Chapter 23........... My good place
Max looked down at Alec as he slept. His face enveloped in peace. She hoped he was dreaming that things were better then they were. She had to pull herself together. She had to. Sometimes she felt like this whole thing was just one big mistake. That they never should of left. That they should of staid and she should of never had her baby.
When ever she heard the baby crying, her mind screamed for her to disappear into her mind. To get lost in the darkness. She wondered if it was this same darkness that Had taken Ben. Made him do the things he had done. Her hear cried to cradle the baby, but her mind told her that the baby couldn't possibly be hers. That she was still a young child.
The voice in her mind was more tempting. She wanted to believe that things were hoe they were. That she had all of her family. That no one was dead. She wanted things to be simple again. She wanted things to make sense.
Sense?
Flashback:
"We never should of left, everything made sense there" Ben said, his eye's watering, face cast down.
"No" Max said taking his hand, "Nothing made sense there" she told him.
"I'm a good soldier, I try so hard" Ben said. He was crying now. He was 19, and tears were running down his soft cheeks. It was clear now to Max that he had not developed emotionally past the age of 9.
Max looked at Alec again. His face so much Like Ben's. She wondered what the inside of his mind was like. What he was thinking. Morgaine moved slightly. She laid next to him on the bed, his hand resting protectively on her stomach.
It wasn't a mistake. None of it was. This was the good place. No one disappears, with the exception of Zack. No one got yelled at. And when she woke up in the morning, she could stay in bed as long as she wanted. This was the place Ben had told her about. Alec was her good place.
She bent down and kissed the sleeping child on the cheek. She then Kissed Alec on his sleeping mouth. "Thank you Alec" she said, even though she knew he couldn't hear her. "Thank you for giving me my good place". She draped an arm over his stomach, and closed her eyes, falling gently asleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alec awoke to the sun. The first thing he noticed, was that both the baby, and Max were missing. He heard a large crash coming from the kitchen, and jumped out of bed, and ran out to the kitchen. Max was cleaning up a clutter of pots and pans that were on the floor. "Oh good, you're up" she said when she saw him. "Have you seen the frying pan?" she asked him.
He shook his head. He wondered what was happening. Last night she wouldn't leave the bed. It had been like that for almost a week. And now, here she was, looking for a frying pan. Sitting on the floor, wearing one of his blue T-shirts, with a bright smile on her face. "Good mood?" Alec asked, not knowing how to react. He was afraid that this was some type of physico faze thing, and that any moment she was going to jump up with a knife and kill Him, or something.
"I'm okay, if you're wondering" Max said quietly. She stood up and walked over to Alec, placing a hand on his cheek. "I'm okay because of you" she said even softer.
Alec tried to think of what he did to make her okay. Nothing came to mind. "Well, of course it was me" he said cockily. Max playfully slapped his shoulder. He smiled down at her. He reached up and hand to took hers, moving it down between them. "But just out of curiosity, what did I do to make you okay" he asked.
"Everything" Max said, her eyes starring intensely into his. "Alec, you must understand, I was lost. Lost in memories of Manticore. I was letting them consume me. I was going to a dark place. I now get it, I think. Ben, he didn't represent my guilt, he represented Manticore. All the hell, all the evil. But he represented the good parts too. The love from my siblings. The heart. The good place we dreamed of" she paused now, and looked down.
"That's what I got lost in the most. The part that was Ben. The part that was Zack. The part that was Jondy, and Brin, and Tinga, and Zane, all of them. This whole time, I was where Ben had been when he was killing people. I was cushioning myself from reality, by telling myself I was still nine. That none of this could be happening, because I was still a child" she looked up at him again. "But Alec, I was shielding myself from the wrong reality. The whole time, since I first started seeing Ben again, I was thinking that this was the bad place. That this was where the nomalies lived."
Alec opened his mouth to say something, but Max stopped him, "No Alec, let me finish. You see, the truth is, Manticore was the bad place. the thing I've been running from my whole life. And Alec, this, right here, this is what I've been running to. You, are what I've been running to. You Alec, YOU, are my good place. I love you" she finally finished.
Alec didn't know what to think. He didn't know if she was truly better. He didn't know if it was just a temporary fix again. But he knew that what she said made sense. He knew that he could see the old Max shining in her eyes. And he knew that he loved this woman, crazy of not. "I love you too" he said, his voice deep and husky. He took her other hand in his free one. They now stood much as they had when they were married. He leaned down and softly kissed her mouth.
