Written in Blood
A Tenchi Muyo- Sailormoon crossover. By Kellybug and Sailor Moonbrat (Partners-in-Crime).
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DISCLAIMER: None of the anime used or mentioned in this story are mine:
Tenchi Muyo is the property of its creator Kajishima Masaki, and its
distributor, Pioneer.
Sailormoon is the property of its creator, Naoko Takeuchi, and its various
distributors.
Card Captor Sakura is the property of its creators at CLAMP.
Pokemon is the property of Nintendo.. at least, the game is. Who lays claim to
the videos, I'm not sure! But, it's not me.
The Dragonball-series, also, does not belong to me.
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NOTE: I never planned for this story to see thew light of the web.. but, my co-writer,
MoonTwit, decided to use this idea as a part of a story-idea of her's that I'm helping her write. So... up on ff.net it goes!
Any references to actual-people or groups living or (mostly) dead are intentional. I
am mixing this story up with my family-history :)
Flames are MORE than welcome (This house could use the heat!).
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CHAPTER 8
"WAITAMINUTE!!!!" Rei screamed "How can they be my relatives? They can NOT be
my relatives! IIEDE! They are Not Japanese! They are not even MARTAIN!!"
I started to laugh.. a bit maniacally, I'm sure.. for I could just picture
what would happen next. I started counting:
One one-thousand..
Two one-thousand..
*POP!*
*POP!*
*POP!*
*POP!*
*POP!*
*POP!*
*POP!*
*POP!*
School-desks started popping-up like mushrooms.. each with a Sailorsenshi
to fill them! And, Rei was wearing a dunce cap.. ALREADY!! There were, however,
two vacancies!
But not for long.
"Mihoshiiii!.. KIYONE!" Wahuu half-yelled, half-sang out! "Release your
prisoners!"
"Are you sure, Hibiki?" Mihoshi and Kiyone called out.
"I am sure!"
"'Grandmother'?" Serena and I asked.
"From them and Yuugi," Washuu chuckled, "I don't mind it!"
*POP!*
*POP!*
I couldn't help but laugh.. althouh I tried not to! The sight of the Senshi
of Uranus and Neptune wearing dunce caps was just *too* perfect!
"NOW!" Washuu-sensei screeched out. "Since SOME of us seem to be having
problems adding two plus two correctly.."
"Nani?" Mina interrupted.
"She means..", Sasami said almost-apologetically, "how our American-itoko
can use our powers."
"They can use your powers?" Minako asked.
"Damn! But the Ficus grows thickly here!" Ayeka said.
"Nani?" Minako asked again.
"Never mind her!" Makoto said. "She's had too much sun!"
"Ficus can't tolerate direct sun." I smirked.
"I've always though the sun burned more than Minako's skin." Luna mumbled.
"Scrambled brain." Artimis sighed.
"I'm guessing everyone here has had the basics taught them in biology, ne?"
Washuu asked. Then, she scanned the class. Every Senshi seemed to be nodding.
"Hai! Then, I'm also guessing you know how humanoids reproduce?"
Again, there were nods. Even Chibiusa was nodding as she sat by me
and Serena.
"GOOD!!" Then we can move on to Genetics and a side-study into Genealogy!"
"Genealogy?" Minako asked suddenly. "What does that have to do with us?"
**CRASH!**
"Itai.." The Senshi of Venus whimpered from under a pile of pots and pans.
"What was *that* for?" Rei screeched.
"One- she asked without recognition!" Washuu-sensei said sharply. "Two- she
asked one of the stupidest-questions anyone could have asked here.. considering
what we've been seeing and hearing today! And, I do not suffer fools lightly."
Washuu-sensei then grinned lightly. "Or, make them suffer lightly."
Washu-sensei then turned back to the blackboard she had conjured up.
"NOW! In every cell of every living organism, there are MARKERS that can be
traced from ONE generation to the next! The Markers, for the MALE, are found in
the DNA of the nucleus of the cell and, for the FEMALE, in the cells Mitochondria."
Washuu-sensei now began typing into her holo-computer.
"Now! Using certain chrono-sequencing-techniques, we can detect certain *rare*
amino-acid groupings in the DNA of any subject and trace them back to their points-
of-origin!"
"Is she going too fast for anyone else?" Sailormars asked.. or rather, whined.
"Because she's gome WAY above my head just now!"
"Would you *please*, quiet down, Rei-chan?" Usagi sighed. "I am trying to take
notes! As you say.. Washuu-sensei IS going a bit fast."
"You're actually paying ATTENTION, Odango Atama?" Sailormars started to laugh.
"Why? We'll never have to use this! Even if it IS true, which I still..."
**CRASH!!**
"Itai.."
"THAT, Sailormars," Washuu said to the pile on pot-and-pans, "is for NOT paying
attention and for pestering someone who is TRYING to! Now.. turn around!"
"Hai." The pile whimpered.
"So, using these techniques," Washuu-sensei continued, "I have peeled back the
generations of time in Kelly-kun's and Serena-chan's DNA! I did this after I detected
the auras of Earth, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto,
and Jurai about them."
Washuu stopped and smiled mischieviously for a second. "And THAT was after a
certain Juraian-princess took it upon herself to seek honor by fighting Kelly-kun!"
"And that is *something* I *never* plan to do again." Ayake muttered.
"But, that STILL does not explain how we can be related!" Rei screamed. "I am
Japanese! My FAMILY is Japanese! They are NOT Japanese! Therefor.. we CANNOT be
RELATED!! Not by BLOOD!! YOU LIE!! YOU LIE!!"
"Is she always this hyper?" Serena asked Chibiusa.
"Iyaa.. sometimes she is worse."
"Rei-chan!" Usagi snapped out. "You are Japanese.. Hai! But.. you were not always
Japanese! And, neither was your family! And neither was mine! I was Lunarian! What
was yours?"
"Martial?" Rei eeped out, as the possibility hit her that Washuu-Sama MIGHT be
right!
"Hai."
