A/N: Alright, alright... here's the explanation!! SHEESH *throws it at readers* Also, I'm going to put a song at the beginning and end of each chapter... its supposed to simbolize what Bernard feels. I think this first song is PERFECT! ^_^
Running From Me
chapter 1
Trust Company - Running From Me
Say a prayer for me, cause I can barely breath,
I'm suffering, and I can't take it.
Because of me, no one will ever see,
This side of me, if I don't make it.
It's like I can't wake up,
It's like I cant get up.
It's like I can't remember,
Who I used to be,
Am I running from you,
Or am I running from me?
It's like I can't wake up,
It's like I cant get up.
It's like I can't remember,
Who I used to be,
Am I running from you,
Or am I running from me?
Clear a path for me, because I can barely see,
I'm stumbling, and I can't shake it.
It's up to me, to save myself from me,
My enemy, but I can't face it.
It's like I can't wake up,
It's like I cant get up.
It's like I can't remember,
Who I used to be,
Am I running from you,
Or am I running from me?
It's like I can't wake up,
It's like I cant get up.
It's like I can't remember,
Who I used to be,
Am I running from you,
Or am I running from me?
I'm breaking out.
Here I come, here I come, here I come
Can't, wake, up, cause I'm not around,
Am I running from you,
Or am I running from me?
It's like I can't wake up,
It's like I cant get up,
It's like I can't remember,
Who I used to be.
Am I running from you?
Can't face myself, I'm just left with the suffering.
~*~
Bernard hated gatherings. Every Dark Elf, each of them cloaked in black with hoods that shadowed their faces, stood in a giant circle around a bonfire, the Dark One in their midst. He went on and on about the purpose of their cause, on how Christmas would be destroyed forever, and how one day, they would destroy the North Pole and murder St. Nick. In the beginning, it had shocked Bernard, but now, he barely listened. Instead, the puzzled over seamingly random things, tonight's being what had forced him to do this to himself.
Judy was one of the reasons Bernard had become a Dark Elf. Judy was one of the happiest elves he had ever seen, her beautiful smile never fading. She and a few other elves were the reason he had pledged alliegence under the Dark One, the reason why he had slaughtered so many, the reason he had become a Dark Elf. There was one thing, though, that separated him from most other Dark Elves.
He was a Grey Elf. He murdered the Light for the Dark, but spied on the Dark for the Light. He was nothing but a spy, having given up his whole innocent life for a cause that might be completely useless. If the Dark One found out, Bernard would be killed... but that wasn't what bothered him. The only thing that truly mattered to the Head Elf was that he didn't die until the elves in the North Pole knew he was innocent. He couldn't tell them yet, though... you never know who might be listening.
Bernard thought of the Second-in-Command, who was also one of his greatest friends. Curtis had come to the North Pole during Scott Calvin's second year, and the two of them became such close friends that new elves always thought they were brothers (Ha! The way they fight, they might as well be!). Bernard had known Curtis before, though. In fact, he had known Curtis since the elf was only two-hundred years old. During those seven hundred years, they had become two of the greatest friends you could ever imagine.
That is, until Bernard decided he would become a Grey Elf. He knew that with his new focus on this, he would never be able to continue the long-distance friendship he and Curtis shared, so he convinced the elf to come work at the North Pole. Bernard had always felt that, though he couldn't tell Curtis what had made him unhappy, the younger elf would always cheer him up. He remembered the day a certain new elf had come to the North Pole.
His name is Perrin, Curtis growled, pointing. Bernard soon spotted an elf he'd never seen before with short, black hair, pale skin, and shining blue eyes. He was tall and lanky, surprisingly the same size as Bernard. Sighing a bit, he went over to introduce himself. He was a bit worried, because an elf would only grow up if they had witnessed or preformed Dark Elf Magic.
Hullo... name's Bernard. I'm the Head Elf. I suspect you must be Perrin? Perrin had stepped back and seemed to size Bernard up before eyeing him darkly.
I am, he replied before snickering, his eyes resting on Bernard's shabby clothes. You don't look like much of a Head Elf... rather pitiful if you don't mind my saying. Bernard want to sock him. From that moment on, he and Curtis had hated him. They had bribed the younger elves to dump tinsel all over him when he walked by, and for Abbey to slip sleeping powder or something like that into his Hot Cocoa. Nobody liked him, seeing him only as a ignorant prat. Yet strangely, when they scowled at him, he seemed to hold his head even higher, his sneer just a bit wider. Bernard wasn't alone in wanting to punch the elf's lights out.
