Mending Fences Chapter 11

As she stared at Jean Luc's retreating form, Beverly began to feel some trepidation. She knew that talking
about what happened to her would start the healing process, but she didn't know where or how to start.

Deanna, sensing her unease, tried to alleviate some of the tension, "Beverly, I don't bite. I just want to help
you come to terms with what happened to you."

Beverly sighed, "I'm just not sure what you want me to say Deanna. I don't know how I am supposed to be
feeling."

"What DO you feel?"

"Fear. I am scared to be in a room by myself. Every little creek of this old house, every branch scratching
against the windows, makes me flinch." She said quietly, as she tucked her knees under her chin and
wrapped her arms around her legs.

"What else? It's not just your fear I am sensing, it goes much deeper than that."

Beverly rubbed her temples trying to calm herself; she knew this was going to be the really taxing part of the
conversation. Releasing a breath she was not aware she was holding, she began speaking in a voice barely
audible to Troi, "I should have fought harder, should have been strong enough to make him stop. I was
foolish to even go hiking alone on that damn mountain. It's my fault this happened, if I hadn't been so lost
in my thoughts, paid more attention what was around me, I could have maybe escaped before he even caught
me."

"Beverly, you know it was not your fault. You did fight back. That man was much stronger and larger than
you. He beat you so badly, he damn near killed you."

"Sometimes, I wish he had." She said calmly.

You don't really mean that, do you," asked a stunned Deanna.

"At times, I do. Well, not within the past few days, but the thought has crossed my mind on occasion." She
sighed.

"What has changed in the past few days?

Beverly raised an eyebrow and smiled sadly, "What do you think changed?"

"The Captain? I can sense the calming effect he has on you. After the little 'show' Will & I walked in on
this afternoon, would I be assuming correctly that things have changed with him?"

"If by 'changed' you mean, have I slept with him, then the answer would be no. But, we have had a few talks
on the matter of our fears and feelings." Beverly leaned back in the chair and stared into the flames of the
roaring fire, "I love him, Deanna. I always have. I don't think I'd survive this if he wasn't with me."

"You know that you can talk to me also. I'm here for you, as a friend and a Counselor." Deanna wanted her
to know that she was not alone. Beverly had people around her who loved her and wanted to help.

"Don't worry Deanna, I'm sure I'll be in need of your services soon. Right now, though, I am just trying to
forget for a while."

"Is it working? Are you forgetting?"

Beverly closed her eyes in quiet contemplation, "No, it's not. Every time I close my eyes, I smell his breath
in my face. I can still feel the ropes around my wrists. I can feel his hands kneading my breasts, grabbing my
thighs." Visibly shuddering, she continued, "And I can still feel him entering me, violating me."

"You did everything you could Beverly. There is no defense against an attack like that." Deanna needed her
to understand that the rape was not her fault.

"My control was ripped away along with my self confidence.. I am so unsure of myself right now, not to
mention the humiliation and embarrassment. I thought Jean Luc finding me in the throes of orgasmic bliss
with Ronin was humiliating, but this… him finding me like that…" she left the thought go unsaid as silent
tears slipped from her eyes.

Deanna, sensing Beverly was getting more and more uncomfortable discussing her feelings about the rape,
tried to change direction a little, "What about you and the Captain? Do you think you are ready for a
physical relationship with him?"

A wistful smile graced her face, "I love the feel of him. He makes me feel safe and loved…wanted."

"That's not enough to base a relationship on, Beverly."

"I know that, Deanna. It goes much deeper than just that. He is my rock, my lifeline. If it wasn't for his love
and patience I don't know where I'd be right now. I love him with my heart and soul. I can't wait for the day
we make love, but I agree with you, I don't think I am ready for that step yet."

"What would have happened in that kitchen if Will and I hadn't interrupted you two?"

"I don't know. I was already starting to feel anxious. I probably would have stopped it before it went any
further. As much as I enjoyed him touching me, as…aroused as I was, if we made love now, it would be for
all the wrong reasons. It's not something I want to rush. I need time."

"Wrong reasons? What do you mean?" Deanna knew why, but she wanted to make sure that Beverly really
understood too.

"If we were to make love, without me facing the recent events in my life, I would be using him to try to feel
safe, to prove to myself that sex is not all the violence and pain that I feel it is right now."

Deanna could hear the 'boys' returning from their tour of the house and tried to lighten the mood, "You
know, Bev, in all the years I have known you, I have never gotten you to discuss your feelings as easily as I
did tonight. Either I am finally getting good at reading you, or you are going soft on me.' She laughed.

Beverly smiled, "Don't get used to it, it wont be so easy to get me to talk in the future. I made a promise to
Jean Luc to talk to you. The next time I am in need of your services, you are going to have to work for it. I
can't spoil you now, can I?"

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For the first time in weeks, Beverly's laughter was genuine and sincere, not filled with sarcasm. It was the
sound of her laughter that drew Jean Luc and Will back to the living room.

"Well, Captain, sounds like the girls are having a party without us." Will said loudly to announce their
return

Jean Luc smiled at Will as he made his way to Beverly. She stood as he approached. When he was in front
of her, he whispered, "Better?"

She reached for him and pulled him into her embrace, "Not yet, but we are working in it."

He softly kissed her cheek, "I'm glad, love, I'm proud of you."

Beverly turned to Deanna and Will, "Thank you both for looking out for me, and I am sorry I was so
obnoxious in Ten-Forward that day." She turned to Jean Luc, "And thank you for rescuing me. I love you."

Deanna moved to her, hugging her, "I'm glad you are back Beverly, I missed you."

"Yeah, the poker games have been pretty dull without you, maybe now I'll actually have some competition
again." Will joked.

Deanna swatted his arm the took his hand, "Come on Will, lets go to bed, I'm tired." Walking past Beverly
and the Captain she said, "Goodnight."

After Will and Deanna retreated to the guest room, Jean Luc again faced Beverly, "You ok?" he asked.

"Yes, I will be, thanks to you and Deanna."

Why do I sense a 'but' in there somewhere?"

She sighed, a bit unsure of what his reaction would be, "I love you, you know that don't you?"

"Yes, but I shall never tire of hearing you say it." He smiled

"I don't think that I am ready to make love yet. I wasn't…god do I want to… but I am not ready."

"Beverly," he hugged her, "I understand. I will not pressure you. We will take things as slowly as you need
to. Just knowing you love me as much as I love you is enough."

She snuggled into his embrace, "Will you hold me tonight?"

"I will hold you forever, all you have to do is ask."

Tugging his arm, she led him up the stairs to her bedroom, "Come, sleep next to me tonight, My Captain,
and hold me."

Behind them, he shut the door. Closing out the hurt and loneliness, and opening a new chapter in their lives.
The road will be a long,difficult one to journey down, and there will be many fences to mend, but they
will walk the road together.

FINIS

End