"Demo.. my ancestors came to Japan.. Hai?"
"Your DIRECT ancestors? Hai!" Usagi said solemnly. "But others of Mars'
royal-family may have come here, before! And where they end up?" Usagi's head slowly
slid toward Serena and I.
Sailormars followed her gaze.
We waved at Mars.
"I'm going to be sick." The Senshi of Mars whined.
"Something's wrong here.." Sailormercury.. Ami.. pondered. "Usagi-chan's behavior
is VERY out-of-character for her!"
"I wonder.." Minako said as she dug herself out from the last of the kitchenware.
Minako's thoughts.. and Washuu's class.. were interrupted by a small explosion
and a frantic S.O.S.:
"Sailor.. Youma.. kilo.. south.. Jinja. Help!.. Kamen. Out!"
"TUXEDO-KAMEN-SAMA?!?!"
"CLASS DISMISSED!!!!" Washuu-sensei yelled.
As the Sailorsenshi went off to fight the Youma, Usagi told us to stay away
from the Senshi's line-of-fire. At the same time, she asked the members of Clan
Masaki who could fight to lend a hand!
Why we did, I don't know.. but we obeyed Usagi- of our *own* free-will! It
was one of the FEW times we actually DID what Usagi-itoko TOLD us to do!
Well.. we *did* find a place to watch the fight from!
I suddenly wished we hadn't.
It wasn't that we were in danger, ourselves! If was more that our RELATIVES
were in danger! DEADLY danger!! Especially, Usagi!!
It was sheer *torture* to watch Usagi transform! It was absolute beauty.. but
it was a SLOW beauty!! I was able to count up to a MINUTE before Sailormoon
appeared!
I looked to Serena. She was as anxious as I was! Neither one of us expected
to meet any relatives just in time to BURY THEM !!
Fortunately, Usagi was able to start fighting.. although she did take some
MONSTEROUS hits!
In the midst of fear, Amanda Serena and I did the only sane think wee could
think of... We started poking fun at this danger! Of course, it did involve the
Senshi..
First, we started immitating Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert!
"I have to give in a Thumbs-Down, Roger!" Serena giggled. "Usagi's introduction
was.. the say the least.. WAAAAYYYY too long! I almost found myself rooting for the
Youma to knock her ass to the GROUND!"
"Well, Gene, I was a bit split," I started weighing my thumbs, "I, myself,
am split. I DO love her gracefulness, but the routine DOES take too long! I give it
a 5.5! Whatever god is watching over our itoko is DEFINITELY earning his due thanks
today!! You would think the Monster-of-the-Day would have already had Tsukino-chan
for LUNCH!"
"Monster-of-the-Day is either blind..", Serena grinned and winked, "or hentai."
Serena and I snickered.
"I'm afraid I can't give the Senshi a 5.5!" Serena chuckled. "I'd have to give
then a 4.5!"
"5.5! 5.5!" I cry out like an auctioneer. "5.5! -5! -5! -5! Do I hear a 5.0!
A 5.0? Do I hear a 5.0?!"
"5.0!" Serena shouted.
Then we started bidding against each other:
"4.5!"
"4.0!"
"3.5!"
"3.0!"
"2.5!"
"Can we go lower than zero?" Serena asked.
"I don't think so." I replied.
"DAMN!" Serena and I bursted into giggles!
Just then, Tuxedo-Kamen showed up... with roses and Haiku.
I started making turkey-calls when I recognized Chiba-Baka:
"Grrrrk-gk-gk-gk-gk-gk! Grrrrrrrrrk-gk-gk-gk-gk-gk! Grrrrrrrk-gk-gk!"
"I don't honestly know what's worse!" Serena mused. "The outfit,
the roses, of that *damned* poetry?"
"Fred-Astaire-wannabe!" I chuckle.
"Truly sad," Serena answered. "But, the short poetry is pathetic!"
"Aye! Tis filled with pathos, I agree," I add, "but not as much
as the roses!"
We both wind up laughing. Then try to stop as we see the warriors
coming back! They've won... but they're limping back in... I doubt I'd
call them the "Conquering Heroes"! Maybe, "Conquered"?
Unfortunately.. Rei heard a snicker.
"And WHY do you laugh at us?!?!"
"I.. I'm.. sorry.. Rei-chan!" I try to speak between gasps. "But..
you look like something.. Artimus.. dragged in *heehee*!"
"Yeah!" Serena laughed, " Then decided he didn't want.. and dragged
back out! *Hahahaaaa*GASP*!"
"I suppose you could do BETTER?!?!" Rei snapped out.
"Iie." I answer. "Not better. FASTER. But not better!"
Rei wore a smirk of satisfaction... for all of about 30 seconds!
"ARE you SAYING we're SLOW????" She suddenly screeched.
"DAMN! she's *quick*!" Serena giggled.
Meanwhile, our arguing seemed to draw in Clan Masaki.
"'Slow'?" Ryoko said. "I'd say that's putting it lightly!"
"Hai." Ayeka answered. "Very lightly."
"I've seen faster molasses!" I growled.
Suddenly, Mamoru turned straight to Serena and I.
"I think he has something *important* to say, Serena!" I smile.
"I hope it's not more Haiku!" Serena yawned.
"You know, you SHOULD show more respect to these ladies!" Mamoru said,
condescending.
"I DO respect my itoko-tachi!" I try to remain as calmn as possible. "That's
why I'm trying to let them know what their weaknesses are! If I DIDN'T respect
them, I'd say nothing and let them be Youma-Chow.. Rosie!"
Chibusa suddenly tries to find a place to hide and giggle!
Mamoru then prepared for battle, DAMN! I DO believe I *pissed* off the boy!
Unfortunately, getting ready "for battle", for Chiba Mamoru, means, finding
another Haiku:
"The girl stands for us
fighting impossible foes
So the rest can live."
Oh, Lord! And, to think, I liked writing Haiku once!
"Kami help me...", Serena sighed, "Not *this shit* again... A complete
waste of air..."
