Written in Blood
A Tenchi Muyo- Sailormoon crossover. By Kellybug and Sailor Moonbrat (Partners-in-Crime).
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DISCLAIMER: None of the anime used or mentioned in this story are mine:
Tenchi Muyo is the property of its creator Kajishima Masaki, and its
distributor, Pioneer.
Sailormoon is the property of its creator, Naoko Takeuchi, and its various
distributors.
Card Captor Sakura is the property of its creators at CLAMP.
Pokemon is the property of Nintendo.. at least, the game is. Who lays claim to
the videos, I'm not sure! But, it's not me.
The Dragonball-series, also, does not belong to me.
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NOTE: I never planned for this story to see thew light of the web.. but, my co-writer,
MoonTwit, decided to use this idea as a part of a story-idea of her's that I'm helping her write. So... up on ff.net it goes!
Any references to actual-people or groups living or (mostly) dead are intentional. I
am mixing this story up with my family-history :)
Flames are MORE than welcome (This house could use the heat!).
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CHAPTER 9
"Tuxedo-Kamen is not scary as some purple dinosaur!!"
I had the feeling.. after hearing that statement.. that I needed to start
writing a collection of these.. "Mizuno-isms"! Even if posterity would not gain
insight from them, at least they'd be good for a laugh.
Or blackmail!
Little did I realize, unfortunately (for Ami-chan), that the Ice-Senshi
was NOT quite done.
And the Ficus Aino started it.
"I cannot believe what our Gaijin-relations have said about our Prince!"
"Well," Rei said sheepishly, "it's true."
"I KNOW!" Minako screeched. "But they seem to be having too much FUN at
Mamoru-san's EXPENCE!!"
"I think they just enjoy each other's company!" Makoto spoke up in our
defense.
"Well," Ami mused, "They do seem to be nakayoshi."
The other Senshi automatically looked at Mercury.
Clan-Hakubi stared at Mercury.
Serena and I stopped laughing long enough to look towards Usagi.
"Ami-chan..", Usagi sighed.. "just said you were.. intimate. Gomen nisai."
My imouto jumped and spun-around like a cat getting out of someone's
arms.
"What did to you say, Mizuno-san?"
Ami suddenly looked like a deer caught in the glare of headlights.
"Well, you know... you're... together?"
Serena and just kind of stood there for a minute before we burst out
laughing. The Senshi however didn't see the humor that we did.
"Why are you laughing at Ami-chan?!?!" Minako went in Serena's face.
But Serena was laughing too hard to answer.
"Be.. be..", I gasped, "grateful.. we're laughing *hehehe!!* My.. my..
*hahaha!* Imouto.. has sent folks to the doctor's.. for *gasp* less than
that!"
Suddenly, however, Serena wasn't laughing. In fact, my imouto was
giving Ami the four-by-four glare again! Damn- my sister realized just
then that Ami was serious!
"Mizuno-Baka?" My sister said with a smile that made me scream 'murder!',
"I suggest you start running.. now."
"Nani?" Ami stared.
"RUN !!!!"
Ami took off faster than I thought a human could run!
Serena gave her a five-second lead. Then bolted after the runaway sprite.
I started to sing:
"Well, the race is on and here comes Pride at the back-stretch..
"Heartaches are going to the inside..
"My tears are holdin' back, they're trying not to fall..
"My heart's out of the running, True Love's scratched for another stake..
"The race is on and, it looks like Heartaches! And the winner looses all!"
As Ami disappeared around the shrine, with Amanda Serena right on her
heels, I started to chuckle! Well.. Ami HAD started this mess.
Then, Minako spoke again. It was the dumbest thing she had said all day,
probably. And it just added fuel to a growing fire.
"Well.. I guess what they say is true.. the family that strays together,
plays together!"
"It's 'The family that PLAYS together, STAYS together, Minako-chan!"
Artemis sighed.
"Well.. you know what I mean." Sailor Venus grinned sheepishly.
"I understood you PERFECTLY, Ficus!" I snapped out.
"So did we." Ayeka and Ryoko growled as they each grabbed an arm.
"Nani????"
Oh! This was going to be *fun*!
"Hold it, ladies!" Haruka spoke up. "I cannot allow you to do what
you are about to do!"
Venus smiled out a sigh of relief.
"You may hurt yourselves! You will need help!"
That smile on Minako-Ficus' face quickly withered as, first, Haruka
and, then, Makoto, each grabbed a leg!
I smiled. Damn! We have a gun-crew! I stood my station as field-spotter.
Soon, our target was in sight and closing fast.
"Range.. ten yards! Elevation.. ten degrees! Firing Perpendicular on my
mark! Six.. five.. four.."
My crew started to swing. Then chant.
"Three! Two! ONE!"
And Mina-baka was *airborne*!!! With a perfect arc, she broad sided Ami!
Then, the two entangled-Senshi started rolling down the hill!
Serena stopped dead in her tracks, gaping at the scene of tangled-Senshi
tumbleweed before her.
"Wait a minute!" Usagi called out. "You forgot something! One Neko-hentai!"
Usagi then threw Artemis like a perfect discus! And, he spun like one,
too!!
"REEEEEEooooooooooooow!! REEEEEEooooooooooooooow!! REEEEEEooooooooooooow!!"
The next moment was absolutely priceless, as Artemis must have landed
with claws bared squarely on Minako's back! For, the next thing we knew, Minako
was somehow disentangled of Ami and airborne once more..
"REEEEEEooooooooooooooow!!!!"
"I do not know which one is worse?" Luna's small voice cut in. "The Senshi
of Venus.. or her Guardian?"
Serena was bent-over double, helpless in laughter at the sight of the
formerly-mix-mastered Senshi. As were most of us-all!
*Most*
"Kelly-Gaijin?" Kaioh Michiru screeched, "Prepare TO DIE!"
"Hey!" Ayeka piped-up, "That's my line! I should sue!"
"Copyright infringement!" Ryoko guffawed.
As Haruka *tried* to talk Michiru out of my death, Mamoru started stomping
around like a mad cow.
"You shall DIE to your insults, GAIJIN!"
I started getting scared.
"He shall not die today!" Washuu pulled out a strange metallic ball. "You,
Prince-Baka, may not be so fortunate. Kelly!! Back away from where you are by
about twenty feet. I suggest everyone else do the same!"