Then, one fateful day, when he had been summoned to a gathering, someone had waved a torch in his face, exposing it for a few brief seconds. After he blinked back the painful light, he noticed a Dark Elf staring at him. He could feel the eyes concealed under that black hood watching him the whole night.
When the gathering was over, he had turned down an alleyway, the way he always did before telleporting back to the North Pole in a shower of silver specks. A voice stopped him that night, though.
it questioned, which made the elf turn around. The other walked quickly towards him. Or should I say Bernard? He tilted his head back a little, letting the light shine on it so that Perrin's sneer was visible. Bernard felt the rage of betrayal build up inside him, eyes glazing over with red.
he seethed, face twisting into a snarl. Without warning, he leapt forward and wrapped his hands around the elf's neck. Perrin's hood fell back to reveal a surprised face, fear flickering in his blue eyes. You came to the North Pole working for them?! DON'T YOU REALIZE HOW INNOCENT THEY ALL ARE?! YOU CAME WANTING TO DESTROY THEM?! HOW DARE YOU?!
Perrin barely managed two words. I... didn't... Bernard's face fell and he let his hands drop.
What do you mean? he growled, hands visibly twitching to let Perrin know he wouldn't hesitate to use Dark Elf Magic.
Grey Elf... Perrin rubbed his neck. Bernard's eyes widened in surprise. For a brief moment, he wondered if this was just a trick to gain Bernard's trust.
I didn't know there were any others... he gaped, but Perrin smiled at him.
I'm sorry... I thought you were the one who was going to destroy the North Pole. I've been a Grey Elf for four years, and I was just recently premoted to a North Pole Grey Elf so that I could make sure no Dark Elves were there, suddenly, Perrin didn't seem quite so horrid anymore. It was kind of funny... I'd see them all glare at me, so I'd think to myself, Here I am risking my life for them and this is my repayment?!' It's really is funny when you think about it.
I always wondered why you didn't seem to care... Bernard had replied, and the two had exchanged small laughs.
Bernard snapped out of his memories, only to realize the Dark One was explaining some plan to the lower members. He turned his shadowed face and was greeted by shining, blue eyes next to him. A small smile crept onto his lips, for ever since he had truly met Perrin, he hadn't felt so alone.
He suddenly felt guilty, as he had many times before, for betraying Curtis. Now, it was Perrin he told his troubles too... yet at the same time, it was because they shared each other's pain. If he told Curtis, the young elf was liable to attempt to become a Grey Elf, and in the end, would probably wind up dead. Bernard pictured Curtis in a black cloak, hood falling back to reveal a frightened face as he pressed his back up against the wall, four shadowed figures approaching him with red sparks dancing in their hands.
Bernard imediately shook the thought away just in time to avoid Curtis's scream. No, he definately wouldn't tell the Second-In-Command. Not now, at least.
You all remember the day you were joined? the Dark One was addressing them all, and Bernard nodded, focusing his attention back on his master. Well, tonight, we have someone new. Bernard hated hearing those words. He despised thinking about some elf who thought they hated Christmas be forever binded to the Dark one, forced into a deeper hate than they had ever imagined. He was rather used to it, though. He could do nothing to prevent his eyes glazing over red and his hands beginning to twitch with power.
And suddenly, he saw who it was. Jacey stood there, her green eyes defiant and fists clenched at her sides as she faced the Dark One.
So, you wish to become a Dark Elf? he cackled, to which Jacey nodded, her shoulder-length, red hair whirling around her face as she did. She was only a bit younger than Bernard, and he remembered her well from before. She was always laughing, always smiling, always beautiful... Bernard hated to think she was throwing that all away for this when she didn't even understand what she was getting herself into. The Dark One just smiled even more.
Dark Elves, he commanded. Jacey's face suddenly twisted in fear as every Dark Elf raised their palms to her, red sparks dancing from them. Bernard exchanged glances with Perrin, and he could tell Perrin wasn't any happier about this than him. Bind her. Red streams of light encircled Jacey, making her scream in pain. A red aura built around her and she was raised off the ground, quivering under the horrible torture. Many of the Dark Elves were laughing, and Bernard found himself wanting to kill them all.
RELEASE HER! the Dark One cried, and everyone dropped their hands, making Jacey fall to the ground. Still shaking visibly, she slowly pushed herself up onto her hands to meet the Dark One's eyes. Tear streaks were visible down her cheeks, but her jaw was set and eyes still flickered. When the Dark One lifted his hand, she merely closed her eyes and braced herself.