"Isn't it, though?" I try to smile, but only grimace. Then I sigh.
"True, they DON'T have the time to home in on Turkey-Boy as they do
with Usagi-imouto and her calesthenics, but you'd think SOMEONE would
have found him by now!"
At this, Mamoru breaks down and CRIES!
"DAMN! That's the MOST emotion I bet anyone's SEEN out of you, Tuxxie!" Serena
cackled. "True, it was not QUITE the emotional-outburst I expected from you, but..
well.. any emotion is better than none! I guess."
"I guess he went," I say in a bad John-Wayne impression, "to the Wastern-school
for Showing Emotion, Pilgrim!"
"Heeheeha.. What the..? WATCH OUT, KELLY!!" Serena shouted out, tripping me
to the ground.
"SERENA?" I yell, "WHAT IN THE..?"
*Twiiiip!*
I looked off to the side of my boots, where a red rose had embedded itself
in the ground.
"Gee, TitT-Boy," I hissed out through grinning teeth. "I didn't know you
*cared*. I- am- going- to- KILL- you- now!" I slowly rose up and moved foreward.
"'Tee-ta Boy'?" Minako asked.
The THING-in-the-Cape then grabbed a handful of roses.
BIG mistake, Chiba-Baka!
"Kelly-Sama!" Yosho called out, "CATCH!"
*VOOP!*VOOP!*VOOP!*
I duck a bit and catch the spinning staff!
"YOSHI! NOW, TiiT-Boy! Throw me your WORST!"
"'Tee-ta Boy'? Rei asked.
"HEY!" I shouted out. "TURKEY-IN-THE-TUX! I said.. THROW ME YOUR WORST!!!!"
"Ah!" Usagi's face lit up. "T-I-T-T! 'Titt-Boy'! NOW it makes sense!" My
itoko and her daughter clapped and cheered!
The Senshi sweat-dropped.
The Thing finally tossed his roses..
I spun the staff and quickly ended the War of the Roses!
"Hey!" Serena cheered. "Bo knows roses!!!!"
"Better than the Japanese do!" I smirk at Mamoru. "Itoko? If you MUST
fight with flowers.. find something STURDIER than roses! Ja ne?"
That's when I noticed .. of all things possibly growing in Japan.. a
JASMINE bush! Gardenia jasminoides.. "Cape jasmine"! I chuckled.. *heheh*
This was getting too damned easy. And, Lo and BEHOLD! The plant was in
BLOOM!
I picked a flower and sniffed.. AHHH! The heavy frangrance.. I DO
love it so!!!!
Then I took dead aim om Turkey-boy's shoulder.. might as well make sure
the cape is pinned to the tuxedo-jacket *properly*
"CAPE JASMINE FOR THE CAPE-BOY!!!!"
*THWAAAAK!!!!*
"GNAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
"Well, I'll be.. the silly-thing went into the other silly-thing's shoulder!"
"Ami-chan? Washuu-chan?" I called out. "Medic?" I then pulled out the
red-tippeed flower-stem. "DAMN! These things actually *work!*"
"When I get up," Mamo-turkey slowly growled, "you are dead man, Graham-san!"
I still don't know why.. but, I suddenly thought I'd had enough of that
Baka-boy to last me ten lifetimes.
"Somebody wanna take this Asshole out and SHOOT HIM??" I hear myself singing
out.
Suddenly.. the hands of two Galactic Patrolwomen, two Princesses, a bounty-
hunter, a pirate, and a scientist were up in the air! And my Imouto was *dying*
of laughter!
"Dammit, Tux!" I grinned down at the grimacing Prince. "You're getting to be
a VERY POPULAR fellow!"
"*You* should leave!" A woman in a black skirt and long green hair said to me.
"You should not be here! You are dangerous to the future!"
I was running WAY past "Annoyed" right then. Meioh Setsuna was the LAST *thing*
I needed to here from.
"Who's future am I a 'danger' to, Setsuna?" I asked the Gatekeeper as calmly as
I could. I was having to GREATLY suppress an urge to throttle this cousin. "Yours?"
"Crystal Tokyo's", The garnet eyes said to me.
I looked over to Chibiusa. She was still here.
"Would you mind repeating that, Frau Geobbels?"
Setsuna stared at me, wide-eyed, and looked like she was strangling on something.
"'Frau.. Geobbels'?" Sailorneptune asked.
"Josef Geobbels." I quietly explained. "Propeganda Minister for NAZI Germany
until he committed suicide in 1945."
"Are you emplying that Setsuna is lying to us about what she sees?" Sailoruranus
asked threateningly.
"I am *saying* that fate is not chiseled into stone.. no matter WHAT Frau
Goebbels says. Besides which.. I seriously doubt she's looked very closely at the
future she is trying to shepherd-in."
All other fights, arguments, and jokes were quietly being forgotten. Pluto
and I seemed to be drawing a crowd!
"You do not know of what you speak, Gaijin." Pluto softly said.
"And you do not know what you guard, Sailor." I smiled.
"The future..", Pluto began.
"Is made up of every reaction we make!", I finished. "The future is only limited
by the decisions *we* make! Some decisions draw certain further decisions, others
do not."
"The Hime is light." Pluto decided to take another course. "Darkness is always
attracted to the light. It's natural. It's like a moth and a flame."
"True. But there are many ways to deal with moths." I countered with a smile.
I'm beginning to get to these three Senshi.
"Shut UP! QUIET!!" Sailoruranus screamed. "I will KILL you, slanderer!"
Damn! I think I hit a nerve!
"You take one step towards that boy," Ryoko appeared naxt to Uranus, "and I
will break your neck."
"Release her, Demon!" Neptune threatened. "You and your itoko will die,
quickly!"
"Shah, Kelly-Sama!" Sailorpluto grinned.
So.. the had become a chess game, huh?