Washuu then tossed the ball in the air, where it seemed to stop.. at a hight
of about a hundred feet.. a started to glow! Soon, we could feel a small rumble. And
we instinctively hit the ground!!
"Is this an earthquake?" Tenchi called out! "Washuu-chan?! You've started an
EARTHQUAKE!!"
"Do not hurt my shrine!" Rei cried out.
"I am feeling SICK!!" Amanda yelled.
"It is the hemoglobin in your blood!" Washuu explained, yelling just above the
rumble. "It is reacting to my magnetic sphere!"
"Demo.. the iron in our blood isn't magnitized!" I yelled back.
"Under normal circumstances..", Washuu grinned, "it isn't!"
Touche.
Soon, we were staring in awe, as the ball above us began to grow as space-
rocks and dust began to swirl and cling around it! Then, with a strange grace,
the ball floated down to the ground, taking.. root?.. on a small outcropping of
rock! Then.. slowly, at first.. the Oka-no-Washuu grew from the other of the
Seven Hills! Well, I guess, it *could* have been called a hill! It was more a
small fortification of basaltic columns and terraces that rose steeply to a rounded
knob on top- about fifty feet up! The more I looked at it.. the more I smiled!
MY hill! Oh.. WOW!
"Arigatou, Washuu-Hibiki!" I kowtowed to the little redhead. And smiled:
We ARE dangerous!
Then, looking at my hill, a thought came to me:
Just how in the HELL am I supposed to CLIMB my hill?
That's when I saw it.. a Jacob's ladder.. and I shuddered.
"Washuu-chan? There is NO WAY I can climb that ladder!"
"Graham-ijin!" Mamo-Baka screamed as he started running toward me.
"You will DIE now!"
Well- they say there's first time for everything!
I took my first wiggly-wobbly steps on those rungs, then unsteadily
balanced myself as I made my way to the top of the hill.. or, rather,
the end of the ladder! Then, taking a quick look back to see the Thing-in-the-
Cape just trying to climb the ladder, I a took a deep breath and started
climbing the last of the columns and terraces! Soon, I was at the top. I DID
IT!
I danced a jig for everyone below to celebrate!
Meanwhile, Cape-boy had fallen off the ladder.. twice!
"Y'need a proper-target, Mamoru-saru?" I cackled.. and mooned the
Baka-Boy! Of course- everybody else saw it. Half the ladies present were dying
of embarrassment, and the other half (including the Usagis.. God love them!) were
dying of laughter!
Well, it could be worse. They could be laughing at my front! That would
be like the joke:
"What's worse than being charged with Indecent Exposure?
Having the case dismissed for lack of evidence!"
Anyway, I looked back down as Mamo-saru was climbing up the ladder.
"I will GET you, Gaijin! And when I do..."
I smiled. Baka-Boy was making this *way* too easy!
I pulled down my pants and showed my ass again.. And wagged it in
Baka-Boy's face!
"Gee, Mamo-saru! I didn't know you cared!"
Mamoru-Baka fell off the ladder about half-way up!
"Hey! Cape-Boy!" I shouted downstairs. "You.. like.. been around Kunzite
too long?"
THAT turned Mamoru-itoko into a boiled lobster! And, it sent everybody
else into spasms of laughter!!
This time, the Baka was angry enough to reach the top of my hill! He
climbed to the top of the Jacob's Ladder, scaled the remaining columns and
terraces, and *still* had enough steam to charge me!
I removed my jacket:
"Toros! Toros! Hey! Bos! Bos! Toros!"
If the Baka wanted to kill himself, I'd be more-than-happy to help him!
Bos-Baka took the bait, and charged.. right off the hill!
"Watch it, Endy!" I called out, a la Bill Cosby. "Some of these hills go
STAIGHT UP.. and STRAIGHT DOWN!!"
"Uhnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn...!" Chiba-Baka seemed
to groan.
"Hey! Niisan!!" Amanda shouted. "How's our Cuz?"
"You mean besides doing a pretty good pretzel-imitation, Serena?"
I chuckled. "He'll live.. painfully, but he'll live!"
"How DARE you GLOAT over my.. er, our.. great PRINCE????" Miss Hino cried
out.
"Well.. BRING IT ON, FIREBRAND!!"
"WITH PLEASURE!!"
After taking a quick glance toward Usagi and Chibiusa going around the
hill to look after Mamoru, I smile. I sure hope Baka-Boy knows how blessed he
is! Then, I turn back to face Sailormars! Then- I start dancing a Gay Gordon
around the hilltop! I might as well give Rei-Baka the challenge of a moving
target.. but, not too fast, yet!
Hark! Where the night is falling
Hark! Hear the pipes a-calling
Loudly and proudly calling down thruogh the glen
There where the hills are sleeping
Now feel the blood a leaping
High as the spirits of the old highland men
"FIRE SOUL !!!!" The Firebrand tried to shoot me.. but her aim
was off. Hell! I think I could have survived that standing still!!
Than.. I start to hear.. a PIPER!! In JAPAN?? I look down..
and see Washuu-chan playing a set of bagpipes that, I swear, are
twice as big as she is!!
Anyway, I slowed the tune.. and my dance!
Towering in gallant fame
Scotland my mountain hame
High may your proud standards gloriously wave
Land of my high endeavor
Land of the shining river
Land of my heart forever, Scotland the Brave
Just then, I find a bodhran, a Celtic drum, and a stick to strike
it with! As I bend down to get them, a hear the Martial cry again:
"FIRE SOUL !!"
DAMN! I was *RIGHT* !! Even when I'm standing STILL, she misses me!
"My fair lassie!" I call out to my Itoko-in-Red, "If you're wanting
to hit me, I'm afraid you'll be needing a new weapon!"
"NANI? Baka-no-GAIJIN!!!!"
This time, Mihoshi and Kiyone join me in song:
High in the misty mountains
Out by the purple highlands
Brave are the hearts that beat beneath Scottish skies
Wild are the winds to meet you
Staunch are the friends that greet you
Kind as the love that shines from fair maidens eyes
Towering in gallant fame
Scotland my mountain hame
High may your proud standards gloriously wave
Land of my high endeavor
Land of the shining river
Land of my heart forever, Scotland the Brave
"MARS.. FLAME.. SNIPER!!!!"
