As noon rolled around, Ed and Edd were still busy disposing of the spoiled items jam-packed into Eddy's refrigerator. The food flew through the air in a near-constant barrage; Ed ate it all and called for more. "Yum, raisin pickle!" He smacked his lips as he swallowed a chewy, dried-out pickle. "I have died and gone to Oklahoma!"

Even Edd seemed to be enjoying himself, examining each object he removed with the clinical eye of a microbiologist, all the while glibly scolding Eddy for the unhygienic condition of his refrigerator. "Here you are, Ed – an entire colony of Bacillus cereus to whet your appetite!" Into Ed's mouth went a gooey tub of butter, followed shortly thereafter by a jar of black peanut butter and a wriggling tray of lasagna. "If you can handle all of this, I don't think there's anything the other kids could feed you that will cause an adverse reaction!" He scratched his head as he held up a tube of cookie dough that seemed to have sprouted a face. "Remind me to be conveniently out-of-town should you ever invite Ed and myself over to dinner, Eddy."

"Yeah, whatever, Sock-head." Eddy sat at the kitchen table, idly flicking a paper football he'd made out of a napkin. "Ain't you done yet? I'd, uh, like to take this act on the road before I'm too old to spend the cash!"

"Nearly finished, Eddy! We're almost out of test subjects – just this one bag of nice leafy gree – er, browns – left!" He plucked a bag of wilted spinach out of the vegetable drawer and tossed it over his shoulder. "Eat it in good health, Ed – perhaps it'll help combat the ill effects of all that bacteria-laden mayonnaise you downed earlier."

"No!" Ed swallowed reflexively, even as his eyes opened wide. "Spinach!" He clutched his throat and collapsed in a convulsive fit.

"Oh, good heavens! Ed! Speak to me!" Edd raced to his friend's side, pulling down on his hat in dismay. "What have I done?"

"What did you do, Sock-head?" Eddy leapt up and peered anxiously at Ed. "Oh, man! If he croaks, my folks are gonna ground me forever!" He hopped from one foot to the other, flapping his hands and glaring at Edd. "What're you trying to do to me? You just had one stinking chore to do and you can't even get – "

"Excuse me? A chore, Eddy?"

"Uh, did I say chore? I meant…store! You just had to put up one lousy store and – "

"I thought we were preparing for Ed's public debut as a human landfill, Eddy?" Eddy's contrite expression was belied by the grin curling the corners of his mouth. Edd crossed his arms. "I knew it! This whole sordid affair was simply a means for you to evade your household duties, wasn't it? Rather than simply clean out the refrigerator as your mother no doubt asked, you had to devise some absurd plot to manipulate Ed and myself into performing this task on your behalf!"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm a heel, I feel just awful – not now, Sock-head!" Eddy gestured towards Ed. "Do something about Ed before he backs up like a clogged sink!"

"Your gift for poetic expression is equaled only by the depths of your compassion, Eddy." With a final aggravated glance at Eddy, Edd knelt by Ed. "Ed? Ed! Snap out of it, man! It was only a vegetable, for Pete's sake!"

"Vegetable!" Ed sat up, a look of utter horror on his face. "I ate a veg – hic! – a vegeta – hic! – I ate a – hic-hic!" He clapped both hands over his mouth and stared at Edd helplessly.

"Oh, thank heavens." Edd heaved a sigh of relief. "It seems Ed is all right after all." He turned towards Eddy, hands on his hips. "Now, about your reprehensible lack of respect for – aigh!" He frowned as he found himself facing Ed once more. "Ed, please don't interrupt when I'm reprimanding Eddy."

Ed clutched even more tightly at Edd's shoulders. "Help me, Double – hic! – Double-D! What is wrong with – hic – my stomach?" He shook with a series of hiccupping convulsions, rattling himself and Edd both.

"Ed, please! Try to relax; it's just a simple case of the hiccups – an inconsequential series of respiratory spasms, sure to pass momentarily!"