"I don't think so, Lady Neptune." Ayeka's whisper cut the air like a
thunderclap! "I don't usually find myself agreeing with Ryoko-san! And, at first,
I didn't like Kelly-kun, but he is making perfect sense right now! He makes more
sense than your prophetess, there. And, should you harm him OR Ryoko.. I will
bury you in the very heart of this hill!"
"Shah mat, Pluto!" I grinned right back. "The next move is yours?"
Pluto pointed her damned time-staff at me..
"You making a mistake, Pluto!" I sang out lightly- and took hold of the
business-end of that key.
She wouldn't..
"Dead-O Scream."
She would..
**BOOM!!!!**
"*Cough!*Cough!*Sailorpluto, you Magnificent BITCH!!" I screamed out. "WHY
*Cough* did you just BLAST me when you already KNEW, from EXPERIENCE, that I'd
just send that DAMNED attack BACK at you? You know, for a Time-Warden *Cough!*
you're a DAMNED-slow learner!"
"Amen!"
I looked around. Ayeka, fortunately, had unleashed the powers of the White-
Hawk to shield everyone else, so only she, Ryoko, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto, and
I got blasted by the Time-Guard's idiocy. As it was, my imouto-chan would be
pissed enough at the Plutonian.
I jerked the time-staff away from its Mistress. "Gimme THAT!"
I than hit her with it, right up in the crotch, with every bit of strength
I could harness!
She slowly sank to the ground, whimpering. "Itai.. ITAI!!!!"
As Sailorpluto was slowly sinking omto the ground, Sailoruranus somehow
broke-free from Ryoko!
I think Ryoko just loosened her grip out of meanness.. for Uranus!
I must have been slow.. because Sailoruranus smiftly had me on the ground
and in an arm-block.
"Try to get out of THIS, Gaijin!" Uranus said slowly and with emphasis.
"This hold is *unbreakable*!"
I smiled. 'Unbreakable'? There's no such animal!
All you have to is relax- and feel in what direction the pressure's being
applied towards!
So.. I let myself go as limp as possible, than twisted my shoulder so my
body was perpendicular to the pressure-flow..
"Nani-yo?" Uranus squeeled.
And I lifted the Senshi off the ground, and threw her into the rising
Plutonian!
"BANZAI!!!" I shouted, my arms raised in victory!
"Itai..!" Chibiusa hissed.
"That *must* hurt!" Usagi agreed.
"That was an unbreakable hold! How could he break that hold? How did he
break that hold? That was unbreakable!! How could he beat me?? How could a Gaijin
beat me?? HOW COULD I BE.. BEATEN.. BY A MAN?? BY A *MERE* MAN???? Help me! Michiru?
Setsuna? Somebody? Help meeeeeeee.."
'Oh, damn! Uranus is loosing it.'
Uranus started running towards a car. I beat her there.
'Damn! There are KEYS in here!'
I removed the keys and threw them to Serena.
"Serena.. CATCH!!"
"What do you what me to do with THESE??" Serena asked.
"I think they're her car-keys!" I said, pointing to Sailoruranus. "And I don't
want her driving in her condition!"
"So?" Serena tossed the keys back to me, just over Uranus' grabbing hands!
"My KEYS!! Gimme! GIMME!!"
"Amanda Serena GRAHAM!! I can't keep the keys away from her! I'm too near the
DAMNED CAR!! And I don't want her driving off in her consition! She could wipe
herself out driving off this damned HILL!!!"
I threw the keys back to Serena.
"And I should care *because*??"
Serena threw them back to me.
"She's a RELATIVE!!"
"So were CAIN and ABEL!!"
Itai!
Anyway, we played keep-away with Uranus' keys for about 30 minutes, with Uranus
throwing a tentrum, until I told Serena to get rid of the keys.
"Toss them to Usagi!"
Usagi then pocketed the keys someplace safe.
Uranus looked towards Usagi pleadingly. "Give me my KEYS, Koneko? Onegai?"
"Gomen nisai, Haruka! But Kelly is quite right! I will not let you drive yet!"
Uranus- Haruka- plopped down on her rear and pouted.
"There, there, Haruka-chan!" I cradled Haruka gently and wiped any her forming
tears. "It will be alright! Hush.. Hush..Things will get better. We just got off on
the wrong foot! Thing will get better. I promise." I started rocking the Senshi
back and forth.
"Arigatou, aniki", Haruka whispered.
"You'e welcome, imouto-chan." I whispered back.
I looked out at a suddenly-quiet group of Senshi. Their eyes were bugged-out and
their mouths were agape! I guess they had never seen Haruka being nice to anyone
before? Or, maybe, nice to a *man*?
Well.. when the "man" in-question is Chiba Mamoru, I can understand the hostility!
"Sweet words hide poison
Vipers wait to capture prey
But will be captured"
'Speak of the Devil, and the Devil appears.'
"HEY! Barney-kun!" I yell to Mamo-turkey.
"'Ba-nee'?" Minako asked in responce.
"'Bah-nee'?" Rei echoed.
"'Baa-nee'?" Makoto asked again.
"'Baa-nee'?" Ami's faint acho came back.
"When did you change from purple to black?" I smirked down at Yogurt-Boy.
"Ahhh!!" Usagi smiled. "Barney the Purple-Dinosaur!!"
Chibiusa hid her face in Serena's stomache and tried to stifle a laugh.
"Nani?" The Thing-in-the-Cape asked.
"Slow, ain't he?" Serena growled out, causing Chibiusa to laugh yet again.
"That is not really fair!" Ami spoke up, "Tuxedo-Kamen is not scary as
some purple dinosaur!!"
Setsuna and Michiru cringed, Usagi stifled a small giggle, Chibusa buried
herself deeper in my sister's stomache, and most of the other Senshi face-faulted.
"Truer words have never been spoken, Mercury-Sama!" I chuckled.
"Haruka!" Michiru jumped up. "What are you doing with Graham-Sama?"
I stopped caressing Haruka a bit. "Michiru-ningyoutsukai? Sit down and quiet
down.. or I'll take those strings you work Haruka with and wrap them around your
neck and STRANGLE you with them!"