Rei-chan's aim improves considerably, as the arrow ALMOST hits me!
To this turn of events, Washuu-hibiki gave one long skirl on her pipes..
and Rei-chan fell backwards into a jittery shock!
"Itai... Na.. Nani?" Rei asked, blinking herself back to
consciousness. "What kind of EVIL invention have you come up with, NOW,
Washuu-Sensei?"
Washuu just Harrumphed. "For your information, Hino-Sama, this is NOT
an 'evil invention'! And.. I didn't even invent it! The bagpipes are a native-
Terran musical instrument! The idea for them was here before I crashed here!"
I sat down on the edge of my hilltop and chuckled at the exchange.
"Well, Washuu-chan, The Bagpipes *are* an ancient musical instrument.. *and*,
according to the English, an instrument of war!" I start to cackle!!
As to emphasize the last point made, Washuu-chan gave the pipes another
skirl.. which sent Sailormars onto the ground- and into a panic!
Then, she jumped up- and I could see, even from my perch, a wild look in
the Miko's eyes- and she started running toward my hill! Then, she started taking
the Jacob's ladder two steps at a time! By the time she reached my hilltop, Rei
was a bit out-of-breath..
Unfortunately.. it wasn't by much! She quickly grabbed an ofuda, and
started chanting:
"Rin, Ryou.. Tou.. Sha, Kai, Shi.. Retsu.. Sai, Zen.. Akuro Taisen!"
She then slapped that *damned* ofuda *hard* between my eyes!
"OUCH! *Why* did you just slap me with a charm, Mars-mo-Hime? Do I LOOK
like a youma? Senshi-no-BAKA!"
I play Spin-the-Senshi at this point! In front of God and everybody I know
in Japan. I quickly turned Rei-Baka to face everyone else but the Usagis and the
Thing-in-the-Cape, and I drop her over my knee! Then, at the risk of being called
Hentai, I pulled down Rei's skirt, and give the hot-head something she has
OBVIOUSLY needed for a LONG time...
A good, old-fashioned, palm-of-the-hand, ass-whuppin'!!
*POP!*
*POP!*
*POP!*
*POP!*
*POP!!*
*POP!!*
*POP!!*
*POP!!*
.
*POP!!!!*
*POP!!!!*
*POP!!!!*
*POP!!!!*
I spanked the Fire-Priestess so much my hand became sore! I'm not real
sure about Rei's rear-end, but I DID note that she was being extra-careful about
how she pulled up her uniform!
After this, I decided that Mars was going down the hill, shortly, but I
wasn't too sure just how! Was she walking down.. or diving down?
"Itai.." Mars whimpered. "You will DIE.. 'ITOKO'!" She then took out another
ofuda. "Rin Ryou Tou Sha Kai Shi Retsu...!"
That's it! I WAS going to be nice! But.. she's CLIMBING DOWN!!
I grabbed the offending ofuda from my wayward itoko's grip.
"That's it!!!! Firebrand? Get.. off.. of.. my.. hill!!"
"How?"
"Down the ladder."
"NANI????"
"Get *down* that damned ladder before I KICK your ass down it!"
Hino Rei kind of- glared- at me for 30 seconds (and I counted them off),
them she started down the hill! First she navigated the terraces and columns-
quite painfully, as I heard her cry out every time she fell on her butt- and,
then, slowly worked her way down the ladder! Or, rather, she made it 2/3 of the
way down the ladder. Then, she fell off, hitting the ground with her ass and a
*thud!*
It's amazing.. and amusing.. how far sound can travel!
Rei hobbled over to Usagi. Then, she whimpered to Usagi-Itoko:
"My Itoko .. spanked me .. real hard .. and I .. hit my butt .. coming
down.. it hurts!"
"Well," Usagi said softly, "you WERE being mean to him! I think.. you had
better apologize to him when he comes down."
From where I was, it looked like Rei was trying to climb into Usagi for
protection!
Meanwhile, the Turkey-in-the-Tux was strangely silent.
"VENUS.. LOVE-ME.. WHIP!!!!"
Suddenly, I found myself wrapped up in a golden-heart lasso! It felt like
Sailor Venus wanted to play tug-of-war, with the object of making me fall!
Well.. two can play this game. I had a fish- or, Ficus- on the line. So,
all I had to do was reel her in!
I backed up slowly, making sure my feet were firmly under me, and used
my weight to counter the Ficus Aino's pull! Then, as soon as I would feel her
grip loosen, I would pull in on the whip a little more. Fortunately, the longer
I stood still, the more Venus would have to move to try to gain leverage on more
chain! What's the saying about an Immoveable Object? Well, a certain Forceful
Senshi was going to MEET an "Immoveable Object"!
After awhile, I had a coiled Love-me Whip around my arms (dangerous,
I know.. but..), and a struggling Venusian at the foot of my hill! And, boy, was
I tired! I'd never even had a FISH fight me so much!! Fortunately, Ficus Aino
seemed to be loosing more-and-more of her footing, so, I was able to reel her in
fasten and faster!! What was particularly hilarious what listening as she made
contact with the rock walls of the hill! No.. fortunately, she never hurt herself,
but, every time she would come near the wall, she'd kick herself away as hard as
she could.. which did nothing more than allow me to pull her up higher, and bring
her BACK to the wall with as much or greater force than when she left!!
*BOUNCE!!*BOUNCE!!*BOUNCE!!*
The next thing I remembered.. I was hauling my catch up the knob.
"Miss Aino, I presume?" I smiled.
"You *huff*huff* tried *pant* to KILL me!" Minako spat out.
"Now, see here, Aino-chan! I was just PROTECTING myself! YOU tossed that
WHIP around me and TRIED to PULL me off this HILL!"
"Well?? Ahh.. Hmmm.."
"Besides which, you were the one that decided to jump-off against the wall.
I didn't suggest that."
"Errrr.. Can I get back to you on that?" Minako looked at me with the BIGGEST
sort of puppy-dog eyes I'd ever seen.
I DIDN'T need that.
"Oh, Damn! I think what I have here is under the size-limit!" I grinned.
"I'm afraid I'm gonna have to toss you back!"
With a quick snap, I jerked the whip out of Minako's hands!
With no whip to hold on to, Sailor Venus fell backwards.. and off the hill!