A silver hand of energy flew from the Dark One's palm. It fastened itself painfully to the middle of her chest. Jacey whimpered in pain, tears still running down her face, but she didn't give in. When the hand finally pulled away, everyone saw the sign of Agurakki before it burried itself beneath her shirt, a permenant tattoo of who she was, the Kurai. Bernard felt his own hand raise to his chest and saw Perrin do the same. Jacey lay bleeding on the ground shoulders shaking in silent sobs, body shaking in pain.
This Gathering is dismissed, the Dark One's laughs echoed through all their minds, and every Dark Elf departed imediately. Perrin and Bernard walked away together, but quickly doubled back once everyone was gone. They ran to Jacey, trying to force herself to her feet but failing horribly.
Oh Jacey! Bernard embraced the small girl and she cried into his shoulder.
Bernard... I didn't know it was like that... she managed through sobs. Slowly, she pulled herself back and placed her own hand where Bernard's Kurai was. You... you went through... the same thing? Bernard nodded, and she looked up at Perrin, who told her yes as well. Her eyes welled up with tears and she burried her face into Bernard's cloak again. A few seconds later, she slipped into unconciousness. Sighing, Bernard scooped her up gently in his arms.
Together, he and Perrin made their way into a back alley, the same one they always did. They took off their own black cloaks and then removed Jacey's. Bernard sighed heavily and his eyes flickered to where Jacey's Kurai lay burried beneath her clothes.
Let's just be glad a girl like her is just a Grey Elf, Perrin, for once, sounded optimistic.
I couldn't ever imagine Jacey a Dark Elf... Bernard shuddered when he tried. Then, his eyes rested on her face again. He felt Perrin's comforting hand on his shoulder
Let's return to the light, Perrin smiled softly, brushing an escaped, red lock from Jacey's face. Then, the three of them vanished, reappearing only to meet the expecting and concerned face of the fourth Grey Elf, Kae.
~*~
Jacey lay in Bernard's bed, a cold washcloth on her forehead, the color slowly returning to her pale face.
How come she didn't tell anyone?! Bernard demanded. He sat with the two other Grey Elves in his private room of the North Pole, yet another perk of his seniority. Perrin and Kae exchanged worried glances and then sighed.
She did... just not you, Kae replied.
Bernard cried in rage, standing up so abruptly that his chair fell over. SHE WASN'T READY! SHE SHOULD HAVE HAD MORE TRAINING! IF SHE HAD TOLD ME OR IF ONE OF YOU HAD, I COULD'VE STOPPED HER!
That's why she didn't tell you, blockhead! Kae replied, rolling her eyes. Can't you connect the dots?! Bernard had grown rather used to Kae's usual insults. She had grown up in the city and was actually pretty handy in bad situations. She had dark blue eyes, easily mistaken as black. Her hair was cropped short, bangs hanging in her eyes no matter how many times she brushed them to the side. She was rather pretty, actually. She was definately a rebel, though. She wore a black shirt that cut off above her navel, and had made it jaggedly sleeveless, grey sleeves coming out from under it and navy, baggy pants hanging low on her hips. She had been training for almost two years now, and that New Years, she too would take up her role as Grey Elf.
But she's been training for even less time than you, Kae! You won't even let yourself become a Dark Elf until at least two years of practice! Bernard protested.
Okay Bernard, fine! Lets just go find the mirror that will take us back in time and ask her to please stop, she stood up and whacked Bernard over the back of the head (OW!). I mean, shyte, what do you want us to do?! It's done and over with... GIVE IT UP! She flopped back down in her chair, crossing her arms and legs. Perrin was trying very hard (and failing, I might add) not to crack up. Bernard was glaring at them both.
The world is against me! Bernard flailed his arms, making Perrin explode in laughter, unable to contain it any longer. I mean... if she was really so set in it, I wouldn't have been able to stop her, would I?!
Bernard, if I told you, you'd have me tied to a chair with three guards around me and seven at each exit, Kae started laughing hysterically as Jacey stumbled across the room and joined their circle.
Shut up! Bernard grumbled, making them all laugh. Not much later, Jacey and Kae stood up, stretching.
Alright, we better be gettin' home... see ya' soon! Kae smiled at them before putting her arm around Jacey and dissapearing.
Yeah, I'm hitting the sack... night Bernard, Perrin yawned, stood up and left the room. Bernard found himself smiling even after his friends had dissapeared. He loved knowing he wasn't alone anymore.
A sudden pain in his chest quickly ended his happiness. Leave it to a summon to ruin the mood!
~*~
the Dark One stood up as he adressed Bernard, making the elf bow down on one knee.