A Tenchi Muyo- Sailormoon crossover. By Kellybug and Sailor Moonbrat (Partners-in-Crime).
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DISCLAIMER: None of the anime used or mentioned in this story are mine:
Tenchi Muyo is the property of its creator Kajishima Masaki, and its
distributor, Pioneer.
Sailormoon is the property of its creator, Naoko Takeuchi, and its various
distributors.
Card Captor Sakura is the property of its creators at CLAMP.
Pokemon is the property of Nintendo.. at least, the game is. Who lays claim to
the videos, I'm not sure! But, it's not me.
The Dragonball-series, also, does not belong to me.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
NOTE: I never planned for this story to see thew light of the web.. but, my co-writer,
MoonTwit, decided to use this idea as a part of a story-idea of her's that I'm helping her write. So... up on ff.net it goes!
Any references to actual-people or groups living or (mostly) dead are intentional. I
am mixing this story up with my family-history :)
Flames are MORE than welcome (This house could use the heat!).
----------------------------------------------------------------------
CHAPTER 8
"WAITAMINUTE!!!!" Rei screamed "How can they be my relatives? They can NOT be
my relatives! IIEDE! They are Not Japanese! They are not even MARTAIN!!"
I started to laugh.. a bit maniacally, I'm sure.. for I could just picture
what would happen next. I started counting:
One one-thousand..
Two one-thousand..
*POP!*
*POP!*
*POP!*
*POP!*
*POP!*
*POP!*
*POP!*
*POP!*
School-desks started popping-up like mushrooms.. each with a Sailorsenshi
to fill them! And, Rei was wearing a dunce cap.. ALREADY!! There were, however,
two vacancies!
But not for long.
"Mihoshiiii!.. KIYONE!" Wahuu half-yelled, half-sang out! "Release your
prisoners!"
"Are you sure, Hibiki?" Mihoshi and Kiyone called out.
"I am sure!"
"'Grandmother'?" Serena and I asked.
"From them and Yuugi," Washuu chuckled, "I don't mind it!"
*POP!*
*POP!*
I couldn't help but laugh.. althouh I tried not to! The sight of the Senshi
of Uranus and Neptune wearing dunce caps was just *too* perfect!
"NOW!" Washuu-sensei screeched out. "Since SOME of us seem to be having
problems adding two plus two correctly.."
"Nani?" Mina interrupted.
"She means..", Sasami said almost-apologetically, "how our American-itoko
can use our powers."
"They can use your powers?" Minako asked.
"Damn! But the Ficus grows thickly here!" Ayeka said.
"Nani?" Minako asked again.
"Never mind her!" Makoto said. "She's had too much sun!"
"Ficus can't tolerate direct sun." I smirked.
"I've always though the sun burned more than Minako's skin." Luna mumbled.
"Scrambled brain." Artimis sighed.
"I'm guessing everyone here has had the basics taught them in biology, ne?"
Washuu asked. Then, she scanned the class. Every Senshi seemed to be nodding.
"Hai! Then, I'm also guessing you know how humanoids reproduce?"
Again, there were nods. Even Chibiusa was nodding as she sat by me
and Serena.
"GOOD!!" Then we can move on to Genetics and a side-study into Genealogy!"
"Genealogy?" Minako asked suddenly. "What does that have to do with us?"
**CRASH!**
"Itai.." The Senshi of Venus whimpered from under a pile of pots and pans.
"What was *that* for?" Rei screeched.
"One- she asked without recognition!" Washuu-sensei said sharply. "Two- she
asked one of the stupidest-questions anyone could have asked here.. considering
what we've been seeing and hearing today! And, I do not suffer fools lightly."
Washuu-sensei then grinned lightly. "Or, make them suffer lightly."
Washu-sensei then turned back to the blackboard she had conjured up.
"NOW! In every cell of every living organism, there are MARKERS that can be
traced from ONE generation to the next! The Markers, for the MALE, are found in
the DNA of the nucleus of the cell and, for the FEMALE, in the cells Mitochondria."
Washuu-sensei now began typing into her holo-computer.
"Now! Using certain chrono-sequencing-techniques, we can detect certain *rare*
amino-acid groupings in the DNA of any subject and trace them back to their points-
of-origin!"
"Is she going too fast for anyone else?" Sailormars asked.. or rather, whined.
"Because she's gome WAY above my head just now!"
"Would you *please*, quiet down, Rei-chan?" Usagi sighed. "I am trying to take
notes! As you say.. Washuu-sensei IS going a bit fast."
"You're actually paying ATTENTION, Odango Atama?" Sailormars started to laugh.
"Why? We'll never have to use this! Even if it IS true, which I still..."
**CRASH!!**
"Itai.."
"THAT, Sailormars," Washuu said to the pile on pot-and-pans, "is for NOT paying
attention and for pestering someone who is TRYING to! Now.. turn around!"
"Hai." The pile whimpered.
"So, using these techniques," Washuu-sensei continued, "I have peeled back the
generations of time in Kelly-kun's and Serena-chan's DNA! I did this after I detected
the auras of Earth, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto,
and Jurai about them."
Washuu stopped and smiled mischieviously for a second. "And THAT was after a
certain Juraian-princess took it upon herself to seek honor by fighting Kelly-kun!"
"And that is *something* I *never* plan to do again." Ayake muttered.
"But, that STILL does not explain how we can be related!" Rei screamed. "I am
Japanese! My FAMILY is Japanese! They are NOT Japanese! Therefor.. we CANNOT be
RELATED!! Not by BLOOD!! YOU LIE!! YOU LIE!!"
"Is she always this hyper?" Serena asked Chibiusa.
"Iyaa.. sometimes she is worse."
"Rei-chan!" Usagi snapped out. "You are Japanese.. Hai! But.. you were not always
Japanese! And, neither was your family! And neither was mine! I was Lunarian! What
was yours?"
"Martial?" Rei eeped out, as the possibility hit her that Washuu-Sama MIGHT be
right!
"Hai."
