorry, I-I didn't mean to" she said. She felt the guilt of what had happened in the woods almost two years ago weigh down on her more then ever. And now she was hurting him. Zack put a hand on her shoulder, reminding her not to freak out.
Ben scooted up on the bed, into a sitting position, and his attention was drawn to Alec for the first time. Alec was standing in the corner, whispering into Morgaines's ear, and rubbing her back, trying not to be noticed. "That's a little weird" Ben said looking at Alec.
Max turned and looked at Alec, trying to see him how Ben was. She wondered how she would react if she had just lost nearly two years of her life, and saw some one who looked exactly like her in the room. She couldn't begin to understand what was going through his mind. She walked over to Alec and put a hand on his arm. "Ben, this is Alec, your Manticore twin brother" she said.
Alec cleared his throat, "Uh.. hi." he said shifting awkwardly.
"And who's the baby?" Ben said crossing his arms. Max almost laughed at this. He looked like Zack, sitting there with a concerned big brother look. This was all so strange. This was how she had always pictured meeting Ben again. Before she actually did. and now, now she didn't know what he remembered, she didn't know how he was alive, and she didn't know if he was still crazy.
But he seemed okay. There was currently no sign of the lost boy in a killers body. "The baby is mine" Max said. Alec cleared his throat and looked at her. "And Alec's" she said it so softly, that had Ben not had enhanced hearing, he might not of been able to hear. But he did, and a look of confusion crossed is face. His brow furrowed, and his body visibly tensed as he gave Alec an unaprooveing stare. "We're a, kind of married" she told Ben.
"Well, I honestly don't know what to say" Ben said. He continued to glare at Alec, then turned his gaze to Zack, "You let this happen?" he asked.
Zack gave him a look, "I was on a farm with amnesia, I swear" he said. Ben looked even more confused.
"Can I have a moment alone with Ben?" Max said upset at the idea that Zack could control her.
"You mean I get to leave?" Alec said smiling. His smile quickly turned into a frown as Max gave him a threatening look. She hit his shoulder hard, and pointed at the door. Alec walked out with the expression of a scolded puppy.
Zack looked a little more reluctant to leave. But after a few moments of that same warning look from Max, he nodded and left. Max went over to the bed and sat on the edge, facing him. "You okay Maxie?" Ben asked, a look of concern on his face.
Max shook her head. "Am I okay? Am I okay? The question is Ben, are you okay" she said frustrated that he was acting so, so.... Well he wasn't acting like he had gone crazy, killed a bunch of people, and died, kind of, and was unconscious in a hospital bed for almost two years.
"I already said, I'm fine" Ben stated simply, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Fine. FINE he says" Max said. "How could you possibly be fine? Ben, do you remember anything?" she asked, her voice a little louder then necessary. Ben looked down for a moment then nodded. "Ben I killed you. I know I did" she began to cry again as she voiced what had been running through her mind this whole time. "I snapped you neck, I heard it crack. Ben I killed you and you died in my arms. And now suddenly your back, and everything is fine? How Ben? How is everything fine?" she cried.
"Well Max, I think it goes with out saying that I'm not dead, so you obviously didn't kill me" Ben said. Max was shaking her head still. "Max look at me, I'm here, alive. Listen I can't explain it either. I thought I was dead also. Until I woke up with an awful pain in my neck, in some ware house With Lydecker" Ben said. He was still looking down, at his hands.
"And then what?" Max said after Ben stopped talking for a while. She looked at him, he moved his hand out and put it over hers, but still didn't look up.
"Then he asked me where you were. So I said that you were way out of reach of his weasely hands. So then I asked him where I was, but he wouldn't tell me. But he did say that he would find you any ways, and that I wouldn't be able to help you when he did. So I of course started attacking him, telling him that he would be dead first" He paused for a moment, and finally looked at her. "I couldn't let him take you Max" he said. "But, I had over estimated myself, apparently I was still weak or something. Any ways there was this big dramatic thing with Lydecker telling me how he didn't want to hurt me, then he called me insane, then I felt more pain in my neck, then I felt a needle driving into my arm. Next thing I know......" he let his sentence trail off, and motioned his arm around the room.
Max couldn't believe how calm he was acting about all of this. This whole thing was just unbelievable. And she knew that she still couldn't be sure that he was okay. He had killed people. Lots of people. "Ben," she started slowly, this next part was going to be hard to say, but it needed to be said, "You killed" her words came out in an almost whisper.
Ben looked down again wouldn't look up for a long moment. When he did, there was a small tear forming in the corner of his eye. She remembered this. It was deja vu. This was the exact expression he had gotten in the space needle, when he had broken down. "I was just trying to please her" he said, his voice had gone back to that of a boys.
"But Ben, it was wrong. You know that right?" she was being harsh. And she knew it, but she didn't know what else to do. A part of her had broken that day that she 'killed Ben', and that part of her was coming back now. He nodded his head, and she squeezed his hand tightly. This wasn't over, she still had so many things to talk about with him. He was Ben, more of Ben then he had been before, but he was still weak, unstable. Not that she was one to talk, she wasn't too mentally stable herself.
But right now, she hardly even cared. He was back, and that made everything that was wrong in her life right. She reached her hand out and cupped his face, "I can't believe you're back" she said.
He put his hand over her hand that rested on his face, and he moved it down so that he was now holding both her hands in his lap. He pulled her to him, and she rested her head against his chest. She pulled her legs up on the bed, laying down on the bed next to him, in a peaceful state. And for a while, she allowed herself to be the young child again, living a life of hell, that all went away when she slept in her brothers arms. "Max," Ben said after a while "just out of curiosity, how did you come about marrying a man who looks just like me?"