What can I do for you, master? Bernard felt his eyes turning red. When that happened, he always felt like he had suddenly become 712 instead of Bernard.
I would like you to have Mr. and Mrs. Danigan dead by tonight as well as anyone in the house at the time, he ordered.
Yes Master, 712 replied, bowing his head again and vanishing. Moments later, he reappeared in front of a large mansion. Suddenly, he felt himself focus on nothing but the deaths of those innocents. Without hesitation, he walked to the door and placed his hands on it. In seconds, it had shattered into thousands of splinters. Smiling to himself, 712 walked into the house and up the stairs. He could hear everyone in one room, laughing and talking. He didn't even think of the innocent lives he was about to destroy. Instead, he placed his hands on the double doors and sent them splintering as well.
DEAR GOD! a woman screamed, hurling her wine glass at him. With a simple flick of his wrist, Bernard smashed it in thin air. Then, he raised his hands as red sparks began to fly.
Moments later, Bernard left the house, everyone inside the room dead on the floor.
~*~
Oh... Bernard, he was greeted as he walked into room 7431 on the fourth floor of the North Pole, a room reserved for Special Business. Only Bernard and Perrin knew what it truly was.
Evening Ron, Christy, Ian, he nodded at the three as they set their poker cards down and pulled out pen and paper. Bernard sat down, rubbing his forehead.
So, what happened tonight? Ian asked.
I killed the Danigans, he replied and Ron whistled.
What is the Dark One doin' to ya?! That two murders in five days! he meant it sympathetically, Bernard knew. The three before him were also Grey Elves. He reported every murder to them, while Perrin reported everything he stole and all information he had to tell the Dark One.
Well, you want a cocoa or something? Christy motioned towards the steaming mug next to her.
Naw, I think I'm gonna turn in, Bernard replied. I still have to pretend I'm someone I'm not tomorrow... as usual...
Go to bed, Ian told him sympethetically as Bernard leaned his head back, one hand over his eyes as he rubbed them.
Why in Gods name am I the fucking Head Elf? he grumbled, which made Christy laugh.
Its hysterical to see you around us and compare it to when you're around everyone else, she smiled at him.
Thanks, glad you enjoy it, Bernard eyed her darkly, making her giggle. Then, he stood up, stretched, and headed back to his room.
~*~
Bernard and Curtis circled the sleigh one last time before Scott came bounding out.
Merry Christmas! he called, waving to them as he took off. Bernard and Curtis waved back.
A Merry Christmas indeed... Bernard watched the sleigh dissaper, smiling.
he heard his name called and turned around to meet Perrin.
What do you want?! Curtis growled. Bernard made himself look bored and uninterested, as he and Perrin had agreed to still pretend to hate each other except if it was important.
No, not now! aparently, this was important. COME ON! Perrin grabbed Bernard arm and hauled him into a corner. Curtis watched the two, a bit surprised. Suddenly, he saw Bernard's eyes widen.
WHAT THE H- he was cut off quickly by Perrin whacking him over the back of the head.
Shut up, will you?! he growled.
Kae is joining on New Years... seven days... one week... Bernard didn't want to believe it. Then, he rubbed the back of his head in annoyment. Ya know, between you and Kae, I'm going to form a permanent lump there! Then, he turned around and walked back over to Curtis.
What was tha-
Don't ask, was Bernard's only reply.
~*~
... and on behalf of another succesful Christmas, here's the Big Guy! Bernard stepped away from away from the balcony as Scott stepped up. He eyed his watch.
Two hours... he thought to himself. It was amazing how fast the week had gone by when he didn't want it to. Scott began rambling about how proud he was of them all. Curtis turned bright red when he was thanked, the way he did every year.
...and for once again making sure Christmas went exactly as planned, I would like to specially thank our Head Elf Bernard! everyone burst into applause and Bernard felt guilt wash over him. If only they all knew he wasn't just Head Elf Bernard...
He was Second Assasin 712.
He smiled brightly and nodded in thanks to them as best he could. Curtis and Judy were waving energetically at him. The three were close friends, but it pained him to know he was always lying to them, every word he said and every smile he faked. Then, he looked over to where Perrin was standing. At least he had someone to share his pain with.
WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT?! HE'S MY ARCH ENEMY! Bernard tried to tell himself, but it didn't work. Instead, he focused on Santa's speech, only to find it had just ended. As he did every year, he hugged Scott and waved good-bye before sprinting down the stairs to meet his friends. He knealt down to their size, nodding to both of them in greeting. Judy had tears in her eyes.
I hate it when Christmas ends! she groaned pitifully. We all see fireworks for New Years and then we all just... LEAVE!