"Demo.. my ancestors came to Japan.. Hai?"
"Your DIRECT ancestors? Hai!" Usagi said solemnly. "But others of Mars'
royal-family may have come here, before! And where they end up?" Usagi's head slowly
slid toward Serena and I.
Sailormars followed her gaze.
We waved at Mars.
"I'm going to be sick." The Senshi of Mars whined.
"Something's wrong here.." Sailormercury.. Ami.. pondered. "Usagi-chan's behavior
is VERY out-of-character for her!"
"I wonder.." Minako said as she dug herself out from the last of the kitchenware.
Minako's thoughts.. and Washuu's class.. were interrupted by a small explosion
and a frantic S.O.S.:
"Sailor.. Youma.. kilo.. south.. Jinja. Help!.. Kamen. Out!"
"TUXEDO-KAMEN-SAMA?!?!"
"CLASS DISMISSED!!!!" Washuu-sensei yelled.
As the Sailorsenshi went off to fight the Youma, Usagi told us to stay away
from the Senshi's line-of-fire. At the same time, she asked the members of Clan
Masaki who could fight to lend a hand!
Why we did, I don't know.. but we obeyed Usagi- of our *own* free-will! It
was one of the FEW times we actually DID what Usagi-itoko TOLD us to do!
Well.. we *did* find a place to watch the fight from!
I suddenly wished we hadn't.
It wasn't that we were in danger, ourselves! If was more that our RELATIVES
were in danger! DEADLY danger!! Especially, Usagi!!
It was sheer *torture* to watch Usagi transform! It was absolute beauty.. but
it was a SLOW beauty!! I was able to count up to a MINUTE before Sailormoon
appeared!
I looked to Serena. She was as anxious as I was! Neither one of us expected
to meet any relatives just in time to BURY THEM !!
Fortunately, Usagi was able to start fighting.. although she did take some
MONSTEROUS hits!
In the midst of fear, Amanda Serena and I did the only sane think wee could
think of... We started poking fun at this danger! Of course, it did involve the
Senshi..
First, we started immitating Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert!
"I have to give in a Thumbs-Down, Roger!" Serena giggled. "Usagi's introduction
was.. the say the least.. WAAAAYYYY too long! I almost found myself rooting for the
Youma to knock her ass to the GROUND!"
"Well, Gene, I was a bit split," I started weighing my thumbs, "I, myself,
am split. I DO love her gracefulness, but the routine DOES take too long! I give it
a 5.5! Whatever god is watching over our itoko is DEFINITELY earning his due thanks
today!! You would think the Monster-of-the-Day would have already had Tsukino-chan
for LUNCH!"
"Monster-of-the-Day is either blind..", Serena grinned and winked, "or hentai."
Serena and I snickered.
"I'm afraid I can't give the Senshi a 5.5!" Serena chuckled. "I'd have to give
then a 4.5!"
"5.5! 5.5!" I cry out like an auctioneer. "5.5! -5! -5! -5! Do I hear a 5.0!
A 5.0? Do I hear a 5.0?!"
"5.0!" Serena shouted.
Then we started bidding against each other:
"4.5!"
"4.0!"
"3.5!"
"3.0!"
"2.5!"
"Can we go lower than zero?" Serena asked.
"I don't think so." I replied.
"DAMN!" Serena and I bursted into giggles!
Just then, Tuxedo-Kamen showed up... with roses and Haiku.
I started making turkey-calls when I recognized Chiba-Baka:
"Grrrrk-gk-gk-gk-gk-gk! Grrrrrrrrrk-gk-gk-gk-gk-gk! Grrrrrrrk-gk-gk!"
"I don't honestly know what's worse!" Serena mused. "The outfit,
the roses, of that *damned* poetry?"
"Fred-Astaire-wannabe!" I chuckle.
"Truly sad," Serena answered. "But, the short poetry is pathetic!"
"Aye! Tis filled with pathos, I agree," I add, "but not as much
as the roses!"
We both wind up laughing. Then try to stop as we see the warriors
coming back! They've won... but they're limping back in... I doubt I'd
call them the "Conquering Heroes"! Maybe, "Conquered"?
Unfortunately.. Rei heard a snicker.
"And WHY do you laugh at us?!?!"
"I.. I'm.. sorry.. Rei-chan!" I try to speak between gasps. "But..
you look like something.. Artimus.. dragged in *heehee*!"
"Yeah!" Serena laughed, " Then decided he didn't want.. and dragged
back out! *Hahahaaaa*GASP*!"
"I suppose you could do BETTER?!?!" Rei snapped out.
"Iie." I answer. "Not better. FASTER. But not better!"
Rei wore a smirk of satisfaction... for all of about 30 seconds!
"ARE you SAYING we're SLOW????" She suddenly screeched.
"DAMN! she's *quick*!" Serena giggled.
Meanwhile, our arguing seemed to draw in Clan Masaki.
"'Slow'?" Ryoko said. "I'd say that's putting it lightly!"
"Hai." Ayeka answered. "Very lightly."
"I've seen faster molasses!" I growled.
Suddenly, Mamoru turned straight to Serena and I.
"I think he has something *important* to say, Serena!" I smile.
"I hope it's not more Haiku!" Serena yawned.
"You know, you SHOULD show more respect to these ladies!" Mamoru said,
condescending.
"I DO respect my itoko-tachi!" I try to remain as calmn as possible. "That's
why I'm trying to let them know what their weaknesses are! If I DIDN'T respect
them, I'd say nothing and let them be Youma-Chow.. Rosie!"
Chibusa suddenly tries to find a place to hide and giggle!
Mamoru then prepared for battle, DAMN! I DO believe I *pissed* off the boy!
Unfortunately, getting ready "for battle", for Chiba Mamoru, means, finding
another Haiku:
"The girl stands for us
fighting impossible foes
So the rest can live."
Oh, Lord! And, to think, I liked writing Haiku once!
"Kami help me...", Serena sighed, "Not *this shit* again... A complete
waste of air..."