Fortunately, she was able to twist around and land on all fours. I wondered..
after that happened.. was she related to Artemis? After all, they *did* seem to
share the same brain!
But.. DAMN! The *fun* wasn't over yet!!
"LOOK OUT, ITOKO-SAMA!!" Haruka shouted out.
I looked at the foot of my hill.. and saw a charging Kaioh Michiru!
Seeing the steam she was building up for her attack.. I figured the best
thing to do would be to just step out of the way!
Sure enough, the Siren-of-Neptune shortly jumped up to the knob and ran
after me! 'Damnit, woman!' I thought. 'How STUPID can you be?'
She charged me. I didn't have to do anything but step out of the way at
the last second.. and let gravity take care of the rest.
"NANIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiii..?"
"Have a nice trip, Michiru-chan!", I grinned. " See you next fall!"
*THUMP!*
"Itai.."
Well, I'll be.. another pretzel-imitation!
"That looks like FUN, itoko!" Ryoko shouted, "Mind if we come up?"
Fun? I slowly shook my head. Ryoko was as crazy as Serena!
"Sure! Come on up!"
"AYIIIIIIIIIII!!!!" I heard the high-pitch squeal of Ayeka, "Unhand me,
Demon! Just where are you taking me??"
"To the top of Mom's Mountain! Come!! Let's ski a little!"
'When I get down from here,' I made a note to myself, 'I had to ask Washuu
if Mental-Illness runs in the family!'
Soon, the Princess and the Pirate were at the knob.. and discussing their
target.
"Remember!", Ryoko said, "If you bounce off Neptune, you shouldn't break
anything!"
"But Neptune?" Ayeka smirked. She and Ryoko then broke out in laughter.
Ryoko then jumped off the knob... and, tucking herself in, rolled down the
hill- and right into Kaioh-Sama!
"Oof!" Michiru gasped as Ryoko bounced off of her and piked and twisted, to
land on her feet!
"Ta-da!" Ryoko sang out, taking a bow. "Domo Arigatou, minna!"
"Show-off!" Ayeka smirked, then surfed down the hill! "KAWABUNGGA!!!"
Kawabunga? Is the first-princess of Jurai a Surfer-Chick? I chuckled..
Kawabunga?
Ayeka hit her mark perfectly.. and Michiru gasped.. then the Princess
twisted beautifully, landing right beside Ryoko!
They BOTH deserved perfect-tens, down there! I then went over to the edge..
and looked down.
"You ought to know something.." I smirked at a crumpled Sailor Neptune,
adding my insult to her injury. "Haruka.. I can tolerate, and even feel sorry for.
She HAD no IDEA what you were getting her into as a Sailorsenshi until it she was
at the point-of-no-return! She was just a puppet. YOU, however, are the Puppet-
Master! YOU pulled her strings, Michiru! You, I do not feel sorry for.. nor have
ANY tolerance of!"
"Ahem!"
Speaking of Puppet-Masters..
"You are a threat to the time-line." Sailor Pluto said softly. "And, we
are here to do something about it." She pointed to someone in back of me.
There stood Sailor Saturn with her Silence-Glaive at the ready.
"AHHH!" I smiled.. a bit evilly, I guess. "The Can-Opener! May I please
borrow your weapon, Hotaru-Sama?"
"Hai." Saturn whispered with a smile and handed me the glaive.
Then, I turned back to Setsuna.
"*Why* didn't I *see* this *commmminnnng*!" The Time-Guard whined.
I chuckled. "Setsuna-san? Have you ever thought that I might not be
a danger to this time-line? That this timeline might be the danger?"
Setsuna suddenly developed a totally blank, clueless look all over
her face! She seemed struck absolutely DUMB by this revelation!
"Hold that thought!" I grinned as I swung the glaive in a perfect arc,
and sliced through my target!
Setsuna's eyes were frozen wide.
The garnet-orb fell down the hill, sliced off completely from the
time-staff!
"Why didn't I see this coming?" Setsuna mumbled repeatedly as if it were
her mantra.
"Yup." I sighed. "We're definitely related!" Then, I shouted down to my
imouto. "Hey, Sere! She sounds just like you when you don't get your way!"
"I don't sound THAT bad!!" Serena screamed back at me.
"Do, too!"
"Do not!!"
"Do, too!"
"Do NOT!!"
"If you say so!" I chuckled.. then looked over to Usagi as a crumpled
Michiru came limping into her lap.
"Itoko?" I called down, "Could you do us all a *big* favor? Could
you hide that garnet someplace where Setsuna-Baka can't get to it for
another century or so?"
After I got off the mountain- and asked Washuu about the family's
mental-state- Makoto said that, as we were guests, we would be staying for
dinner!
As everyone started talking to everyone else again, I turned and noticed
Sasami looking at Washuu and I. And, she had small tears coming from her eyes.
She probably heard me ask Washuu about the mental-health of our family.
Smooth move, Graham-Baka!
As every else made their way- easily or painfully, depending on the person,
to the kitchen and dining-areas, I walked over to Sasami and put my arms around the
little princess.
"Gomen nisai, hime-chan!" I spoke softly to Sasami. "I.. was not thinking..
when I spoke to Washuu-Sama. Our house is not afflicted with any insanity! Well,
except for me, maybe!" "Iiede, Kelly-niisan! Gomen ne! You are correct, We are all
a little insane. It is just.. this is the first time I EVER remember Ayeka
NOT acting like the Princess everyone expects of her! She is acting like a sister!!"
"Hai!" Washuu chuckled. "and it is the first time I could feel that
Ryoko was not, even a little, defensive towards Ayeka!"
"And you're afraid this won't last, Sasami?" I asked as I sat down.
"Hai." Sasami sighed through her tears. "You will go back to America,
and the things.."
"And PEOPLE!" Washuu interjected.
"..will come back into our lives and mess things up to like they were
before! And, it's not only for us I fear! I CAn sense it in Usagi, too! She
is scared, Kelly-Sensei! Afraid the losing the Senshi."
"I promise we will come back when we are needed!" I give Sasami a hug.
"And, since something may be needed befor then.. I have an idea! Sasami? Tell
Makoto-chan we will be a bit late to supper! Washuu? Serena? We are going
shopping! TO THE GINZA! COME!"