Max kissed him back with equal softness and tenderness. She felt like this was the real beginning. That from here on, their future could begin. There was just one last problem. One last floor to be swept.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Did you sleep well Mr. pierce?" Claire asked opening his curtains.
Ben nodded, "Like a baby" he said smiling sweetly at her. He had grown to like this nurse. Her caring yet firm methods of doing things reminded him of Eva.
She blushed at his smile, as she always did, and turned from him. "Now, I know that's not true, you forget I have night watch" she said looking at him.
"If you already knew, then why did you ask?" Ben asked raising an eyebrow.
"Just making conversation" she said. "Now, for some good news. You're being discharged. You are now free from this hospital" she said smiling.
Ben looked down at his pale hands. A part of him was happy. He was free. He could see the world again with out the dark cloud over it. But a part of him was worried. "I don' know where I'll go" he said more to himself then the nurse.
"You'll always have a home with me" Ben looked up to see Max standing in the doorway. She looked some how different from before. More alive. More like Max. Ben felt himself turning into a young boy again. "We have an extra room, and I'd like to have you near for a little while." She smiled her smile that she saved for Ben, "We could get to know each other again".
"Well, I think I'll give you two some privacy" Claire said excusing herself from the room. Max smiled at the woman, then walked over, and sat on the edge of the bed.
"I don't think that your husband would be happy to have me. I don't think he liked me" Ben said looking down. He traced the pattern of his blanket with his index finger, waiting for her response. But none came. After a moment, he looked up at her.
She was staring intensely at him. She kept his gaze for a long moment, searching his eyes for the crazy man. It hurt Ben that she did this, but he understood why. She reached out and took his hand. "He hates that you have his face. He hates that he was treated like second best his whole childhood. He hates that my first words to him were your name, and he hates that he was punished for your wrongs"
Ben looked away from her, and pulled back his hand, withdrawing from her. Her eyes were to dark, to full of emotion. Her voice was to gentle. Her hands were to soft. She wasn't the young girl he remembered. She had knowledge now. Knowledge of life, and love. She was no longer a child, she was now a woman. Ben wanted to run from her. He knew the little girl. Not the woman.
"He doesn't hate you though. No matter how hard he tries, he can't. Your a part of him. A part he doesn't even know." Max's voice brought Ben's gaze back to her. "Ben, I can't just let you leave. I can't let you run away by yourself to sink back into a dark world of nomalies. Alec was my good place. He's saved me in more ways then you could understand. Please Ben, let me save you" Her voice was almost pleading now.
Ben's youthful eyes shined blue, watering at the corners. Suddenly he wanted to stay with them so much it hurt. He wanted to know this woman before him. He wanted to know his brother. He wanted a family again. He knoded his head softly. "I'll stay with you" he said quietly.
She immediately threw her arms around his neck, making him fall back. He remembered hugs. IT seemed so long ago. Like a different life, but in a way, it was. He felt reborn. He buried his face in the soft flesh of her neck, breathing in her fresh sent. A scent that was purely Max, un polluted by perfumes of scented shampoos, just Max.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N-There will not be many more chapters to come after this one. Just two or three more. Sorry for the long wait on this. I remember a time when I posted a chapter every other day. But that time has past. Oh well, I do what I can. I want to make one thing clear. Some of you may read this chapter and feal that there is something between max and Ben. But I'll tell you right now, Max will never feel anything but sisterly towards Ben, and he will never feel anything but brotherly towards her. Also Ben isn't supposed to be messing up anyone's life. He's just come back and doesn't know what's going on. Alec is jealous for no real reason, he has nothing to worry about.
Also, Those of you who feel that Ben needs to step back might want to rethink the story. This story is very strongly Max/Alec, but it is also very centered around Ben. That's just the way it is. It's the plot of the story. I'm sorry if that makes some of you un happy, but it's kind of essential to the plot line.
And, to answer Aoife's Question, I' Mostly Irish, but have a bit of Scottish blood in me. However, I was born and raised in America, which leaves me into a position to obsess over Ireland until one day I'll be able to go. Hopefully after College. If any of you have any further questions, please feel free to e-mail me at lovely_lady_igraine@yahoo.com
Max looked down at Alec as he slept. His face enveloped in peace. She hoped he was dreaming that things were better then they were. She had to pull herself together. She had to. Sometimes she felt like this whole thing was just one big mistake. That they never should of left. That they should of staid and she should of never had her baby.