"Isn't it, though?" I try to smile, but only grimace. Then I sigh.
"True, they DON'T have the time to home in on Turkey-Boy as they do
with Usagi-imouto and her calesthenics, but you'd think SOMEONE would
have found him by now!"
At this, Mamoru breaks down and CRIES!
"DAMN! That's the MOST emotion I bet anyone's SEEN out of you, Tuxxie!" Serena
cackled. "True, it was not QUITE the emotional-outburst I expected from you, but..
well.. any emotion is better than none! I guess."
"I guess he went," I say in a bad John-Wayne impression, "to the Wastern-school
for Showing Emotion, Pilgrim!"
"Heeheeha.. What the..? WATCH OUT, KELLY!!" Serena shouted out, tripping me
to the ground.
"SERENA?" I yell, "WHAT IN THE..?"
*Twiiiip!*
I looked off to the side of my boots, where a red rose had embedded itself
in the ground.
"Gee, TitT-Boy," I hissed out through grinning teeth. "I didn't know you
*cared*. I- am- going- to- KILL- you- now!" I slowly rose up and moved foreward.
"'Tee-ta Boy'?" Minako asked.
The THING-in-the-Cape then grabbed a handful of roses.
BIG mistake, Chiba-Baka!
"Kelly-Sama!" Yosho called out, "CATCH!"
*VOOP!*VOOP!*VOOP!*
I duck a bit and catch the spinning staff!
"YOSHI! NOW, TiiT-Boy! Throw me your WORST!"
"'Tee-ta Boy'? Rei asked.
"HEY!" I shouted out. "TURKEY-IN-THE-TUX! I said.. THROW ME YOUR WORST!!!!"
"Ah!" Usagi's face lit up. "T-I-T-T! 'Titt-Boy'! NOW it makes sense!" My
itoko and her daughter clapped and cheered!
The Senshi sweat-dropped.
The Thing finally tossed his roses..
I spun the staff and quickly ended the War of the Roses!
"Hey!" Serena cheered. "Bo knows roses!!!!"
"Better than the Japanese do!" I smirk at Mamoru. "Itoko? If you MUST
fight with flowers.. find something STURDIER than roses! Ja ne?"
That's when I noticed .. of all things possibly growing in Japan.. a
JASMINE bush! Gardenia jasminoides.. "Cape jasmine"! I chuckled.. *heheh*
This was getting too damned easy. And, Lo and BEHOLD! The plant was in
BLOOM!
I picked a flower and sniffed.. AHHH! The heavy frangrance.. I DO
love it so!!!!
Then I took dead aim om Turkey-boy's shoulder.. might as well make sure
the cape is pinned to the tuxedo-jacket *properly*
"CAPE JASMINE FOR THE CAPE-BOY!!!!"
*THWAAAAK!!!!*
"GNAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
"Well, I'll be.. the silly-thing went into the other silly-thing's shoulder!"
"Ami-chan? Washuu-chan?" I called out. "Medic?" I then pulled out the
red-tippeed flower-stem. "DAMN! These things actually *work!*"
"When I get up," Mamo-turkey slowly growled, "you are dead man, Graham-san!"
I still don't know why.. but, I suddenly thought I'd had enough of that
Baka-boy to last me ten lifetimes.
"Somebody wanna take this Asshole out and SHOOT HIM??" I hear myself singing
out.
Suddenly.. the hands of two Galactic Patrolwomen, two Princesses, a bounty-
hunter, a pirate, and a scientist were up in the air! And my Imouto was *dying*
of laughter!
"Dammit, Tux!" I grinned down at the grimacing Prince. "You're getting to be
a VERY POPULAR fellow!"
"*You* should leave!" A woman in a black skirt and long green hair said to me.
"You should not be here! You are dangerous to the future!"
I was running WAY past "Annoyed" right then. Meioh Setsuna was the LAST *thing*
I needed to here from.
"Who's future am I a 'danger' to, Setsuna?" I asked the Gatekeeper as calmly as
I could. I was having to GREATLY suppress an urge to throttle this cousin. "Yours?"
"Crystal Tokyo's", The garnet eyes said to me.
I looked over to Chibiusa. She was still here.
"Would you mind repeating that, Frau Geobbels?"
Setsuna stared at me, wide-eyed, and looked like she was strangling on something.
"'Frau.. Geobbels'?" Sailorneptune asked.
"Josef Geobbels." I quietly explained. "Propeganda Minister for NAZI Germany
until he committed suicide in 1945."
"Are you emplying that Setsuna is lying to us about what she sees?" Sailoruranus
asked threateningly.
"I am *saying* that fate is not chiseled into stone.. no matter WHAT Frau
Goebbels says. Besides which.. I seriously doubt she's looked very closely at the
future she is trying to shepherd-in."
All other fights, arguments, and jokes were quietly being forgotten. Pluto
and I seemed to be drawing a crowd!
"You do not know of what you speak, Gaijin." Pluto softly said.
"And you do not know what you guard, Sailor." I smiled.
"The future..", Pluto began.
"Is made up of every reaction we make!", I finished. "The future is only limited
by the decisions *we* make! Some decisions draw certain further decisions, others
do not."
"The Hime is light." Pluto decided to take another course. "Darkness is always
attracted to the light. It's natural. It's like a moth and a flame."
"True. But there are many ways to deal with moths." I countered with a smile.
I'm beginning to get to these three Senshi.
"Shut UP! QUIET!!" Sailoruranus screamed. "I will KILL you, slanderer!"
Damn! I think I hit a nerve!
"You take one step towards that boy," Ryoko appeared naxt to Uranus, "and I
will break your neck."
"Release her, Demon!" Neptune threatened. "You and your itoko will die,
quickly!"
"Shah, Kelly-Sama!" Sailorpluto grinned.
So.. the had become a chess game, huh?