A Tenchi Muyo- Sailormoon crossover. By Kellybug and Sailor Moonbrat (Partners-in-Crime).
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DISCLAIMER: None of the anime used or mentioned in this story are mine:
Tenchi Muyo is the property of its creator Kajishima Masaki, and its
distributor, Pioneer.
Sailormoon is the property of its creator, Naoko Takeuchi, and its various
distributors.
Card Captor Sakura is the property of its creators at CLAMP.
Pokemon is the property of Nintendo.. at least, the game is. Who lays claim to
the videos, I'm not sure! But, it's not me.
The Dragonball-series, also, does not belong to me.
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NOTE: I never planned for this story to see thew light of the web.. but, my co-writer,
MoonTwit, decided to use this idea as a part of a story-idea of her's that I'm helping her write. So... up on ff.net it goes!
Any references to actual-people or groups living or (mostly) dead are intentional. I
am mixing this story up with my family-history :)
Flames are MORE than welcome (This house could use the heat!).
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CHAPTER 9
"Tuxedo-Kamen is not scary as some purple dinosaur!!"
I had the feeling.. after hearing that statement.. that I needed to start
writing a collection of these.. "Mizuno-isms"! Even if posterity would not gain
insight from them, at least they'd be good for a laugh.
Or blackmail!
Little did I realize, unfortunately (for Ami-chan), that the Ice-Senshi
was NOT quite done.
And the Ficus Aino started it.
"I cannot believe what our Gaijin-relations have said about our Prince!"
"Well," Rei said sheepishly, "it's true."
"I KNOW!" Minako screeched. "But they seem to be having too much FUN at
Mamoru-san's EXPENCE!!"
"I think they just enjoy each other's company!" Makoto spoke up in our
defense.
"Well," Ami mused, "They do seem to be nakayoshi."
The other Senshi automatically looked at Mercury.
Clan-Hakubi stared at Mercury.
Serena and I stopped laughing long enough to look towards Usagi.
"Ami-chan..", Usagi sighed.. "just said you were.. intimate. Gomen nisai."
My imouto jumped and spun-around like a cat getting out of someone's
arms.
"What did to you say, Mizuno-san?"
Ami suddenly looked like a deer caught in the glare of headlights.
"Well, you know... you're... together?"
Serena and just kind of stood there for a minute before we burst out
laughing. The Senshi however didn't see the humor that we did.
"Why are you laughing at Ami-chan?!?!" Minako went in Serena's face.
But Serena was laughing too hard to answer.
"Be.. be..", I gasped, "grateful.. we're laughing *hehehe!!* My.. my..
*hahaha!* Imouto.. has sent folks to the doctor's.. for *gasp* less than
that!"
Suddenly, however, Serena wasn't laughing. In fact, my imouto was
giving Ami the four-by-four glare again! Damn- my sister realized just
then that Ami was serious!
"Mizuno-Baka?" My sister said with a smile that made me scream 'murder!',
"I suggest you start running.. now."
"Nani?" Ami stared.
"RUN !!!!"
Ami took off faster than I thought a human could run!
Serena gave her a five-second lead. Then bolted after the runaway sprite.
I started to sing:
"Well, the race is on and here comes Pride at the back-stretch..
"Heartaches are going to the inside..
"My tears are holdin' back, they're trying not to fall..
"My heart's out of the running, True Love's scratched for another stake..
"The race is on and, it looks like Heartaches! And the winner looses all!"
As Ami disappeared around the shrine, with Amanda Serena right on her
heels, I started to chuckle! Well.. Ami HAD started this mess.
Then, Minako spoke again. It was the dumbest thing she had said all day,
probably. And it just added fuel to a growing fire.
"Well.. I guess what they say is true.. the family that strays together,
plays together!"
"It's 'The family that PLAYS together, STAYS together, Minako-chan!"
Artemis sighed.
"Well.. you know what I mean." Sailor Venus grinned sheepishly.
"I understood you PERFECTLY, Ficus!" I snapped out.
"So did we." Ayeka and Ryoko growled as they each grabbed an arm.
"Nani????"
Oh! This was going to be *fun*!
"Hold it, ladies!" Haruka spoke up. "I cannot allow you to do what
you are about to do!"
Venus smiled out a sigh of relief.
"You may hurt yourselves! You will need help!"
That smile on Minako-Ficus' face quickly withered as, first, Haruka
and, then, Makoto, each grabbed a leg!
I smiled. Damn! We have a gun-crew! I stood my station as field-spotter.
Soon, our target was in sight and closing fast.
"Range.. ten yards! Elevation.. ten degrees! Firing Perpendicular on my
mark! Six.. five.. four.."
My crew started to swing. Then chant.
"Three! Two! ONE!"
And Mina-baka was *airborne*!!! With a perfect arc, she broad sided Ami!
Then, the two entangled-Senshi started rolling down the hill!
Serena stopped dead in her tracks, gaping at the scene of tangled-Senshi
tumbleweed before her.
"Wait a minute!" Usagi called out. "You forgot something! One Neko-hentai!"
Usagi then threw Artemis like a perfect discus! And, he spun like one,
too!!
"REEEEEEooooooooooooow!! REEEEEEooooooooooooooow!! REEEEEEooooooooooooow!!"
The next moment was absolutely priceless, as Artemis must have landed
with claws bared squarely on Minako's back! For, the next thing we knew, Minako
was somehow disentangled of Ami and airborne once more..
"REEEEEEooooooooooooooow!!!!"
"I do not know which one is worse?" Luna's small voice cut in. "The Senshi
of Venus.. or her Guardian?"
Serena was bent-over double, helpless in laughter at the sight of the
formerly-mix-mastered Senshi. As were most of us-all!
*Most*
"Kelly-Gaijin?" Kaioh Michiru screeched, "Prepare TO DIE!"
"Hey!" Ayeka piped-up, "That's my line! I should sue!"
"Copyright infringement!" Ryoko guffawed.
As Haruka *tried* to talk Michiru out of my death, Mamoru started stomping
around like a mad cow.
"You shall DIE to your insults, GAIJIN!"
I started getting scared.
"He shall not die today!" Washuu pulled out a strange metallic ball. "You,
Prince-Baka, may not be so fortunate. Kelly!! Back away from where you are by
about twenty feet. I suggest everyone else do the same!"