When ever she heard the baby crying, her mind screamed for her to disappear into her mind. To get lost in the darkness. She wondered if it was this same darkness that Had taken Ben. Made him do the things he had done. Her hear cried to cradle the baby, but her mind told her that the baby couldn't possibly be hers. That she was still a young child.
The voice in her mind was more tempting. She wanted to believe that things were hoe they were. That she had all of her family. That no one was dead. She wanted things to be simple again. She wanted things to make sense.
Sense?
Flashback:
"We never should of left, everything made sense there" Ben said, his eye's watering, face cast down.
"No" Max said taking his hand, "Nothing made sense there" she told him.
"I'm a good soldier, I try so hard" Ben said. He was crying now. He was 19, and tears were running down his soft cheeks. It was clear now to Max that he had not developed emotionally past the age of 9.
Max looked at Alec again. His face so much Like Ben's. She wondered what the inside of his mind was like. What he was thinking. Morgaine moved slightly. She laid next to him on the bed, his hand resting protectively on her stomach.
It wasn't a mistake. None of it was. This was the good place. No one disappears, with the exception of Zack. No one got yelled at. And when she woke up in the morning, she could stay in bed as long as she wanted. This was the place Ben had told her about. Alec was her good place.
She bent down and kissed the sleeping child on the cheek. She then Kissed Alec on his sleeping mouth. "Thank you Alec" she said, even though she knew he couldn't hear her. "Thank you for giving me my good place". She draped an arm over his stomach, and closed her eyes, falling gently asleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alec awoke to the sun. The first thing he noticed, was that both the baby, and Max were missing. He heard a large crash coming from the kitchen, and jumped out of bed, and ran out to the kitchen. Max was cleaning up a clutter of pots and pans that were on the floor. "Oh good, you're up" she said when she saw him. "Have you seen the frying pan?" she asked him.
He shook his head. He wondered what was happening. Last night she wouldn't leave the bed. It had been like that for almost a week. And now, here she was, looking for a frying pan. Sitting on the floor, wearing one of his blue T-shirts, with a bright smile on her face. "Good mood?" Alec asked, not knowing how to react. He was afraid that this was some type of physico faze thing, and that any moment she was going to jump up with a knife and kill Him, or something.
"I'm okay, if you're wondering" Max said quietly. She stood up and walked over to Alec, placing a hand on his cheek. "I'm okay because of you" she said even softer.
Alec tried to think of what he did to make her okay. Nothing came to mind. "Well, of course it was me" he said cockily. Max playfully slapped his shoulder. He smiled down at her. He reached up and hand to took hers, moving it down between them. "But just out of curiosity, what did I do to make you okay" he asked.
"Everything" Max said, her eyes starring intensely into his. "Alec, you must understand, I was lost. Lost in memories of Manticore. I was letting them consume me. I was going to a dark place. I now get it, I think. Ben, he didn't represent my guilt, he represented Manticore. All the hell, all the evil. But he represented the good parts too. The love from my siblings. The heart. The good place we dreamed of" she paused now, and looked down.
"That's what I got lost in the most. The part that was Ben. The part that was Zack. The part that was Jondy, and Brin, and Tinga, and Zane, all of them. This whole time, I was where Ben had been when he was killing people. I was cushioning myself from reality, by telling myself I was still nine. That none of this could be happening, because I was still a child" she looked up at him again. "But Alec, I was shielding myself from the wrong reality. The whole time, since I first started seeing Ben again, I was thinking that this was the bad place. That this was where the nomalies lived."
Alec opened his mouth to say something, but Max stopped him, "No Alec, let me finish. You see, the truth is, Manticore was the bad place. the thing I've been running from my whole life. And Alec, this, right here, this is what I've been running to. You, are what I've been running to. You Alec, YOU, are my good place. I love you" she finally finished.
Alec didn't know what to think. He didn't know if she was truly better. He didn't know if it was just a temporary fix again. But he knew that what she said made sense. He knew that he could see the old Max shining in her eyes. And he knew that he loved this woman, crazy of not. "I love you too" he said, his voice deep and husky. He took her other hand in his free one. They now stood much as they had when they were married. He leaned down and softly kissed her mouth.