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Zack nervously tapped his fingers on the small end table next to the chair in the hall out side of Ben's room. Alec stood with the baby, who was letting out some small cries. He was walking back and forth, rubbing her back, and quietly humming a song into her ear. Alec looked up at the clock, Ben and Max had been alone in the room for nearing twenty minutes now. He wanted to go in, see what was happening.
"I think the baby might want her mommy" Alec said to Zack. He silently thought to himself that it was strange hearing words like mommy coming out of Alec's mouth. But he looked up at him. Alec was currently looking at the door, contemplating whether or not to just walk in and tell Max her baby needed her.
"She needs time alone with him" Zack said, his tone emotionless. Alec glared at him for a moment.
"Well Morgana needs to be with her. And so do I. Don't get me wrong, it's great that you guys have your brother back, but she still has a husband and a child" Alec said sternly, "She's had plenty of time with him" he opened the door and went in.
He was taken aback by the sight that hit him. Max was on the bed lying down, her eyes closed, head resting on Ben's chest. Ben was stroking her hair slowly. He had been saying something before Alec came in, but he stopped talking when Alec entered. "Max, your husband is here" Ben's voice brushed over the word husband with a tone that could only be described as distaste.
Max opened her eyes, as if waking out of a trance, though Alec was quite certain she wasn't asleep. She lifted up her head, and looked up at him, "something wrong?" she asked.
Something wrong? of course something was wrong. His wife, mother of his child was lying in a bed with another man, who looked just like him. He didn't know what to think. He tried to tell himself that Ben was just a brother to her. But jealousy was tickling the back of hi brain, tempting him into believing it was more. Morgaine, let out a few more sobs, reminding Alec why he had come in the first place, "Morgana wants you I think" he said softly, wishing that he had listened to Zack and waited.
"Oh, yeah, bring her here" Max said softly. She had really felt like a young child again for a while, telling Ben about Alec, and how they had come to be, (leaving out the insanity part).
Alec walked over and almost reluctantly handed Max the baby. The way she was lying there, she looked so young. And Alec wasn't sure he wanted Ben to be around the baby. He was after all a psychotic killer, in Alecs eyes any ways. Because of Ben, Alec had to spend six months in psy obs. He could not forgive him for that. Max and Zack didn't understand, to them, this was there long lost favorite brother, they just assumed that since Alec was related he would also be happy to have Ben. He didn't even know Ben. Well, nothing good about him. To Alec, Ben was just some stranger who was stealing his new family away from him after being awake for half an hour.
But As Max began to speak tender words to her child, rubbing her back, and cooing, she began look less like a child, and more like a mother... Well not like a mother, but not like a child.
Alec felt uncomfortable, and he noticed that Ben was looking at him. There was a look in is eye, not a friendly one either. Not really a crazy one though. It was quite similar to the look Zack had had at first, shortly after he had found out that he was responsible for getting Max pregnant. He shifted on his feet feeling out of place. Ben was still looking at him. "What?" he asked after a moment. He didn't like people to stare at him.
"How long have you known Max?" Ben asked. "How did you meet her?"
"Umm.. about two years I guess, a little less" Alec said. He didn't really want to answer the second part. They hadn't really met under the best conditions. "We met back at Manticore" he finally said, hopping that Ben wouldn't ask anymore about it.
At the word Manticore, a new look came across Ben's face. Alec couldn't read it well, fear maybe? Anger, regret? It left his features too quickly for Alec to tell. Ben turned and looked at Max, "Manticore?" he asked slowly. The word came out slowly, forced almost. His voice was steady, but it was obvious that he was trying hard to keep it so.
"Burned to the ground, by yours truly" She said smiling. Ben smiled at this, and let out a small noise, it could of been a laugh, a sigh of relief, or a noise of disbelief.
"Okay, tell me everything that happened" Ben said. His voice remained quiet, with the forced tone.
Max shook her head, "Latter" she said. Ben nodded. Max didn't want to talk about Manticore with Ben, she wanted him to forget that it ever existed. That he was ever there. "You know, I just realized something. I married my brothers twin brother" she said trying to change the subject to a lighter note.
"He's not really your brother Max. Just because you grew up together and called each other brother and sister, doesn't mean your related" Alec said. He didn't like the whole prospect of the idea of Ben and Max being brother and sister. It was weird. "And, I'm not really his brother either. I never met him before this, plus he's like my clone or something, not my brother" he added.
"Maybe your the clone, what's your designation?" Ben asked.
"Me?" Alec asked in mock shock, putting a hand to his chest. "How could I be a clone. I have more personality. I'm way better looking, and well, come on. There is no way that I'm a clone" he stated.
"His designation is 494, he'd be the clone. But I personally don't think you're clones. You're way to different" Max said. "Oh, and Alec, your not way better looking, you guys look exactly alike, except the hair" she commented.
Alec shook his head. "We don't look anything alike" he continued to insist. Max shook her head. "Well, nice to meet you Ben. Max, I think Zack is going to die if you don't let him in, so can I tell him to come on in?" Alec said changing the subject. Max nodded her head, dismissing Alec from the room.
Alec walked out and sat in the chair outside of Ben's room. "You can go in now" he said to Zack. Zack jumped out of his seat, and walked into the room. He rested his head on his hand, and sat alone. She was wrong. He didn't look like Ben. He didn't look like Ben at all. And he didn't sound like Ben, or walk like Ben, or talk like Ben. He wasn't anything like Ben. Ben was crazy. Alec, was not.
Of course, that didn't seem to hit the rest of them. Ben was in there right now. With his wife. With his child. And with his brother...... Alec shook his head, surprised at his own thought, of Zack, as his brother. It was over in a minute though. This wasn't fair. This was his family now, and Ben was taking them away from him.
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