"But what if – hic! – what if they do not, Double-D? What if I hiccup forever – how will I ever become a world-famous potato dancer?"

"I assure you, Ed, your career plans won't be impeded one iota by – "

"Or – oh no! Guys!" Ed gasped. "What if I do not have the hiccups at all, but am actually about to mutate into a giant toadstool-pizza just like in 'Terror in 30 Minutes or Less'!" He threw his arms around Edd and sobbed on his shoulder. "I hate mushrooms, Double-D!"

"Please, Ed, you're soaking my shirt." He twisted around to glare at Eddy. "I hope you're happy!"

"Me? What did I do? Things were going great until you had to feed him that spinach, Captain Nutrition!"

"Well, I wouldn't have been feeding him anything had you not been so eager to dupe us both into carrying out your parentally assigned responsibility - would I, Eddy?" Edd had to speak loudly to be heard over Ed's mournful sobs. "You know we would've gladly helped you had you only asked!"

"Yeah, right." Eddy snorted. "Where's the fun in that, Sock-head?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize this was fun." Edd wrung out his sleeve. "Perhaps in the future you could devise some simple code words to alert me to when I'm meant to be enjoying these utterly ridiculous and completely unnecessary predicaments!"

"I can think of a few code words for ya," Eddy muttered under his breath. More loudly he snapped, "Well, get outta the way if you're not gonna help!" He yanked Edd away from Ed and tossed him aside, then grabbed Ed and tried to drag him to his feet. "Get up, Lumpy, we've gotta go stick your head in the toilet and flush it a few times!"

Edd blinked incredulously. "A swirlie, Eddy? This is how you propose to assist Ed?"

"It's not a 'swirlie,' Orville, it's just how you cure hiccups!" Eddy pulled at Ed's jacket sleeve, but Ed remained where he was. "It's what my brother always did when I had 'em!"

"Oh, he did, did he?" Edd raised an eyebrow. "And how did he aid you when you had a cold – an Indian burn, perhaps? A wet willie?"

"Of course not, Sock-head, he'd just lick his finger and…jam...it...in my ear..." Eddy sat down, a deeply disturbed look on his face. "He said it kept my head clear..."

Edd shook his head sympathetically. "I suppose there are certain advantages to being an only child." Eyes wide and unfocused, Eddy only gurgled in response. "Well, Ed, let's disregard Eddy's old family remedy for the moment, shall we?"

Ed looked disappointed. "But I love – hic – Tidy Bowl, Double-D!"

"Yes, well, school will be here before we know it, I fear we'll all get our fill of Tidy Bowl then." He shuddered. "For now, let's approach this from a more scientific perspective, shall we?" He snapped his fingers. "Why don't I go retrieve my medical supplies, and we can do a thorough – "

"NO!" Ed scrambled to his feet and leapt into the still-open refrigerator. "No check-ups!" He slammed the door shut behind him.

Eddy snickered. "Looks like Ed still remembers the last time you tried that, Sock-head."

"Oh dear!" Edd ran to the refrigerator. "Ed? Ed, please, come out of there! You know how sorry I am for that stethoscope incident!" He knocked on the door. "Ed! I swear, I had no idea that could even happen!" Tugging ineffectively at the door, he called over his shoulder, "Help me, Eddy, he could suffocate in there!"

"Yeah, all right, he doesn't get enough air to his brain as it is." Eddy came over and knocked on the door. "Come on, Monobrow, get outta my fridge! It smells bad enough without you in there!" When he got no response, he banged even harder. "Ed! Look, we'll try something else, okay? How about…uh…" He drummed his fingers on the refrigerator door. "I've got it! Headstands, Ed! Sometimes they work!"

"Headstands!" The refrigerator door flew open, knocking Edd and Eddy against the wall. Ed bounded out and scooped up both his friends. "Let us all go stand on my head!" Laughing in between hiccups, he ran out the door.

