A Sane Odysseus in an Insane World

by Lunar Mystic

Poor Oedipus ;) Nothing really elaborate--it's a short parody on the Scylla scene, where the characters are... well, out of character. It'll make a bit more sense if you read the book first. Enjoy, and please leave a note on what you think of it!

Odysseus: Scylla!!!!!

Eurylochus: Sky what?

Scylla eats him.

Odysseus: She's coming!  Duck!

Eurylochus's ghost: What duck?

Scylla eats him again.

Odysseus (very controlled): Okay, Euri, when I say duck, hit the deck, okay?

Eurylochus's second ghost nods.

Odysseus: Hit the deck!  She's up there!

Eurylochus punches the deck and looks up.

Eurylochus: Aaaaaaahhh!  She's gonna eat me!  OD!  Save meeeee!  Don't let her eat me!!

Odysseus groans.

Odysseus: Euri, she already has.

Eurylochus: She already has what?

Odysseus: SHE ATE YOU!  TWICE, YOU TWIT!  Why didn't you duck when I told you to?

Eurylochus: Well, I hit the deck.  See?  (He slaps the deck again)

Scylla swoops down and eats Odysseus.

Odysseus: I'LL BE BACK!  I'll kill you someday, stupid cattle-eating twerp!

Eurylochus (scratches his head): Er . . . isn't that your line to Antinous?

Odysseus: Oh Zeus.  I think death may be preferable to life with this moron . . .

::Athena pops up::

Athena: Hey, OD!  Wassup?

Odysseus: Not the sky.  We're in a cave, Atti.

Athena (looks around): Oh, how positively wonderful!  Scylla's chomping you up!  Oh, look, there's your liver, and . . . er, I think that's your rib cage . . . or maybe it's your spine—I just love gory fight scenes.

Odysseus: ATTI.  She—is—eating—me.  Is it possible for you to THINK reasonably and maybe HELP me, your valiant hero?

Athena (throws a hand across her forehead dramatically): What is this Thinking you speak of?  I live for WAR!  (thinks a minute)  Well, so does Ares, but then we're together and all, so . . .

Odysseus: Er, Atti, aren't you a virgin goddess?

Athena: Oh, it looks nice in the mythology books ::winks::

Odysseus's head falls off as Scylla eats the rest of his body.  Athena plucks it up.

Athena: hmm . . . well, Perseus used to hold Medusa's head like this.

Odysseus (rolls his eyes): I'm so honored.  ::looks down:: Has Euri died yet?

Athena: Well, technically he's died approximately seventeen times, but actually . . . ::she leans in closer and whispers:: he went down to Tartarus, and Hades wouldn't take him.  He only takes people with an IQ of zero or up, and . . . well, Euri just didn't make it on the chart.  It ruins the population IQ to let dummies in, you see.

Odysseus: Atti, couldn't you give him a little IQ?  You're the goddess of wisdom.

Athena: Ahem, ahem.  Goddess of wishdom and war.  The stupid historians left out the h.