"I don't think so, Lady Neptune." Ayeka's whisper cut the air like a
thunderclap! "I don't usually find myself agreeing with Ryoko-san! And, at first,
I didn't like Kelly-kun, but he is making perfect sense right now! He makes more
sense than your prophetess, there. And, should you harm him OR Ryoko.. I will
bury you in the very heart of this hill!"
"Shah mat, Pluto!" I grinned right back. "The next move is yours?"
Pluto pointed her damned time-staff at me..
"You making a mistake, Pluto!" I sang out lightly- and took hold of the
business-end of that key.
She wouldn't..
"Dead-O Scream."
She would..
**BOOM!!!!**
"*Cough!*Cough!*Sailorpluto, you Magnificent BITCH!!" I screamed out. "WHY
*Cough* did you just BLAST me when you already KNEW, from EXPERIENCE, that I'd
just send that DAMNED attack BACK at you? You know, for a Time-Warden *Cough!*
you're a DAMNED-slow learner!"
"Amen!"
I looked around. Ayeka, fortunately, had unleashed the powers of the White-
Hawk to shield everyone else, so only she, Ryoko, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto, and
I got blasted by the Time-Guard's idiocy. As it was, my imouto-chan would be
pissed enough at the Plutonian.
I jerked the time-staff away from its Mistress. "Gimme THAT!"
I than hit her with it, right up in the crotch, with every bit of strength
I could harness!
She slowly sank to the ground, whimpering. "Itai.. ITAI!!!!"
As Sailorpluto was slowly sinking omto the ground, Sailoruranus somehow
broke-free from Ryoko!
I think Ryoko just loosened her grip out of meanness.. for Uranus!
I must have been slow.. because Sailoruranus smiftly had me on the ground
and in an arm-block.
"Try to get out of THIS, Gaijin!" Uranus said slowly and with emphasis.
"This hold is *unbreakable*!"
I smiled. 'Unbreakable'? There's no such animal!
All you have to is relax- and feel in what direction the pressure's being
applied towards!
So.. I let myself go as limp as possible, than twisted my shoulder so my
body was perpendicular to the pressure-flow..
"Nani-yo?" Uranus squeeled.
And I lifted the Senshi off the ground, and threw her into the rising
Plutonian!
"BANZAI!!!" I shouted, my arms raised in victory!
"Itai..!" Chibiusa hissed.
"That *must* hurt!" Usagi agreed.
"That was an unbreakable hold! How could he break that hold? How did he
break that hold? That was unbreakable!! How could he beat me?? How could a Gaijin
beat me?? HOW COULD I BE.. BEATEN.. BY A MAN?? BY A *MERE* MAN???? Help me! Michiru?
Setsuna? Somebody? Help meeeeeeee.."
'Oh, damn! Uranus is loosing it.'
Uranus started running towards a car. I beat her there.
'Damn! There are KEYS in here!'
I removed the keys and threw them to Serena.
"Serena.. CATCH!!"
"What do you what me to do with THESE??" Serena asked.
"I think they're her car-keys!" I said, pointing to Sailoruranus. "And I don't
want her driving in her condition!"
"So?" Serena tossed the keys back to me, just over Uranus' grabbing hands!
"My KEYS!! Gimme! GIMME!!"
"Amanda Serena GRAHAM!! I can't keep the keys away from her! I'm too near the
DAMNED CAR!! And I don't want her driving off in her consition! She could wipe
herself out driving off this damned HILL!!!"
I threw the keys back to Serena.
"And I should care *because*??"
Serena threw them back to me.
"She's a RELATIVE!!"
"So were CAIN and ABEL!!"
Itai!
Anyway, we played keep-away with Uranus' keys for about 30 minutes, with Uranus
throwing a tentrum, until I told Serena to get rid of the keys.
"Toss them to Usagi!"
Usagi then pocketed the keys someplace safe.
Uranus looked towards Usagi pleadingly. "Give me my KEYS, Koneko? Onegai?"
"Gomen nisai, Haruka! But Kelly is quite right! I will not let you drive yet!"
Uranus- Haruka- plopped down on her rear and pouted.
"There, there, Haruka-chan!" I cradled Haruka gently and wiped any her forming
tears. "It will be alright! Hush.. Hush..Things will get better. We just got off on
the wrong foot! Thing will get better. I promise." I started rocking the Senshi
back and forth.
"Arigatou, aniki", Haruka whispered.
"You'e welcome, imouto-chan." I whispered back.
I looked out at a suddenly-quiet group of Senshi. Their eyes were bugged-out and
their mouths were agape! I guess they had never seen Haruka being nice to anyone
before? Or, maybe, nice to a *man*?
Well.. when the "man" in-question is Chiba Mamoru, I can understand the hostility!
"Sweet words hide poison
Vipers wait to capture prey
But will be captured"
'Speak of the Devil, and the Devil appears.'
"HEY! Barney-kun!" I yell to Mamo-turkey.
"'Ba-nee'?" Minako asked in responce.
"'Bah-nee'?" Rei echoed.
"'Baa-nee'?" Makoto asked again.
"'Baa-nee'?" Ami's faint acho came back.
"When did you change from purple to black?" I smirked down at Yogurt-Boy.
"Ahhh!!" Usagi smiled. "Barney the Purple-Dinosaur!!"
Chibiusa hid her face in Serena's stomache and tried to stifle a laugh.
"Nani?" The Thing-in-the-Cape asked.
"Slow, ain't he?" Serena growled out, causing Chibiusa to laugh yet again.
"That is not really fair!" Ami spoke up, "Tuxedo-Kamen is not scary as
some purple dinosaur!!"
Setsuna and Michiru cringed, Usagi stifled a small giggle, Chibusa buried
herself deeper in my sister's stomache, and most of the other Senshi face-faulted.
"Truer words have never been spoken, Mercury-Sama!" I chuckled.
"Haruka!" Michiru jumped up. "What are you doing with Graham-Sama?"
I stopped caressing Haruka a bit. "Michiru-ningyoutsukai? Sit down and quiet
down.. or I'll take those strings you work Haruka with and wrap them around your
neck and STRANGLE you with them!"