Once outside, Ed took hold of Eddy's feet and stood him upside down. "Stand on your head, Eddy!" He up-ended Edd next. "Stand on your head, Double-D!" Putting his own head against the ground, he kicked his feet into the air. "Stand on your – hic!" His hiccup jolted him off balance, and he toppled over. Trying again, he briefly got his feet into the air before another hiccup sent him back to the ground.

As Ed continued his unsuccessful attempts at standing on his head, Edd peeked out through one half-cracked eye. "I-I'm doing it?" He opened both eyes wide. "I'm really standing on my head?" He laughed triumphantly. "Eddy, look! I'm standing on my head! Perfectly poised, impeccably balanced, every muscle in tune with – aigh!" As Eddy let go of his feet, Edd fell flat on the ground.

Eddy snickered. "Don't book your trip to the Olympics yet, Sock-head, you've – "

Ed's wail of dismay cut him off. "Guys!" A series of hiccups rattled through him. "My spores will not let me stand on my head! I cannot even spend my last remaining hours as a human enjoying the soothing sound of blood rushing to my head!" He threw himself down face-first and sobbed. "Why, toadstool pizza spores, why?"

Edd sat up slowly. "Well, there's another traditional cure upon which Ed has managed to wreak havoc. Would you care to try again, Eddy?"

"Me? What about you? Don't you have any 'scientific' solutions you'd like to wow us with?"

"I'm afraid there is no reliable cure for the hiccups, Eddy, scientific or otherwise. And if I can't use my medical equipment to get a glimpse of the situation in Ed's esophagus, there's little else I can do. Ed will just have to wait them out, I suppose." Suddenly he brightened. "Or – of course! How silly of me not to have thought of this sooner!" He smacked his forehead. "Eddy, why don't we consult Rolf?"

"Rolf? Forget it! The last thing we need right now is another episode of Bumpkin-Time Story Hour with Uncle Turnip!"

"But think of it, Eddy! Traditional folk remedies such as Rolf can provide are often rooted in generations of wisdom and experience, and at times prove to be quite effectual at remedying ailments that have resisted other methods of treatment. After all, he was able to assist you with your pimple problem back when – "

"Hey, hey hey!" Eddy leapt at Edd and wrapped his hands around his mouth. "What the heck are you talkin' about, Sock-head, I never had no pimple problem and you know it! Heh-heh, you musta been dreaming, yeah!"

"Mmmph." Edd wrenched back out of Eddy's grasp. "Dreaming? Oh, for Pete's sake, Eddy, for once seize hold of your tenuous grasp on reality with both hands, you know you - ah ... " seeing his friend hunch down with his hands held protectively over his head, Edd relented before the guilt could set in. "That is, ah, yes, o-of course Eddy, heaven knows I've been having nothing but unsettlingly sebaceous dreams ever since Ed insisted we share in the joys of 'Creature from the Blackhead Lagoon' with him ... " He offered an apologetic smile. "But why don't we pay Rolf a visit anyway? Even if he can't assist Ed perhaps there's always the there's always the chance that we can liberate a few quarters from him via some ludicr – er, lucrative – new ploy, don't you think, Eddy?"

Eddy eyed Edd narrowly, looking for any sign he was making fun of him. Finally he shrugged, still flushing a most unEddyish shade of red. "Fine, whatever, let's go see what Beet Boy's up to today…"

"Good idea, Eddy." Edd smiled in relief at a guilt trip avoided. "Come along, Ed, let's go visit Rolf."

Ed sniffed and sat up. "So I can say good-bye to his chickens? Good idea, Double-D, I will miss them when I am a pizza! Do you think Rolf would let me live in his chicken coop until then?"

"Uh, we'll just have to ask him, Ed."

All three Eds headed off towards Rolf's. Eddy came last, arms crossed, glaring at the ground in front of him. "'Seize hold of your blah blah blah reality, Eddy," he muttered in high-pitched imitation of Edd. "Stupid Sock-head…I didn't have a pimple," he grumbled. "Shoulda made him eat that eggnog when I had the chance."