Washuu then tossed the ball in the air, where it seemed to stop.. at a hight
of about a hundred feet.. a started to glow! Soon, we could feel a small rumble. And
we instinctively hit the ground!!
"Is this an earthquake?" Tenchi called out! "Washuu-chan?! You've started an
EARTHQUAKE!!"
"Do not hurt my shrine!" Rei cried out.
"I am feeling SICK!!" Amanda yelled.
"It is the hemoglobin in your blood!" Washuu explained, yelling just above the
rumble. "It is reacting to my magnetic sphere!"
"Demo.. the iron in our blood isn't magnitized!" I yelled back.
"Under normal circumstances..", Washuu grinned, "it isn't!"
Touche.
Soon, we were staring in awe, as the ball above us began to grow as space-
rocks and dust began to swirl and cling around it! Then, with a strange grace,
the ball floated down to the ground, taking.. root?.. on a small outcropping of
rock! Then.. slowly, at first.. the Oka-no-Washuu grew from the other of the
Seven Hills! Well, I guess, it *could* have been called a hill! It was more a
small fortification of basaltic columns and terraces that rose steeply to a rounded
knob on top- about fifty feet up! The more I looked at it.. the more I smiled!
MY hill! Oh.. WOW!
"Arigatou, Washuu-Hibiki!" I kowtowed to the little redhead. And smiled:
We ARE dangerous!
Then, looking at my hill, a thought came to me:
Just how in the HELL am I supposed to CLIMB my hill?
That's when I saw it.. a Jacob's ladder.. and I shuddered.
"Washuu-chan? There is NO WAY I can climb that ladder!"
"Graham-ijin!" Mamo-Baka screamed as he started running toward me.
"You will DIE now!"
Well- they say there's first time for everything!
I took my first wiggly-wobbly steps on those rungs, then unsteadily
balanced myself as I made my way to the top of the hill.. or, rather,
the end of the ladder! Then, taking a quick look back to see the Thing-in-the-
Cape just trying to climb the ladder, I a took a deep breath and started
climbing the last of the columns and terraces! Soon, I was at the top. I DID
IT!
I danced a jig for everyone below to celebrate!
Meanwhile, Cape-boy had fallen off the ladder.. twice!
"Y'need a proper-target, Mamoru-saru?" I cackled.. and mooned the
Baka-Boy! Of course- everybody else saw it. Half the ladies present were dying
of embarrassment, and the other half (including the Usagis.. God love them!) were
dying of laughter!
Well, it could be worse. They could be laughing at my front! That would
be like the joke:
"What's worse than being charged with Indecent Exposure?
Having the case dismissed for lack of evidence!"
Anyway, I looked back down as Mamo-saru was climbing up the ladder.
"I will GET you, Gaijin! And when I do..."
I smiled. Baka-Boy was making this *way* too easy!
I pulled down my pants and showed my ass again.. And wagged it in
Baka-Boy's face!
"Gee, Mamo-saru! I didn't know you cared!"
Mamoru-Baka fell off the ladder about half-way up!
"Hey! Cape-Boy!" I shouted downstairs. "You.. like.. been around Kunzite
too long?"
THAT turned Mamoru-itoko into a boiled lobster! And, it sent everybody
else into spasms of laughter!!
This time, the Baka was angry enough to reach the top of my hill! He
climbed to the top of the Jacob's Ladder, scaled the remaining columns and
terraces, and *still* had enough steam to charge me!
I removed my jacket:
"Toros! Toros! Hey! Bos! Bos! Toros!"
If the Baka wanted to kill himself, I'd be more-than-happy to help him!
Bos-Baka took the bait, and charged.. right off the hill!
"Watch it, Endy!" I called out, a la Bill Cosby. "Some of these hills go
STAIGHT UP.. and STRAIGHT DOWN!!"
"Uhnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn...!" Chiba-Baka seemed
to groan.
"Hey! Niisan!!" Amanda shouted. "How's our Cuz?"
"You mean besides doing a pretty good pretzel-imitation, Serena?"
I chuckled. "He'll live.. painfully, but he'll live!"
"How DARE you GLOAT over my.. er, our.. great PRINCE????" Miss Hino cried
out.
"Well.. BRING IT ON, FIREBRAND!!"
"WITH PLEASURE!!"
After taking a quick glance toward Usagi and Chibiusa going around the
hill to look after Mamoru, I smile. I sure hope Baka-Boy knows how blessed he
is! Then, I turn back to face Sailormars! Then- I start dancing a Gay Gordon
around the hilltop! I might as well give Rei-Baka the challenge of a moving
target.. but, not too fast, yet!
Hark! Where the night is falling
Hark! Hear the pipes a-calling
Loudly and proudly calling down thruogh the glen
There where the hills are sleeping
Now feel the blood a leaping
High as the spirits of the old highland men
"FIRE SOUL !!!!" The Firebrand tried to shoot me.. but her aim
was off. Hell! I think I could have survived that standing still!!
Than.. I start to hear.. a PIPER!! In JAPAN?? I look down..
and see Washuu-chan playing a set of bagpipes that, I swear, are
twice as big as she is!!
Anyway, I slowed the tune.. and my dance!
Towering in gallant fame
Scotland my mountain hame
High may your proud standards gloriously wave
Land of my high endeavor
Land of the shining river
Land of my heart forever, Scotland the Brave
Just then, I find a bodhran, a Celtic drum, and a stick to strike
it with! As I bend down to get them, a hear the Martial cry again:
"FIRE SOUL !!"
DAMN! I was *RIGHT* !! Even when I'm standing STILL, she misses me!
"My fair lassie!" I call out to my Itoko-in-Red, "If you're wanting
to hit me, I'm afraid you'll be needing a new weapon!"
"NANI? Baka-no-GAIJIN!!!!"
This time, Mihoshi and Kiyone join me in song:
High in the misty mountains
Out by the purple highlands
Brave are the hearts that beat beneath Scottish skies
Wild are the winds to meet you
Staunch are the friends that greet you
Kind as the love that shines from fair maidens eyes
Towering in gallant fame
Scotland my mountain hame
High may your proud standards gloriously wave
Land of my high endeavor
Land of the shining river
Land of my heart forever, Scotland the Brave
"MARS.. FLAME.. SNIPER!!!!"