Well don't worry! We'll all be back in September! Bernard tried to cheer her up, smiling as she wiped her tears.
Yeah... besides, we'll see each other before then! Curtis assurred her.
Well, we better, because I don't know that I can stand being away from you guys for eight months! Judy told them, making all three laugh.
You're both coming to Fire Works, right? she asked, to which Curtis nodded and Bernard sighed.
No, sorry... he replied, making Judy gasp sadly and lower her head. A minute later, she raised it again.
Well then, I guess this is good-bye... For a minute, they just stood looking at each other. Then, Judy's eyes filled with tears again.
Oh come here! she threw her arms around Bernard's neck and hugged him tightly, and he hugged the young girl back. Curtis laughed and placed his hand on Bernard's shoulder
I don't deserve friends like this, Bernard silently thanked his lucky stars. Judy released him and he stood up.
Well, see you all soon! Bernard waved at them, and after they both exchanged good-byes, the two, childlike elves vanished in a puff of silver specs. Bernard watched the glittery pieces float to the ground, instantly dissapearing when they hit it.
Hey Bernard, he turned around to see Perrin. Suddenly, a pain in both their chests made them cry out in unison.
Damn summons! he cursed, to which Perrin nodded in agreement. Then, they both telleported to where the Dark One was waiting.
It was horrible to know that in that fateful night, while all the other elves were laughing, Bernard, Perrin, and Jacey would be forced to help torture Kae. After a speech of what they had acomplished that year, Kae was brought into view. Perrin and Bernard imediately exchanged glances, then looked down at the shadowed face of Jacey between them. Bernard nudged her as a way to comfort him, and she moved closer to her elvish friend.
Do you wish to become a Dark Elf? the Dark One smiled hungrily at her, not exactly a comforting smile. Kae looked just as rebelious as usual, and nodded in stiffened resolve.
Bernard found himself silently praying for her. He was surprised when he felt Jacey slip her hand into his, begging to be comforted.
Dark Elves, releasing Jacey's hand, Bernard raised both his palms. A picture of Kae's smiling face flashed through his mind only to be replaced a moment later by her screams of pain and anguish. Her face was twisted in agony as she was raised off the ground. Bernard thought he heard Jacey sob a few times. He looked at the Dark One, who was laughing.
he cursed under his breath. He found himself thanking the stars for a second time that night when Kae was released. To his surprise, the defiant girl stood up on shaking legs, facing the Dark One with fierce eyes despite her state. It surprised him how much stronger she was than Jacey. She waited for the Kurai, not even a hint of fear on her flawless face. She was truly amazing.
~*~
Curtis and Judy sat next to each other on the snow with the thousands of other elves. Everyone was drinking cocoa by the gallons, anxiously awaiting the fireworks, which would be set off at exactly midnight. In their happiness, they didn't know of Bernard's pain for his friend. They didn't share the utter loathing for the Dark One that he did. They knew nothing but laughter as the clock struck midnight.
And as the first firework exploded into the sky, a silver hand burried itself deep into Kae's chest, forever robbing her of her soul.
~*~
Say a prayer for me, cause I can barely breath,
I'm suffering, and I can't take it.
Because of me, no one will ever see,
This side of me, if I don't make it.
It's like I can't wake up,
It's like I cant get up.
It's like I can't remember,
Who I used to be,
Am I running from you,
Or am I running from me?
It's like I can't wake up,
It's like I cant get up.
It's like I can't remember,
Who I used to be,
Am I running from you,
Or am I running from me?
Clear a path for me, because I can barely see,
I'm stumbling, and I can't shake it.
It's up to me, to save myself from me,
My enemy, but I can't face it.
It's like I can't wake up,
It's like I cant get up.
It's like I can't remember,
Who I used to be,
Am I running from you,
Or am I running from me?
It's like I can't wake up,
It's like I cant get up.
It's like I can't remember,
Who I used to be,
Am I running from you,
Or am I running from me?
I'm breaking out.
Here I come, here I come, here I come
Can't, wake, up, cause I'm not around,
Am I running from you,
Or am I running from me?
It's like I can't wake up,
It's like I cant get up,
It's like I can't remember,
Who I used to be.
Am I running from you?
Can't face myself, I'm just left with the suffering.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N: I'm working VERY hard on trying to keep Bernard the same character he is in the movie. I was reading over it when I came to the f***ing Head Elf part and I was imagining from the movie when Bernard says: ...and whatever you do, don't mention the word plastic'. Thank you! I started cracking up soooo hard... poor Bernard!!