Max kissed him back with equal softness and tenderness. She felt like this was the real beginning. That from here on, their future could begin. There was just one last problem. One last floor to be swept.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Did you sleep well Mr. pierce?" Claire asked opening his curtains.
Ben nodded, "Like a baby" he said smiling sweetly at her. He had grown to like this nurse. Her caring yet firm methods of doing things reminded him of Eva.
She blushed at his smile, as she always did, and turned from him. "Now, I know that's not true, you forget I have night watch" she said looking at him.
"If you already knew, then why did you ask?" Ben asked raising an eyebrow.
"Just making conversation" she said. "Now, for some good news. You're being discharged. You are now free from this hospital" she said smiling.
Ben looked down at his pale hands. A part of him was happy. He was free. He could see the world again with out the dark cloud over it. But a part of him was worried. "I don' know where I'll go" he said more to himself then the nurse.
"You'll always have a home with me" Ben looked up to see Max standing in the doorway. She looked some how different from before. More alive. More like Max. Ben felt himself turning into a young boy again. "We have an extra room, and I'd like to have you near for a little while." She smiled her smile that she saved for Ben, "We could get to know each other again".
"Well, I think I'll give you two some privacy" Claire said excusing herself from the room. Max smiled at the woman, then walked over, and sat on the edge of the bed.
"I don't think that your husband would be happy to have me. I don't think he liked me" Ben said looking down. He traced the pattern of his blanket with his index finger, waiting for her response. But none came. After a moment, he looked up at her.
She was staring intensely at him. She kept his gaze for a long moment, searching his eyes for the crazy man. It hurt Ben that she did this, but he understood why. She reached out and took his hand. "He hates that you have his face. He hates that he was treated like second best his whole childhood. He hates that my first words to him were your name, and he hates that he was punished for your wrongs"
Ben looked away from her, and pulled back his hand, withdrawing from her. Her eyes were to dark, to full of emotion. Her voice was to gentle. Her hands were to soft. She wasn't the young girl he remembered. She had knowledge now. Knowledge of life, and love. She was no longer a child, she was now a woman. Ben wanted to run from her. He knew the little girl. Not the woman.
"He doesn't hate you though. No matter how hard he tries, he can't. Your a part of him. A part he doesn't even know." Max's voice brought Ben's gaze back to her. "Ben, I can't just let you leave. I can't let you run away by yourself to sink back into a dark world of nomalies. Alec was my good place. He's saved me in more ways then you could understand. Please Ben, let me save you" Her voice was almost pleading now.
Ben's youthful eyes shined blue, watering at the corners. Suddenly he wanted to stay with them so much it hurt. He wanted to know this woman before him. He wanted to know his brother. He wanted a family again. He knoded his head softly. "I'll stay with you" he said quietly.
She immediately threw her arms around his neck, making him fall back. He remembered hugs. IT seemed so long ago. Like a different life, but in a way, it was. He felt reborn. He buried his face in the soft flesh of her neck, breathing in her fresh sent. A scent that was purely Max, un polluted by perfumes of scented shampoos, just Max.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N-There will not be many more chapters to come after this one. Just two or three more. Sorry for the long wait on this. I remember a time when I posted a chapter every other day. But that time has past. Oh well, I do what I can. I want to make one thing clear. Some of you may read this chapter and feal that there is something between max and Ben. But I'll tell you right now, Max will never feel anything but sisterly towards Ben, and he will never feel anything but brotherly towards her. Also Ben isn't supposed to be messing up anyone's life. He's just come back and doesn't know what's going on. Alec is jealous for no real reason, he has nothing to worry about.
Also, Those of you who feel that Ben needs to step back might want to rethink the story. This story is very strongly Max/Alec, but it is also very centered around Ben. That's just the way it is. It's the plot of the story. I'm sorry if that makes some of you un happy, but it's kind of essential to the plot line.
And, to answer Aoife's Question, I' Mostly Irish, but have a bit of Scottish blood in me. However, I was born and raised in America, which leaves me into a position to obsess over Ireland until one day I'll be able to go. Hopefully after College. If any of you have any further questions, please feel free to e-mail me at lovely_lady_igraine@yahoo.com