Rei-chan's aim improves considerably, as the arrow ALMOST hits me!
To this turn of events, Washuu-hibiki gave one long skirl on her pipes..
and Rei-chan fell backwards into a jittery shock!
"Itai... Na.. Nani?" Rei asked, blinking herself back to
consciousness. "What kind of EVIL invention have you come up with, NOW,
Washuu-Sensei?"
Washuu just Harrumphed. "For your information, Hino-Sama, this is NOT
an 'evil invention'! And.. I didn't even invent it! The bagpipes are a native-
Terran musical instrument! The idea for them was here before I crashed here!"
I sat down on the edge of my hilltop and chuckled at the exchange.
"Well, Washuu-chan, The Bagpipes *are* an ancient musical instrument.. *and*,
according to the English, an instrument of war!" I start to cackle!!
As to emphasize the last point made, Washuu-chan gave the pipes another
skirl.. which sent Sailormars onto the ground- and into a panic!
Then, she jumped up- and I could see, even from my perch, a wild look in
the Miko's eyes- and she started running toward my hill! Then, she started taking
the Jacob's ladder two steps at a time! By the time she reached my hilltop, Rei
was a bit out-of-breath..
Unfortunately.. it wasn't by much! She quickly grabbed an ofuda, and
started chanting:
"Rin, Ryou.. Tou.. Sha, Kai, Shi.. Retsu.. Sai, Zen.. Akuro Taisen!"
She then slapped that *damned* ofuda *hard* between my eyes!
"OUCH! *Why* did you just slap me with a charm, Mars-mo-Hime? Do I LOOK
like a youma? Senshi-no-BAKA!"
I play Spin-the-Senshi at this point! In front of God and everybody I know
in Japan. I quickly turned Rei-Baka to face everyone else but the Usagis and the
Thing-in-the-Cape, and I drop her over my knee! Then, at the risk of being called
Hentai, I pulled down Rei's skirt, and give the hot-head something she has
OBVIOUSLY needed for a LONG time...
A good, old-fashioned, palm-of-the-hand, ass-whuppin'!!
*POP!*
*POP!*
*POP!*
*POP!*
*POP!!*
*POP!!*
*POP!!*
*POP!!*
.
*POP!!!!*
*POP!!!!*
*POP!!!!*
*POP!!!!*
I spanked the Fire-Priestess so much my hand became sore! I'm not real
sure about Rei's rear-end, but I DID note that she was being extra-careful about
how she pulled up her uniform!
After this, I decided that Mars was going down the hill, shortly, but I
wasn't too sure just how! Was she walking down.. or diving down?
"Itai.." Mars whimpered. "You will DIE.. 'ITOKO'!" She then took out another
ofuda. "Rin Ryou Tou Sha Kai Shi Retsu...!"
That's it! I WAS going to be nice! But.. she's CLIMBING DOWN!!
I grabbed the offending ofuda from my wayward itoko's grip.
"That's it!!!! Firebrand? Get.. off.. of.. my.. hill!!"
"How?"
"Down the ladder."
"NANI????"
"Get *down* that damned ladder before I KICK your ass down it!"
Hino Rei kind of- glared- at me for 30 seconds (and I counted them off),
them she started down the hill! First she navigated the terraces and columns-
quite painfully, as I heard her cry out every time she fell on her butt- and,
then, slowly worked her way down the ladder! Or, rather, she made it 2/3 of the
way down the ladder. Then, she fell off, hitting the ground with her ass and a
*thud!*
It's amazing.. and amusing.. how far sound can travel!
Rei hobbled over to Usagi. Then, she whimpered to Usagi-Itoko:
"My Itoko .. spanked me .. real hard .. and I .. hit my butt .. coming
down.. it hurts!"
"Well," Usagi said softly, "you WERE being mean to him! I think.. you had
better apologize to him when he comes down."
From where I was, it looked like Rei was trying to climb into Usagi for
protection!
Meanwhile, the Turkey-in-the-Tux was strangely silent.
"VENUS.. LOVE-ME.. WHIP!!!!"
Suddenly, I found myself wrapped up in a golden-heart lasso! It felt like
Sailor Venus wanted to play tug-of-war, with the object of making me fall!
Well.. two can play this game. I had a fish- or, Ficus- on the line. So,
all I had to do was reel her in!
I backed up slowly, making sure my feet were firmly under me, and used
my weight to counter the Ficus Aino's pull! Then, as soon as I would feel her
grip loosen, I would pull in on the whip a little more. Fortunately, the longer
I stood still, the more Venus would have to move to try to gain leverage on more
chain! What's the saying about an Immoveable Object? Well, a certain Forceful
Senshi was going to MEET an "Immoveable Object"!
After awhile, I had a coiled Love-me Whip around my arms (dangerous,
I know.. but..), and a struggling Venusian at the foot of my hill! And, boy, was
I tired! I'd never even had a FISH fight me so much!! Fortunately, Ficus Aino
seemed to be loosing more-and-more of her footing, so, I was able to reel her in
fasten and faster!! What was particularly hilarious what listening as she made
contact with the rock walls of the hill! No.. fortunately, she never hurt herself,
but, every time she would come near the wall, she'd kick herself away as hard as
she could.. which did nothing more than allow me to pull her up higher, and bring
her BACK to the wall with as much or greater force than when she left!!
*BOUNCE!!*BOUNCE!!*BOUNCE!!*
The next thing I remembered.. I was hauling my catch up the knob.
"Miss Aino, I presume?" I smiled.
"You *huff*huff* tried *pant* to KILL me!" Minako spat out.
"Now, see here, Aino-chan! I was just PROTECTING myself! YOU tossed that
WHIP around me and TRIED to PULL me off this HILL!"
"Well?? Ahh.. Hmmm.."
"Besides which, you were the one that decided to jump-off against the wall.
I didn't suggest that."
"Errrr.. Can I get back to you on that?" Minako looked at me with the BIGGEST
sort of puppy-dog eyes I'd ever seen.
I DIDN'T need that.
"Oh, Damn! I think what I have here is under the size-limit!" I grinned.
"I'm afraid I'm gonna have to toss you back!"
With a quick snap, I jerked the whip out of Minako's hands!
With no whip to hold on to, Sailor Venus fell backwards.. and off the hill!
Fortunately, she was able to twist around and land on all fours. I wondered..
after that happened.. was she related to Artemis? After all, they *did* seem to
share the same brain!
But.. DAMN! The *fun* wasn't over yet!!
"LOOK OUT, ITOKO-SAMA!!" Haruka shouted out.
I looked at the foot of my hill.. and saw a charging Kaioh Michiru!
Seeing the steam she was building up for her attack.. I figured the best
thing to do would be to just step out of the way!
Sure enough, the Siren-of-Neptune shortly jumped up to the knob and ran
after me! 'Damnit, woman!' I thought. 'How STUPID can you be?'
She charged me. I didn't have to do anything but step out of the way at
the last second.. and let gravity take care of the rest.
"NANIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiii..?"
"Have a nice trip, Michiru-chan!", I grinned. " See you next fall!"
*THUMP!*
"Itai.."
Well, I'll be.. another pretzel-imitation!
"That looks like FUN, itoko!" Ryoko shouted, "Mind if we come up?"
Fun? I slowly shook my head. Ryoko was as crazy as Serena!
"Sure! Come on up!"
"AYIIIIIIIIIII!!!!" I heard the high-pitch squeal of Ayeka, "Unhand me,
Demon! Just where are you taking me??"
"To the top of Mom's Mountain! Come!! Let's ski a little!"
'When I get down from here,' I made a note to myself, 'I had to ask Washuu
if Mental-Illness runs in the family!'
Soon, the Princess and the Pirate were at the knob.. and discussing their
target.
"Remember!", Ryoko said, "If you bounce off Neptune, you shouldn't break
anything!"
"But Neptune?" Ayeka smirked. She and Ryoko then broke out in laughter.
Ryoko then jumped off the knob... and, tucking herself in, rolled down the
hill- and right into Kaioh-Sama!
"Oof!" Michiru gasped as Ryoko bounced off of her and piked and twisted, to
land on her feet!
"Ta-da!" Ryoko sang out, taking a bow. "Domo Arigatou, minna!"
"Show-off!" Ayeka smirked, then surfed down the hill! "KAWABUNGGA!!!"
Kawabunga? Is the first-princess of Jurai a Surfer-Chick? I chuckled..
Kawabunga?
Ayeka hit her mark perfectly.. and Michiru gasped.. then the Princess
twisted beautifully, landing right beside Ryoko!
They BOTH deserved perfect-tens, down there! I then went over to the edge..
and looked down.
"You ought to know something.." I smirked at a crumpled Sailor Neptune,
adding my insult to her injury. "Haruka.. I can tolerate, and even feel sorry for.
She HAD no IDEA what you were getting her into as a Sailorsenshi until it she was
at the point-of-no-return! She was just a puppet. YOU, however, are the Puppet-
Master! YOU pulled her strings, Michiru! You, I do not feel sorry for.. nor have
ANY tolerance of!"
"Ahem!"
Speaking of Puppet-Masters..
"You are a threat to the time-line." Sailor Pluto said softly. "And, we
are here to do something about it." She pointed to someone in back of me.
There stood Sailor Saturn with her Silence-Glaive at the ready.
"AHHH!" I smiled.. a bit evilly, I guess. "The Can-Opener! May I please
borrow your weapon, Hotaru-Sama?"
"Hai." Saturn whispered with a smile and handed me the glaive.
Then, I turned back to Setsuna.
"*Why* didn't I *see* this *commmminnnng*!" The Time-Guard whined.
I chuckled. "Setsuna-san? Have you ever thought that I might not be
a danger to this time-line? That this timeline might be the danger?"
Setsuna suddenly developed a totally blank, clueless look all over
her face! She seemed struck absolutely DUMB by this revelation!
"Hold that thought!" I grinned as I swung the glaive in a perfect arc,
and sliced through my target!
Setsuna's eyes were frozen wide.
The garnet-orb fell down the hill, sliced off completely from the
time-staff!
"Why didn't I see this coming?" Setsuna mumbled repeatedly as if it were
her mantra.
"Yup." I sighed. "We're definitely related!" Then, I shouted down to my
imouto. "Hey, Sere! She sounds just like you when you don't get your way!"
"I don't sound THAT bad!!" Serena screamed back at me.
"Do, too!"
"Do not!!"
"Do, too!"
"Do NOT!!"
"If you say so!" I chuckled.. then looked over to Usagi as a crumpled
Michiru came limping into her lap.
"Itoko?" I called down, "Could you do us all a *big* favor? Could
you hide that garnet someplace where Setsuna-Baka can't get to it for
another century or so?"
After I got off the mountain- and asked Washuu about the family's
mental-state- Makoto said that, as we were guests, we would be staying for
dinner!
As everyone started talking to everyone else again, I turned and noticed
Sasami looking at Washuu and I. And, she had small tears coming from her eyes.
She probably heard me ask Washuu about the mental-health of our family.
Smooth move, Graham-Baka!
As every else made their way- easily or painfully, depending on the person,
to the kitchen and dining-areas, I walked over to Sasami and put my arms around the
little princess.
"Gomen nisai, hime-chan!" I spoke softly to Sasami. "I.. was not thinking..
when I spoke to Washuu-Sama. Our house is not afflicted with any insanity! Well,
except for me, maybe!" "Iiede, Kelly-niisan! Gomen ne! You are correct, We are all
a little insane. It is just.. this is the first time I EVER remember Ayeka
NOT acting like the Princess everyone expects of her! She is acting like a sister!!"
"Hai!" Washuu chuckled. "and it is the first time I could feel that
Ryoko was not, even a little, defensive towards Ayeka!"
"And you're afraid this won't last, Sasami?" I asked as I sat down.
"Hai." Sasami sighed through her tears. "You will go back to America,
and the things.."
"And PEOPLE!" Washuu interjected.
"..will come back into our lives and mess things up to like they were
before! And, it's not only for us I fear! I CAn sense it in Usagi, too! She
is scared, Kelly-Sensei! Afraid the losing the Senshi."
"I promise we will come back when we are needed!" I give Sasami a hug.
"And, since something may be needed befor then.. I have an idea! Sasami? Tell
Makoto-chan we will be a bit late to supper! Washuu? Serena? We are going
shopping! TO THE GINZA! COME!"